voluntary termination of parental rights - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 37 Old 03-18-2002, 03:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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i have a question. has anyone on here gotten their child's father to give up his parental rights? i have a 2 year old son (kiryn) and his dad has paid three months of childsupport and seen him like 5 times...he didnt call for chrismas last year or this year or either of kiryns birthdays..the only time he has seen kiryn was all from my begging him to. i finally told him i wanted him to give up his parental rights, since he really has no interest in kiryn. he seemed like he didnt LIKE the idea, but said 'if you think it's best"..so now i guess i should get a lawyer to draw up the papers..has anyone been through this, and have any advice for me?....by the way my main concern with taking away his rights is in case i were to die i want to be able to have kiryn go to my friends(married couple w/ child), but as it stands now, he would go to his biodad, who would not really want him and probably give him to his mom to raise..and all i can say about that is obviously she didnt do a good job of raising her son, so i definatly dont want her raising mine...
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#2 of 37 Old 03-18-2002, 03:40 PM
 
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my family did this for my sister and her son. his sperm contributor was a completely worthless human being.
i am not exactly sure of what it all entailed, but i know that they filed the petition with the court, the court makes a number (3?) of attempts at contacting the parent in question, and said parent can dispute the petition, or in our case, he just never responded at all, so the termination was granted with no fuss at all.
we've never heard from him at all, and my nephew's attitude is "well, he didn't want me, so i sure don't want him." sad, but some people just don't have anything to contribute to a child beyond their dna.
i'll ask my dad about the details, but the laws are going to vary state to state, so i don't know how much help i can be.
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#3 of 37 Old 03-18-2002, 04:57 PM
 
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You'll have to get a lawyer to file it in court. It will cost money but it will be worth it. This man is not a father and shouldn't have any rights. Any father is not better than no father. I learned the hard way.
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#4 of 37 Old 04-03-2002, 01:13 PM
 
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I would be very interested in knowing how this turns out. I think different states have different rules. I asked a lawyer here in Maryland and he pretty much made it seem like they wouldn't do it although I have a friend who's father signed away his rights when she was younger, she is now 23. So, this was a while ago, laws change. Maybe it depends on the circumstances. My problem is that I am not even divorsed yet because I can't find the father to serve him papers.
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#5 of 37 Old 04-03-2002, 01:30 PM
 
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I also wanted to add that some states won't let the father terminate unless there is a man to adopt. Alabama, for example. My lawyer told me that the only way to get my son's biodad's rights terminated is to have my parents adopt him, then I could adopt him back when I got remarried. I didn't trust my parents enough to do this.

You should get a consultation with a lawyer before you worry about this more.
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#6 of 37 Old 04-10-2002, 05:35 AM
 
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Hey Liz,
Anything new going on with your son's bio-dad giving up his parental rights?
This is something I've got to get going on as well, but I'm not looking forward to all of the legal wrangling I'll most likely have to go through.
Mary
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#7 of 37 Old 05-01-2002, 11:42 PM
 
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My ds's biodad wants to give up rights but can't unless there's someone to step in too(they assume that i will get married someday)...what about a will to leave your kiddo to your freind?this will require a lawyer, my local women's shelter referred me to an excellent attorney(and cheap-relatively)
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#8 of 37 Old 05-02-2002, 02:39 AM
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I am in Texas and I am in the midst of a termination of parental rights. Our state does NOT require there to be someone to take the terminated parents place.


This is how mine has gone so far...I paid $2500.oo The lawyer drew up divorce papers as well as termination papers. I signed them in front of a notary, my x signed them in front of a notary. the lawyer took them to the court, the judge reviewed them, the judge required an attorney ad-lideum (sp?) to represent the childrens best interest, the court appointed an attorney for my children (which I have to pay $500 per person she speaks to) has NOT contacted me...its been past 60 days...my attorney cant get a hold of her, so the attorney has requested the court appoint a new attorney.....evidently this attorney will talk to myself, try to talk to x (who wont want to talk to anyone from the court) and then MAY interview my children.

If the attorney ad-lideum finds it is in the best interest of the children that his rights be terminated then they will terminate. I think this is STUPID !!! My x has a multitude of reasons he should not have these rights....so many reasons that he agrees (for once in my life) and some stranger is going to determine after a 15-30 minute phone conversation with an adult who is adement about this and possibly two children who would prefer to forget that he exists.

It's not enough that the two adults involved agree, they have to do all this other crap and in the end its 50/50 and depends on the type of person the ad-lideum is.



Sorry I dont have anything more positive to say......
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#9 of 37 Old 05-02-2002, 05:53 PM
 
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Don't have any advice to offer, just wanted to say GOOD LUCK to you both....I hope it works out for you. I often wish I could do the same--for my own sanity.
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#10 of 37 Old 05-02-2002, 06:31 PM
 
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I did this several years ago. I did have my dh to adopt but I don't know if that mattered here. We didn't even have to go to court. The idiot sperm donor never paid any child support and my lawyer called him and threatened to not only take back child support but also double the amount he was supposed to be paying weekly. So, the idiot acted all noble and gave up rights. Since we never went to court it only cost my $700. Had we gone to court it would've been more like $2500. It was all worth it.

Good luck!

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#11 of 37 Old 05-03-2002, 10:57 PM
 
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You should be able to call up adoption lawyers (they work on terminating parental rights all the time obviously) and get some helpful advice. I would imagine how quickly and easily it happens depends greatly on the cooperation of the parent being terminated.

Good luck!

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#12 of 37 Old 05-03-2002, 11:09 PM
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I hate to be contradictory BUT...my x was totally cooperative (first time ever), and the process is still long and painful and we still have to go to court. In Texas you must do it in court through the family court. As my lawyer said, the court system takes terminating a parents rights very seriously. To protect the father (give me a ***** break) they have to look into the situation to be sure that the father wont change his mind or have any regrets. My x never supported my children when we were together and the 3 years we've been apart not only has he not attempted to see the children, he has not paid a dime of child support - ever. When I tried to get the attorney general to get him for child support, I got a letter that said "sorry but we cant locate him."
Call a lawyer and get some advice, but from my experience....it's not an easy process in Texas. :mad:
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#13 of 37 Old 05-03-2007, 01:02 PM
 
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My ex-husband, bio-dad, did a voluntary termination of parental rights in the state of Florida shortly after our child was born. TPR is very difficult, but I feel that it is earlier if done right away, if possible.

If the bio parent is not going to be an actual parent, one can usually detect that during the pregnancy/birth. It does cost thousands of dollars in legal fees and you will be unable to collect child support. That is permanent and can not be changed in the courts.

But, your life with your family will be peaceful. The courts will be out of your life, and you will be able to concentrate on your most important job, parenting - not navigating the legal system which does not have your childs best interests at heart.

There are not many resources for this kind of situation - a bioparent TPR and adoption of the biochild of the other parent. I wish there were more books, groups and resources available.

Good luck.
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#14 of 37 Old 05-03-2007, 07:22 PM
 
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I also wanted to add that some states won't let the father terminate unless there is a man to adopt.
I was told the same thing by a lawyer. I'm sure my ds's father would have terminated his rights if it was allowed and if he didn't think his family (mother, sister, brothers) would think badly of him because of it. He pretty much admitted as much.
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#15 of 37 Old 05-04-2007, 03:02 PM
 
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Hi mamas,

I have a related situation. "The man I made my son with" has not contacted me since the 4th month of my pregnancy. By his choice, he has not been involved and I have never contacted him since to inform him of even the birth. I offered to him that communicate in writing since he was being obsessive about calling me (we live 250 miles apart in different states and broke up before I realized I was pregnant), then he never responded.

What if I die? He is not on the birth certificate, doesn't even know his son's name. There is no record that he is the father. Should I put him in a will? I don't want him to raise my son, and would prefer my brother to do so.

What are the ethics and legalities here? I can check with a lawyer but just want to hear others' thoughts.

Thanks,

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#16 of 37 Old 05-04-2007, 03:20 PM
 
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Originally Posted by EvolvingMama View Post

What are the ethics and legalities here? I can check with a lawyer but just want to hear others' thoughts.

Thanks,
You run into a lot of legalities IF he's named on the birth certificate. By law, he would be the parent by default. Since there is no "record" of him even existing, i don't see how there would be a problem

But please do go and get a will, POA, whatever you need to do to ensure that your son will stay with your brother.
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#17 of 37 Old 11-11-2008, 02:09 AM
 
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After 5 years, 4 moves, 3 court hearings, and $30,000 my husband and I are seriously considering this option. We are at our wits ends with his ex-wife. The woman will NOT let him talk to or see his two children. We have gone to court 3 times and even filed many times with the local police department. His ex-wife even told his children that their father, (my husband) was dead from a car accident. She harressed us and I had to get a stalking order against her for trying to burn my house down 2 years ago. She is mad that he has me and my children now.

Every 6 months his ex-wife takes him to court for a higher child support check but refuses to let him see his children. He is now paying $1,000 a month and hasn't had any contact with them for 4 years. The last time he did see his child, he saw them at a local Wal-mart b4 she grabbed the girls and ran out the door.

I don't know what else to do. We have been married for 5 years now and have 2 children together. She is getting 50% of his salary. He is paying so much and not even allowed to see them.

Any advice would be appreciated. We can't afford an attorney. The last one was $8,500 and nothing happened. She refuses to let him see the girls! Pls help.
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#18 of 37 Old 01-20-2009, 02:44 AM
 
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I am the father of a 5 year old boy. I have very little say in my son's life. All I am is a paycheck to his mother, who doesn't work and hasn't worked for more than a year. She does not discipline him, nor does she bathe him very well, wash his clothes, or feeds him. I do not know what to do. I know there are millions of deadbeat fathers and I do not want to be one of them. How can I better my situation. I am so desperate for some advice.
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#19 of 37 Old 01-20-2009, 03:16 AM
 
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I am in Texas and I am in the midst of a termination of parental rights. Our state does NOT require there to be someone to take the terminated parents place.


This is how mine has gone so far...I paid $2500.oo The lawyer drew up divorce papers as well as termination papers. I signed them in front of a notary, my x signed them in front of a notary. the lawyer took them to the court, the judge reviewed them, the judge required an attorney ad-lideum (sp?) to represent the childrens best interest, the court appointed an attorney for my children (which I have to pay $500 per person she speaks to) has NOT contacted me...its been past 60 days...my attorney cant get a hold of her, so the attorney has requested the court appoint a new attorney.....evidently this attorney will talk to myself, try to talk to x (who wont want to talk to anyone from the court) and then MAY interview my children.

If the attorney ad-lideum finds it is in the best interest of the children that his rights be terminated then they will terminate. I think this is STUPID !!! My x has a multitude of reasons he should not have these rights....so many reasons that he agrees (for once in my life) and some stranger is going to determine after a 15-30 minute phone conversation with an adult who is adement about this and possibly two children who would prefer to forget that he exists.

It's not enough that the two adults involved agree, they have to do all this other crap and in the end its 50/50 and depends on the type of person the ad-lideum is.



Sorry I dont have anything more positive to say......
I did a termination in TX, also. Guardian Ad Litem, the whole bit. My guy was glad to get it all over with and my ds doesn't seem to be that curious about him, either. He calls DH 'Dad.'

Back when I did this in 97, TX would let the person signing off out of paying child support once rights were terminated if both parents agreed. Some other states absolutely won't do that, I've been told.

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#20 of 37 Old 04-14-2009, 03:14 PM
 
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I am the father of a 5 year old boy. I have very little say in my son's life. All I am is a paycheck to his mother, who doesn't work and hasn't worked for more than a year. She does not discipline him, nor does she bathe him very well, wash his clothes, or feeds him. I do not know what to do. I know there are millions of deadbeat fathers and I do not want to be one of them. How can I better my situation. I am so desperate for some advice.
Be strong. I sent you a PM.

Be the best Dad you can be for your son. I know it's really hard. Trust me on this one.
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#21 of 37 Old 04-19-2009, 04:30 PM
 
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im a 23 year old mother of 3 my oldest being 2 and my youngest being 3 months me and thier dad broke up about a month ago and he has seen then 2 times sence then for a few hours.... he only wants contact with them when he wants to know who im hanging out with and the guy is crazy! he is constantly cousing problems and harrassing me i want him to sign his rights over becouse he really has no desire to be involved with them and he wont do it ... i dont know what to do to get him to do it but being a single mother with three kids im stressed out enough and dont need him trying to make it worse... does anyone have any advice? i really dont have the money to pay a lawyer to help me get his rights taken away and i dont know what to do ... some one please help!?!?!?!!?
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#22 of 37 Old 01-14-2010, 01:05 PM
 
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I am the father of a 5 year old boy. I have very little say in my son's life. All I am is a paycheck to his mother, who doesn't work and hasn't worked for more than a year. She does not discipline him, nor does she bathe him very well, wash his clothes, or feeds him. I do not know what to do. I know there are millions of deadbeat fathers and I do not want to be one of them. How can I better my situation. I am so desperate for some advice.
I was in a similar situation but I won custody of my son. Now that she is way behind in child support, and the state is going to take away her drivers license, and maybe put her in jail... she offered to give up her rights as a mom in trade for not having to pay any future or back child support. At first I was thinking man that would be great for me to not have to deal with her anymore, but thought I was being selfish... plus should she really just get off that easy? More I think about it, it scares me to leave him with somebody who would just "trade" him off like that.
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#23 of 37 Old 01-14-2010, 07:30 PM
 
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I also wanted to add that some states won't let the father terminate unless there is a man to adopt. Alabama, for example. My lawyer told me that the only way to get my son's biodad's rights terminated is to have my parents adopt him, then I could adopt him back when I got remarried. I didn't trust my parents enough to do this.

You should get a consultation with a lawyer before you worry about this more.
exactly this for me and Im in CA


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#24 of 37 Old 01-19-2010, 07:28 AM
 
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I also wanted to add that some states won't let the father terminate unless there is a man to adopt.

You should get a consultation with a lawyer before you worry about this more.
this is what i was basically told in Ohio when my 13 was small baby
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#25 of 37 Old 01-19-2010, 03:08 PM
 
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exactly this for me and Im in CA
Sorry, you were given the wrong info but its very very possible to do a TPR not followed by an adoption, especially in CA. I know because I did it in 2004/5? even after being told by a couple of lawyers it was not possible. If you know the laws and do the research right and have your paperwork right its pretty easy in fact. Having the TPR in hand has saved me a lot of grief over the years. Forget the lawyers, call the person who does the adoptions at the court house and ask them if single parents are granted TPR's not followed by adoptions, they are the ones who will know since it all goes though there dept. Make that person your best friend to guide you though the system. Mine even let me know that the law library had a packet for $3 that walked me though the whole thing and even which statues to look up and how to write the papers for the court. All said I spent I think around $700 including all the various fee's and stuff.

Seriously?
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#26 of 37 Old 01-23-2010, 12:03 AM
 
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Just wanted to let anyone know, who would attempt to do this in Tennessee, it is actually written in the state law that termination of parental rights can only be done by Child Protective Services and/or a GAL. (If adoption by a new husband were on the table, a GAL would have to be involved to make it happen.)

The best option we've come up with is to do a restraining order until the kids turn 18, but stbx will still unfortunately technically retain parental rights. (It's written in the paperwork that he gets no visitation, but he can petition for visitation when he gets out of prison in a little over two years. I'll have no choice but to cross that bridge when I come to it.) For the record, DD4 doesn't remember him, and DS (almost 2) has never met him, so I am keeping my fingers crossed that all of that will bode well for me if/when he petitions for visitation.

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#27 of 37 Old 01-23-2010, 01:22 AM
 
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Just wanted to let anyone know, who would attempt to do this in Tennessee, it is actually written in the state law that termination of parental rights can only be done by Child Protective Services and/or a GAL. (If adoption by a new husband were on the table, a GAL would have to be involved to make it happen.)

The best option we've come up with is to do a restraining order until the kids turn 18, but stbx will still unfortunately technically retain parental rights. (It's written in the paperwork that he gets no visitation, but he can petition for visitation when he gets out of prison in a little over two years. I'll have no choice but to cross that bridge when I come to it.) For the record, DD4 doesn't remember him, and DS (almost 2) has never met him, so I am keeping my fingers crossed that all of that will bode well for me if/when he petitions for visitation.


no judge in his right mind would allow him near his kids after what he did.

Seriously?
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#28 of 37 Old 01-23-2010, 02:31 AM
 
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no judge in his right mind would allow him near his kids after what he did.
I certainly hope so. The only way I think he'd be able to pull it off is to use the actual thing he was convicted of (involuntary manslaughter), and I don't know if it would be admissable to mention that he lied about it for four months, made a false official statement, and because of all of these things, pretty much put us in the poorhouse because of the legal fees I had to pay out to get DD4 out of foster care. He's really lucky he had a fantastic defense attorney (paid for by our tax dollars.)

The restraining order request went in with the divorce filing, and we still haven't heard back as to whether it needs to be filed separately (which would cost me more money, having him served a whole new set of papers, via the Secretary of State), and/or if it can even be filed until we're closer to his release.

But I digress...my point is, Tennessee has a UAV of a termination of parental rights law. If anyone else's state is similar, the best way two separate attorneys and I have found around it is to file for a restraining order (and hope it's granted), but you need to have grounds to do so.

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#29 of 37 Old 01-23-2010, 12:05 PM
 
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NJ also does not allow TPR (unless the state does it) without another man to adopt the child. (If it is the father who is terminating) They also require that the new adoptive parent is married to the parent who is retaining rights, unless you are a gay couple in which case they do not require a civil union. There are no loopholes, no way around it. In Michigan however if a NCP has not had contact with their child for two years the custodial parent can petition for termination of parental rights but the NCP is still responsible for child support unless another person adopts the child.
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#30 of 37 Old 12-04-2010, 03:26 PM
 
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I know that the laws vary from state to state, i am in Virginia, as for getting him to voluntarily terminate his parental rights, a lawyer is not needed!!! you simply pay to file a petition with the court, the clerk is usually a notary and there is a notary at every courthouse i've ever been to. Some states you need someone there to take the place but BE CAREFUL. you could end up in my shoes.... my sons biodad gave up his rights, we just went into court and said we agreed, my new husband was there saying he wanted to adopt... my court paper simply said, father agrees to terminate his parental rights so stepfather can proceed with adoption, custody given to mother and stepfather.... well as soon as biodads rights were terminated the true intentions of my husband came to fruit. He had no intention of adopting him, he did Not want to be financially responsible if things didn't work out, he just wanted biodad out of my life for good. Now after 5 years of marriage and 1 1/2 years of seperation i would like to file for custody of my two daughters of this marriage and possibly a divorce.... and as a stay at home mom and student, a little child support for my now 7 year old son, would be great, but he has no father that is legally responsible to support him. Lovely

 

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