I am so sorry that you feel this way. I know exactly how horrible it feels. You could be telling my story 4 months ago. Listen, you can do this. You can find a way. I promised I would not give up until I found something, I would not give into the daycare system. I was so blessed to find a nanny job where I could bring my son. Brainstorm until you are blue in the face, something will happen. That is such a heavy cloud hanging over you right now and it hurts so much, but know you will find a way. Minimize your material lives as much as you can. I have a completely different view on material items now, I even know how to bargain shop thrift stores, and garage sales are always good too. You can do this.
The latest on my nightmare with the system... We have to reapply every 3 months in Florida. I turned my paperwork in a week early. When I never heard anything back I called to find out that I had an appointment that I was never told about and missed. They proceeded to tell me that they would send me another appt. Again I called and again they said I missed an appointment that I was never informed of. I told them that I was unable to get a hold of my case worker, the reply was "Oh, she is gone, you have a new caseworker. There is a pretty high turnover here, this isn't the best job in the world.". This is what I get from the people who hold my food in their hands. Now I have an appointment for the 23rd of this month. What good does it do to give me food money for this month at the end of the month? They don't care, they don't try and they certainly don't see you as a human being, much less a mother trying to feed her baby. I am going to raise hell when I go in there. What good will it do? Nothing, that case worker will leave just like the rest of them, I have had a different worker every one of the 4 months I have been a part of this system.
Powerless, to say the very least.