March dating thread!!! - Page 3 - Mothering Forums
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#61 of 171 Old 03-09-2008, 08:33 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Bad Mama Jama View Post
Still laying my eggs in the basket of online dating. I have met one guy who really digs me and he is okay. I am not seeing spending the rest of my life with him, but there is another guy...

He is so sincere, very simple, sweet and thoughtful... I think I may be smitten with him. We are set to go out tonight and I am so excited. I think that is a good sign. He really makes me smile...
OK Bad Mama, we need a date report. How did it go???? I hope he was everything you expected!
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#62 of 171 Old 03-09-2008, 08:40 PM
 
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Avani, it does sound like it would be okay to give him a casual phone call, but I agree that the sense of urgency can be detected and always throws a weird energy into the situation, just be careful I think directness is good, but I have had it bite me in the butt before when I needed to be playing my cards closer to my chest. It wasn't the end of the world, I just think I could've saved mysel some grief, but then again how would I have learned?

I wish you the best and if you feel in your heart that you guys have a connection and that it is a good idea to call him, then follow your instinct
I agree that directness is good and given your background with him it would probably be ok to call just to say hi. I would just listen to what your gut is telling you as BK said.
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#63 of 171 Old 03-09-2008, 08:44 PM
 
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Originally Posted by BugMacGee View Post
Bummed about my dating situation.

I've been dating someone for ~2 months. I like him. We had a really great time last Friday. Then I barely hear from him the rest of the week. He does tell me it's a terrible week and he'll tell me more later. Finally, yesterday, I tell him I'm confused and I wish he would explain.

So he tells me he lost his job yesterday and will call me at some point to explain.

WTH?

I'm just sad about this. I wish he would talk to me. I hope he's ok.
I'm sure he'll come around, losing a job is devastating and he may just need to process it.
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#64 of 171 Old 03-09-2008, 11:28 PM
 
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Hi mamas,
I just felt like joining the conversation tonight. I'm feeling really down... I can't separate out all the reasons why. The guy I've been talking about... I think things are going really well. I'm really enjoying the time I spend with him, which is about 1x/week. In fact, I feel like I'm really falling for him. He's really wonderful. My one issue is that I feel like I need a little more clarity about what this is for him. And I've been very hesitant to initiate this conversation. I'm not sure why. It's unlike me. And I do believe my hesitation is about me, not him. I'm realizing what a strong fear I have of turning someone away by opening up, thanks to my ex husband and a rotten marriage. It's just that things seem to be progressing and I can feel myself falling for him, and I feel like it's mutual. But if it's not... I really need to know... I need to protect myself emotionally, you know?

Anyway, that aside. I've made friends with someone who lives in my condo complex. He is divorced, has his daughter on weekends, and is about 15 years older than me. We've spent a bunch of time hanging out. He's great with my son, who adores him. We cook dinner, talk, laugh, etc. He's been eager for me to date him and I've sort of toyed with it a bit (i.e. made out with him), but I know it's not right for me. He does know about the other guy. He's ok with me dating someone else, but I'm not ok dating 2 people. It's just not me. And I really feel like this guy is just meant to be a good friend. I don't have lots of free time and I know I would choose to spend that time with the other guy. So there's my answer. The sad part is that he decided that he has really fallen for me and can no longer spend time with me just as a friend. It's just too hard. So now I have (at least for now) lost a friend. And someone who has been such wonderful companionship after 2 years of being alone so much of the time. And I have hurt someone I care about. And I stupidly, because I thought we were going to be friends, let my son get attached to him. And now I am so so so sad. I can't tell you how much I miss him. And I know some of that is mixed up with missing having companionship... And I thought I was so happy on my own/independent, etc.

All in all, I'm just feeling out of sorts. And I have let my life go to shambles. I have so much to do... my house is a mess... taxes... etc. And I've been skimping way too much on sleep. And I feel so sad and mixed up tonight. I know I just need to get some things done and let the dust settle with the friend guy.

Thanks for listening, mamas.

Things are sounding pretty exciting for some of you... cycle, beloved k!!!
Bug... keep us posted. It is scary to be out of work. And self-esteem damaging. Hopefully once he's had a little time, he'll come around and talk with you about it. If not... well... as painful as it is, you probably don't want someone who will shut you out when something goes wrong.
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#65 of 171 Old 03-09-2008, 11:36 PM
 
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Thanks everyone for the hugs and good thoughts.

We've since talked. He said he "goes into his shell" when he gets stressed which I totally understand (except I do just the opposite and have to talk to everyone) Anyway, we'll have a bit more time to spend together, at least for the time being. See where it goes from here.

robinchap your fears are very justifiable. It's hard to undo the damage of a bad marriage. Go easy on yourself.
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#66 of 171 Old 03-10-2008, 12:16 AM
 
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Originally Posted by cycle View Post
OK Bad Mama, we need a date report. How did it go???? I hope he was everything you expected!
Here it is: last night was a bust for several reasons and we ended up not getting together, but...





















we went out today and it was great! (i liked the suspense on that one... still laughing to myself...) we did a lot of talking and i got to know him better. he was just as sweet and sincere as i thought. he really knew how to make me feel special. we had dinner and got to talk and followed it up with coffee and hot chocolate. he was a true gentleman and i even met some of his family.

the cool thing was that he had already told them about me, so it wasn't like meeting a bunch of strangers. they were all really nice and down to earth folks. it was a pretty awesome day and i am thrilled...

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#67 of 171 Old 03-10-2008, 12:16 AM
 
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How exciting for everyone that is dating! I am not ready to start dating yet but I am worried that when I am ready I won't be able to meet anyone. How did you all find people to meet? I was with my Ex for so long that I just feel like I don't know how to date or how to meet anyone!
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#68 of 171 Old 03-10-2008, 12:43 AM
 
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you will know when the time is right for you. it took me a lot to work my way back into dating. i couldn't seem to meet a live person out and about, so a friend suggested online dating and i have been giving that a whirl and it has been kind to me thus far.

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#69 of 171 Old 03-10-2008, 02:59 AM
 
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Of those doing the online dating thing, anyone meet someone who is out of state? How does it work out in the end? My online friend and I are anticipating a get together. We haven't made it final yet, as he is working round the clock to pay off some debt. But I just wondered how long this can go without meeting. I am imagining meeting him the second he is available to meet. We have talked on the phone alot, but mostly chat online since I have children around me all the time, and I don't want to do or say anything inappropriate with them around.

How do you go about meeting if you are out of state, and where do you stay, or he stay? If he comes, I am not sure I want him to stay with me over night, unless I get the feeling that he is the man for me.

On the other hand, we are both adults, and if the kids are with someone else, why can't we stay together and see how we enjoy each others company. I'm all confused, and trying to sort this out.

Just fyi, he asked me today how tall is my ex. LOL!
He's picturing him as the jealous type. I have already lost one man to my X's behaviour. I'm hoping I can keep them far apart from each other while I am working my magic! LOL

Okay, I know this isn't actual dating, as we haven't met yet, but we spend every day chatting and talking, and I'm the first person he greets in the morning and last he greets at night before bed. What a feeling.

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#70 of 171 Old 03-10-2008, 11:43 PM
 
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I'm not doing online dating. Sorry, no advice there.

So i called him. It was so hard to do. I dialed his number like 4 times before going through with it. He didn't come to school today either so i figured he must be really sick to miss that many days. So tonight i called. He was happy to hear from me, he didn't ask where i got his number. I asked him if he needed anything, he has the flu. I offered some soup and he said yes that sounds amazing. He asked to call me back in an hour because he was picking his son up, he said even though he was sick he missed his son too much and needed to be with him. I told myself if he didn't call i would know for sure he wasn't interested. He called back in 15 minutes He asked if i could drop the soup off in the morning ( i made Matzoh ball soup) and i said yes. Then he asked if i wanted to go out to dinner with him when he feels better. So yeah, i think he likes me
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#71 of 171 Old 03-11-2008, 12:00 AM
 
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Avani: That's awesome!!! I'm so excited for you! You are brave!

Jyotsna: This sounds exciting! I'd be very cautious, though about inviting someone you've just met online (or anywhere for that matter) into your home. I've never dated anyone from out of state, but when I have gone out with local men whom I've met online, I always meet them, in my own car, in a public place for at least the 1st few times.
I would definitely have him stay in a hotel and meet him in public places. Just my 2 cents. Good luck and keep us posted!
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#72 of 171 Old 03-11-2008, 10:49 AM
 
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Hey, i didn't think my post went through because Mothering was being weird yesterday!

Robin your feelings are so very normal. Working through and processing a divorce is one thing and then transferring some of that same pain and doubts into a new relationship happens. THe best thing is to process and let go and realize that people are not the same and relationships are not the same. Don't expect the same shit from a new person. Be guarded but open to life and it's experiences. Pain is a part of life. Take your time and feel things out.

BMJ~ you sound very happy with your date! When are you getting together again? And meeting the family is huge!

Paxton~ i meet the most people through my children's school. I help out there in the classroom's alot and many of the parents hang outside while waiting for the kids to get out and we all talk. I also volunteer in the kitchen once a week too and all those ladies have the gossip hookup with who is single and whatnot. Granted, it is a small town and a small school and it is Waldorf so it is a fun, mellow place to hang out and all of us parents seem to be fairly like minded. I think anywhere where there is children's activities would be a good place too. I have met single dad's at the public library during kids storytime, the kids museum, and the parks!

Jyotsna~ i haven't had the nerve to do online dating. Does that make sense? Attemtping to get to know people who i can't see in person is really difficult for me. I am a very visual person who needs to feel a connection in person to if anything could work for me and blind dates freak me out so bad.My friends have set me up on 2 blind dates so far and both times i just couldn't handle the stress of it. I do know it works so well for so many people. I do many people who do the long distance thing, i think giving it lots of time and having lots of meetings is key.

Ok, i could barely sleep last night! I was so excited that i finally made that call and that it went so well. He was so receptive and obviously happy that i called and i could tell he kind of wanted to take back some of the 'power' of the situation by asking me out.And this time no mention of a playdate just straight to the chase! I could be wrong but that is what i felt. So, he seemed very happy that i offered to bring him soup and tea. I am doing that today. Seriously, what man doesn't want to be babied when he is ill
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#73 of 171 Old 03-11-2008, 11:45 AM
 
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Avani - Fantastic News! I am so happy for you and can't wait to hear the details of your first date.

Robin - I agree with everyone, your feelings are totally justified and it is going to take time for you to heal - I am pretty direct and I think that if you feel the need for clarification then talk to him about it. I'm sorry about your friend cutting you off the way he did, I hope he will come around.

Jyotsna - I have met someone online but never someone who lived far away. There are mommas here who have. I think that he should make arrangements to stay at a hotel (I would insist on this). If for some reason you meet and don't hit it off you aren't "stuck" with him overnight. Plus you have to assess your comfort level with inviting him to your home and its difficult to do that until you are together.

Paxton - it has taken me about 4 years to be ready to date again. Mostly because I just wanted to be a mom and there was no room for (or desire) anyone else in my life. My son is now 3 and I started feeling like I wanted to meet someone a couple of months ago. For me online was a good option because its hard to meet someone when you are out with your child...and I am always out with him. For me online has allowed me to really weed TONS of people out before even meeting them. You can't know everything about someone but you can learn a lot before meeting them (google). If you meet them and you click, great, if not you haven't invested a lot of time.

BMJ- When is the next date?


Update on me and R. He is wonderful and genuine and I feel such peace with him. I have been fortunate that I have had relationships with good men in the past, but this is the most peace I have ever felt with anyone. It feels wonderful, ds is enjoying him too and I am just moving forward and can't quite believe it so far.
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#74 of 171 Old 03-11-2008, 12:54 PM
 
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^that is some great advice! I am so happy for you that you are happy and that you found someone and things are going well!
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#75 of 171 Old 03-11-2008, 08:02 PM
 
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Of those doing the online dating thing, anyone meet someone who is out of state?

On the other hand, we are both adults, and if the kids are with someone else, why can't we stay together and see how we enjoy each others company. I'm all confused, and trying to sort this out.

Okay, I know this isn't actual dating, as we haven't met yet, but we spend every day chatting and talking, and I'm the first person he greets in the morning and last he greets at night before bed. What a feeling.
Oh, Jyotsna, that feeling is pretty nice. I met the guy that I am really interested in online and though we actually live in the same city, we spend most of our time text messaging each other's phones. (sorry that makes me feel all giggly) Like you, I wake up to a good morning text and random thoughts during the day. Ironically, when we talk on the phone, it is brief because we've texted throughout the day.

Anyhow, I don't know how to handle distance. The funny thing is by phone or chat, you get to know the person and like them for that. Not for their looks and so forth. It is pretty nice and takes some of the shallowness out of the dating situation.

I don't know what to say about spending an innocent night together. I haven't battled that war as of yet, but I will say that since you all are further apart, it is something to think about since getting together takes some arrangement. Best of luck and I am excited for you.

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#76 of 171 Old 03-12-2008, 01:39 AM
 
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anyone try omnidate-virtual online dating then you meet the ones you click with. i'm going to try it because not sure how to talk 2 guys on my own because very cautious that leaves me tongue tied
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#77 of 171 Old 03-12-2008, 02:40 AM
 
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i haven't but let us know how it goes. plentyoffish has an im system that i found quite useful in weeding out the strange folks... ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww to say the absolute minimum i think as long as there is some method of rapid fire interaction, you can get a better gage for the person. i can think of one dude who asked me something soooooooooooooooooooooooooo offensive it ended our im session with me issuing a block on him EVER contacting me again. YUCK!!!

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#78 of 171 Old 03-14-2008, 02:01 AM
 
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ICK, I can't imagine what was said to you, Bad Mama Jama, but I am glad you found the "BLOCK" button. I haven't tried Plenty of Fish, because of the mixed reviews.

At this time, I am just waiting this situation out. I don't feel like rushing it, on the other hand, my "press everything into a pretty mold" personality is wanting to rush things. I just take each day with this man, as a day of enjoyment and fun, and when and if it does turn into something that I can live with, I will be truely happy.

My sweet kidlets are so curious about who mommy is talking to on the phone, as said man has called me on his lunch break almost every day. Then again on his drive home, and so on.

And Bad Mama Jama, I am so glad there is someone else who is experiencing the same thing. It is odd meeting someone this way. I have never done this before, but honest the more I listen, the more I learn that this is how to meet people, when there is no one in your own community that you are interested in.

I do feel the same thrill that I have felt with meeting someone in person, except for the physical thrill. But as old fashioned as this sounds, I am glad to put that off for now, and explore this new relationship, than to rush in to something with a practical stranger. If I met someone in person, I would feel like I had follow suit, if the man wanted more from me, just because I would like it, and it would be sad to say goodnight without even a kiss. But this way, I can listen to him talk, say what I want to say, question him, and I don't feel guilty about creating a full disclosure relationship, or transparent relationship.

Anyway, enough about my thoughts. I am having a great time playing, and look forward to the time I may meet him soon.

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#79 of 171 Old 03-14-2008, 08:10 AM - Thread Starter
 
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#80 of 171 Old 03-14-2008, 01:37 PM
 
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Just posting out of sheer gratitude to the Universe for sending me J (we met on OkC and began dating in late Oct) -- this man is smart, sweet, funny, responsible, fun, and treats me so well....I truly didn't expect to find this again, ever. We went out of town together for 3 days last week (my first vacation away from ds since his birth almost 3 years ago!) and had so much fun, and he treated me to so many things, and I was finally able to tell him I love him, and he said without a second's hesitation that he loves me too.

I feel like the Universe is finally paying me back for the summer after ds was born when my marriage fell apart, my husband had an affair right under my nose while leaving me to care for a newborn by myself, and I was laid off while on maternity leave and my best friend moved two states away and I had postpartum depression. I felt like some force greater than me was saying "we're going to take everything away from you, and then give you this baby to care for all by yourself, just to see if you can take it...." Well, I DID it, and I've done it well, and I reached a place where I was functioning pretty well, and happily, on my own, just me and ds, and then I met J and life is just that much better now.

Avani, BK, BMJ, Cycle, Joystna, and all you other mamas with exciting new possibilities: best wishes and keep the posts/updates coming!

Universe: THANKS.
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#81 of 171 Old 03-14-2008, 07:36 PM
 
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not dating as dh and I are giving it another shot in our spare time.....
but if you are looking for men I took dc for breakfast at a breakfast joint this morning at 9am..
near the firestation....
yep it was filled with yummy

8 might be enough
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#82 of 171 Old 03-14-2008, 08:34 PM
 
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Just wanted to poke my head in and read what's going on with everyone. I've always felt like this summer is when I'll be ready to date. Just gearing up and have been working on the things I need to to get to that point. I'm worried that ex wants me back now that we are friends again. Kind of feel like I want an imaginary bf to avoid that situation. How unhealthy is that? I know I should NOT consider my ex, but it's been on my mind a lot, and you get so comfortable with someone, and since he was my first love, I must remind myself that I am capable of feeling love for other men. I just am NOT attracted to the average man, mentally. I need a man who's crunchy, and out there and totally not mainstream. So before when I dated men who were mainstream, it made my ex look pretty dang good. ugh.
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#83 of 171 Old 03-15-2008, 12:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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This whole thing is great and all, but he isn't good at answering emails or keeping in touch though I am not worried, but I like to communicate more. I think he is a bit guarded and that is why he moves slow, I can tell. I also THINK I can tell that he likes me, I hope my judgement is not off because I like him

We have plans for this Tuesday and I need to know what time, stuff like that and he has his boys and I think that is why he is not keeping in touch : He is also busy on 2 soccer teams and really engages with his boys when he has them (which is often)

This is not new, he has been this way since I first met him, but it is a bit unsettling when I look forward to am email and it is not there.

I am sometimes direct and I sometimes let things go, I wonder if this is something I should just let go, you know, choose my battles.

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#84 of 171 Old 03-15-2008, 02:09 PM
 
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Beloved K: Wow. What you just described is exactly how it is for me with the guy I have been seeing. Just not a lot of communication between seeing each other. And we've actually been seeing each other since end of December (not meaning to use any particular terminology here, just mean that we 1st met in person then). I know for a fact that is very cautious and that he too is involved with his kids when he has them, which is 50% of the time. But I hear you... I still don't know the best way to handle it. Mostly I've let it go. And sometimes I feel totally fine about that. But like you, I do sometimes want more more communication. Especially now.

No answers! Just sharing!

Oh, I've learned, btw, that in guy world, Tuesday is still a long time away. Those are times that I sometimes speak up, because I have childcare to arrange.

Anyway, it sounds good. and I've also learned, that in many ways slow is good. So enjoy! Keep us posted!
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#85 of 171 Old 03-15-2008, 05:01 PM
 
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I've been avoiding this thread....My sweetheart and I broke up on Monday, after being together for about ten months. I am utterly heartbroken. I understand and I don't fault him - it came down to the fact that I want to get married again someday, and he doesn't think he can ever give me that. He was honest and true to himself. It just sucks because I love him with my entire heart and I have had the *best* time while we were together.
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#86 of 171 Old 03-15-2008, 05:38 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Jyotsna View Post
ICK, I can't imagine what was said to you, Bad Mama Jama, but I am glad you found the "BLOCK" button. I haven't tried Plenty of Fish, because of the mixed reviews.

And Bad Mama Jama, I am so glad there is someone else who is experiencing the same thing. It is odd meeting someone this way. I have never done this before, but honest the more I listen, the more I learn that this is how to meet people, when there is no one in your own community that you are interested in.
Yea, he was pretty gross and I cannot even imagine meeting him live and direct. He would have probably been one of those who spends most of the date drooling over your body. Yuck!

I, too came to that conclusion about casting a wider net after a friend of mine told me to give it a try. I just don't attract people. Don't get me wrong, but people are intimidated by me or usually think I am taken, but alas, I am not. They just don't bother. Or they think that I couldn't possibly dig a regular working guy. That he would have to be a doctor or lawyer or something. I just want a warm, caring guy who is family-oriented and he has to be hard-working and generous. I am pretty simple that way.

I am supposed to be going out this evening with him, so I will report back...

Former dreads.gifwearing, treehugger.gifing, pole dancing, read.gifpushing, ribbonpurple.gifsurvivor & single mama extraordinaire to energy.gif.  

Now that's a mouthful!!! computergeek2.gif & follow it!   

 

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#87 of 171 Old 03-15-2008, 06:07 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mmace View Post
I've been avoiding this thread....My sweetheart and I broke up on Monday, after being together for about ten months. I am utterly heartbroken. I understand and I don't fault him - it came down to the fact that I want to get married again someday, and he doesn't think he can ever give me that. He was honest and true to himself. It just sucks because I love him with my entire heart and I have had the *best* time while we were together.
Sorry mama, that is soooo hard. I made sure in the beginning that bf wanted more kids, which is what was important to me, not marriage, and he did. After awhile I could not remember what exactly he said, so I asked him straight out again, he said he did want to have babies with me, so I was relieved. That would be a dealbreaker.
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#88 of 171 Old 03-15-2008, 06:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by mmace View Post
I've been avoiding this thread....My sweetheart and I broke up on Monday, after being together for about ten months. I am utterly heartbroken. I understand and I don't fault him - it came down to the fact that I want to get married again someday, and he doesn't think he can ever give me that. He was honest and true to himself. It just sucks because I love him with my entire heart and I have had the *best* time while we were together.
I am so sorry There is nothing to say, I feel for you Good for you though for standing up strong for what you know you ultimately want .

                                Whatever will be, already is...
 
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#89 of 171 Old 03-15-2008, 06:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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well, still no email I must say, I am really surprised, I thought i had better intuition than this. I am always open to different guys, aand really, I am fine with NO guy, but this is starting to disappoint me.

                                Whatever will be, already is...
 
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#90 of 171 Old 03-16-2008, 09:57 AM
 
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Thank you, Spring Sun and BelovedK. I guess in my head I know that this is right, but my heart is having a hard time with it. I just love that little turd so much! I'm also not entirely sure it's what he really wants - part of me thinks he is just freaked out because of being hurt in the past. If only I was a mind-reader! Or could do Tarot cards! Or whatever! Part of me thinks it might not really be over and the other part thinks it definitely is...If anyone has any psychic abilities they'd like to share with me, feel free!
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