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Old 03-21-2008, 02:42 AM
 
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good for you Kelly! I kept coming back to check for updates.

and I do think guys are different when scheduling stuff. in fact I'd venture to say most men don't think ahead to next week so much..the man I have been seeing/chatting with seems perplexed by this. but with 2 kids and being a single mom it's kind of a little hard yk?

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Old 03-21-2008, 10:11 AM
 
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well, mamas. it is not looking good for the dude i had gone out with. he has an excellent job, is generous and just a simple guy. problem is, he is too demanding. for whatever reason, he can't seem to understand why he can't spend time at my house and why i'm not more accessible during the week.

gee, could it be that i work full time and have a child. these are not surprises. that is one of the first things that i tell people. ironically, he said that he liked me because i worked and his ex didn't. i have come to the conclusion that he liked it, but wants someone who is just as accessible as an unemployed person. that just isn't possible.

the mood swings he was giving off as a result felt very familiar from my prior relationship, which was with a batterer. this guy seemed really controling and if things weren't his way, he would sulk and pout. i am so resistant of people like that after the last relationship, so it raised a red flag for me and i know when to quit.

so, back to the drawing board. that is why i kept my dating account open. I am no fool. what a waste. but i am okay at least i found out now rather than later.

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Old 03-21-2008, 12:56 PM
 
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Sorry to hear that Bad Mama! I hope the next one is a much better fit for you. Never settle for anything less then what you deserve and need in your life.

Spring Sun I always love your words, even if you just stay for advice and support i know i would appreciate it.

Beloved, it is always important to me to know where i stand with people. Whether it is man or woman. Really i think it is just a basic human need to feel validated and secure. I hope you can find a balance with him that you are comfortable with.

So, wow, my date was amazing. We get along so well. He called before our date and we talked for a long time. Then we talked all through dinner and there was never a lack of things to talk about. After dinner he asked me if i wanted to go to his home and watch a cheesy 80's movie. Which is awesome because that is so me! He has an amazing house in the Redwoods and it is cozy and lovely. He has these little playspaces for his son all over the house, so cute! We watched a cheesy movie and ended up making out for a long time. I haven't kissed a man in over a year and that rocked! I so missed that feeling of a big,strong guy holding me. So we talked about taking things slowly and just enjoying each other and getting to know one another and that feels really good to me. We also are going to keep it on the downlow for awhile because he is my kid's teacher at school so it will take awhile to integrate things together. I'm excited and feel really happy this morning
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Old 03-21-2008, 01:01 PM
 
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Avani

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Old 03-21-2008, 04:27 PM
 
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I've been dating the same guy for awhile now. Met him on a western singles site initally. He's from Wyoming so he makes the trips. We have a great relationship though and loves the kiddos dearly.
He'll make a wonderful husband and father one of these days.
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Old 03-21-2008, 07:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Avani, that is awesome

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Old 03-22-2008, 12:33 PM
 
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He called me last night and we talked for over an hour and he asked me out for Tuesday. He said it will be a surprise Oh my goodness, the dating thing is interesting. The hardest part right now is finding babysitters for 5 kids and one who doesn't mind if i don't get home late. My friends will all pitch in but if this becomes a constant thing i'm not sure how it will work. I guess i shouldn't think about it now and just let it happen. How is everyone else?
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Old 03-22-2008, 01:09 PM
 
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So I reported last week that my sweetheart of almost ten months and I broke up, and I'm happy to say today that after a loooonggggg talk last night I think we might just be okay. He came here, totally open, honest, and vulnerable and asked for another chance to make things right. Good thoughts and vibes will be much appreciated, but I really think we are going to be able to make things work.
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Old 03-22-2008, 05:13 PM
 
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Wow, that's great news! gosh, my heart flip-flops when I read these posts....
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Old 03-26-2008, 09:38 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I just wanted to post an update.

He is just not a frequent communicator, and I am. It bothers me but it is something I can get around. He emailed me back yesterday (key word being 'back') and said he couldn't get together this week (like he originally said he could) I am disappointed, and I purposely didn't email him beck until the next day, I know he was expecting that I would get right back to him. I just don't want to seem desperate because I am not. I guess I just am the type of person who likes to have plans.

This time I asked him when HE was available, that way I can make sure I see him. He is cautious, and while he is outgoing and fun, he is also reserved when it comes to dating and attraction. It is driving me crazy!!!!

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Old 03-26-2008, 02:23 PM
 
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I'm sorry Beloved, i hope things pick up and get better!

I have gone out two more times since last week with my man. Things are going amazing and we have a really strong connection. It is so strange for me to have a man so interested in my needs and giving me so much attention. After 10 years of being ignored this is such a different thing for me.He is always taking the time to focus on me. He is romantic and sweet and just a lovely man. After such a build up of wondering if he even liked me or not, everything has just come full circle. He wants to spend alot of time with me and is very interested in incorporating the kids into it all. I'm very happy!
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Old 03-26-2008, 06:47 PM
 
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Avani- I am very happy for you, it sounds like things are going great!!!

I am just curious how long did everyone here wait to date after getting a divorce?!
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Old 03-26-2008, 06:56 PM
 
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I am just curious how long did everyone here wait to date after getting a divorce?!
We were separated for almost four years (45 and a half months, to be exact) before I started dating my sweetheart, but my divorce wasn't final until after we had been dating for eight and a half months - four and a half years after we seperated. Kind of strange, I know...
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Old 03-26-2008, 07:02 PM
 
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I'm not divorced due to issues with the fact that he filed in another town 900 miles away and i don't have money for a lawyer and with the distance i can't go there and file myself. But we have been seperated for a year and a half and this is the first i have dated.
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Old 03-26-2008, 10:37 PM
 
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Exdh eft and I started dating someone 3 months later,knowing, and telling this man that it was just a rebound thing.

I did match for a week about 8 months after dh left, went out with one guy 3 times that I am still friends with, then met DP during that time in a chance encounter and it is 7 months later and things are going sooo well.

So, I moved fast,but I did and am doing therapy, have a ton of supportive people in my life that I talk with, am a therapist myself (not practicing though) and knew that I could use every experience to grow, rather than to escape.

But yes, fell in love with someone 8 months after dh left and it is still going well. Everyone moves at their own pace.
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Old 03-27-2008, 01:03 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I release all of this dating stuff. I emailed B and even waited to do it, then didn't hear back from him, I knw he has gotten it and quite frankly, if he were interested, he would actually be looking forward to getting back to me. The thing is, I can't believe that I have read this so wrong . I actually thought that he was interested in me. I am so busy that I don't have time to be bummed out. I am more pissed at myself than anything. I really must have had myself fooled. Thing is, I am perfectly fine without a relationship, I don't have to have one and I am a generally happy person. I am not desperate, I am in fact busy and my life is full. When things like this happen, I feel like I am exposing the part of myself that IS desperate and needy. We all have that side, some just hide it better than others. I am OUT OF THE CLOSET yep, that's me, desperate, needy, sad, AND busy, full and happy.

as per his usual m.o., he will probably get back to me tomorrow or something. I do not know what I will do, but one thing is for sure, I will not email or call him.

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Old 03-27-2008, 02:00 AM - Thread Starter
 
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after we first started talking, he took his profile down from match.com, then i checked tonight and it is back up.

There is my answer. I am itching to email him, let him off the hook officially. I am instead going to force myself to go to bed now, though I have to admit I am more than a bit upset.

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Old 03-27-2008, 02:46 AM
 
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after we first started talking, he took his profile down from match.com, then i checked tonight and it is back up.

There is my answer. I am itching to email him, let him off the hook officially. I am instead going to force myself to go to bed now, though I have to admit I am more than a bit upset.
Eff him. He wasn't responding because he wasn't interested and he was too much of a loser to be up front with you. What an a**hole move, to put his profile back up. Like you wouldn't see it? Like you don't matter enough for him to consider whether you would see it? How banal.
Don't respond, don't step back down into the gutter for this fool. Just do something else. You're too busy and too fabulous. Go dancing this weekend--have some fun!
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Old 03-27-2008, 02:58 AM
 
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I've been sick pretty much all month. This guy I was seeing--well he pulled a very childish, very disrespectful move a few weeks ago (kinda acted like we weren't a couple when we were in a public place--puhleeze, what is this? Junior high?), and I told him then and there that I couldn't see him anymore. It was a physical response. I thought I was going to vomit, and I am not a puker.
So, he called me in the middle of my illness, and wanted to hang out or something. I reminded him that I had broken up with him. It was weird, it was like he didn't really think I was human. It was like he thought I was a chair that he could sit on anytime. Anyway, I wasn't mad at him. I, on the other hand, felt like he was a child, and I was reminding him that he couldn't have chocolate before dinnertime.

Since then, it has dawned on me that another guy I know may be flirting with me online. I am not interested, even though he's kinda cute.
And, some guy at the pet food store pegged me for being 17 years younger than I am!!!
The upshot is that I've been too sick to date, all guys are annoying, and I look hot.
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Old 03-27-2008, 07:34 AM
 
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after we first started talking, he took his profile down from match.com, then i checked tonight and it is back up.

There is my answer. I am itching to email him, let him off the hook officially. I am instead going to force myself to go to bed now, though I have to admit I am more than a bit upset.
I'm sorry Beloved. I would be upset too. This is part of the problem with online dating...we can check all this stuff out.
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Old 03-27-2008, 07:43 AM
 
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I am just curious how long did everyone here wait to date after getting a divorce?!
I wasn't married to ds's dad, we broke up while I was pregnant, ds is almost 3.5 WOW. I just started dating a couple of months ago and communicated with a couple of guys online, some friends tried to set me up, I went out on a couple dates, all nice guys but nothing clicked and then I met the guy I am seeing now and we have been seeing each other for I guess about 6 weeks. I have been fortunate to have always had relationships with quality guys, well ds's dad has turned out to be a disappointment as a father but I digress, but I never knew a relationship could be so calm and peaceful and wonderful. My relationships in the past were always so full of tension, hyper, its hard to explain, I think because the people I was with were so similar to me and R is not and we balance each other out perfectly. He is WONDERFUL with ds without even trying. For now I am enjoying our time and hoping it continues.
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Old 03-27-2008, 08:00 AM
 
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Eff him. He wasn't responding because he wasn't interested and he was too much of a loser to be up front with you. What an a**hole move, to put his profile back up. Like you wouldn't see it? Like you don't matter enough for him to consider whether you would see it? How banal.
Don't respond, don't step back down into the gutter for this fool. Just do something else. You're too busy and too fabulous. Go dancing this weekend--have some fun!
I couldn't have said it better, BelovedK. You are worth waaayyyyyy too much to put up with that kind of BS!
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Old 03-27-2008, 10:24 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks I didn't email him, and I won't, even if he contacts me. I actually put a new (and awesome) picture up of myself, I think of online dating as having my line out there. Guys contact me and I only respond if I am interested (which is rare) B seemed like the perfect guy for me and I was POSITIVE that he felt the same way, so much for my intuition

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Old 03-27-2008, 10:28 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I've been sick pretty much all month. This guy I was seeing--well he pulled a very childish, very disrespectful move a few weeks ago (kinda acted like we weren't a couple when we were in a public place--puhleeze, what is this? Junior high?), and I told him then and there that I couldn't see him anymore. It was a physical response. I thought I was going to vomit, and I am not a puker.
So, he called me in the middle of my illness, and wanted to hang out or something. I reminded him that I had broken up with him. It was weird, it was like he didn't really think I was human. It was like he thought I was a chair that he could sit on anytime. Anyway, I wasn't mad at him. I, on the other hand, felt like he was a child, and I was reminding him that he couldn't have chocolate before dinnertime.

Since then, it has dawned on me that another guy I know may be flirting with me online. I am not interested, even though he's kinda cute.
And, some guy at the pet food store pegged me for being 17 years younger than I am!!!
The upshot is that I've been too sick to date, all guys are annoying, and I look hot.
here here! I like the direct way you handled that. I also hate when the are too affectionate in public, like trying to suck your face off in the street as you try to give a polite kiss goodnight. I have had this happen more than the other, and feel really uncomfortable with that as well.

If a guy acted like he wasn't with me in public, I would've written him off too.

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Old 03-27-2008, 12:19 PM
 
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Beloved~stay present. This man has taught you something important. Yes, you are very vulnerable and real and that is so normal. If you aren't getting what you need then move on and find that man who will give you everything you need. The important part is that we need to fufill that part of ourselves and to not settle for anything less. It will happen..
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Old 03-27-2008, 06:43 PM
 
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after we first started talking, he took his profile down from match.com, then i checked tonight and it is back up.

There is my answer. I am itching to email him, let him off the hook officially. I am instead going to force myself to go to bed now, though I have to admit I am more than a bit upset.
Sorry, Kelly...that really sucks.

Some men can be so spineless.
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Old 03-27-2008, 06:44 PM
 
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I'm sorry Beloved, i hope things pick up and get better!

I have gone out two more times since last week with my man. Things are going amazing and we have a really strong connection. It is so strange for me to have a man so interested in my needs and giving me so much attention. After 10 years of being ignored this is such a different thing for me.He is always taking the time to focus on me. He is romantic and sweet and just a lovely man. After such a build up of wondering if he even liked me or not, everything has just come full circle. He wants to spend alot of time with me and is very interested in incorporating the kids into it all. I'm very happy!
How wonderful for you! Enjoy it all...every single minute!
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Old 03-27-2008, 06:47 PM
 
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So I reported last week that my sweetheart of almost ten months and I broke up, and I'm happy to say today that after a loooonggggg talk last night I think we might just be okay. He came here, totally open, honest, and vulnerable and asked for another chance to make things right. Good thoughts and vibes will be much appreciated, but I really think we are going to be able to make things work.
Does this mean that he would consider marriage? Wasn't that the root of your breakup? Am I remembering correctly?
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Old 03-27-2008, 07:03 PM
 
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So...all is going well with S. It has been about 7 weeks since our first date.

Despite his ridiculously busy schedule (2 jobs, working 7 days a week), we pretty much see each other every night. If we do not see each other one night, we talk at the end of the day.

We have become quite 'domesticated'...he comes over, he has dinner with ds and I (depending on how late he is), ds goes to bed and then we work, chat on the couch about our days or watch mindless TV. It is easy...and very comfortable.

Honestly, it is just a really nice relationship. I love being with him. I LOVE listening to him talk about his day (I am so interested and fascinated by his profession!). I love the fact that I feel truly heard when I talk to him. He appreciates my honesty and ability to speak my mind. Etc, etc, etc.
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Old 03-27-2008, 07:07 PM
 
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So...all is going well with S. It has been about 7 weeks since our first date.

Despite his ridiculously busy schedule (2 jobs, working 7 days a week), we pretty much see each other every night. If we do not see each other one night, we talk at the end of the day.

We have become quite 'domesticated'...he comes over, he has dinner with ds and I (depending on how late he is), ds goes to bed and then we work, chat on the couch about our days or watch mindless TV. It is easy...and very comfortable.

Honestly, it is just a really nice relationship. I love being with him. I LOVE listening to him talk about his day (I am so interested and fascinated by his profession!). I love the fact that I feel truly heard when I talk to him. He appreciates my honesty and ability to speak my mind. Etc, etc, etc.
Holland - I'm really happy for you!
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