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#151 of 171 Old 03-28-2008, 01:14 AM
 
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Ha ! I was right. The guy I thought was flirting with me, was. But he said he'd like to be friends with "an understanding" (friends with benefits).
Ugh.
Naw. I'm too fabulous and too busy for that!
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#152 of 171 Old 03-28-2008, 05:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So, I still haven't heard from this guy, I am considering emailing him to give him exactly how I THINK about how he has conducted himself in this situation. I am about to do it, should someone talk me out of it?

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#153 of 171 Old 03-28-2008, 05:17 PM
 
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So, I still haven't heard from this guy, I am considering emailing him to give him exactly how I THINK about how he has conducted himself in this situation. I am about to do it, should someone talk me out of it?
Honestly, it is NOT worth your time.

Additionally, based on his behavior, I am thinking that he won't care what you think about his behavior. I am afraid, if you were to email him, you will come out looking bad.

Be the adult, keep your dignity and just let it go. He is NOT worthy of you, Kelly!
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#154 of 171 Old 03-28-2008, 05:20 PM
 
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So, I still haven't heard from this guy, I am considering emailing him to give him exactly how I THINK about how he has conducted himself in this situation. I am about to do it, should someone talk me out of it?

don't do it!!!!

Blissful Mama to DD-(5), DS-(6) and someone new due in November!
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#155 of 171 Old 03-28-2008, 07:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I actually wrote it up and thought it was really great, then I decided not to send it, really, what was the point? I just haven't had a situation like this since I was in my early 20's and maybe even late teens, the guys just could not , well.. WERE NOT mature. This guy should know better. He is just a coward and that is fine. I am better off. The thing is, I never even had the chance to see if I even really was into him. I know it sounds like I was, really, I was into the IDEA of being 'into' him For all I know, he was reading my posts here, all he had to do was google my username, I don't have anything to apologize for. I misread the situation and I am a communicator (he either is not, or just wasn't into me)

Whew, I am writing loonng sentences

I am not upset by him, but by the fact that I am in love with the idea of being in love. I get my hopes up and that is desperate. I know I say that I am not, but I guess I am.

No more though. If I meet someone, fine. I haven't the time for this sort of thing.

I am SOOO glad I read the draft of that email before I sent it, it would have been a huge mistake.

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#156 of 171 Old 03-28-2008, 07:23 PM
 
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Does this mean that he would consider marriage? Wasn't that the root of your breakup? Am I remembering correctly?
Oh, you're good! Yes, that was the root of our breakup, and yes, he wants to get married! Nothing set in stone yet, in fact, I've now told him that I want to table the discussion for a while and make sure he is sure, Sure, SURE of his feelings - I love him too much to ever have him look back and think that he was pushed into something that he really didn't want to do. Thanks for asking!
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#157 of 171 Old 03-28-2008, 07:37 PM
 
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I've now told him that I want to table the discussion for a while and make sure he is sure, Sure, SURE of his feelings - I love him too much to ever have him look back and think that he was pushed into something that he really didn't want to do. Thanks for asking!
VERY smart idea!
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#158 of 171 Old 03-29-2008, 05:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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so, he called, and told me that he was interested in me before the show, but ever since the concert, he just wanted to be friends. I don't know what I did wrong, I really don't. There was a change ever since then, but I thought things were going somewhere. He didn't tell me what happened for him, just that he wasn't interested


I feel like giving up, actually I do give up, I release this whole dating thing. I will still accept emails and such from match.com, but i will only answer if the guy seems FABULOUS, and even then maybe not.

I told him I felt the same way, I feel yechy and angry, but at least he is not a coward. I respect that he had the courage to actually CALL me and not email me, that would have been bad.

I feel like crying from disappointment

I need a friend and my best friend now has a gf, so he is no longer available to talk very often. I am feeling very loser-ish and I know better than to indulge these feelings. I just wish I had someone to talk to ...

ok, now I am

I wish I could go back to bed

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#159 of 171 Old 03-29-2008, 05:42 PM
 
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so, he called, and told me that he was interested in me before the show, but ever since the concert, he just wanted to be friends. I don't know what I did wrong, I really don't.(
It's not about you. There is no wrong doing. He just decided this wasn't it. I know it feels personal right now, but it's not personal.

It's also so much better to have someone realize this early on, instead of waiting 10 years and saying, "I don't know if I ever loved you."

My favorite part of "He's Just Not That Into You" was when he said something to the effect of; and if he's not into you, it's good to move on, because then you'll be available when someone who is into you comes along.

I know it's hard to see the *up* side of things right now. Do something to pamper yourself tonight.
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#160 of 171 Old 03-29-2008, 05:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you for responding so quickly. I know better than to indulge myself in feelings like this. I will move on. I actually just got that book and it is a hoot, so many truths there.

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#161 of 171 Old 03-29-2008, 11:26 PM
 
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Beloved K: lots and lots of I had a similar thing happen over the summer and it was really hard for me too. Interestingly, I did end up staying friends with this person (mainly we just talk on the phone occasionally) and I've realized just recently that I wouldn't want to be with him. He's a good guy and all, but his issues are more apparent to me now and they are not ones I want to be involved with. I'd be willing to bet that if you stayed in touch with the guy, you'd have a similar realization down the road a bit.

You can't help the "what did I do wrong" or the "what's wrong with me?" at first. But I love what MCA said... I will remember that too! Remember... YOU are fabulous. And, it's ok to feel sad and to curl up and lick your wounds for a bit. And it's ok to want to be in love too, I think, as long as you are have some perspective and can still make good decisions for yourself and it sure sounds like you do and you can! I would have written the email too... just for myself... therapeutic!

Hang in there!
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#162 of 171 Old 03-29-2008, 11:36 PM
 
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I just need to vent my anxiety somewhere!
So, I haven't posted in a while. I've still been seeing the same guy I met about 3 months ago. We are taking things slow and I like it. I do still occasionally get anxious (right now!), but mostly I think this pace is good for me right now.
He has never been to my house and tonight he is hanging out with a friend who lives very close to me and he is going to come over after that. I've been to his house and it's so nice. Not nice as in fancy or anything, just homey, warm... it reflects his personality. He's done a lot of work on it himself. I really like it there. I'm feeling self conscious because I live in this condo that I don't really like... (stuck here until I can sell it. it's from my marriage)... I don't feel that it's me. I haven't done very much to make it my own... I don't really know why... I'm not very good at that kind of stuff.
Besides that, my son is here. We haven't been around each other's children at all. But he has his 50% of the time. I have my DS pretty much full time. DS is sleeping, but he's not such a good sleeper and there's no doubt that he will wake up while J is here and I'll have to go nurse him. Which wouldn't be a big deal except that sometimes around the time of night that J will be here, DS wakes more frequently...
I just need to relax. It is what it is and it's out of my control. Now J texted me that he will be later than planned. This is fine, usually it's me who is late, it's just that it drastically increases the odds of more constant interruptions...

Ok.. he just texted that he's on his way.
Oh... and my hair is a wreck. Didn't want to blowdry and risk waking DS!!!

Send good vibes.

He has kids... he coslept... I'm sure he'll get it... Right??? And if he doesn't better to know now... I know I know I know... but still...!

Thanks for listening and keeping me calm while I waited!

I'll let you know how it goes!
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#163 of 171 Old 03-29-2008, 11:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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That is sooo exciting, I hate waiting, and love it at the same time. I am sure you look great Just enjoy yourself and definitely report back soon with good details

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#164 of 171 Old 03-30-2008, 12:34 PM
 
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What do you guys think of a day at the park with the kids (he's a single dad)as a first date?? This is his idea, not mine. I've known him for a few months, but from work, so we really don't know a whole lot about eachother. I'm not sure whether to agree to it or not. On the one hand I think it would be super fun, on the other hand it seems really inappropriate. Opinions??
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#165 of 171 Old 03-30-2008, 12:59 PM
 
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Beloved, you are so fabulous and gorgeous. Remember that. Him not wanting more from you is a blessing, because the perfect man for you is still out there. Now, get over the negative feelings and get those good, happy feelings flowing so that you are in a good space for that next man. Embrace yourself and feel good, that energy will get out there.

Robin, the anxiety is normal! I hope you had a great time.

Libbie- that sounds perfect. I would definetly do that for a first date. See if you both mesh and the children too!

I hung out with my guy for a bit yesterday. I was at my friends having a get together and he came too. He was down for it and it went well. There were alot of my friends and their partners there and he fit right in. Granted he teaches all of our kids so we all know each other but it was interesting to add in the dynamic that they know he and i are dating. It was fun! We are talking daily but i am still taking it slow. I really enjoy my time with my kids and my friends seperately and i do not want our relationship to turn into the inseperable couple syndrome. At least not yet
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#166 of 171 Old 03-30-2008, 01:03 PM
 
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Personally, I think it sounds like fun and I would probably do it.

BUT...you have to do what feels comfortable for you and your little one.
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#167 of 171 Old 03-30-2008, 04:09 PM
 
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What do you guys think of a day at the park with the kids (he's a single dad)as a first date?? This is his idea, not mine. I've known him for a few months, but from work, so we really don't know a whole lot about eachother. I'm not sure whether to agree to it or not. On the one hand I think it would be super fun, on the other hand it seems really inappropriate. Opinions??
When I gave dpmy card when I first met him we both had our kids and I said "call me if you ever want to have a playdate." He knew that is not what I meant. Looking back, it was better not to have them on the first date. We got to actually talk, get to know each other, connect, it was wonderful. I suggested we go on a picnic playdate with the kids for our second dates, and he said okay but then later said he would rather it just be the two of us on the second date bc when he is with his son he tends to focus on him. And our second date ended up being romantic and wonderful, again. It was the next day, a Sat, that we took the kids on a picnic and made it more of a playdate. And he was right-both of us focused on our children and therewas no time to really talk.
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#168 of 171 Old 03-30-2008, 04:11 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mz_libbie22 View Post
What do you guys think of a day at the park with the kids (he's a single dad)as a first date?? This is his idea, not mine. I've known him for a few months, but from work, so we really don't know a whole lot about eachother. I'm not sure whether to agree to it or not. On the one hand I think it would be super fun, on the other hand it seems really inappropriate. Opinions??
When I gave dp my card when I first met him we both had our kids and I said "call me if you ever want to have a playdate." He knew that is not what I meant. Looking back, it was better not to have them on the first date. We got to actually talk, get to know each other, connect, it was wonderful. I suggested we go on a picnic playdate with the kids for our second dates, and he said okay but then later said he would rather it just be the two of us on the second date bc when he is with his son he tends to focus on him. And our second date ended up being romantic and wonderful, again. It was the next day, a Sat, that we took the kids on a picnic and made it more of a playdate. And he was right-both of us focused on our children and therewas no time to really talk.
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#169 of 171 Old 03-30-2008, 04:18 PM
 
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What do you guys think of a day at the park with the kids (he's a single dad)as a first date?? This is his idea, not mine. I've known him for a few months, but from work, so we really don't know a whole lot about eachother. I'm not sure whether to agree to it or not. On the one hand I think it would be super fun, on the other hand it seems really inappropriate. Opinions??
I think it's great. How is it innapropriate? (because of bringing the kids?) I used to think I would bnever invlove my kids in dating. truth is we are a package deal, so better to put it out there up front. I would never let my kids around anyone I didn't trust anyway.

Blissful Mama to DD-(5), DS-(6) and someone new due in November!
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#170 of 171 Old 03-31-2008, 02:39 PM
 
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I am a communicator
Been thinking about this. I am also a communicator. I do a lot of custom work for my job, so I need to be very clear about what my clients' need, and what's going on, and so-on. I'm also the go-to guy for my kids, and I lead a rock band, so, I'm a communicator.

But, since I got sick and realized that other people didn't particularly bother to communicate with me, I'm "reviewing the situation". Especially in regards to guys. I think I'm going to try being the bad communicator in a relationship. The one who doesn't return phone calls and e-mails. Or who does, but it takes a while. I'm going to allow myself to mess up and forget sometimes. I wonder if my communication skills, while quite helpful in my job(s) are just a little off-putting to guys. I mean, a laser-beam of accuracy in communication might be kinda hard to hug. I'm just going to be lazy.
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#171 of 171 Old 03-31-2008, 03:39 PM
 
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Been thinking about this. I am also a communicator. I do a lot of custom work for my job, so I need to be very clear about what my clients' need, and what's going on, and so-on. I'm also the go-to guy for my kids, and I lead a rock band, so, I'm a communicator.

But, since I got sick and realized that other people didn't particularly bother to communicate with me, I'm "reviewing the situation". Especially in regards to guys. I think I'm going to try being the bad communicator in a relationship. The one who doesn't return phone calls and e-mails. Or who does, but it takes a while. I'm going to allow myself to mess up and forget sometimes. I wonder if my communication skills, while quite helpful in my job(s) are just a little off-putting to guys. I mean, a laser-beam of accuracy in communication might be kinda hard to hug. I'm just going to be lazy.
wow, right on. (and food for thought) I am very "laser-beamish" myself. I soooo need to give this a try..

Blissful Mama to DD-(5), DS-(6) and someone new due in November!
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