so hurt and betrayed - Mothering Forums
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cubasianchica's Avatar cubasianchica 10:55 PM 03-03-2008
So in a nutshell here is my story. DH and I started TTC in late 2006. We got pg right away but lost our daughter due to a NTD on 3/16/7, she was still born. It was devastating and we knew we had to TTC again. We got pg right away. My DH out of no where leaves me when I am just 2 months pg for no reason. just "he wasnt happy" crap. Ive gone through the pg all alone not to mention I lost my job no one will hire me pregnant and its been a living hell. Im now on foodstamps wic... you name it. But here is the kicker. Just when I thought he couldnt hurt me anymore he does. Come to find out he got engaged last night. He has only been gone 6 1/2 months and he is ready to shack up with someone already!! I cant believe that he is out buying engagement rings when I dont have money to even eat. I am 9 months pg now and in the last 2 months I have only gained 1/2 a pound. I feel so betrayed that he has done this. I dont know what to do say think or feel. Im numb. i thought the 4 yrs we were together meant something, I thought that the two children we had together meant something as well, and the fact that Im going to give birth in a matter of days I thought meant something as well...but I guess not. His last email to me when I told him I know that he has cheated on me now was "F**k off". I guess i just needed to vent and share my story. I dont know if I can or will trust anyone ever again. I wish there was a way for my child not to have to have this monster in his life.

JennaW's Avatar JennaW 10:57 PM 03-03-2008
I just happened upon your post because it was displaying on the main board. I am so sorry, what an awful thing for someone to do. I've said a little prayer for you Mama.
tessa67's Avatar tessa67 11:22 PM 03-03-2008
Are you still married? If not can you leave his name off the birth certificate? Doesn't sound to me like he is that keen on being involved anyway, you might have nothing to worry about. Just looking forward for you, are you currently living where you want to live? Is there somewhere else in the country you can have more support? If so, I would recommend you move there immediately, even at 9 months if you can. You don't want him pulling some legal stuff right after the baby is born that will prevent you from relocating.
Flower of Bliss's Avatar Flower of Bliss 12:13 AM 03-04-2008

prairieo's Avatar prairieo 12:21 AM 03-04-2008
Hey honey, I think I have the opposite advice of the last post. If it were me, I would have his a** in court asap! You already have two children by this man? And one about to be born? Huh-uh, no way you go hungry. Have the baby, surround yourself with love, and then get your butt down to the local courthouse and file a petition for child support. DO put his name on the birth certificate, and have the courts make sure he gets a blood test. That's what it's there for. If it was just this baby, that would be a different story, but three? NO WAY. Get what you deserve. Let the legal system work for you. Please....I've been through it too. Good luck
mamamoo's Avatar mamamoo 03:51 AM 03-04-2008
Oh man.
cubasianchica's Avatar cubasianchica 02:24 PM 03-04-2008
thanks mamas. Yes we are still married. we are going through the divorce process but everything is on hold till the baby is born. I plan on getting child support for the next 18 years...hes not getting away that easily. I just cant believe someone I trusted and loved and would have given my life for at one point can do this to me.
peachymomma's Avatar peachymomma 02:54 PM 03-04-2008
I am sorry that your having to deal with this hurt. I bet your going to have to put his name on the birth certificate because your married. But the upside to the affair is maybe you can get sole custody and possibly some child support? Maybe he wont want anything to do with this LO.
Keep your chin up mama. If you can get some antidepressents. It has helped me tremendously.
One child to care for wont be to bad. You can do it! You will find it in yourself to be the very best mama possible.
lilyka's Avatar lilyka 10:34 PM 03-04-2008
oh mama that made me cry. you deserve so much better.
tessa67's Avatar tessa67 12:19 AM 03-05-2008
Quote:
Originally Posted by prairieo View Post
Hey honey, I think I have the opposite advice of the last post. If it were me, I would have his a** in court asap! You already have two children by this man? And one about to be born? Huh-uh, no way you go hungry. Have the baby, surround yourself with love, and then get your butt down to the local courthouse and file a petition for child support. DO put his name on the birth certificate, and have the courts make sure he gets a blood test. That's what it's there for. If it was just this baby, that would be a different story, but three? NO WAY. Get what you deserve. Let the legal system work for you. Please....I've been through it too. Good luck
My fault, I thought the two children she was referring to were the angel she lost : and her current, soon-to-be born sweetheart. I didn't realize you have two other children in the picture. Yeah, go after him, make him pay. Get what you can for you and your children. But I still think you should get yourself somewhere you will have support. Do you have family? And please, right now, start to protect yourself financially. Get rid of joint credit cards if you can, open a bank account in your name, get a credit card in your name, etc.
SimpleJoys's Avatar SimpleJoys 06:21 PM 03-05-2008
Go to court, get child support and if your state has it, some alimony or temporary spousal support. Your children need it and so do you. What a terrible thing to happen to you after you have been a loving wife and mommy. How can he look at himself in the mirror every day when he has abandoned all of you? AAAARRRRGGGHHH
It is so frustrating that he can spend money on an engagement ring when you are on food stamps. I would throw the adultry card at him, if your state has that. Proof of adultry can get your more than just 50% of your assets. As the PP said protect yourself financially.
StrongSingleMama's Avatar StrongSingleMama 03:43 PM 03-07-2008
Oh wow sweetie I don't even know what to say. I am sooo sorry you are going through this. Big hugs.
DaughterOfKali's Avatar DaughterOfKali 07:57 PM 03-07-2008

marieandchris's Avatar marieandchris 08:03 PM 03-07-2008
I couldn't read and not tell you how terrible I feel for your situation. I had a friend go through the same thing, except she had a 3 week old when he locked her out of their bedroom, told her that he didn't believe that they were soul mates anymore (after 14 years in a relationship) and that she and the baby could sleep on the couch.

It is a horrible betrayal at a very intimate, tender period for you emotionally. I cannot send out enough cyber hugs to make anything better, but I'll be thinking about you.
princessoflove's Avatar princessoflove 11:06 PM 03-08-2008
That is so sad that you are going through all that pain. While he is acting as though everything is fine. It is not fair that he can spend money on an engagement ring while you struggle financially.
homewithtwinsmama's Avatar homewithtwinsmama 12:07 AM 03-09-2008
I don't understand why you are not receiving temporary spousal support. If he has money and you are separated you need a lawyer to get you some help through this pregnancy. If you haven't already, get to a lawyer ASAP and get what you and your children need. There should be a special circle of h*** for men who do this to pregnant women!
waiting2bemommy's Avatar waiting2bemommy 12:37 AM 03-09-2008


This actually brought tears to my eyes. I went through what you're going through and I promise it DOES get a little better with time, emotionally. But I'm so sorry you're facing this. Just concentrate on your new, precious baby and put everything else on the back burner until you have that baby. And he's buying an engagement ring while you're on gov't assistance???? I wish I could give him a good beatdown for you

Have a wonderful, peaceful birth...I'll DEFINITELY be thinking of you.
pauletoy's Avatar pauletoy 12:59 AM 03-09-2008
Didn't want to read and not respond. I am so sorry this has happened to you. Do what you have to do to protect you and your children. Sending lots of love and positive thoughts your way.
canadianchick's Avatar canadianchick 01:47 AM 03-09-2008

toddlermama16's Avatar toddlermama16 03:01 AM 03-09-2008

cubasianchica's Avatar cubasianchica 10:24 PM 03-09-2008
thank you all to your comments. it meant a lot that you took the time to give a little encouragement. Its so disappointing what he has done and is doing..I mean...I have no words. the last email he sent me just last week told me to go F- off.... I cant believe he would talk to the mother of his child like that... I wonder what happened to the man I married. And by the way I hope this new hussy of his gives him herpes and all the smoking he has taken up makes him impotent.... one word...KARMA.
NeivaKai's Avatar NeivaKai 05:08 AM 03-14-2008
I am so sorry this is happening to you, channel all that energy to go after him when your baby is born! But one thing, he may be getting engaged but he can't get married until he is divorced from you, and the only way he's going to get that is if he gives you MONEY, honey. So you have a card to play, get yourself a lawyer and go after him! You and your babes deserve it.
Breastisbest2008's Avatar Breastisbest2008 07:04 PM 06-18-2008
I just wanted to offe my support, sorry you are going though this.
hotmamacita's Avatar hotmamacita 07:07 PM 06-18-2008
Quote:
Originally Posted by cubasianchica View Post
So in a nutshell here is my story. DH and I started TTC in late 2006. We got pg right away but lost our daughter due to a NTD on 3/16/7, she was still born. It was devastating and we knew we had to TTC again. We got pg right away. My DH out of no where leaves me when I am just 2 months pg for no reason. just "he wasnt happy" crap. Ive gone through the pg all alone not to mention I lost my job no one will hire me pregnant and its been a living hell. Im now on foodstamps wic... you name it. But here is the kicker. Just when I thought he couldnt hurt me anymore he does. Come to find out he got engaged last night. He has only been gone 6 1/2 months and he is ready to shack up with someone already!! I cant believe that he is out buying engagement rings when I dont have money to even eat. I am 9 months pg now and in the last 2 months I have only gained 1/2 a pound. I feel so betrayed that he has done this. I dont know what to do say think or feel. Im numb. i thought the 4 yrs we were together meant something, I thought that the two children we had together meant something as well, and the fact that Im going to give birth in a matter of days I thought meant something as well...but I guess not. His last email to me when I told him I know that he has cheated on me now was "F**k off". I guess i just needed to vent and share my story. I dont know if I can or will trust anyone ever again. I wish there was a way for my child not to have to have this monster in his life.


I am so sorry you have to deal with this.
DanishMom's Avatar DanishMom 07:43 PM 06-18-2008
What a bastard! I hope his fiancé will cheat on him. So sorry mama - Hugs!

Anne
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