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#1 of 36 Old 03-10-2008, 03:44 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hey there~

My story is Simple- Although the details can drag it out for hours. Ill nutshell it.

Married for 10 years- since we were very young. Had 3 kids. The baby was 3 when I found out Dh was cheating with a 19 yr old exotic dancer/prostitute and had been for nearly a year. I had NO clue. thought my life as ideal- big house, picket fence,dog, nannies and housecleaners- the whole nine. He told me he adored me and loved me everyday. I threw his stuff on the lawn, he didn't come pick it up for 2 weeks. I was stunned. The pain was so much, I was fainting in public, weeping daily and having panic attacks for weeks. He tried to woo me back, and I laid around with him for a while, and I found out he was still with the girl. He actually proposed to her. He had two lives, two names and two homes. I was sick. I left him for good about 8 months ago. I discovered they were using drugs, I didnt feel safe- so I moved out of state- 6 months ago, and here I am single mama, someone I never thought I wold be.

ELY -Mommy to many

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#2 of 36 Old 03-10-2008, 04:41 AM
 
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Mine is also simple. Met when I was 20, he was 24, dated for over a year. Learned over that time he wasn't all that reliable or truthful. He held me on a pedestal which felt good, but he also held me to a high standard that not many can keep going for long, especially when your partner doesn't hold those same high standards to themselves.

The next four years I spend living life with him drifting in and out. Making promises that he would be honorable, and that never lasted. I fell for it every time. In the fall of 1999 we reconnected yet again, went on a date, and conceived dd. Yep all in one night.

He said lets get married, I said be truthful with me for one full year and I'll marry you in Oct 2000. He didn't like that. Put the pressure on strong, so I told him I would do it alone. Then he became verbally abusive and I told him I would contact him when dd was born.

After dd was born, he would visit sometimes (holidays) and was fairly active in her life until dd was 4yo. This summer my dd will be 8 years old.

I am glad it all went down how it did. I love my dd, and from him she came. I loved him incredibly and I do believe he loved me as well. We were on fire for one another, and got along awesome (for the most part). He just can't tell the truth, and I need truth in my life.

So that's pretty much it. My story.

-Janna, independent mother of dd, Ms. Mattie Sky born on my 25th birthday, 06*23*2000. My Mama Feb.21,1938-Sept.10,2006
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#3 of 36 Old 03-10-2008, 12:29 PM
 
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Wow thanks so much for sharing your stories. Here is mine:

STBX and I met in high school. We had a class together and were in lust with eachother lol. I thought he was sooooo hot. Truth be told he is very good looking but very mean and manipulative. Anyway the year after graduating we started dating. At first things were great or so I thought. We were very attracted to eachother and prob. stayed together so long due mostly in part to that. He was doing things I felt uncomfortable with (was drinking and doing drugs a lot, was lazy and couldn't hold down a job etc). At the time my self esteem was low and I thought he was the best I could get so I stayed with him. I got preggo with my oldest DD when I was 21. We had just gotten married. Another baby and 4 years later I found myself in a very bad situation. DH was in the military but was still into drinking and drugs and was severely verbally abusive to me daily in front of the kids and was also sometimes physically abusive. I started to feel depressed and smothered and realized there was nothing I could do to make this horrible marriage work. We just should never have gotten married in the first place. So I left and checked into a shelter for abused women. It was the scariest but bravest thing I have ever done. That was almost 3 weeks ago. I already feel lighter, and happier. Things are still rough but I am finally starting to let go of my dream of having a perfect family and marriage and starting to move on and think about what I want for my new life.
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#4 of 36 Old 03-10-2008, 12:57 PM
 
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Wow. Mesh the first two answers together and you basically have my story. Except the teenager my husband was screwing was younger than 19.

The whole pedestal thing Trinity talked about was exactly where my H was at, except it wasn't a nice thing. He just had way higher expectations for me than were humanly possible. He said he held them for himself too, but i guess i wasn't allowed to be disappointed when he (constantly) strayed from them. His attraction for younger girls didn't get older as he got older. His moral standards never held for himself. His physical standards never held for himself either. But it was ok to verbally/mentally/emotionally abuse me to get me to uphold those impossibly high standards myself. (Which i fully admit i wasn't capable of. Though i did lose 100 pounds, i couldn't keep my hair blonde, and i still needed to lose a lot more weight. Plus i kept getting older. geez.)

I forgave him for things i shouldn't have. When i confronted him about the latest girl (the day i came home from the hospital with our DS), he said he just needed to know where it was going, but he didnt' want to lose me. blah blah blah. I fell for it, and stayed another 8 months. I kept saying when it affected DS i would be GONE. But there i was, blacking out (hitting my head on the bathtub) frequently, working constantly while he did nothing, and only came home for the clean clothes and showers, until the gas was shut off, and he didn't shower there anymore. I was *not* doing well, or taking care of myself. And that was just going to cause more problems for my poor DS.

I finally got up the guts to leave, but i had to do it without taking anything with me, under the guise of visiting my family. I honestly still hoped he would realize what he'd lost and come after us. I didn't know the teenage idiot was pregnant.

So, here i am. Happily a thousand miles away, and finally able to say if he came crawling back, i'd kick him out so fast his head would spin. But that took a really long time.

DS and i are SO much better off without him. All of my pipe dreams from our marriage of 5 years have now become a reality that I pursued, in the short space of 2 years. I have a permanent full time job with benefits that i love, i bought a house in June, and a vehicle in January of this year. I work hard, and have a side job on the weekends, but i've done it. All the things i just thought i'd only dream about i'm making a reality. So i'm good. it took a while, but i'm good.
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#5 of 36 Old 03-10-2008, 01:13 PM
 
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I'll do the cliff notes of the whole story because you'll need a nap in between if I don't!

-met in high school when I was 14 and he was 17
-dated all through high school, was always tempted to break up with him and try dating other people but had zero self esteem (other issues) and didn't think anyone would like me.
-married at 19
-first child at 21, second at 23 and third at 24
-he was never supportive or helpful and rarely around, so I essentially was a single parent but living by his strict rules. For instance, when my oldest wa 6 weeks old my mum and sister came over to take him for the night because I literally hadn't slept more than 2 hours a day for 6 weeks and was on the verge of a breakdown
-when my youngest was 8 months I decided that I needed a break to clear my head and took a "break" and went to my parents house. The day I left my (ex) best friend moved in with her children and has been there ever since. I strongly believe that they had something going on before I took my "break"
-he never once faught for us...never told me "it wasn't what it looked like", never even said he was sorry. I realized then that my "perfect world" had always been just an illusion.

Mom to :...and maybe thinking about one more...
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#6 of 36 Old 03-10-2008, 11:30 PM
 
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We met in high school and started dating when I was 15 and he was 16. Went to college together. He cheated on me for the first time in college, but I took him back. Got married when I was 22 and he was 23. He cheated on me for the second time about 2.5 years into the marriage, but I took him back. I got pregnant and our daughter was born just after our 5th wedding anniversary. He cheated on me for the third time starting when our daughter had just turned one, shortly after our 6th wedding anniversary. I found out 2 days before what would have been our 13th dating anniversary and knew immediately that it had to end.

I still like him, we're still friendly... and heck, I'll say it. I even still love him. But he's a serial adulterer, I can't make him stop cheating, and he's unwilling to stop cheating. And my daughter and I deserve better. So here I am, single and happy and good.

Robin, strong and happy single mama to Anna (7/06)
"Au milieu de l'hiver, j'ai découvert en moi un invincible été."
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#7 of 36 Old 03-11-2008, 12:09 AM
 
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was in a relationship for 5 years when he got an inkling to chase another pretty face. He left I rebounded to the "perfect" guy. He was sweet, funny, caring, and I thought he liked me. Things happened fast (too fast come to see it..). This one vanished and I found out my world was changing. I panicked and like a dummy found "guy' and told him I was preggers. He showed his true colors. Which if anyone out there has any psychology background at all..... if you read the DSM-IV under antisocial personality disorder.... specifically under sociopath .... they came up with this discription by looking at booboo's dad. Suddenly I found myself scared to death that the only person in my life that mattered was literally going to be stolen from me. Baby and I were not safe! I had enough sense to give b my last name and not his dad's and I didn't put evil guy on the BC. I worked with a lawyer finished college and left the only state I had lived in for 26 years. My life is slowly righting itself now with much prayer and continued caution. We are safe now, but not as easy to overcome is the gripping panic that overtakes me and makes me physically sick when the dreams wake me in the night. I'm healing.....
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#8 of 36 Old 03-11-2008, 12:18 AM
 
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It was the scariest but bravest thing I have ever done. That was almost 3 weeks ago. I already feel lighter, and happier. Things are still rough but I am finally starting to let go of my dream of having a perfect family and marriage and starting to move on and think about what I want for my new life.

If you can find the time, try to journal during this time. I wrote a lot when I left dd's dad. When I go back and read those entries now it reminds me of really how far I've come. It's very healing now to read them. I'm really glad I decided to write down all my feelings then.

-Janna, independent mother of dd, Ms. Mattie Sky born on my 25th birthday, 06*23*2000. My Mama Feb.21,1938-Sept.10,2006
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#9 of 36 Old 03-11-2008, 01:18 AM
 
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I was 14 he was 15 we met at school and dated all the way through. Married when I was 17 he was 19.
Baby #1 I was 18
And then the trouble started

And not one person that I have told thought we would ever break up!

All through the years he has been stable, a good dad and a great partner. I was able to overlook the stuff that he did that was hurtful.

He was always a great sidekick. He took me fishing, camping, hunting and was really awesome at catching our babies when they were born. He supported Homebirth, breastfeeding, non vax'ing, homeschooling. I never had to fight with him at all about these issues. Heck he would even stand up for me if someone thought my ideas weren't cool.

I did cheat on him before we married. I was so STUPID. I though we worked through this stuf YEARS AGO. He is using this now as a basis for our divorce. Stating that he has never been able to love me the same since then.
For goodness sake we have had 5 children. I really thought we were past all that.


And you know right after we broke up I thought it was all me....but in the last few days things are becoming more and more clear.

He really likes other women. He has never been sexual with them but I just can not handle his relationships that he does have. In fact since we broke up or seperated, whatever you call it. He has really enjoyed looking at the other women... How do I know??? He has been taking pictures with his camera phone and posting them to his Photobucket.... He had no Idea I could figure that out LOL!
Oh yeah not to mention the few times I caught him chatting it up with ladies on the net.
And the profile on a singles web site with the name meeatingyou_69
Or the secret yahoo profile where he was single and looking....

Anyways.... it just helped finalize it for me.

I am scared to death about my future... I am taking it day by day right now.

~Carla~ LOVING~ LIFE~
Homebirthing, somewhat crunchy, single mom of ~5~.
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#10 of 36 Old 03-11-2008, 01:27 AM
 
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The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

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#11 of 36 Old 03-11-2008, 01:53 AM
 
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I met my H at work when I was 19(he was 18). We had a grip of fun together, fell instantly in love, and I got pregnant 3 weeks after we moved in together. We decided to stay together. He was carefree, and laid back, balanced me out a lot, but those things that I loved about him never changed once we had a kid. Carefree became irrisponsible, and laid back became lazy(lost jobs etc). He lied to me all the time, he cheated on me on the internet. I became mean and resentful. I nagged all the time. We had more kids, we seperated a couple of times, and he moved back and things would be better for a while.

He got into playing RPGs online(WoW), and met a friend through my mom's group that seriously has no morals, or family values, and sadly my H was/is easily swayed. Our marriage got more strained as this person and other of his buddies would tell him that I am controlling, and expected too much, and he should be able to go out more, and out to strip clubs, and porn is fine(oh yeah, he had a porn problem too, got all kinds of porn pop ups on the computer my kids played on!!).

We had decided that we were done having kids at 4, and then I get pregnant. He withdrew even more into his gaming, and I told him he had to move out because it all just sucked. It was horrible at that point. We needed counseling badly, and we also needed it individually. Before he actually moved out, I begged him not to go, told him we could get counseling while he stayed with us, but he left anyway. He later told me he should have never left, that he just did it out of spite.

He moved out and for the first 6 months we were in couples counseling. Things were going ok. He would stay at his place during the week and then with us on weekends, but he wasn't working on anything. He had his cake, and was eating it too, iykwim. So my counselor told me I should not let him stay on weekends anymore. He gave multiple move back in dates, and then he would back out. He strung me along for a long while. Kept sleeping with me. We were still supposed to be working things out. he was supposed to be doing individual counseling. Our counselor said she couldn't ethically continue to counsel us until he got some counseling on his own because he was lying so much and not moving forward with our relationship stuff.

We were still supposed to try. Then in October he met someone else, and said he wanted a divorce. He continued to sleep with me until December 17th, all the while lying to her, and me, and he still has not told her the truth and she refuses to believe me. They are wearing "promise" rings now. We aren't even divorced. He got her pregnant in Dec. and she lost it and almost lost her tube. I am sure it's a matter of time before they have a kid together. He has been with her for almost 5 months? I guess he didn't learn his lesson.

While I am very, very sad that my family is missing him(even my mom and sister) I am ultimately glad this happened. I know what kind of person he really is now, and the things he has done to me are just amazingly cruel and aweful, especially when he is the person that left and didn't want to work it out. I think the kids and I are better off with him only being in our lives part time. The lies and not being able to trust your partner is just heartbreaking.

Single mama to Alex(13), Maddy(12), Sam(8), Violet(6), and Ruby(3). fly-by-nursing1.gif
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#12 of 36 Old 03-11-2008, 01:58 AM
 
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You know right after we broke up I thought it was all me....but in the last few days things are becoming more and more clear.

He really likes other women. He has never been sexual with them but I just can not handle his relationships that he does have. In fact since we broke up or seperated, whatever you call it. He has really enjoyed looking at the other women... How do I know??? He has been taking pictures with his camera phone and posting them to his Photobucket.... He had no Idea I could figure that out LOL!
Oh yeah not to mention the few times I caught him chatting it up with ladies on the net.
And the profile on a singles web site with the name meeatingyou_69
Or the secret yahoo profile where he was single and looking....

Anyways.... it just helped finalize it for me.

I am scared to death about my future... I am taking it day by day right now.
Mine did that too. He was on ok cupid looking for "casual sex partners" while he stayed with me, slept in my bed, cuddled me, and had sex with me on weekends, and during my pp period when he stayed here for 3 weeks to help out.
Makes me sick.

Single mama to Alex(13), Maddy(12), Sam(8), Violet(6), and Ruby(3). fly-by-nursing1.gif
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#13 of 36 Old 03-11-2008, 10:18 AM
 
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Mamamoo, it breaks my heart how eerily similar your experience was with mine. He cheated on my twice, and i just forgave him. I feel so stupid. The second time i told him i would NOT stay if it happened again. And yet somehow with his 'i'm confused i love you but i need to know where this is going' convinced me?! 8 months i was so stupid, and let him come home at 2am, after *knowing* he'd been with her. Sleeping with me, having sex just as frequently as before. Being told it was so much better and just knowing he was lying to us both. I guess i thought i had some sort of seniority and he'd come back any time? I just don't know what i was thinking then. He got her pregnant too, even after all his screaming at me that i forced him into fatherhood and he wasn't ready for it (um, whatever. We'd been actively TRYING to have a baby for 3 years!).

I'm so glad to hear that you are safe, and free of him. Please don't let him come back, even if he breaks it off with the new girl! You're SO MUCH BETTER than that!
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#14 of 36 Old 03-11-2008, 11:32 AM
 
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I met my ex in college. Right after I graduated (and he pretended to graduate, long story) we got married. He was really irresponsible, always out with his buddies, up all night watching TV, etc. but as far as I was concerned, marriage vows are marriage vows and I was sticking it out. There were lots of suspicious circumstances over the years but he always had an explanation, and without concrete proof of infidelity, I didn't feel justified in leaving him, so I stayed.

Well four years and two kids later, one night I discovered his secret e-mail account. I wasn't snooping, just went to the website of our e-mail provider and lo and behold a user name that I've never seen, plus the password, were already filled in (he got sloppy). I just clicked "sign in" and found e-mails going back a couple of years. Seems he had been cheating on me with multiple women since waaaayy back. And he had a profile up on an "adult friend finder" website, too, and had actually hooked up with people from that site. Yuck yuck yuck *shudder* I knew instantly that it was over and told him to pack his bags. The next morning I met with my pastor for confirmation that I was doing the right thing, and that was that...so since then I've been adjusting to life as a single mom (and doing quite well, if I may say so myself!)

He and I are keeping things civil for the kids sake. I don't hold a grudge, just have no interest whatsoever in being married to him any more. We've been separated for almost three months now and soon I'll get around to filing for divorce.
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#15 of 36 Old 03-11-2008, 01:03 PM
 
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I just plain and simple married the wrong man. I moved to our little town after dropping out of college to stay with my dad till I could get back on my feet. We met at the pub I was waitressing at. I had been single and abstinate for 2 years at this point. We started dating and I thought I loved him. But when I look back, I never fully thought he was what I wanted. He had no motivation, had a crappy job, was socially withdrawn. He never did anything but sit on the couch and play video games. We got married 2.5 years later and I got pregnant with ds right away. He was sexually disgusted with pregnancy and breastfeeding and I thing we had sex a total of 10 time from when we conceived until ds was 14 months old. After ds was born I got PPD. I felt like nothing was ever good enough and was very miserable. So was he apperently. Things started to get better when I went back to work (ds was around a year), then out of the blue he left me when ds was 14 months old. He just didn't love me anymore.
It was the best thing for both of us. I felt a huge weight come off my shoulders, it was like trying to parent 2 children. I was also craving sexual intimacy. I had known my current dp while ex and I were still together but I never even considered anything at the time....I wuold never cheat, and I don't believe ex did either. When ex realized that dp was interested in me, we had been split up about 6 weeks. He asked me to be sexually intimiate with him and I told him we were DONE. I think in his head he thought he could leave and come back when he was ready.
Things went really sour as ex was jealous of my happiness and of dp. Dp and I have been together 1.5 years and our first child is due in June....so I guess I am not a single parent, but I was.

Vanessa belly.gif, wife to Kev , mama to Byron (5) wild.gif and Billie (2) and  due in June
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#16 of 36 Old 03-11-2008, 01:58 PM
 
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his buddies would tell him that I am controlling, and expected too much, and he should be able to go out more, and out to strip clubs, and porn is fine(oh yeah, he had a porn problem too, got all kinds of porn pop ups on the computer my kids played on!!).

We had decided that we were done having kids at 4, and then I get pregnant.
Sounds alot like my problems.

Yeah I am too controling too! I called him alot when he was suposed to be at home after work. You know the Gym was very important.
Although the porn problem was not to bad at home he did get in trouble at work once. But yes I know he looked at porn at home too. I think he is just more sly about it at work now. And they have a different boss that is more leaniant about that stuff.

I also was not supposed to have number 5. I was on depo I am gonna love this baby though. And I will try extra hard to take good care of all my kids.

~Carla~ LOVING~ LIFE~
Homebirthing, somewhat crunchy, single mom of ~5~.
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#17 of 36 Old 03-11-2008, 02:02 PM
 
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I just read sharebear and vanessas stories.

~Carla~ LOVING~ LIFE~
Homebirthing, somewhat crunchy, single mom of ~5~.
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#18 of 36 Old 03-11-2008, 04:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Did we all go to the same high school? Cuz I think we married the same man.

Reading this, it makes me sad, but also gives em strength. Many of us were with Liars, or men that cheated on the net. I too found "craigslist casual connection" - casual sex partners website and he said he was looking at pictures.. uhh there are not many pictures. Only recently did I see that he was meeting people for sex. I read his ad He probably had been for years. ) And many of us were very young and naive. I imagine the ones that wanted to go against the teenage parent grain and try to be mature by making a family work when it was not the right time for either partner. I wanted to be a SAHM. My school friends were in college- the ones with babies put them in daycare and still went to school or work, I was sipping coffe at the park with the 40 yr old (college graduate) neighborhood Moms depending on my dh to support me eternally, the old fashioned way. My biggest worry was being a perfectly attached parent. I never prepared myself for single parenthood.

I love reading these stories. You are all SOooo brave, all of you. For leaving, or for manging after he left. for not turning to drugs or alcohol or for pulling yourself from the trenches of personal despair. You are all so strong.

ELY -Mommy to many

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#19 of 36 Old 03-11-2008, 05:14 PM
 
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Sounds alot like my problems.

Yeah I am too controling too! I called him alot when he was suposed to be at home after work. You know the Gym was very important.
Although the porn problem was not to bad at home he did get in trouble at work once. But yes I know he looked at porn at home too. I think he is just more sly about it at work now. And they have a different boss that is more leaniant about that stuff.

I also was not supposed to have number 5. I was on depo I am gonna love this baby though. And I will try extra hard to take good care of all my kids.

This baby was meant to be...I think all of it was. I really believe things work out the way they are supposed to. I was far too dependant on him, and I have grown so much in so many ways. It is amazing.

Single mama to Alex(13), Maddy(12), Sam(8), Violet(6), and Ruby(3). fly-by-nursing1.gif
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#20 of 36 Old 03-11-2008, 07:08 PM
 
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I am a single parent because I like it that way

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#21 of 36 Old 03-11-2008, 08:22 PM
 
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Did we all go to the same high school? Cuz I think we married the same man.
That cracks me up!


Mama Moo- I honestly believe that this baby was ment to be as well. IF not for this baby I might have lost it at times right after we broke up!

You know I firmly believe that things happen for a reason.

~Carla~ LOVING~ LIFE~
Homebirthing, somewhat crunchy, single mom of ~5~.
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#22 of 36 Old 03-12-2008, 02:00 AM
 
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First I just wanted to say how empowering it is to read all of these stories. You are all such Strong Mamas and what really strikes me is how much everyone is just owning their own life instead of playing the victim card, which we all know can be easy to do. I'm not a single mama anymore, but I was for long enough and I still feel such a connection to the mentality that goes with it. Here's my story, FWIW:

XH and I were together for eight years, married for some of them. We made it through a lot, he cheated on me twice (that I know of, one was w/my 'best friend' and another was someone he said I didn't know. Boy was he LYING...more later) and we supposedly worked through it (I thought) via counseling etc. His job was seasonal so money was always a problem. We adopted two majorly high needs kiddos and had a baby. When the baby was 6mos old XH was driving in the rain and got t-boned in the drivers seat. He flew through the passenger window (broke the seatbelt) and had a head injury. BB DD was in the van with him, the carseat saved her life. XH lost his job and was supposed to be in brain injury rehab. He wouldn't go. He also became extremely violent/abusive towards me, and eventually the kids (which was the final straw for me). I'm not sure why it was ok w/me at the time for him to abuse ME but when he went after THEM I kicked him out. At the time I told him he could come back once he was in treatment and stable per the MD, as I was desperate for a life w/him and terrified of being on my own. He refused, said he didn't care or love us anymore, and wanted out of 'this life'. I was immediately a single mama w/two severely emotionally disturbed kiddos and a baby. Looking back, it was the best thing that could have happened. We landed on public assistance for a while as DS's disabilities are WAY too much for me to keep a job. Within a few weeks, XH had moved in w/his half sister. I have always known they had an odd and severely codependent relationship (she always acted like a possessive ex-gf to me), but turns out it's MUCH weirder than I could have EVER imagined.

Yeah...you got it. She's the one he cheated on me with when we were married (per his confession when he called me drunk and pissed off one night). They have lived together ever since. They even got 'fixed' at the same time, about two months after he moved out. Other than the one time, he's never admitted the relationship to me. But my two oldest (teenagers) have mentioned how weird the two of them are together (calling each other honey etc), that they have pictures in their house (shack?) that look like wedding/handfasting photos, and that although it's a two bedroom house there is *clearly* only one bedroom being used. That and she's always piping in with her two cents about XH and the kids, or calling me to find out 'how I handled it' when XH did such and such while we were together. At least that was what she says on the voice mail, I don't voluntarily speak to her other than to say "Freakazoid (not her real name), I don't see how this concerns you. Put XH on the phone or he can call me back." My mantra is "DETACH...DETACH...DETACH her head...no wait, stay positive.....DETACH....DETACH" ROTFLMAO

So in the long run divorce was the right thing to do, although I couldn't see it at the time. I finally realized how messed up our marriage really was (boy howdy is THAT an understatement) and moved on. My kids are healthier, god knows I am healthier, and we're definitely happier. I actually felt guilty that I was so relieved he was GONE! No worries, I'm over it now LOL. I reconnected with my x-bf from high school (we had dated for 2yrs back then, he called one day out of the blue) and it was meant to be. We took it slow, for both our sakes, but just bought a house together last year and are expecting our first bb together in a few weeks. The hardest thing for me is trust, as I was burned SO badly by XH that it's easy to fall into those old yucky habits over and over again.

So, that's me. Keep the stories coming mamas...thanks so much for sharing!!
Bellevuemama

GOOD moms let their kids lick the beaters. GREAT moms turn off the mixer first!
Humanist Woman Wife , & Friend Plus Mama to 6 (3 mos, 2, 9, 13, 17, 20)
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#23 of 36 Old 03-13-2008, 06:56 PM
 
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                                Whatever will be, already is...
 
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#24 of 36 Old 03-14-2008, 02:43 AM
 
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My story actually has a very sad beginning, but I love being a single parent! I met my son's bio-dad at my work when I lived in Colorado. We mildly hung out, but than my Grandmother had a stroke so I moved to Utah to take care of her. Than about 18 mo later my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer so I went back to Colorado to care for, and spend time with my mom. (They only gave her 6 mo to live) So I went back to my old job and started hanging out with my son's bio-dad a little bit again. I had my family from all over the states (USA) in and out of the house for the 3 months that I cared for my mother, than after she passed away everyone left. Except for my younger sister who would come about every other weekend to help me go through and pack my mothers things up, I was all alone. So at first I let my son's bio-dad move in, because I didn't like to be alone (I was afraid to be alone actually) and he had to move out of his apartment, because his roommate was getting deployed to Iraq. So I let him stay with me, and after a few weeks we started to date. Anyway to make a long story short, he took advantage of me at a very varniable time in my life. He started to get mean, and controlling. ( During one of our fights he admitted to me that he had sabotaged the birth control in hopes that I would get pregnant.) I broke up with him once he started getting out of control, but I told him he could stay and rent a room from me until I sold my house. Which was a big mistake, because he never paid me, ate all the food in my house, never cleaned up after himself, and was mean to my family. Then he started to stalk my (ex)step-sister, and with my (ex) step-dad's help I was finally able to kick him out of my house. It was a few weeks later that I found out I was pregnant. I originally planned to give my baby up for adoption, but it ended up not working out so I then decided to keep him. Which I am glad happened because he is such a joy. He was the best baby ever, and is getting to be such a sweet little boy and I am glad that I kept him. I love him with all my heart and don't know what I would do without him, or how I lived without him before.
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#25 of 36 Old 03-14-2008, 08:07 AM
 
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I became a single parent the easy way -- I was single when I adopted DS (almost 9).

I'm so sorry for everything you all have been through.
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#26 of 36 Old 03-14-2008, 07:01 PM
 
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well i'm at work now so i only read a few of your stories but will come back later to finish....such strong mamas on here....makes me proud to be a woman!...my story is not bad....me and my dds dad just weren't good together....hes a great dad....i'm attracted more to women so it was very hard to be intimate with him towards the end....and that was the reason for lots of fights and negativity.....we are now friends and much happier than we ever were together....
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#27 of 36 Old 03-14-2008, 08:26 PM
 
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I married a man I didn't love, to make one I *did* love (at the time, anyway) jealous!

Yep. I'm *that* woman.

Anyway, there was no freaking way it would have ever worked out, though we both tried. We split up, I got pregnant, we got back together 'for the baby's sake', we had the baby, split up again for good when our son was 14 months old. He's nearly two now...healthy, happy, and no worse for the wear. My ex and me are friends and good co-parents. All is well.

Especially due to the fact that since then, I've met and shacked up with the absolute love of my life.

It was hard to leave, though. I was scared of being a single parent. Scared of doing it all alone. Scared of never finding love again. But it all worked out.

Mamis, leaving bad relationships is always a good idea. After the initial terror subsided, I felt the most satisfying happiness of my life, which then was accentuated by meeting a wonderful man who loves me for me and treats me exactly how I want to be treated.

It's out there. And even if it isn't, our babies are worth it. I would've gladly remained single had I not met (re-met actually, long story) my boyfriend, even though it was hard. I vowed no more mediocre men, no more mediocre relationships.

Easier said than done, I know. Anyway, I wanted to say also that I've read all the stories so far and my heart broke a thousand times for each one. So much hurt.

But we are strong. We are women. We are mamis. We can do anything.

Much love to all,

CJ.
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#28 of 36 Old 03-14-2008, 08:53 PM
 
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We were friends for about a year and then were together for 6 years. When I was 18-24. I had ds at 20 and dd at 24. He was a pill addict, it affected everything. Finances, organization, attitude, energy, health, libido, memory, emotions, stability, the ability to grow and learn, everything etc... everything under the sun. I feel like I am the only one who was clear enough to 'remember' the story of our relationship. I was in love and just didn't see his addiction as a problem. He was much older then me and I thought he was brilliant and could do anything. It wasn't until I was pregnant with ds that I realized he couldn't get off the pills. I out grew him. He needed a mommy to nurture him and I felt the need to rescue. As many women do. I needed a daddy as well. Out child archetypes were drawn to each other. Therefore we had no sex life. We are still friends. We chat on the phone and enjoy each others company. But that's after 1 year of hating him for sleeping with another girl the day before sleeping with me and not taking a shower in between. He had a lot of potential, and has some great qualities. I think he was destined for failure, due to the way he was raised and growing up without a mother to teach him how to take care of himself. With a crummy family in a poor drug infested area of the country.
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#29 of 36 Old 03-14-2008, 10:11 PM
 
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Our marriage was never great, and had become totally nonfunctional. I had done everything I could think of, everything, to salvage things. I finally threw down the ultimatum - we have to BOTH work on this, and commit to making it a functional relationship, or we have to split. You can guess what he chose.
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#30 of 36 Old 03-15-2008, 05:21 PM
 
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My ex and I? We had been together as kids and got back together as adults. Bad move...

He was very damaged and I tried to stick it out. Too long. The signs of a batterer are quite clear in retrospect, but I had no idea what I was looking at until it was too late. Anyways, there was abuse and a bunch of drama that I will spare you mamas. But I finally got out.

I am happy to be alone and am thankful that he doesn't even contact me anymore regarding my child. I am happy as a single parent and I was alone even when I had someone so there's no noticeable difference for me.

Former dreads.gifwearing, treehugger.gifing, pole dancing, read.gifpushing, ribbonpurple.gifsurvivor & single mama extraordinaire to energy.gif.  

Now that's a mouthful!!! computergeek2.gif & follow it!   

 

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