Custody Trial--What happens? - Mothering Forums

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Old 03-27-2008, 02:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Anyone here been through or know about what happens in an actual custody trial? I talked to a very good girlfriend this morning who is connected closely (family) with someone about to embark on what sounds like a nightmarish trial (after a prolonged custody evaluation). I've known only one other person who has lived through this business, and to me, it seemed like senseless pain. I did mediation for my own divorce/custody and that was challenging enough. When, in your opinion, experience, or observation, is it absolutely necessary?

How much do kids get involved in a trial? What kinds of witnesses are brought in? Are they long?
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Old 03-27-2008, 02:32 PM
 
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it may not even get to a judge, they often have a chance to talk before hand. The judge listens, sometimes asks questions its not a law and order cross examination more for clarification as the judge has the reports in hand.

I would guess they would get an order of some time that will either be permanent or temporary until next court date or until the order is varied.

Mostly these situations come up IMO when the father wants more custody than the mother wants to give him or when a parent suspects some form of abuse neglect. Often they are just spiteful or lumped in with sticky financial child support or spousal support recommendations as custody determines support levels in some areas.

8 might be enough
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Old 03-27-2008, 02:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Shiloh View Post
it may not even get to a judge, they often have a chance to talk before hand. The judge listens, sometimes asks questions its not a law and order cross examination more for clarification as the judge has the reports in hand.

I would guess they would get an order of some time that will either be permanent or temporary until next court date or until the order is varied.

Mostly these situations come up IMO when the father wants more custody than the mother wants to give him or when a parent suspects some form of abuse neglect. Often they are just spiteful or lumped in with sticky financial child support or spousal support recommendations as custody determines support levels in some areas.
Thanks, Shiloh. I envisioned something much scarier (although having one's life decided by a judge seems heavy enough). I think this situation falls under the dad-wanting-more-time category.
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Old 03-27-2008, 02:48 PM
 
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family court can be pretty dull actually...
kids are rarely called upon as theyve done an evaluation correct

if the father wants more time, genuine wants it and is stable he will probably get 50-50....if mom is stable and supporting herself.....most judges tend to be preretirement old dudes around here.....

they usually are pretty conservative if he wants 50-50 but the kids are young then they might make a temp order to give her more until the kids are a certain age....

but its a gamble, the judge can make decisions that do not sit well, custody could be awarded to either parent its a dice roll....where a father wants to be involved has a stable income I have seen them win over SAHM who are asking for support in terms of custody....

8 might be enough
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Old 03-27-2008, 02:56 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Shiloh View Post
family court can be pretty dull actually...
kids are rarely called upon as theyve done an evaluation correct

if the father wants more time, genuine wants it and is stable he will probably get 50-50....if mom is stable and supporting herself.....most judges tend to be preretirement old dudes around here.....

they usually are pretty conservative if he wants 50-50 but the kids are young then they might make a temp order to give her more until the kids are a certain age....

but its a gamble, the judge can make decisions that do not sit well, custody could be awarded to either parent its a dice roll....where a father wants to be involved has a stable income I have seen them win over SAHM who are asking for support in terms of custody....
I'm wondering about trial too. I'm fighting my X over custody. He wants 50/50 of our 14 month old DS yet goes to school and works full time. I work full time and have lived with DS since he was born, X only lived with us for approximately 8 months. I feel X is doing this to be spiteful as I'm willing to do joint legal and extended visitation.

What happens with a baby this young?
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Old 03-27-2008, 03:56 PM
 
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I went to trial, it was very expensive, mostly because I could not in good conscience leave my children in my ex's care due to his past episodes of abuse, at least I know I did everything possible to protect them. Anything happening under court ordered visitation, I will not look like I neglected to consider their best interests.

2 yrs out I am not really satisfied mostly due to anemic enforcement of the parenting plan the judge gave us. ie, ex is getting lots of leeway to ignore it.
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Old 03-27-2008, 04:37 PM
 
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I'd say and this is not legal advice - if you want MORE custody and the father ins't a shmuck as for temporary custody while the child is young to be reviewed later - like when the kid goes to school. I would go in now, judges are oldschool for the most part they wont believe every man can handle a baby without support - but they will believe a man can handle 50-50 parenting of a 4yr old..

Feeling like x is doing it for spite - number one piece of advice NEVER look like you are motivated by emmotions in custody issues...appear cool calm rational at all times. Don't question THEIR motivations just show why you are the best choice. The natural choice and that you support their other parents involvment as much as possible. But that for ease of the child's life its in the CHILDs best interest to have ONE house, with their primary care giver. Like duh It might be sexist but men have an uphill battle in custody due to stereotypes.

Also dont throw in blanket bad statements about the other parent - touch on them loosely let the other parent explain how their BIPOLAR MEDS impact parenting.....not a long list of strange things they do or how their mother is a wanker....

We argue what we are not firm in our convictions on.
Is the sky blue...yes...but if I say its purple you will just assume I am nuts..
Do not argue what you know to be true that being with mama while young is better for the child - that will frazzle the other parent and the one that mudslings looses....

8 might be enough
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