Having a rough day - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 03-28-2008, 10:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm having a rough day. STBX and I have been separated for 3 weeks today but we are still living together and will be for the next 2 months while we try to sort things out. I feel good emotionally about the split from him but there is so much uncertainty and today it has just bogged my brain down. I keep coming back to these posts to try to read and see how other single moms are dealing with the stresses and also the joys. STBX and I both want to divorce as quickly and nicely as possible and have had so many conversations about how to move forward. Sometimes I feel so strong and other times I feel so lost- today I cried so much while sitting at my desk at work and got nothing done there. Thank goodness I have my own office and can shut the door and put some good music on and cry! I also made a lot of progress with talking to mediators and getting information from the courts about divorce processes here locally. So while I was a mess, it was also a good day in those regards. Over the last 3 weeks STBX has shown me a side of him that I never thought was there, and daily I am more and more ready to not be his partner any longer. We moved this past summer to a small town well over 1,000 miles from family and friends and now I am here ready to make a life on my own (with the DC of course) and have only 1 person locally who I call a "friend" and few other acquaintances. My job is secure, pays well, is flexible with my role as a parent, etc. and I know these are wonderful bonuses right now- but the lack of local friends who I can trust and spend time with and all the uncertainties of where divorce will leave me are just overwhelming me today.
Just needed to vent I guess.
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#2 of 9 Old 03-28-2008, 10:36 PM
 
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It's all so new still. Allow yourself time to work through things. It's normal to have good days and bad days...good moments and hard moments.
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#3 of 9 Old 03-28-2008, 11:19 PM
 
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oh those first weeks are so rough....I sometimes can't believe I made it out without a total breakdown.

Moving forward happens when you give the best you have to where you are. You can't make it happen, you can't force healing. Relax take it slow.

then soon the nights feel more calm than lonely...
not all of them but more of them...there is so much stress in those first few weeks...eventually things settle down.

8 might be enough
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#4 of 9 Old 03-29-2008, 02:38 AM
 
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I just wanted to give you a hug.

I am 5 weeks out from splitting and some days feel just as hard and emotional as the first day. There really are so many ups and downs and I guess I never realized how stressful this would be. Even if it is the best decision for everyone involved it is still very tough to go through. I hope that it gets easier for both of us...
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#5 of 9 Old 03-29-2008, 03:41 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Shiloh View Post
oh those first weeks are so rough....I sometimes can't believe I made it out without a total breakdown.

Moving forward happens when you give the best you have to where you are. You can't make it happen, you can't force healing. Relax take it slow.

then soon the nights feel more calm than lonely...
not all of them but more of them...there is so much stress in those first few weeks...eventually things settle down.
I think I did have a total breakdown. My mom even kept the kids for me for a couple of weeks(I saw them every day) so I could get my head on straight.

Sabra~I have seen my X do and say so many things that just blew/blow my mind. I (and many, others that have known him his whole life,or the last 10 yrs)never thought he could/would be that guy. It is heartbreaking to go through that with the person who was suposed to be forever, and who is the father of your kids. The one you share everything with. It sucks. Give yourself time to greive and be kinder to yourself than you have ever been before. I seriously never imagined I would come out from this as well as I have, and I am at a point where I actually feel sorry for him and everything he is missing.

Single mama to Alex(13), Maddy(12), Sam(8), Violet(6), and Ruby(3). fly-by-nursing1.gif
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#6 of 9 Old 03-29-2008, 08:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks so much for all the encouragement and hugs. It has been so nice to see the support that friends old and new and online friends/strangers can share with me during this time. I am trying hard to take care of me. I just last night booked myself a plane ticket to go visit my parents for my birthday in a few weeks- I figured I would much rather be there than be here with STBX. I will leave the kids for a few days and go have some adult time! and celebrate and rejuvenate myself. The kids and I actually just got back from a trip to visit family less than a week ago and it was so wonderful and just what I need right now- so I figured I should do it again and soon! Today I enjoyed our springy weather and went for an hour long walk by myself (after 7 hours of working). I know I will make it out of this stronger and happier- but I just wish I was there already. It is so hard to be in this state of flux and not know what is around the corner.
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#7 of 9 Old 03-29-2008, 09:08 PM
 
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Hugs!!!!
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#8 of 9 Old 03-29-2008, 09:20 PM
 
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I think I did have a total breakdown. My mom even kept the kids for me for a couple of weeks(I saw them every day) so I could get my head on straight.

Sabra~I have seen my X do and say so many things that just blew/blow my mind. I (and many, others that have known him his whole life,or the last 10 yrs)never thought he could/would be that guy. It is heartbreaking to go through that with the person who was suposed to be forever, and who is the father of your kids. The one you share everything with. It sucks. Give yourself time to greive and be kinder to yourself than you have ever been before. I seriously never imagined I would come out from this as well as I have, and I am at a point where I actually feel sorry for him and everything he is missing.
this quote caught my eye.... about our X's doing things we never thought they were capable of doing... even those that have known them their whole lives are shocked... my x, exact same thing. My mouth is still on the floor over what he has done to me, his friends and family... Its nice knowing we are not going through it alone... then again, I wish no one knew what I was talking about so they would not have to experience the pain I have. Good luck mama and hugs to you. if you ever want to chat just pm me.
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#9 of 9 Old 03-29-2008, 09:23 PM
 
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Originally Posted by cubasianchica View Post
this quote caught my eye.... about our X's doing things we never thought they were capable of doing... even those that have known them their whole lives are shocked... my x, exact same thing. My mouth is still on the floor over what he has done to me, his friends and family... Its nice knowing we are not going through it alone... then again, I wish no one knew what I was talking about so they would not have to experience the pain I have. Good luck mama and hugs to you. if you ever want to chat just pm me.

:

My H left on Wed. and I still can't believe this is all happening. Like I'm in the twilight zone...I'm slowly getting out of the shock.

No advice, just hugs mama. Just hugs and good wishes :
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