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One Art 03-29-2008 01:59 PM

So, as far as splitting time with my dds, I actually have a lot more time than stbx does, as I do not yet have a job. They are with him 3-4 evenings a week, and dd1 spend the night two of those evenings. Then they are with him saturdays, dd1 all day, and dd2 for around 4 hours (it'll be 5 today). But when i dropped dd2 off with stbx this morning, and gave dd1 a big hug, and left, I sobbed and sobbed in the car. The evenings they are with him are soooo hard too, and I miss them terribly. I get in this place, sometimes, where I am so upset that stbx left and is therefore forcing me to have less time with them, that I think things like "he doesn't deserve to be with them." And he does deserve to be, he's actually a really great dad, and they totally deserve to spend time with him too, but it's just killing me right now that I don't get to be with my girls.

LoveOhm 03-29-2008 02:17 PM

It is still an open wound so it will hurt for a while. Allow yourself those emotions but try to look at the time without your girls in one or two more positive ways:

1) Time you can spend researching & establishing a WAH business so you can be financially independent of your ex and also so you can max your time with your girls!

2) Time to recharge your energy. Clean the house, grab drinks or dinner with a friend, prep crafts and fun stuff to use thru out the week with the girls, take a long bath.

Emily I know it is not easy but I really believe filling up this time will make it a little easier on you. And if you spend it one of the two ways I listed above that is really still investing in your girls!


StrongSingleMama 03-29-2008 04:54 PM

Emily I am going through the exact same feelings right now and I am missing my DD's like crazy today. It is so hard. I try to keep busy but my mind keeps going to them. It is rough.

Chantelle691 04-01-2008 01:27 PM

Yes, I agree with filling that time as much as possible. Dinner with friends, a pedicure, go to Barnes and Noble and get a coffee and read a book..keep yourself busy. It's always harder for me when I'm home alone and dd isn't there - and she's with her dad. I don't mind if she's with a friend or anyone else, it's the time she's with him that breaks my heart.

JustVanessa 04-01-2008 07:14 PM

Well I have been doing the visitation thing for almost 2 years now. mama, it does get easier. I used to stay really really busy when ds was gone. I would go to the gym, meet up with single friends, window shop, clean my car/house. When he first started doing overnights it would be on the weekends and I would go dancing with my girlfriends, or go to the city and spend the night with my aunt.

It does get easier as time passes. Now I use my free time to relax, spend time with my new dp and do things that toddlers can't help with (ex paint the bathroom). I find now that having 2 days away really makes me appreciate being with ds the other 5 days a week.

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