I love him and care about him and wish him the best. I think the feeling is mutual. We just are not compatable, and we are both very very tired of forcing something that just isn't going to work. We've been together 9 years and married for nearly 6. We attempted marital counseling, but he didn't want to do the work.
I've prayed and prayed and begged and pleaded to no avail. I think we are just supposed to go our seperate ways and love the crap out of our children despite the split up.
Also, we both have things (betrayals, trust issues) that we simply can't get over; ranging from the beginning of our relationship to the very end.
It's all so sad.
stillsnarky I remember reading your story when it was still in the early stages, you are VERY inspiring!!! I'm glad things are going so well for you!!
theaterbug - that was quite the story! write a book that turns to movie?
I am 27, I have 2 daughters, 3 1/2 year old and 7 month (almost 8 mnth old)
My ex became addicted to a hard drug... (still not certain what it was/is)
while I was pregnant w/ dd2, he was unwilling to seek help and he became someone I couldn't live with for numerous reasons, I moved in w/ my grandma out in the country and it has been really great for the girls and me.
Ex is pretty much not in the picture, only time he contacts me is if he needs something from me.... says he is interested in kids but shows absolutely no interest in them when he is present
I want to date but can't... no one to watch both the girls, so I will remain single.
I sell organic vegetables that I grow and when school is in, I grade practice FCAT (state standardized) tests - drudgery....
I feel like I have no direction in life at this point, just raising the girls, which I know is important, but it is quite a frustrating thing right now, I feel like I have no freedom, I can't garden much b/c baby doesn't like to be held or contained in anything... doesn't like toys so I spend most of my time making sure she doesn't choke on things or crawl to her death somewhere.
Just surviving right now - no local family/support. He takes the kids only very rarely. I'm just really surviving and have no life beyond parenting & day to day life of having 5 young kids on my own. I know it will get easier at some point. Even just in Sept - then my twins will be in pre-k 3 afternoons a week and I can get at least a few hours w/o kids.
single mama to 5 (12.5, 11, 10, and 8 year old twins)
i celebrate each one of you mamis and the gifts you give to your children with your constant acts of love.
My name is Michelle, I'm 23 and have two little boys. Their father and I were together for 4 years, were engaged (twice), never married. We have always had poor communication and overall, I just don't think we are compatible as anything more than friends. There has been a lot of verbal/emotional abuse and it began transferring onto Ds1. There was also a lot of destructive and bizarre behavior. The final straw was when he threw the phone across the street and burned my books because I was out too late one night (I hadn't been anywhere fun in ages!).
He moved out mid February this year, so its been about 3.5 months now we've been separated. We don't have any official arrangements yet, but so far I've been doing everything I was already doing (taking care of the kids and the house) except now I'm enjoying the daily grind. I've had PPD twice, finally got on antidepressants when we separated, and I can now say I'm doing great. Its not easy, but its really not bad either! I qualify for medicaid, food stamps, and welfare. I stay with my grandmother (but in the downstairs "apartment" so its kind of my own place) and her caretaker. So my expenses are very low (though so is my "income"), I'm just getting by. But I'm enjoying my life. I aim to get myself back, the real me, and get to a healthy place again so I can properly take care of my kids and myself. I'm doing therapy by phone with a PPD specialist and it is helping a ton.
I don't know if the boys' father and I will ever be back together, I kind of doubt it. He hasn't made much effort to change, so I'm not holding my breath, though I do have faith in him as a person and wish him the best.
I am relieved and also kind of sad to be here. But I feel I am in good company here with you compassionate mamas.
Creating Art. Living life on Guam. Sharing my Journey.
As for my intro: I am the mother to one, a 5.5 year old. I am halfway through grad school, and I will be done in the spring of next year. I am excited to finish that (though I love school and my program) so I can work on my career and building a life for my son and for myself. I do a few things from home right now for work. I am highly involved in my program--president of the school's club, on a few committees--and that keeps me quite busy. School is getting ready to start soon, and I am not ready! I am enjoying the summer (and it's not quite over yet). On the relationship front, I have a lovely and wonderful boyfriend, and it is going really well (I wrote about him in the recent dating thread). I am very happy with my life right now.
My son's father and I are doing alright for the most part. Most days are good, and it's been getting consistently better as time goes on (though it has been 4 years this month and I had hoped we would be fabulous co-parents by now). He has been reliable on his visitation (2 days/nights a week when I am at school), he adores his child, and he is a great father. I feel very grateful for that. One major issue that has come up is that it seems when he is stressed, he tends to direct it to me. I try to keep it about the kid and the contact is minimal so it's tolerable, but it's unacceptable to me. We are definitely still working on getting to a solid co-parenting relationship.
It's great to get to know you all better.
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XH and I split about 3.5 years ago and were very amicable for a couple of years after; best friends, in fact. He supported me when I came out as a lesbian, I gave him dating advice, he slept at my house for his visitation weekends, etc. About a year ago, he started down a bad path, became an addict and alcoholic, ruined our friendship, bailed on the kids (stopped most visitation and all child support), and is now incarcerated and is facing a prison sentence of 4-16 years. We don't know the final number yet. In the meantime, he's in the county jail (in his town, 3 hours away), where kids are not allowed to visit.
I work from home doing writing and publicity for two different companies, I'm in college pursuing my BA in Sociology and will graduate next year and then start graduate school, I foster cats and dogs for the local animal shelter and always have some fosters (sometimes 2, sometimes 22), and most importantly I homeschool my three kids who are 8, 6, and 4. My kids are my priority and I map out other aspects of life in order to spend as much time with them as possible.
i am L, mama to ds S and dd M. they are the loves of my life.
anyway, I'm a special ed teacher assistant and full time student. ds and I live with [parents for teh time being, until my divorce goes through.
That's about it!!!
Very blessed mama to one bouncin' boy (12/07) one who didn't get to stay (6/09), one potty learning, mess making diva(4/10), and one cheerful milk monster. (12/11) Happy partner to the love of my life.
I'm Molly, almost 34. I kicked my DH out after years and years of crappy marriage the day he slammed my head against the wall. I have two boys, 14 and 6, and a 3 yo DD. I've been separated for 9 months and am much happier now.
i'm kelly. i'm 30 and ds is 5. after 2 years of "maybe" i decided to call it quits and filed for divorce in june. we're still living in the same house, which sucks (and i don't recommend it), but we just moved in may and don't really want to break our lease (besides not being able to afford to move again so soon). i had my first court appointment last week and was pleasantly surprised to find that the judge will agree to almost everything in our divorce/coparenting agreement. i can't say enough good things about the thread "what do you wish you'd put in a divorce/custody agreement". it really helped me iron out the tiny details and not be afraid to proceed without a lawyer. with any luck, i'll enter 2009 completely single- maybe even in my own place but at least fully employed and getting closer to "me" every day. ds and i went camping on july 4th and it was a great reconnecting experience for us both. i hope to take him cross country in 2009 or 10, to visit friends in pdx and to drive on route 66 (he's a big pixar fan). i believe that, side by side, we can manifest a better life of love and peace for both of us (and i know you all can do it too).
I'm a make up artist, and I make jewelry and I just started a new business selling amber teething necklaces. I figure between the 3 of those things I should be able to consistently work from home and avoid daycare. That is the goal at least.
I feel like my MDC home is now here in single parenting, I am so glad to have people here to talk to. It's hard enough just meeting other single parents let alone other single AP mamas.
Not-so-dh decided two weeks ago that he needs a divorce and demanded that I terminate (pretty much out of the blue), presumably so that he could start off fresh with his new gf without having to tell her that a) he's married and b) his wife is pregnant. Come to find out he never mentioned to anyone that I'm pregnant. Just sort of hoped it would "go away". In these 2 weeks he's gone from loving and honoring what we had to a completely cold and indifferent sociopath who has no intention of caring for this baby, or having any sort of relationship with me. After 8 years.
I've posted sporadically but have mostly been lurking, and really drawing support from the other mamas posting here in Single Parenting. Reading others' experiences with both their exes and their babies gives me so much hope for a future that right now seems so bleak. Glad to meet you all.
I'm currently in grad school, and I'm thrilled that the school where I'm at now has guaranteed me full funding (tuition plus a fellowship or TAship that pays enough for us to live pretty happily) for 5 years. However... I also met a guy last summer, before moving here for school, and I like him a lot... so we're doing the long distance thing and seeing what happens.
Rain is unschooled and has been for ten years now, and she's currently taking college classes...
Single mom to Rain (1/93) , grad student, and world traveler
I am S, mommy to Miss Ella who just turned 4 a little over a week ago after an excrutiating 6 months of being 'almost 4' and looking forward to her birthday. I am 24, almost done with my bachelor degree and really excited about grad school. I just started working this week at a fertility clinic. I also do web design and other geeky stuff since I must keep with the stereotype of the computer geek autistic person. I have Asperger's syndrome and it is awesome!
I live in Canada and love this country (isn't it funny how Americans can say their country is the best and it just rolls of their tongue and us Canadians feel really arrogant to even imply a preference for our country...).
Other than that, I really want another baby. In fact, I am obsessed with it so hopefully I will be able to make it happen shortly.
Oh, right, maybe I should get into my single motherhood story. I was 19, with some abusive jerk. He took off after I told him I was not getting an abortion and has not changed since. I find being a single mother a lot easier than all the marriage propaganda leads us to believe and the idea of parenting with someone else is so unappealing to me.
I'm Melissa, 27 year old nursing student (last year!), mama to two girls (almost six and almost one), and going through a separation/divorce.
Dh and I have been together seven years, were separated for one of those.
I can't say I regret we got back together, because I got my youngest out of the deal , but other than that, I think we should have stayed apart the first time!
I'm a 30yr old mother to 3 girls, ages 16 months, 3 yrs old (today! and I don't get to spend it with her), and 4 1/2 year old. I left the ex, we were never married, though loosely planned to, eventually. I left him somewhere around 2 months ago. There were just so many issues there, nothing huge like drugs etc, just lack of trust, online cheating (on both parts), never any real "love" in the relationship, no respect, etc.
We are trying to be amicable, but it's still a struggle. I think we'll get to a good co-parenting relationship as time goes on. I hope.
Her sperm donor (he doesn't deserve to be called a father) was physically abusive when I was pregnant (he knew), and emotionally abusive for the whole relationship, so I left him. A couple of months later, he moved to the south. At an attorney's advice, I've cut off all contact with him and he doesn't even know I had a girl.
We're about to move back to my hometown where most of my family is and I can't wait (neither can my family!) I never would have thought I'd be a single Mommy, but so far I love it! All her smiles are mine!
I met a guy online a week before DD was born, and we've been talking ever since. He has some definite potential, but I'm not about to rush things. I SO have trust issues, plus DD comes first.
So glad to see everyone else's posts!
My name is Kim, I am 34 and I am the mama to my sweet 19 month old, G. He was born last March on my 33rd birthday. My story is one that I unfortunately have to keep pretty private, but I will share that G's father (or sperm donor...) is not in our lives. We do not receive child support, but are getting by on my various incomes.
I currently do childcare in my home 5 days a week, so I get to stay home with my son full time. We are extremely low income, but I make enough to pay my Section 8 rent and put gas in my car, and with food stamps and thifty shopping, we eat pretty well too. I get frustrated occasionally, but I feel like I am the one of the luckiest mamas on earth most days.