i'm celeste and 26. i have two kiddos: dd parker is four, ds lorenzo is two. i've been a single mom since my ex (bk) left for another woman 11/06 after 11 years together. bk has sporadic contact with the kids (10 hours/week at most) and is constantly making comittments he can't keep. he stopped paying child support of any kind about a year ago. : we attempted mediation for many months and i finally filed with dcss in 11/07. i have an awesome lawyer and we'll be appearing before the commissioner on october 1st!
i own an organic chocolate business (with a good friend), am a grader for the english department at the high school i graduated from, write test questions for a small publishing company and watch a 3 year old part time. :yawning:
i have a wonderful boyfriend who i've been with for 10 months. he's the other parent in my kids' lives, seven days a week. also, he has an almost 7 year old son that we have on the weekends. our three get along swimmingly! :
My ex walked out about one month before I found out I was pregnant and shacked up with the girl that worked at the 7-11 in front of our apartment. Lol kind of like a soap opera isn't it?
I didn't find out I was pregnant until I was 5 1/2 months along due to having PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). Because of this I had absolutely no symptoms and even continued going through my menstrual cycles, plus I was told by a doctor that I would never have children without serious medical help. So needless to say, Lily is my little miracle child! (Did I mention I was also still on the pill?)
So now I have this amazing child who has changed my life in absolutely everyway imaginable and I'm completely thankful to have her in my life. Her father sees her for about an hour once a week and doesn't pay anything, but that's ok because I know and am quite comfortable doing it all on my own. I have amazing support from my family and friends.
I just starting seeing a guy about a month ago after talking to him online and through text messages for 3 months. He only lives about an hour away and so far seems amazing. I'm really loving getting into the whole dating thing again! :He has an adorable 2yo dd who he is absolutely amazing with and seems to be going through the same issues with his ex ( she doesn't really want to be a mother and leaves dd at home while she parties every night, doesn't have a job or a place to live etc.) Unfortunately he's not able to get full custody, but he has 50/50 right now and usually ends up having her for longer periods as his ex always calls with an excuse with not being able to pick her up or take her. It's really very sad, but amazing to see how much he loves his dd and how much he does for her. So far things between the two of us are clicking in every possible way and I'm super excited to see where things go.
Right now I'm back in school while I'm on maternity leave (no better time to do it!) and spend my nights up late doing schoolwork ter a long and rewarding day playing with and acting as a pillow to my beautiful angel.
I've only been checking into this forum for the last month or so and I absolutely love it! Love hearing about everyone and getting the advice I need. Thanks for this lovely website! It's incredible!
P.S. Did I mention I love all the smilies?
I'm CJ (Claire). I have a totally awesome little girl-boy (who just turned 2!! ). His father and I are still legally married, and will remain so for at least another year probably, but we have been separated for almost a year. He is a wonderful and dedicated father, and we have transitioned into co-parenting very easily. We both understand that he comes first.
I have a wonderful boyfriend I've been with for nearly 6 months. We live together. My son stays with me during the day Monday through Saturday, then goes home with his father at night, and all day Sunday.
Complicated, crappy issues with my family have pushed us into this living situation (my ex still lives with my grandmother and keeps our son there overnight and all day Sunday...yeah). It sucks, but we're dealing with it as best we can. I'm trying to find full-time work and am not anticipating the kind of strain it's going to put on my relationship (both nursing and emotional) with my son.
Still, though, we're relatively happy. So glad to be free of a loveless marriage (and away from my extremely toxic family...looking forward to the day my ex and son won't have to deal with them, either!), and overall my kid has adjusted very well.
That's it. Here I am.
My ex and I got divorced in November after being married for over 10 years. So far, it's gone very smoothly - the divorce was completed in 3 months, he lives about 5 miles away and sees dd probably 5 days a week (a little in the evenings during the week, and overnight once a weekend).
I was dating someone long distance, but we recently ended it, so it looks like I'm back in the pool again.
I am a SAHM and love it. I will continue to SAH for the next few years.
I got back into the dating scene several months ago and met a wonderful man (very surprised), we have been seeing each other for a couple of months and things are really good. DS loves him, he is great with ds, it seems like we have been together forever. I actually never thought it would happen, I just wanted to get out and hang out with an adult for a while and we fell in love.
My ex had cut off all contact with the kids about 2 months ago but surprise! he called last night. He yelled at me and never asked about the kids and i just hung up. It felt good but it disturbs my energy balance. I am still recovering from it. I get no child support from him and he has not seen the kids since we left.
I've been a single mom for almost five years now. He walked out after ten years of marriage for another woman. Our youngest was four months old at the time and I thought it was truly the end of the world. Our divorce was finalized in February of this year (yep, four and a half years after he left!) with me getting full physical and legal custody and him getting "reasonable visitation". In 2007 he saw the kids four times for a total of about 10 hours the entire year. He's doing better this year - he's seen them 6 times already and has actually taken them places four times - the first time he took them out of my house since October 2005. It's been extremely scary for me, but it is going well. He's also remarried with a new baby on the way, and I really think his new wife has been a good influence. Oh! And last week his first child support payment was automatically deducted and put into my account - he's always paid, but it's never been easy - so this has been a huge weight lifted off my shoulders!
After being seperated for almost four year I started dating in May of last year. I agreed to go out with a guy I had known for several years casually, thinking that we would have a lot in common, would become friends, and that we would each then have someone that we could call when things like weddings came up where we "needed" a date. Little did I know that I would fall head over heels with him and that we would be together now planning a future with our kids.
Life is good!
I've been separated for over 2 years, but it's been just over a year since he moved out of the house. Stbx is not really bad, more apathetic & irresponsible. Oh & a huge problem with lying. He recently moved to an apartment about 5 minutes away & while I thought he'd take more of an interest in spending more time with dd (standard every other weekend & dinner one night during the week), it hasn't panned out that way. We're both in the schools & even over school vacations he doesn't pursue extra time with her.
I'm not at a really great place right now, but I'm working on it. I'm feeling very stressed about working at a job that I dislike & mourning not being able to be a sahm. I do have a lot to be grateful for & I'm trying to focus on those things.
I've just started to be open to the idea of dating & I'd love to meet a good man.
Although I don't post a ton, MDC is a godsend. I love the advice & experiences of all the wise women here.
My name is Michelle, I have 2 fabulous sons. DS 1 is 14 1/2 and his dad lives in FL. He sees him 2-3 x per year and his dad is as supportive as he can be given that he lives on the other side of the continent. DS 2 is 7 and his dad lives in the same town as we do. He sees his dad 2 x per week. ( and as much as I like that my son has regular contact with his dad, I pay for it in spades sometimes in the form of verbal abuse :-( )
I have formal CS arrangements for DS 1 and do not have them for DS 2 ( although I probably should be XP is being relatively cooperative and I don't want to upset the apple cart, KWIM?), so I am (fortunately for me and the kids, unfortunately for all the other mamas out there) one of the lucky few that does receive regular CS.
I work full time as a Special ED TA and then do some odd jobs on the side for extra cash.
And I am extremely happily single. No boyfriends or prospects or anything. I love my uncomplicated love life. lol!!!!!!
I'm Robin. I have a 20 month old daughter, Anna. We've been living in our cozy, happy, girlie house - just the two of us - since the beginning of February. We share the bedroom upstairs and use the second bedroom downstairs as the playroom. We live within walking distance of shops and restaurants and the library and the playground so we're loving this gorgeous spring weather!
I found myself here when I discovered that her dad was cheating on me (again -- this was the 3rd or 4th time) at the beginning of the year. We'd been together since high school and married for 6 years. But we are a prime example of two mostly decent human beings who just didn't belong together. He likes status symbols, he wants the newest iWhatever and a peppy European car. And I am excited about my new compost tumbler and the good deal I got on cloth napkins at Ikea.
However, he's still a pretty good dad... he sees Anna about 3 times a week. And he'd tell you that he thinks I'm a pretty good mom. We're very committed to co-parenting Anna and ensuring that even though our marriage didn't work out, she'll still grow up cherished and nurtured and loved. It's going pretty well and things are cordial between us. We even share a family zoo membership and a Costco membership. And thankfully, he co-sleeps with Anna on the nights that she sleeps at his house and he's very supportive and respectful of our nursing relationship. So while things aren't ideal, it's a pretty good (albeit unconventional) life.
I'm about 6 million miles away from dating. Never say never, but my ex is doing enough dating for the both of us right now. I'm just focusing on enjoying my daughter and my new life.
"Au milieu de l'hiver, j'ai découvert en moi un invincible été."
I've been separated for about 2.5 months now, and am in the midst of some pretty hard stuff... working out details/schedules is horrific, and I will be up for a custody battle.
I'm also working on cobbling together various income sources so that I don't have to have the girls in daycare fulltime. We will see how that goes. I'm also hoping to homeschool dd1 if I manage to get some work from home, but that'll be a fight too.
I am looking forward to the time, say a year from now, when I will feel a lot better about all this. I am in the thick of it right now, and it is awful.
Anyway, I am 36 and have a very precocious 4 1/2 year old girl. I have been single since partway through my pregnancy. The "husband" and I still aren't divorced but, he is on a very long vacation so, it doesn't really matter.
I haven't dated in who knows how long. I just don't have the time and I am very very picky about who comes into my daughters life. I don't even know if I am interested at this point although it would be nice to have someone to call occasionally!
Two girls. Separated physically for 10 months; literally 16 months. Have had my ups and downs and right now is down time. Really want to be at home with my kids and working is tearing me apart and I'm feeling like what I thought was a good support network is disappearing.
So I am VERY glad MDC is here to virtually hold my hand.
He likes status symbols, he wants the newest iWhatever and a peppy European car. And I am excited about my new compost tumbler and the good deal I got on cloth napkins at Ikea.
Sigh. How did we make such mis-matches??
Anyway, I'm a single student mom (career change) to DD, age 3, and DS, age 1. XH and I made the decision to part ways in January, he moved out about 6 weeks ago. I'm lucky to have lots of family support - my parents live less than a mile away and are a huge part of my kids' lives.
The collective wisdom and experience here has been so helpful!
Things are kind of crazy around here right now, but in a good way. I work full time as a special ed teacher/school administrator, and am looking to add some tutoring hours. DS attends a great crunchy charter school and loves his sports -- hockey, soccer, basketball, tae kwon do. He's also very social so he's often playing at one house or another, or I have a bunch of little boys here.
We've got a lot of support -- friends, neighbors, my mom, his birth grandma . . .
The only thing missing in all this is the second child I've been longing to adopt for about 8 years. Right now I'm not in a financial situation to pay for daycare for a second child, which is why I'm picking up the tutoring. Hopefully in a few years that dream will be complete as well.
I'm not dating, not interested in it right now.
My ex has a new girlfriend and they are leaving for Jamaica on Saturday, spending money that he got from me that he - ethically and morally - isn't entitled to based on things that happened in our marriage. But he got it anyway, and I am at peace with that, just struggling with his constant spending of the money. But that's a story for another time.
I have sole physical and joint legal custody. He pays me a pittance in child support and sees our dd every Tuesday night for a few hours and overnight on Friday nights (from dinner to 8AM the next day).
That's the scoop.
I'm Mikaela living in the Phila. 'burbs with one 11-year-old son. He's a high-spirited, kinetic, compassionate, high-impact kid who can't get enough movement. He's involved with lots of sports (currently skateboarding, lacrosse, football, kayaking, basketball) and is obsessed with penguins. We're veg*ns, love the ocean, camping and cuddles.
My baby's daddy and I have a good relationship, though it's been hard work getting here -- I'm sure you can all feel me on that one We'd been together seven years (since we were 15) when we broke up in 2000. The first several years were very rough. Typical selfish man crap; irresponsible behavior, not holding a job, not coming around enough, etc. He finally grew up and has been steadily employed and seeing our son regularly for about the past four years.
We have no formal custody or CS arrangements. He gets our son over the weekends (usually Saturday morning through Sunday night) and one day per week (usually Monday after school until bedtime), though he can and often does have him in between. I get a small payment ($200/month) from him in the form of a direct deposit -- something we set up on our own. I know it's not much, but I also know it's what he can afford.
My one objective in our relationship is to do what is best for our son. It's been extremely challenging at times, though I am proud to say that I've always managed to stay positive when talking about/with him in front of the kiddo. Or, at least neutral
Four years ago, my boyfriend and I bought a house and we moved in together. It's been a struggle at times. We actually separated in December '06 (my son and I stayed in the house, he moved in with his mom), but are now back together and better than ever. We never really broke up or dated other people or anything like that, it was more just a separation and regrouping. You can imagine the clashing of egos when we first moved in together: a single mom plus a bachelor equals much stubbornness. Add to that, two full-time work schedules, a house that gave "fixer-upper" a whole new meaning and his going back to school at nights and on the weekends and ay yay ay, mommas -- we were a mess! My son weathered all the changes amazingly. We were always sure to be very empathetic and kept communication wide open. Those tactics absolutely paid off
We've all been back together for a few months now, and are in the middle of brand new changes already. Life's fun like that, don't you think? On Monday, I pulled my son out of school and next week I will be starting a four-day-a-week telecommuting schedule so that I can homeschool him. I have no idea what to expect and have very deliberately let go of trying to schedule, plan or otherwise control this transition. Something that I know all you single mommas understand has been VERY difficult
Of all the forums on Mothering, this is the one where I feel the most kinship and connection. It's on these threads that I most often hear myself saying, "I feel you, sister" and nodding at the computer screen. I know that you all understand, that while single parenting is such an incredible personal struggle (emotionally, financially, psychically, etc.), it is also the single most rewarding job I've ever, or will ever, have.
One love to you mommas!
I have been separated and filed for divorce for nearly a year now (May 4, 2007) We are working it out "amacabally" and it is taking a while. We were married for 10 years, I had separated from him once before and returned. I thought things were going really well (or as well as they were going to ever get at least) otherwise I would never have let myself get prego again. He has a very different concept of marital faithfulness than I do.I am VERY (perhaps to a fault) monogamous!
My first lawyer was a dud : so I am with a second attny now too. She is great!!
I was 5+months pregnant when I left. My third son was born the end of July. Though many think I was insane to have left while pregnant, having a new little-one has been SUCH a blessing. God knew I would need a sweet smile to wake up to each morning.
I felt like i was in a bit of a haze for the first 8-9 months after I left. My older boys (5 and 3 at the time) were also notably depressed in that same time period. Then in the same week we all seemed to "come out of it" I stopped having insomnia, my 5yo started to smile A LOT more, and my 3yo went from scribbles to drawing easily interpretable pictures overnight.
I am anxious for this to be over. I really would like to go on a real date. I have been talking to an old friend for several months now and would like to see where things will lead.
For the moment the kids and I are still living with my parents I very much appreciate their help and support but I plan and look forward to moving out by the Fall.
It is my plan and goal to live on CS and our little garden. Homeschooling the early years is high priority for me. We will live simply. (Which is also important to me) Gas is really spendy so I am using a fair amnt of my CS on fuel getting my boys to and from theid dad's house.
That's my life in a nutshell
DH&Me Christ follower, homeschooler, gardener, (insert lots of additional crunchiness here) chicken mama, & occasionally blogger. Mama of boys 9,7,3.5,&11months....& SURPRISE expecting a BOY in November! 7 sweet-babes gone too soon.
I'm currently a SAHM but am also a certified EMT in Washington State (we live in Texas, so I can't practice!)
I'm not as green as I could be and I'm not as hardcore as most of the mommies on this board but I do what I can within my means!
My husband and I are currently becoming licensed to adopt through the foster care system.... we are very excited to give a loving forever home to a child in need!
so out of the whole mess, i got my miracle baby who is 4 now. her dad sees her about 2 days a week and every other weekend. co-parenting has been difficult as we don't see eye to eye on many issues, co-sleeping, food, activities, etc. we went from a dinky 1 bedroom apt to a trailer home. we're on a waiting list for an apt but it's months away. i'm working on a new career so i can provide a better life for dd.
i been here on and off for over a year or so. it's been nice to forum that i can relate...
Hi- I'm Sabra. My STBX and I decided to split about 6 weeks ago. It was a very long time coming. Neither of us was happy for many years. I clung to the marriage because I was scared to leave it even though I was so unhappy. I feel so much better knowing that he is not someone I NEED to spend the rest of my life with. Even though we will have a relationship as co-parents, which we are beginning to do well and both are committed to, he soon will not be my husband and that makes me smile. ... He also likes having status symbols that he can't necessarily afford. And he too has dated enough women in the last 6 weeks to balance out my lack of desire to date yet.
"Au milieu de l'hiver, j'ai découvert en moi un invincible été."
I lie about my age. I recently got pegged for 17 years younger than I am.
I have 2 daughters--16 and 13. I am a solo single mom. I was never married to my kids' dad, but we were together for 9 years. Nine years of abuse. I finally got away in 1999. Faced poverty, homelessness, depression, ill-health and a series of really, really sh*tty boyfriends since then.
My ex hasn't paid any support in nearly three years (and it's always been spotty, anyway). -$60,000 or so at this point. He doesn't call, visit or write. Not even birthday cards or Xmas cards.
I'm estranged from my equally abusive/neglectful family of origin (my mom found a couple of white kids to treat like they are her grandchildren. My dad was sending me violent porn images as recently as 3 years ago.)
5 years ago, I started my own housecleaning service. I work on my own, making beautiful houses more beautiful. I also function as a cheap therapist who makes housecalls. I end up giving my new mom clients breastfeeding, co-sleeping and weaning tips! Except for very rare occasions (like this week, ugh), I pay all of my bills on time. I now live in a beautiful old house in a rather chi-chi area of Oakland (it's called Temescal), which I get for an absolutel steal, because I deserve it.
I have one daughter who is homeschooling herself (and planning to take the CHSPE this summer), and the other is going into the engineering academy at Oakland Tech. next fall. They are both super smart and pretty and social and well-adjusted, and about as great as any teenagers can be.
One more thing. I started a musical revolution. I'm in this band, it used to be an all-mom punk band. We were written up in the Wall Street Journal, the Chicago Trib, on MSNBC, Italian Maire Claire, the New York Post, hipMama (twice!), Maximum Rocknroll, and there are two chapters in a radical parenting book called "My Mother Wears Combat Boots" out on AK Press. My sweet face was screaming on the cover of USA Today, and the reporter said about us: "the rules of motherhood are being radically rewritten. Not with a measured whisper, but with a snarl, cymbal crash and power E-chord that would make the lads in AC/DC stand and salute." We were filmed for 2 different docs and news shows in China and Japan. The band is no longer an all-mom band--too often we were considered a gimmick. It's morphed into a hypnotic doom metal band, with me and a couple of guys.
I guess I'm kind of a self-made woman. No wonder I scare off the boys.
I'm fairly new to this forum- I left my husband, who was abusive, about 2 months ago. (still need to change my signature) It was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I'm 22 years old and dd is 6 months old. We're trying to figure out what's next, for the time being h and I are co-parenting, h watches dd while I am at school during the week, and gets her one half-day each weekend, overall it is going well, but I am scared of a long drawn-out custody battle if I decide to file for divorce. . . at this point I am just not sure what I want.
I'm a full-time student about 2 years away from my degree- right now I am living with family but I get to go look at an apartment tomorrow!! I had a job interview on Wednesday that went really well (yay!) I'm still kind of mourning that I might not ever get to be a SAHM, but if I'm honest with myself, that never would have happened with h- he depended on me to bring home money, the spent it all! I have $7000 in credit card debt to deal with since he hasn't paid them for 6 months and they're in my name and of course, no resources to pay them with right now.
But I've made the first step in the right direction- Things Will get better!
Basically, I left H a week ago today. I'm 34, pregnant with baby #6 (29 weeks). My oldest 3 kids live with my first XH in another state, and I have DC 4 & 5. Current H was unemployed, abusive, controlling, etc., and so last Friday I left and went to stay with a friend. She watches my lil' ones during the day. H, meanwhile, went to stay with his sister, 4 hours from where I am living. I told him we'd keep the lines of communication open and I wouldn't "take" the kids from him, but he is (typically) the all-or-nothing type of guy. Even though he wouldn't help support or raise his older 3 kids from his previous marriages, he makes all kinds of noises about taking these kids from ME.
I'm just having a bad day, today, I guess. His idea of "communication" is email, mostly misspelled and unclear sentences, short and sweet. He will NOT call me, for whatever reason, so it's hard to tell what his "motives" might be. Knowing him, though, every single thing he does and says has a motive. Even if it's just mind-games. After 7 years of that, it's difficult to not expect psychological torture from everything he says.
So, anyway, here I am, and that's what today is like for me. Probably tomorrow will be better. This is still a new thing for me.
)O( Far-away Mama to: Pooka (16)...Alex (14)...Mickie-Lamb (13)...Solo Mama to: Punkin' Seed (8)...Tootsie Pop (6)...Lil' Man (3) and a due February 2012
He is very involved with the kids which is a good thing I guess. He spends more time with them now than he did when he lived here. I sure hope that continues, the girls are loving their daddy time.
I'm really glad this forum is here....I feel so lost sometimes but it's good to know I'm not the only one.