Ex in contempt - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 04-21-2008, 01:38 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi everyone,

I haven't posted about ex in some time because he was behaving so nicely. Well, sooner or later I knew that would end. Today he was late to show up at his house with the kids, at pick up time. He got out of his car shouting at me. Later I found out that he left the kids with someone he is not suppose to leave them with. In our PPP, it states that he can leave the kids with one and only one person. After that, he must call me and give me a chance to care for the kids before calling my parents to ask them. After that, he has to stay home, if he can't find someone to care for them.

Not involving the parenting plan, but he allowed my 7 year old to watch Harry Potter, year three. I know many of you allow your children to watch movies like that, but she has nightmares sometimes, and gets scared easily. I watched it with my 10 year old son last year, and was quite frightened by it.

Lastly, my son kicked her in her belly, and here is how the ex chose to deal with it.

He forced ds to say sorry, then my son got angry. He then pulled his hair, and when ds would not settle down, he pulled again. Ex tacked on to that, "If you don't stop, I'll make you stop, I'll do something much worse". My son was at his knees.
So the issue wasn't dealt with, instead my son was hurt. And then, you'll not believe this, he sent both kids back into the living room (telling them to stay away from each other). My daughter was hurt, dad didn't hug her, or see how she was, and not only that, was sent back into the living room with her brother, who brooded and glared at her, occassionally lashing out with a hand karate style, but not hitting her. She is very obedient, part of her nature, so she never complained, never said to her dad she was scared. She knows if she does, my son will hurt her again.

We are seeing the counselor tomarrow, and I think this time she should report this. I hope she does.
My dd is not safe in that home, then on top my ds is not safe, as he is allowed to hurt his sister, only making his problem much much worse.

I found out later that dd was told to lie by ds, when she was about to tell me that they were watching HP. She told me something else, then feeling so bad, came and told me tonight that she lied to me.
She is a sweety, and I know she wouldn't have done that on purpose, but her brother was glaring at her, saying to do it.

I hope I can at least stop my daughter from visiting until ds and ex can get some serious help. There is NO supervision at all. That is one of the big problems, then that the dad doesn't think being kicked in the stomach is very bad.

What do you think? I'm sick with worry.

Vegetarian Hindu, mother to L,P and R. 
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#2 of 6 Old 04-21-2008, 02:17 AM
 
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what were the ages of the children?
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#3 of 6 Old 04-21-2008, 03:01 AM - Thread Starter
 
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ds 11, dd 7.

Outside of being in contempt of court myself,
I don't see how I can let them go back, without
getting them some help, and their dad too.

He can't do this to them. He's setting up a
situation where my dd has no chance.

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#4 of 6 Old 04-21-2008, 02:37 PM
 
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Good luck, your story is a little confusing but I am sure your ex would be in trouble if he didn't follow the right of first refusal part.

If you are worried about your dd, did you take her to a doctor to have her checked out or take a picture of any bruises, etc. Does this aggression only happen at his house and not at your house.
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#5 of 6 Old 04-23-2008, 04:17 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi,

My son is watched regularly for agression, and I don't allow things to escalate past the point of the first sign tht he is angry. I immediately seperate them, because of his history.

What part was confusing.

As for first rights? There is a designated person on our PPP who is a friend of his, that is the only person he can leave the children with when working.

He had originally planned to shift the kids from one persons house to the next, when he needed childcare, people who didn't know the children. During mediation, I refused to continue until we worked on that issue. We decided that his friend would be the one and only person to care for the kids when he couldn't, and this friend's name was put in the parenting plan, and mention that was the only person he could use, but tha t first he must call me and then my parents, before using this person.

Is that what you are talking about?

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#6 of 6 Old 04-23-2008, 04:54 PM
 
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I don't know exactly which part was confusing. I have a clearer picture now that your son is known to be aggressive when he becomes upset and you quickly intervene and you think your ex didn't intervene.

Maybe sending them to visitation separately would work.
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