Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Rocky Mountain High...
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Well, we're not back together, but we are going back to counseling to try to work on things.
My backstory in a nutshell is that about 14 months ago, out of nowhere, H told me that he wasn't sure he wanted to be married anymore, didn't know what he wanted out of life, blah blah blah. I found out later that he was involved in an emotional affair with a coworker who had spurred a lot of this on. We went through several months of him flip-flopping between "I think we should get a divorce" and "I don't know what I want." He officially moved out in November. We started mediation for the divorce in January, but it stalled out after 2 appointments (H just didn't make a move toward scheduling another appt). I was in a comfortable position financially and have kind of enjoyed getting to know myself and who I have become over the past year, so I was in no hurry to move things along. Kind of out of the blue about 3 weeks ago, H said he wanted to talk. I thought things could go one of two ways...either he was telling me that he was moving in with the GF and wanted to file the paperwork, or the way they actually did go. Where he told me that he wants to try and work on our marriage. I'm not holding out huge high hopes, I'm entering into this with a healthy level of skepticism, but am very very cautiously optimistic.
I certainly don't think that people should stay in a marriage for the kids' sake. That's a recipe for disaster and a lot of miserable people. That said, I *DO* believe that (barring many cases of abuse and other situations, obviously) we owe it to our children to say that we made every possible effort to make things work. Just saying this isn't what I want anymore and giving up doesn't cut it for me. If we go through counseling and things don't end up working out (which is definitely a strong possibility), at least I can say with a clear conscience that we gave it everything we had. I think that's the thing that has bothered me the most about H's cop out thus far; that he, up until now, hasn't been willing to make any kind of real effort to work on things.
I truly feel that at this point, we most likely have one of two possible outcomes. #1, we are able to work things out and end up having a much stronger and healthier marriage than we ever did. Or #2, we come out of counseling knowing that we just aren't meant to be together, but that we did our best to give it a try, and having the ability to have a better relationship in the future than we do now (which I believe is SO important for being good coparents and raising a healthy, and happy child). I don't really have any strong feelings one way or the other towards H at this moment, but we loved each other once, and if it's meant to be, we'll find that love again.