Anyone else have no desire to date? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 45 Old 07-24-2008, 08:51 PM
 
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People keep telling me, "Don't worry, you'll find someone!", and never believe me when I tell them I'm not interested.
Exactly! I'm not down on myself or anything. I don't think I'm "broken" and I'll never get another man. I just really don't want to date right now. I don't feel like my happiness with being single -- completely, 100% single -- is something that needs to be "fixed."

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I'm not totally closed off to the idea, it's just not a priority now and I don't see that changing anytime soon. It is such a relief, after years of resentment and stress in my marriage, to be on my own and be able to focus on DS, my family, my home and my work.
:

Robin, strong and happy single mama to Anna (7/06)
"Au milieu de l'hiver, j'ai découvert en moi un invincible été."
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#32 of 45 Old 07-25-2008, 01:20 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Exactly! I'm not down on myself or anything. I don't think I'm "broken" and I'll never get another man. I just really don't want to date right now. I don't feel like my happiness with being single -- completely, 100% single -- is something that needs to be "fixed."


:
Seriously. Why do people view the single state as something that needs to be cured? A happy, healthy marriage is great, but so is happy, healthy singledom. I'm not sure I'm suited to living with another adult anyway ... I'm a solitary creature at heart.
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#33 of 45 Old 07-25-2008, 05:17 AM
 
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Hi mama,

I remember going to exchange something at Target about 6 months after divorce, and standing there looking at this awesome good looking man, with a little girl, unmarried, very sweet, talking to me and trying to get my number. I nearly hurled and gave him the wrong number.

I just remember telling myself, not now. I told my friends many times that I would never get into a serious relationship with a man.

A year ago I started feeling the desire to have a close male friend. I started a relationship with a man, but it never went anywhere. And it wasn't until February that I met someone who respects me for me, who I really like, who I think if it develops into a partnership that I could actually trust and depend on.

I've been divorced now for almost 4 years. It was around 3 years where the bad guy syndrome wore off and I started having conversations with men, without shying away, or being afraid to develop a relationship.

I think for some women, they don't want or need a man in their life. Maybe you have all the support in your life you need. For other women, they become curious around the 2nd year, and by the 3rd year they are dying for either a relationship or sex. Ha ha.

I didn't even want to have sex for so long. I know that sounds strange, but I just liked me for me, and I didn't need anyone in my life, verifying me or making me acceptable to society by being "partnered".

I am smitten by one man, and we spend hours talking and we have more than 70% of interest in things shared. I'm not taking this relationship by storm either. I can move very slowly with it until it feels right to move on or make this relationship legal.

Take your time. Only do what you want. There is absolutely no reason to go out on a date with someone because everyone else wants you to. Also, marriage as we all know, can lead to divorce. Why jump into that?

J.

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#34 of 45 Old 07-25-2008, 05:26 AM
 
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Kiernan,

One of my favorite shows is Sex and the City. Carrie, the sex column writer talks about relationships and sex, and often ponders questions that I ponder too. Anyway, once she left her Minolo shoes at a party (her friend's babyshower). Someone stole her shoes at the party. She was so pissed. So she asked her friend if the shoes showed up and they didn't. Anyway, her friend became enraged over the fact that Carrie didn't have anything better to do that buy expensive shoes and shower herself with things. Carrie finally thought it over and realized that society honors married people, but not single people. So she sent a card to her friend with the baby, saying she was marrying herself, and pointed out the size and color of the shoes she wanted. Not long after that, her friend sent the shoes (new) to her, with a note saying, "enjoy yourself".

As goofy as it was, I really like the idea that someone can have a perfectly happy life (sex or no sex) and never be married, divorced, or married again. I don't really believe that all men and women were intended to be married. Sometimes people get married because they feel there is no other choice.

I hope my children learn from me that partners can be great, but they are optional.

J.

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#35 of 45 Old 07-25-2008, 05:51 AM
 
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You guys make me feel so much more normal. When I tell people I didn't date for 7 years they look at me like I'm a freak.
Ahhhh I have related to your comment the most out of this thread. My friends seriously think I'm a freak. But in reality I'm just living their life backwards.

I get that look. YOU HAVEN'T dated ANYBODY in SIX YEARS? I'm 33 for goodness sakes. My life isn't over, and it's not less than being single.

I was ALWAYS somebody's gf. From the age of 14 when I got my first real kiss, that was that. I didn't care who it was most of the time, just that I was attached to a man.

Now I'm living my life for me and dd, and it feels complete. Sure there are tough times, but none that have been easier with a man beside me.

I have nothing against men, I love men, and I would love to meet a nice one, someday, just not in the near future. I'm enjoying this too much to give it up just yet.



Oprah had a show once about dating over 40. This one woman said something that really stuck with me (I've quoted it here before). "If being single is the absolute worst thing to happen to me in my life, then I am a very blessed woman". She's so right.

-Janna, independent mother of dd, Ms. Mattie Sky born on my 25th birthday, 06*23*2000. My Mama Feb.21,1938-Sept.10,2006
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#36 of 45 Old 07-25-2008, 06:07 AM
 
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I had very similar feelings about two years ago... just didnt have the time and energy to get out there
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#37 of 45 Old 07-27-2008, 01:18 AM
 
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YES I am not alone I tried to date a few times, and felt to connection and was pretty sure I didnt want to. I am not wanting to be alone forever, but I am never really alone now, with my 3 babes In my mind I keep telling myself I am wanting a relationship..but then I realize I just have to stop watching John Cusack movies hahahahah...I am really happy being single right now.
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#38 of 45 Old 07-27-2008, 04:36 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Jyotsna View Post
I think for some women, they don't want or need a man in their life. Maybe you have all the support in your life you need. For other women, they become curious around the 2nd year, and by the 3rd year they are dying for either a relationship or sex. Ha ha.

I didn't even want to have sex for so long. I know that sounds strange, but I just liked me for me, and I didn't need anyone in my life, verifying me or making me acceptable to society by being "partnered".

J.
Yes I am in this boat too! Those quotes above are true for me. I have so much support from extended family. I sometimes try to think how I'd feel if they all moved away, I'm pretty sure I would be in a hurry to find a partner because of the lack of support I would then have.

A lot of what others have said is also true for me too. There are so many reasons why being single is better. Truthfully I haven't dated anyone since becoming pregnant with dd (she's 4), so 5yrs. If I tell people, they are very shocked as bigeyes mentioned, they make me feel like a freak or like there's something wrong with me because of it. Society in general makes me feel "Wrong" for being single

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#39 of 45 Old 07-27-2008, 04:55 AM
 
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The sex and the city movie was a bit of a downer, I thought Carrie would have been better off single....

Subbing and : YAY mamas!
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#40 of 45 Old 07-27-2008, 12:54 PM
 
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I'm subbing too. I don't have time to read at the moment, but this is so me. Ds is just over 2 and I have been single since I was newly pregnant. I'm very happy this way, and have a hard time imagining sharing my home/control/money with a man.
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#41 of 45 Old 07-27-2008, 01:53 PM
 
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The sex and the city movie was a bit of a downer, I thought Carrie would have been better off single....
Well, jeez, if I had no kid and no work beyond writing clever one-liners about sex, I'd have time to waste on Chris Noth too. (He's actually surprisingly little. He showed up in a coffeeshop one time while I was waiting for a guy. I took it as a good omen, but it was cancelled by 'waiting for a guy'.) You know, really, you have time and emotional latitude for all kinds of craziness when there's not a small person depending on you for so much. So, sure, why shouldn't she play?

I dunno. I just can't watch that show anymore -- it promises to be a treat, and then find I'm there watching a horsey ditz, a sensible woman who'd be much happier in Pennsylvania, a drag queen, and a screaming JAP who still smokes, only two of whom appear to be doing anything with their lives at 40ish. Then I switch to Craig Ferguson, who's smarter and funnier than all four of those characters put together. You know what SATC needed? Joy Behar. Hooray for her.
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#42 of 45 Old 07-27-2008, 02:47 PM
 
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What about the parenting part of being single? Anyone not interested in sharing that or am I just the most selfish, full of unresolved issues person ever?

Single mom to E (2004) and D (2010)
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#43 of 45 Old 07-27-2008, 04:24 PM
 
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I'm still in the separating phase right now and I'm so overwhelmed, I can barely even considering something like dating. I wouldn't mind at all having someone, male or female, to go out to the movies or something but I don't even have the energy to look for that.
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#44 of 45 Old 07-27-2008, 09:14 PM
 
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I've been divorced for 7 months, separated for 11. No interest in being in a relationship at all but I feel that whole 'keeping up with the Joneses' mentality that I should be in a relationship because my ex is and because people think I should be.
Whatever. I WILL resist.
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#45 of 45 Old 07-27-2008, 11:14 PM
 
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What about the parenting part of being single? Anyone not interested in sharing that or am I just the most selfish, full of unresolved issues person ever?
It definitely makes life easier. I do all the research, I make all the decisions. No time spent explaining, bargaining, etc. If I feel the need to talk something out I talk with my sister about it. I feel like if I do ever have a child with a man that sticks around, there'll be a HUGE adjustment where I realize that I can't have my way all the time.
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