what would you do? -wanting a second child - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 07-23-2008, 09:00 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hello, I could do with some input on making a decision here. Im a single mom by choice of 1 dd aged 4yrs. I have 2 options as I really want a second child.

I can either have a second child while continuing to be a single mom and use a sperm bank to get pregnant, or wait until I meet "mr right" and THEN have a second child.

There are pro's and cons to both options, I'd like to know what you would do in this situation? Im happy being a single mom and I dont want my kids to be too far apart in age, if I get pregnant this year there will be a 5yr age gap between them. If I wait until im in a long-term relationship it could be 10yrs before I have a second child. Advice?

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#2 of 9 Old 07-23-2008, 09:44 AM
 
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What would your plans be if you had another child? Would you be a SAHM? WAH? WOHM? Return to work full time?

Do you feel financially secure to have another child? (not saying it's a must, just a good thing to think about)

I'm not asking these questions for me, they are really for you to ponder (you don't even have to answer them on the thread).

I think that if you are ready and able to, then go ahead.
There's a single mom in my church who is thinking about having another child. She works in the corporate world so she doesn't have to worry about the financial aspect of it. Plus, she has lots of support from family/friends. She will take a 3 month maternity leave (but will work from home during that time) and then return to work full time.

She knows that it won't be easy but her heart and soul yearns for another child (and to give her 5 yr old a sibling).

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#3 of 9 Old 07-24-2008, 03:59 AM - Thread Starter
 
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edited.

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#4 of 9 Old 07-24-2008, 09:22 AM
 
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It seems as though you're in a good place (financially and emotionally).

I say go for it.

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#5 of 9 Old 07-24-2008, 01:20 PM
 
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I would go for it too and use the sperm bank. Good luck.
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#6 of 9 Old 07-24-2008, 03:56 PM
 
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Age-wise, you have time...

But if you're physically and emotionally ready, I say to go find a good sperm bank!
And if he's really your 'Mr. Right', he'll be fine with your decisions.
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#7 of 9 Old 07-24-2008, 04:10 PM
 
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Another vote for sperm-bank.

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#8 of 9 Old 07-24-2008, 05:16 PM
 
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What's your situation with family? Unless you have substantial extended family, and good relations with them, I would probably not do this, regardless of how much I wanted a child. Here's why:

1. Siblings will grow up together; if the first was not a product of a sperm bank, then one has a father, one doesn't.

2. If something happens to you, who gets the second child?

3. Sibs are not necessarily friends. If you don't have a large/warm family, then once you're gone, or if something happens to you, this child may find him- or herself profoundly alone in the world.

What does your family say about all this?
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#9 of 9 Old 07-25-2008, 05:12 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mama41 View Post
What's your situation with family? Unless you have substantial extended family, and good relations with them, I would probably not do this, regardless of how much I wanted a child. Here's why:

1. Siblings will grow up together; if the first was not a product of a sperm bank, then one has a father, one doesn't.

2. If something happens to you, who gets the second child?

3. Sibs are not necessarily friends. If you don't have a large/warm family, then once you're gone, or if something happens to you, this child may find him- or herself profoundly alone in the world.

What does your family say about all this?

Yes I have a large close family I can rely on for support and help whenever needed, I am truly lucky to have them.
In response to your points:
1. My first child doesn't have her bio-father in her life at all, never has, she wasn't planned. I was having casual sex with a friend back then, and our friendship ended when we found out I was pregnant.
2. As said above, both children will be in the same situation as in having no bio-father around, so both would go to who I choose -if anything were to happen to me.

3. I agree with this point, not all siblings are close when they get older. This point isn't high on my list of reasons for wanting a second child now.

My family are very traditional in thinking women should be married before having children, however as I'm in a good financial position and they agree it would be good for my dd to have a sibling not too far away age wise, and as I already have 1 child as a single mom they feel I may aswell have another if that's what I honestly want. They also agree I'm not anywhere near ready to be in a relationship, so If I wait until that time it will likely be too late fertility wise.

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