August Dating thread!! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 91 Old 08-04-2008, 09:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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: Happy August :

This is the place to discuss all things dating. I have been in 'sleep' mode when it comes to dating, no interest here, but I love keeping up with you all through this thread, so keep it coming

Maybe this month I will actually have something to post

                                Whatever will be, already is...
 
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#2 of 91 Old 08-05-2008, 02:10 PM
 
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well, as usual i have no real update. not sure if i should even be posting in the dating thread as now i consider myself to be partnered with a long-term mate. but you know, i like y'all so here i am.

d and i have been dating for almost 10 months. he is the primary male figure in my kids' lives and i'm incredibly happy to be a family. i can't believe how quickly things happened for us, this isn't my typical speed but hey, it felt right. his aunt asked this past weekend when we were visiting if we plan on getting married. i think we both feel it's an obvious eventuality (that is if bk will ever sign the flippin' divorce papers , though neither of us is in a hurry. d's lease is up at the end of september and he'll be officially moving in with us (though he hasn't really been home since january).

i never realized how hard it was to be in a relationship with someone when their family isn't loving and warm and supportive. i really really value how wonderful d's family is, how much they love and support him and how they've already loved and supported me.

bbl
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#3 of 91 Old 08-05-2008, 08:45 PM
 
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I flirted with some men on the weekend...does that count?!?!?! :
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#4 of 91 Old 08-05-2008, 09:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I flirted with some men on the weekend...does that count?!?!?! :
YES!!:

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#5 of 91 Old 08-05-2008, 10:12 PM
 
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Well, The Young Man and I have decided to see each other exclusively, even though he's 3 hours away. I'm actually going over Th-Sat to spend some time with him.

He's so perfect for me, it's almost scary. I'm not letting this one get away if I can help it! :

I hope to get a picture of us together while I'm there. I will most certainly come back to show us off.
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#6 of 91 Old 08-06-2008, 01:01 PM
 
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I flirted with some men on the weekend...does that count?!?!?! :
why certainly!

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I hope to get a picture of us together while I'm there. I will most certainly come back to show us off.
have funny, hurry back with pictures!
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#7 of 91 Old 08-06-2008, 02:20 PM
 
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Like Celeste, I'm not sure if I'm supposed to post here anymore! I've been with my love for 14 months now, and haven't dated anyone else. And I have no plans to! It's hard at times because between us we have five jobs, two houses, and four kids, but we love each other more than anything and are committed to taking things day by day. My ex always called me "Mrs. Instant Gratification", so it's hard for me to wait at this point, but I am trying to enjoy and embrace each day, each moment we are together, and stop obsessing about what tomorrow/next week/next month/next year holds for us.

BUT I do have to pose the question - why is it that when you are in a committed relationship you suddenly become amazingly attractive to other people? I waited four years before I started dating this man, but in the past couple of months I have been hit on by more strangers, am being strongly pursued by a friend, and had someone I trusted/liked/respected try to kiss me a couple of days ago in the middle of a conversation about how serious things are with my boyfriend. Ay Yi YI!
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#8 of 91 Old 08-06-2008, 02:49 PM
 
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Like Celeste and MMace I have been in a relationship for a while with my guy. I guess its about 8-9 months now. We are in love and we are a great team - its very nice to be with someone who you know has your back and is on the same page. DP and DS are getting closer and it makes me very happy that ds has a guy full time in his life - he is truly enjoying it and seems to be getting a lot out of it. I love the dynamics when the three of us are together. This kind of a relationship is not something I thought I would ever have, I just never thought I would connect like this and be able to trust someone with ds. Things are going well, we have become a little family unit and I am loving it.:
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#9 of 91 Old 08-06-2008, 03:39 PM
 
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why is it that when you are in a committed relationship you suddenly become amazingly attractive to other people?
at your examples. i can't believe someone tried to kiss you AFTER you saying how great your new bf is! honestly, though, i recently told a friend that we should "sham date" eachother for a while, in hopes that the phenomenon you described will occur. mostly i came here to post that i've made a new friend and am going to the movies tonight. it's not a date but i'm still pretty psyched to be breaking out of my regular social circle.
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#10 of 91 Old 08-06-2008, 08:10 PM
 
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BUT I do have to pose the question - why is it that when you are in a committed relationship you suddenly become amazingly attractive to other people?
Because you're putting out the vibe that you're happy and healthy and ready for a wonderful relationship. People aren't able to read from the vibe that you're already IN that relationship...so you get hit on!!!:
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#11 of 91 Old 08-06-2008, 08:45 PM
 
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wow, go us!
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#12 of 91 Old 08-06-2008, 09:35 PM
 
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Because you're putting out the vibe that you're happy and healthy and ready for a wonderful relationship. People aren't able to read from the vibe that you're already IN that relationship...so you get hit on!!!:
Yep. I totally agree...I also think our pheromone levels are higher and they "smell" us. :

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wow, go us!
:
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#13 of 91 Old 08-07-2008, 12:09 PM
 
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i wasted too much time and ga$ on a bad date last night. well, it wasn't a date per se but it *could* have been... if he hadn't blabbed about his ex 75% of the time. : even for just hanging as friends it was waaay too much a focus of the conversation. why tell me you're psyched to finally have some time apart from the family to rebuild relationships with other adults, then just whine about her the whole frickin time? ~sigh~ he's a smart, creative, NICE guy, a devoted dad, and not bad looking either. but he needs a @#$% therapist and that's NOT in my job description.

uggh. then there's the *other* guy, who i had pretty much given up on anyway. my friend told me 2 days ago that he was going to call me to ask for a ride to a mutual friend's party on sunday (after, of course, not calling/texting me at all for like 2 weeks). he left a voicemail last night (naturally while i was on the not-date) and i texted him back today with some "terms" (because c's going to be in the car too). he disagreed and i told him to find another ride. so he told me to go f* myself. SO classy.

seriously, i could beat myself up all day about why the hell i attract crazy people. but i won't because i'm just done with it. i don't care if my "standards are too high" or that makes me a "bitch" or whatever. there are SO many other things i could be doing than wasting my precious love and energy on people who just don't get it. besides, i get enough of that from dealing with c's dad!
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#14 of 91 Old 08-08-2008, 03:08 PM
 
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The dating for the month is going well. I am still going out with my friend from college and that has been really casual. I have also been kind of drawn to another friend of mine that I've known since we were kids. It's a comfortable kind of situation and I also enjoy his company when we go out.

I am just happy to be single and I am happy to see that there are options out here for a sista. because it seemed so bleak for so long. Also, the nice thing is that I am comfortable going home to just my dd because I have really settled into the single life.

Former dreads.gifwearing, treehugger.gifing, pole dancing, read.gifpushing, ribbonpurple.gifsurvivor & single mama extraordinaire to energy.gif.  

Now that's a mouthful!!! computergeek2.gif & follow it!   

 

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#15 of 91 Old 08-08-2008, 04:14 PM
 
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oh goodness, I'm so excited for/jealous of all you partnered mamas! :

I am still, for the most part, exactly where I was last time I posted. I guess that's not terribly surprising as it was only a week or so ago. But I'm very impatient. See, I'm still not exactly sure where I stand with "mr. relationships".

I saw him on Tuesday again. I think it went well. I felt good about it, but I'm so used to guys making all the moves and me being chased that this is strange uncharted territory for me. I'm worried about being to forward, or too boring and quiet. I'm falling under the latter category currently, but not in the worst of ways. We're going meeting after he get's off work on Saturday night, late.

New intelligence has reached me today (by way of friend's dh who has, yet again, run into him and talked about me) that he's all worried about being too old for me (what's 17 years difference, really?) and talking about how this may change is life and is he's ready, and if it would be weird. Friend's dh told him "you're not marrying her on saturday, it's just hanging out, man". I'm very encouraged by this. He must be into me if he's thinking this seriously about things. Right? I'm feeling confidant, though, that if I know he already likes me I'll feel much more at easy being myself than if I feel like I have to impress him to win him over.

On the other hand, mr. trouble has started texting me again. Sigh. I'm a sucker for that attention, it's positively no good. I even had a really steamy and... er... graphic sex dream about him last night. Pathetic. I need to keep my mind off of him. Though, that's easier said than done because we hang out in his bar all the time. I'm hopeful that I bored him thoroughly enough for him to leave me alone some more, however. I dunno, this is all so confusing.
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#16 of 91 Old 08-08-2008, 04:31 PM
 
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and in related news, my ex tried to kiss me last week. How awkward is that? I mean, it was bad enough when he was professing his undying love to me, but at least I had some person space. It's our wedding anniversary today, he even got me a $50 giftcard to H&M. We've been separated for over a year and a half. What am I supposed to do about that!?
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#17 of 91 Old 08-08-2008, 05:08 PM
 
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buy yourself some smokin hottt outfit and wear it on saturday night.

but definitely send him an email/text/whatever and let him know that there will be no more smoochies. that privilege no longer exists, mister!
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#18 of 91 Old 08-08-2008, 05:43 PM
 
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buy yourself some smokin hottt outfit and wear it on saturday night.
hee hee hee... that's exactly what I intend to do.

I think I made it perfectly clear that kisses will not be tolerated. He seemed pretty happy with how uncomfortable he made me, though. I think it's all a big game to him. :
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#19 of 91 Old 08-08-2008, 05:47 PM
 
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oh yeah, I'm sorry you had such a crappy not-date. How disappointing. Seriously, who would think it's ok -let alone attractive- to talk about one's ex. jeebus.
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#20 of 91 Old 08-08-2008, 09:20 PM
 
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I haven't been on here for ages, as I've been trying to adjust to the whole single mom thing.

However, now that I'm dating, I find that I'm needing the support of others who are in similar situations.

I have been out five times now with a fabulous guy. I'm really into him, and he seems really into me, but he lives an hour away. It's not so far away in the great scheme of things, but it gets complicated trying to juggle both of our work schedules, my school, my kids, and a babysitter. I just don't know how you ladies manage it! School hasn't even started back for me yet, and I'm already stressed just thinking about it.

I do have a question. How do you know what level of involved-ness is appropriate between the kids and the man? So far, the guy I'm seeing has only met the kids in passing ("Guys, this is my friend N. N, these are the boys"), but we've only been dating for a few weeks.

On the opposite extreme, their father takes them along for overnight visits with his girlfriend and makes her a major part of their lives. I just can't decide what is appropriate.

full-time student and single mommy to 3 fabulous little guys!
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#21 of 91 Old 08-08-2008, 10:32 PM
 
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well, you might recall that I broke up with my BF of a year, and I feel badly about how little I miss him. Guess it really wasn't right and I stayed much longer than I should have. but it's water under the bridge now.

so, I'm back into the online dating pool and have been chatting with an amazing guy this week. He's about 80 miles away which pisses me off but is also good, because I sometimes need to put on the breaks and distance forces me to take things slowly (last bf was 60 miles away). But, dang, it's frustrating. He's 5 years younger than I am, which just makes me desperately wish I still had the bod I had when I was 26. I love my kids and love how my life has shaped me into the person I am now, but it's so hard not to yearn for the carefree days of my 20's when I was kid free and hot and had disposable income, kwim?

Robin~ single, work-at-home momma to my WonderBoys
YoungMan (6/00) & LittleBoy (6/04)
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#22 of 91 Old 08-09-2008, 03:21 AM
 
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I haven't posted about my dating situation, but I am in need of support/advice.. I really suck at choosing men, and here I am w/ this man that seems awesome and he is approaching our relationship differently then any other man, I am as well, which must be a good thing since the other relationships ended very dramatically (bad drama)... but as far as "serious relationships" go, that would be 3 others... so not much example as it is... my daughters' father and I were together for 8 years, we never dated, we were friends for a few years prior effortlessly became a couple... and it seems I have forgotten how the dating/relationship process goes!

I am confused and I constantly feel insecure b/c from what I remember my other relationships started out very passionate and we were together like glue from get go...never any guesses as to how they were feeling.... sex was usually very early on... now it is not which is....refreshing
Now here I am, we started talking online and the conversations were awesome and we had an amazing connection b-4 meeting in person, he even spoke of thinking I may be "the one" he settles down w/ !!!
Now that we have met, every time we see each other it always feels so rushed b/c I have my girls w/ a sitter on a limited time and it always feels like we can't even get comfortable b-4 it is time to go! He works a lot, I don't feel like I am being chased enough which feeds my insecurity...
I feel like I can't get comfortable enough w/ him... but maybe I am just so used to being comfortable b/c I was w/ my ex all that time and I long for that secure feeling.... not this shyness, not knowing what his thoughts are on "us" from day to day.... feeling insecure when he doesn't call when I think he should call then elated when he does.... then if the conversation isn't the way I think it should be, feeling like he will get tired of me.... realizing that w/ children I can't do what I could if I didn't have them.. feeling guilty for even feeling anything negative about having children b/c I am so tied down...... in every aspect in life, not just dating.... but realizing how much more difficult this will be... the baby *sigh*
I can't just go over to his house whenever, him coming over here at night is full of interruptions from the girls waking up over and over and over... not to mention I live w/ my grandma....
Forget about hanging out while they are awake!!! The 3 1/2 year old acts like a demon possessed child, my 9 month old... ugh! getting into and eating absolutely every thing she shouldn't, a little bull dozer.

Also, he has been very brutally honest w/ me which is awesome b/c although I try not to, I can have trust issues... I feel like b/c he has been honest w/ me about things that he didn't have to even bring up, I can trust him..... but he told me his longest relationship is 1 year..... next up.... I believe was 2 months (he is 29). He has moved all over the country incredible amounts of times. Childless.... Self proclaimed free spirit. I am trying not to hold it against him, he was honest right? It still is something I think about in the insecure moments and wonder... the whys and what ifs
BUT his dream career is here, people that he love/loves him are here, he is happy here..... has only good intentions w/ me.....

I guess that is my vent... worries, questions. Any advice?
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#23 of 91 Old 08-09-2008, 06:26 AM
 
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Just chiming in here! I'm not up for more than casual dating at this point, and have met one guy that I hang out with on occassion. He's a hottie, younger, and definitely fun

I've never really dated in the true sense of the word...in the past, I would meet guys who were friends of friends and end up in a relationship with them. I never really went on "dates" with guys that I didn't know...and I never went out with more than one guy at a time. So this is all pretty new to me. I like it, though!

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#24 of 91 Old 08-09-2008, 12:52 PM
 
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jrayn, everything you've described sound SO very normal. these are just all the questions and feeling that come up with a new person. the kids are a factor, sure, but even if you were childless there would still be issues... and plenty of them! the whole part about being sad when he doesn't call and psyched when he does is, again, par for the course. i'm even like that with my non-romantic friends most of the time. be excited! be happy! be grateful for the few moments you do get together and make the most of them. this doesn't need to be longterm. it doesn't NEED to be anything. if you like him and you're getting some good times with another cool grownup, let it be and enjoy it for that. don't do what *i* do and overthink the hell out of it.

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#25 of 91 Old 08-09-2008, 03:05 PM
 
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It has been 6 months today since S and I's first date! :

I have experienced such amazing personal growth and emotional independence over these past 6 months, due to S and our relationship.

Who would have ever thought you could gain emotional independence when in a relationship???

Kathy Freston defines a soulmate as:

"A soulmate brings us enormous joy and fulfillment, but even more importantly, soulmates leads us into our life's lessons. They get under our skins and push our buttons. They inspire us to look at who we are and where we need to grow."

Based on this definition, I can say without a single doubt in my mind and heart: S is my soulmate.

Now, whether or not he is my "forever" soulmate or not... I imagine so, but my divorce and former relationships have taught me that there are no guarantees in any relationship. Therefore, I try very hard (it is not always easy) to live in the now and take everything one day at a time.

Right now... I am happy, content and very much in love!
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#26 of 91 Old 08-11-2008, 10:47 AM
 
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Gaah! I'm now totally freaking out. I'm really worried I messed up here.

I ended up seeing mr. relationships on friday night. We had a good time just talking and hanging out. He was telling me all about his gardens and this new fountain he put in and then later invited me and my friend to come see it (he lives just around the corner from where we hang out). I told him my friend had to go home, but I was happy to come see.

So I saw the lovely gardens (and was seriously impressed) and his lovely house, and his lovely art. But he still hadn't as much as put his hand on my shoulder. So it was becoming really obvious that he would never make a move if I didn't. So as he's setting up his computer to show me pictures of his fancy vacation, a great line comes to me and I decide it's now or never. So I walked over to him, got much closer than I had before and said "You know, I didn't come here to see pictures." He smiled and I kissed him. When he put his arms around me I totally melted. It was great.
He was sweet and gentlemanly and considerate. We dtd and he just assumed I would stay over, so I did. He was snuggly, and I woke up a few times in the night with his arms around me. I had to get back home early in the morning, so I only got about three and a half hours sleep, and we dtd again before I left. He initiated that.

So when I left he was so sweet and kissed me goodbye and said "I'll see you tonight". I spent the rest of the day walking on air. I went home and took the kids to the beach and climbed rocks and played in the waves, then we got lunch and went to another beach and built sand castles and climbed more rocks, and met up with my mom and sisters and their dogs, got ice cream, and went hiking and met up with friends, too, and did more hiking. Then I went home, slept for two hours, got up, hit the coffee hard and went out again.

HE went back to bed after I left, got up and went to work. When I met up with him he said he was really tired and had a long day. I told him all about my long day, and we agreed we'd leave the crowded bar and go to a smaller one. We watched some tv and talked in the other bar. I thought we had the best conversations we'd had yet. Though, he did ask me about my births (he already knew that'd me and my friend had home births). I gave him the briefest run down (My first was 37 hours of hard labor, but it was beautiful and life changing, my second was much shorter, which caught me off guard so I ended up not calling my midwife in time and had her in the shower). I should have known that no one is ever happy with the details of the unassisted shower birth, but for some reason I thought, this guy really doesn't want/need to know that. But of course he wanted to hear more about it. I told him it would just freak him out, but he insisted so I gave him the censored version. that was hard because normally I reenact the noises, tell the funny comments my (then)husband made (I.e. "you look all crazy, but you sound like you're having sex - how do you feel?" "Like I'm having crazy sex!") and talk in depth about how I felt and what was going on in my mind.

I think I managed to tell him about it without totally freaking him (and the bartender, and the several people around us) out, while still conveying the pain and beauty and intense hormonal rush. But I mean, that's not really good date conversation. Not long after that the bar closed, we left and he said he was just going to call it a night cause he didn't get much sleep and had a big day tomorrow (had a big deal work thing, but it didn't start till after 3pm). I said "you sure you don't want any company?" and he said he was sorry, and just tired, and that I didn't want get immersed in him right now 'cause he's just crabby. Whatever. So he hugged me and kissed me goodbye on the cheek, and said "see you later", then I left. It was only 2:15am, and I know he's almost always out later than that.

Now, I get it, I did keep him up the night before and I can understand needing to rehabilitate after that, but it just seemed so impersonal. I couldn't help feeling really rejected. Here I am, putting myself out there -which is especially hard for me- I feel like it's going well and bam! Good night. It wasn't about having sex again, it was that I thought we'd be a little more comfortable, and close. I felt that way. I grew up with pretty traditional morals (which didn't stop me from getting knocked up at 16, but I digress) so of course my mind goes straight to "see, you shouldn't have slept with him - you ruined everything." But it's not really like that, is it? I mean, I don't want to have to use sex as a weapon, holding out like it's some carrot on a stick. If a guy's not going to be interested after he gets laid I'd rather find that out before I get to attached anyway.

So, I said all that to ask: what do you think? Is he just trying to back off a little and take it slow? Was he just legitimately tired and I was crossing the line to expect to just intrude on his life like that? Is it possible that the sex was so bad he wanted to cut his loses? Did I freak him the heck out with my birth story and my somewhat sudden openness? Do you think he'll call me? What should I do?!
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#27 of 91 Old 08-11-2008, 11:15 AM
 
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**BREATHE**

and be patient.

maybe you moved too soon but, like you said, better to find out know before getting more attached. if the birth story wigged him out, i'd say he needs to grow up. it sounds like an AMAZING story to me... and i'd love to hear it in person with all the sound effects!

hang in there, dude. keep hitting the beach with family and doggies and enjoy the rest of your summer. whatever's meant to happen certainly will.

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#28 of 91 Old 08-11-2008, 12:35 PM
 
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omg, I'll be impressed if anyone even reads half of that post. Sorry. I realize I'm overreacting.

thinking about this a little more, I'm not even 100% sure whether I like him that much or if I just like myself in that situation. yk? I liked how it felt, I liked being confidant, and of course I adored all the attention and the being liked. this is so complicated.

Would it be a bad idea to call him?
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#29 of 91 Old 08-11-2008, 12:52 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lunar forest View Post
So, I said all that to ask: what do you think? Is he just trying to back off a little and take it slow? Was he just legitimately tired and I was crossing the line to expect to just intrude on his life like that? Is it possible that the sex was so bad he wanted to cut his loses? Did I freak him the heck out with my birth story and my somewhat sudden openness? Do you think he'll call me? What should I do?!
you know (and trust me, when d and i first started dating i couldn't take my own advice ) i try hard not to assume the worst. give him the benefit of the doubt; trust him when he tells you he's beat and just needs to recoup. assume that he's telling you the truth. the kiss on the cheek could be chivalry or maybe he's not much into pda's. i'm doubting it was 'bad' sex. didn't you say you dtd a second time that morning? he didn't boot you out immediately after the first time? i'm not much into games, so i'd give him a day to recoup and call him if you don't hear from him. my dad tells me to remember occam's razor (basically, the simplest answer is generally the correct one). the simple answer here is that he was tired. not that the sex was bad, he was freaked by your birth story, made up some big lie in order to not-dump you and went out to party.
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#30 of 91 Old 08-11-2008, 01:00 PM
 
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Thanks SS. This is all good to hear. I need a lot of encouragement here, I think. But you're right, I need to not jump to conclusions and just calm the F down.

I like honesty and I hate games, but I always assume that everybody else is playing a game that I just don't get. I don't like to be mess with like that, it really freaks me out. But, you know, he could have just been honest and it could really be that simple. Hmmm. I do know that he voiced some concerns to a friend (I think I mentioned this before) about everything changing or moving to fast. So, there's probably that. I shouldn't do anything rash, and I should just wait it out, yes?
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