September Dating Thread!!! - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#61 of 138 Old 09-12-2008, 05:12 PM
 
emma_goldman's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: love and light
Posts: 1,417
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Clementine~ View Post
*hug to Emma*
May I suggest getting a vibrator? Suddenly, I'm feel pretty dang fine being single.
Good suggestion; I've got a really good relationship with my battery-operated-boyfriend (BOB).

I'm feeling better today...thanks for all the hugs, ya'all!
emma_goldman is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#62 of 138 Old 09-12-2008, 07:59 PM
 
mimim's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 2,506
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by emma_goldman View Post
Good suggestion; I've got a really good relationship with my battery-operated-boyfriend (BOB).

I'm feeling better today...thanks for all the hugs, ya'all!
I need to get one. I have one, but my stbx bought it and it's ridiculous and huge. He bought it for his fantasy, not my pleasure.

Someone pm me a link on where to get one? Somewhere for women?

Rainbow.gif ~ Molly
mimim is offline  
#63 of 138 Old 09-12-2008, 08:10 PM
 
rainbowmoon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Vermont
Posts: 10,800
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mimim View Post
I need to get one. I have one, but my stbx bought it and it's ridiculous and huge. He bought it for his fantasy, not my pleasure.

Someone pm me a link on where to get one? Somewhere for women?
www.goodvibes.com

Blissful Mama to DD-(5), DS-(6) and someone new due in November!
rainbowmoon is offline  
#64 of 138 Old 09-12-2008, 08:11 PM
 
mimim's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 2,506
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbowmoon View Post
Thanks. I'll check it out.

Rainbow.gif ~ Molly
mimim is offline  
#65 of 138 Old 09-12-2008, 08:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
EvolvingMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Great Basin, California
Posts: 349
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
OMG, you women are on my wavelength! I just broke up with someone and am facing untold years of solo sex in a small town, so I am also trying to figure out how to deal with that. A friend recommended Good Vibes so I will check it out tonight (when I leave my classroom).

Laurie wash.gif (44), wife to DH thumb.gif(60), mama to DS guitar.gif (18), DS reading.gif(6), DSD heartbeat.gif(15), and DD (4)jog.gif 
EvolvingMama is offline  
#66 of 138 Old 09-13-2008, 03:37 PM
 
kokonutmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 674
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm a fan of babeland.com. Toys for every budget and lots of "how to" articles.

I came on here to boo-hoo at you all. I just broke up with my first boyfriend since the end of my marriage 3 years ago and it hurts way more than I expected it too. I'm having a hard time functioning. Is this normal? Are post-marriage breakups harder, in general?

treehugger.gif
kokonutmama is offline  
#67 of 138 Old 09-13-2008, 04:38 PM
 
emma_goldman's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: love and light
Posts: 1,417
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by kokonutmama View Post
it hurts way more than I expected it too. I'm having a hard time functioning. Is this normal? Are post-marriage breakups harder, in general?
I know I'm surprised at myself...
emma_goldman is offline  
#68 of 138 Old 09-13-2008, 05:40 PM
 
Holland73's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Urban Jungle on the Bay
Posts: 2,573
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by kokonutmama View Post
Are post-marriage breakups harder, in general?
I think post-marriage breakups, especially when it is your first relationship post-marriage, are harder because of the expectations you go into that first relationship with are oftentimes unrealistic.
Holland73 is online now  
#69 of 138 Old 09-13-2008, 11:46 PM
 
kokonutmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 674
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
the expectations you go into that first relationship with are oftentimes unrealistic
this is spot on. oof. I shouldn't have come back, now I'm going to cry again,

treehugger.gif
kokonutmama is offline  
#70 of 138 Old 09-13-2008, 11:59 PM
 
Holland73's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Urban Jungle on the Bay
Posts: 2,573
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by kokonutmama View Post
this is spot on. oof. I shouldn't have come back, now I'm going to cry again,


Hang in there. It does get easier and with each relationship you will grow and find what you need.
Holland73 is online now  
#71 of 138 Old 09-14-2008, 12:03 AM
 
mimim's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 2,506
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
for the sad mamas


I found something at goodvibes. I was feeling optimistic, so I got an assortment of condoms, too

Last night I spent three hours on the phone with a guy that seems perfect. When I checked my email this morning, I discovered that he'd sent me a message right after we'd hung up the phone. He is sooo sweet and interesting. We are going to meet up this week AND we have a date for the weekend already. I got my hands on some free tickets to a world class theater. When I was talking to him, I realized that he would really love this play, so I asked him if he wanted to go. I don't even care if it's not there physically with him. I know I can be friends with him if it doesn't work out in that way.

Rainbow.gif ~ Molly
mimim is offline  
#72 of 138 Old 09-14-2008, 09:22 AM
 
DanishMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Denmark
Posts: 879
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mimim View Post
I need to get one. I have one, but my stbx bought it and it's ridiculous and huge. He bought it for his fantasy, not my pleasure.

Someone pm me a link on where to get one? Somewhere for women?
I can really recommend www.lelo.com Doesn't get any better than that. Rechargeable and no need to worry about nasty chemicals.
DanishMom is offline  
#73 of 138 Old 09-14-2008, 11:59 AM
 
rainbowmoon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Vermont
Posts: 10,800
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by DanishMom View Post
I can really recommend www.lelo.com Doesn't get any better than that. Rechargeable and no need to worry about nasty chemicals.

have ya'll seen the solar powered vibe? :
http://www.solarpowerrocks.com/solar...ered-vibrator/

Blissful Mama to DD-(5), DS-(6) and someone new due in November!
rainbowmoon is offline  
#74 of 138 Old 09-14-2008, 04:03 PM
 
kokonutmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 674
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
have ya'll seen the solar powered vibe?
That's so rad. My first thought, though, was of course that you have to leave it out in the sun... but I guess the cell phone design makes that a little easier. The neighbors aren't likely to look twice.

treehugger.gif
kokonutmama is offline  
#75 of 138 Old 09-14-2008, 06:32 PM
 
MommytoB's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 2,115
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hi There ,
Have some questions I been a single mom since feb 2005 and I'm ready to date someone -I'm a sahm so I don't work so no co-workers to liken too, I found my ex online in a chatroom I joined online dating things most of them were smokers -yuck or too old that email me and i'm like no no !

When I'm with my boy I can take him to the drop off daycare once in awhile but not all the time but some gals in our apartment area who have their kids babysitting it's like yikes the price is too much while the drop off is cheaper so here I could go date a guy when my mom has my son overnite or just for the evening but I never know the way my mom schedule works kwim ?

I did have a break yesterday and last nite and I'm like boy I could be dating right now but am not !

But the best possiblity for me to even be dating is when my mom had my son overnite otherwise i could only be gone for 2 hrs tops that's only time for a dinner out - no movies you know ?
MommytoB is offline  
#76 of 138 Old 09-15-2008, 11:15 AM
 
lunar forest's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Cleveland, OH
Posts: 1,482
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I've stayed away from this thread because it was too frustrating for me to even think about dating after all my recent craziness. But now I have a happy reason to post. yay!

this is really long, but I just couldn't cut anymore of it out. Sorry!

There's this guy, J who is really hip and smart and funny. Not to mention very cute. He's a really close friend to some of my really close friends but we'd just started hanging out recently. He's actually been a really fantastic friend. We've talked a lot of dating and I've asked him some really specific advice about certain guys and such, and he'd been really helpful. He was there when I got snubbed my mr. relationships and his midlife crisis and I got a little bit drunk and belligerent. In fact, it was his idea to encourage me out of the bar before I made a complete fool of myself and got too friendly with mr. trouble. What a nice guy, ya know? I'd actually considered dating him for the briefest of moments but when talking with my bff (who's a good friend of his) about it we decided that it might be weird and that it wasn't worth the risk because he just doesn't really date. So, I was just happy to have him as a friend, after all, we have a lot in common, are pretty similar and get along great.

Two weeks ago I wanted to take my sister out dancing for her 18th birthday. The problem was, it was a few days before her birthday so they wouldn't let her into the club. We were so bummed. So, I suggested we just go to my bff's house around the corner and hang out instead. I just had to stop next door at mr. trouble's bar for some take out beers (with high hopes that if anything I'd be getting my good beers on the cheap). On my way in I ran into one of J's friends who made a strange comment about him being in there. I just laughed, because I wasn't entirely sure what he meant, and shrugged it off. So I go in there and see him and tell him my story about not getting into the place and how we're going to go have a "porch party". I invited everybody there, but for some strange reason only he wanted to come. Looking back, I think I should have known then.

My point with all this ridiculous back story is coming up, I assure you! So, because I didn't get to go dancing I asked him if he'd go with me the following week, and surprisingly he agreed. Apparently I kept asking him if we were still on, but I wasn't sure if it was one of those "yeah let's do that sometime" kind of things that never really happens, or if it was making plans.

So, we went dancing last week, even after coming home late from camping having barely slept and being completely exhausted. I was really looking forward to it. I love dancing. We had a great time. The best part was that it was so loud on the dance floor that you had to get pretty close and yell at each other to talk, so every time I wanted to say something I got to lean on him and he'd put his hand on my waist. Heaven, right there. At this point I realized not only do I like him, but I really like him. oh my!

OK, so this is the best part:
On friday we hung out with our friends at their house and had loads of fun, but somehow everyone got totally hammered. Pretty late into the night J and I found ourselves alone in the kitchen and he got all serious suddenly and said that he'd had a great time on sunday and asked if he could take me out for real sometime, on an "official" date. Though I couldn't see myself, I'm pretty sure we were both blushing copiously. Then somebody walked in.

The rest of the night was blissful. He kept holding my hand and steeling glances at me, which eventually evolved into snuggling on the couch with his arm around me watching the best parts of Wes Anderson films. It'd already been agree that no one should drive home after drinking so much, so we stayed on the tiny couch together all night, like a couple of teenagers. I loved it.

The next night we went on our date and it was so comfortable and fun and perfect. After dinner we went back to our friends' house where people were playing board games - I mean, how can you resist that? It went much like the previous night, except that no one got hammered, per se, and when it got late we we stole the house guest's bed and talked and kissed and cuddled till the sun came up. He confessed to having had a "huge crush" on me for a long time. I got pretty embarrassed by that, mostly thinking of how open I was with him about my dating/sex life. sheesh. Also that he'd confided in his guy friends how he felt, so that explains the weird comment from his friend.

It was the greatest kind of adorable nerdy perfection; I just want to relive that night and morning over and over again. :
lunar forest is offline  
#77 of 138 Old 09-15-2008, 11:18 AM
 
lunar forest's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Cleveland, OH
Posts: 1,482
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
oh yeah, and Smitten Kitten is a great feminist run store with only safe toys, I highly recommend (along with the aforementioned babeland).
lunar forest is offline  
#78 of 138 Old 09-15-2008, 11:53 AM - Thread Starter
 
EvolvingMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Great Basin, California
Posts: 349
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hello,

Well, I'm the OP for this thread. I did it yesterday -- broke up with the nice but not-for-me boyfriend of 17 months. And while the last 2 weeks without him (I asked for some space) have been great, and it's been so nice to feel like ME again, and spend time with friends, yesterday was horrible and I feel so sad. There were even a few melodramatic mortifying moments (an on-his-knees proposal in the parking lot of Safeway after I had broken up with him, and left to go grocery shopping!). So I am in post-break up mode and wishing it COULD work, but knowing it can't.

I will go back later and reread everyone's exciting posts about new loves and sex toys! Thanks again for your support.

Laurie wash.gif (44), wife to DH thumb.gif(60), mama to DS guitar.gif (18), DS reading.gif(6), DSD heartbeat.gif(15), and DD (4)jog.gif 
EvolvingMama is offline  
#79 of 138 Old 09-15-2008, 01:25 PM
 
kokonutmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 674
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
EvolvingMama.
That sounds rough. Be good to yourself.

treehugger.gif
kokonutmama is offline  
#80 of 138 Old 09-15-2008, 07:42 PM
 
emma_goldman's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: love and light
Posts: 1,417
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Holland73 View Post
I think post-marriage breakups, especially when it is your first relationship post-marriage, are harder because of the expectations you go into that first relationship with are oftentimes unrealistic.
Could you elaborate on this, Holland73? I'm wondering if this is part of why things went so wrong with my guy...

Also, Mamas, are you seeing that you have to play a game at not seeming interested? It seems like I was completely honest with my interest in my guy and then he LOST interest as soon as I expressed mine...Anyone have experience with this?

Also, I was super excited about the relationship and didn't realize that he wasn't so much. Does this have something to do with boundaries? I was ready to jump in and was SO excited because we seemed so perfect for each other...

I have so much to learn!
emma_goldman is offline  
#81 of 138 Old 09-16-2008, 12:06 AM
 
~Clementine~'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 47
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mimim View Post
I need to get one. I have one, but my stbx bought it and it's ridiculous and huge. He bought it for his fantasy, not my pleasure.

Someone pm me a link on where to get one? Somewhere for women?
A lot of women like the hitachi magic wand. I kind of doubted it, but once I started using it, it's designed perfectly. I like the long handle and it comes with different attachments that you can collect like pokemon cards. (just don't trade them ...) Anyway, I'm very happy and the fact that the attachments are small, really is the reason it works so well. I would suggest anything with a really long handle!
~Clementine~ is offline  
#82 of 138 Old 09-16-2008, 12:47 AM
 
Holland73's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Urban Jungle on the Bay
Posts: 2,573
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by emma_goldman View Post
Could you elaborate on this, Holland73?
It is a transition.

You come out of marriage/long relationship and you, oftentimes unconsciously, are anxious to get back into a similar type of relationship because that is what you are used to.

Therefore, again unconsciously, move a little too fast or get a little too anxious/excited.

This is why I think it is SOOOO important to spend time in a relationship with yourself: finding new passions, hobbies and just loving your own company. Getting to the point of not "needing" a relationship.


Quote:
Originally Posted by emma_goldman View Post
Also, Mamas, are you seeing that you have to play a game at not seeming interested?
It is not a matter of playing games, it is a matter of coming off desperate or overly needy.

Quote:
Originally Posted by emma_goldman View Post
Also, I was super excited about the relationship and didn't realize that he wasn't so much. Does this have something to do with boundaries? I was ready to jump in and was SO excited because we seemed so perfect for each other...
I don't think it has much to do with boundaries.

IMO, I think it scares people off, male and female, when they feel you rely too much on them, especially in the beginning. It has to do with their feelings of not being able to meet your needs, which ultimately, could result in failure for them. No one wants to be in a relationship where they feel like they will "fail".

If you have a solid, fulfilling life without a partner, then anything else that a partner provides you is a wonderful addition.

If you do not have a solid, fulfilling life without a partner, then chances are you are looking for someone to fill a part of yourself... your life. And, if that is the case, then that is A LOT of pressure to put on a person. And, in my experience, they will fail you because they will NEVER be able to give you exactly what you are wanting or it will never be enough.

Ok...that glass of wine has really got me blabbering.
Holland73 is online now  
#83 of 138 Old 09-16-2008, 12:53 AM
 
Holland73's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Urban Jungle on the Bay
Posts: 2,573
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by emma_goldman View Post
I have so much to learn!
Learn about yourself. Develop an amazing, loving, exciting relationship with yourself. Just you, yourself and you.

If you can do that, you won't really need to learn anything about dating.
Holland73 is online now  
#84 of 138 Old 09-16-2008, 08:19 AM
 
mmace's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Southwestern Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,936
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
.
mmace is offline  
#85 of 138 Old 09-16-2008, 09:55 AM
 
NoMariposa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 612
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I just have to pop on here and get a smidgin of "it's okay".

I think I just opened a can of worms. I think I just revealed where I see our relationship going. He's an old, old, friend going back 20 yrs. A friendship with a missed opportunity to see where it would have lead 17 yrs ago given his decision to take gf whom he later married and now is divorcing.

It broke my heart when he cut off our relationship b/c she was jealous. At the time I lived in another country. I was making plans to move nearby before he told me about his gf telling him to cut off our ties or else (he should have realized what that meant then to be out of his world of "discovering his true self again", but men are often blind).

We never cut all ties. We just reduced the frequency of our communication. He told me how sorry he was to have cut me off a few months before I married. We have remained friends all these years even meeting each other's spouse.

I'm having a mini freak out moment -- What if i jumped the gun? What if he really was only looking for our friendship and not to see where it could go this time around? I wrote "we are both free adults this time around". OIY We've got 900 miles between us and 2 sets of kids with highly involved other parent and it seems frankly impossible.

Well, I guess it gets the small talk out of the way and puts my intentions on the table vaguely.

BREATHE... Maybe he won't read more into it... Do I care??? Geez, I feel like a teenager! Stop it... (talking to myself)
NoMariposa is offline  
#86 of 138 Old 09-16-2008, 11:01 AM
 
mimim's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 2,506
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
NoMariposa, I think you made a good decision. You got your intentions out in the open but not in a way that would put any pressure on him. If you've had feelings for him all this time, you were right to let him know.

Rainbow.gif ~ Molly
mimim is offline  
#87 of 138 Old 09-16-2008, 11:04 AM
 
lunar forest's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Cleveland, OH
Posts: 1,482
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I agree with mimim. It's always better to be open and honest, right? I think what you said is fine, you don't need to worry about it.
lunar forest is offline  
#88 of 138 Old 09-16-2008, 11:39 AM
 
NoMariposa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 612
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think we deserve a chance to develop our relationship further. I have to wonder if I still have our letters from over the last 20 yrs tucked away somewhere... We were in love as high schoolers, but what teen knows what love is? Some do, I suppose. We just never got a chance to find out.

My love has never died for him, there has always been a place in my heart for him. I get the feeling that we probably share the same feelings. We were really emotionally connected years ago.

I guess in my head it gets complicated.

As of now, I'm worried. I haven't heard back from him and it isn't like him. I might have scared the crap out of him! Or left him speechless. Or he is just busy. Man, it is just like a freakin' high school crush.
NoMariposa is offline  
#89 of 138 Old 09-17-2008, 09:39 AM
 
NoMariposa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 612
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
No specific reply. He ignored it. hmmm, well, I put it out there all the same.
NoMariposa is offline  
#90 of 138 Old 09-17-2008, 10:01 AM
 
Oh the Irony's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: grateful for truth
Posts: 3,448
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Awww, don't worry or second guess yourself NoMariposa. If that scares him off then he isn't worthy!


I am having fun. That is all.
Oh the Irony is offline  
Reply

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off