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#1 of 138 Old 08-30-2008, 02:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm tired of living in the land of ambivalence, in which I'm alternately wanting to end my relationship with my BF (not my sons' dad) and wanting to make it work. I think our styles are so different - he takes a very long time to do anything and rarely follows through on what he agrees to, and I need some consistency for my life. I am a teacher and have a toddler and middle schooler, a home I'm trying to sell, community. etc.....He is leaving the 2nd job in a year due to being asked to resign or be fired, due to his slowness and his employers' dissatisfaction with his follow-through. He has broken some big agreements recently (like asking me to agree to counseling and setting it up, then telling me on the day of the appointment that he'd screwed up and it was the week before -- after I'd arranged child care and to drive an hour to the appointment, made notes on what I wanted to discuss, etc.) There are so many examples like this - small and big - it's embarrassing to realize that i've put up with it! Once again, we are facing the question of, where will he live? What will he do? We are in a very rural region. And it comes down to, in his mind, that since he agreed to move nearer to me since I have a commitmebnt to stay near my older son's dad, that I am responsible for his happiness. he is constantly apologizing, saying "I'm sorry" left and right. I can anticipate when he won't come through with someone or something, and can expect him to ask me to help out with it. YUCK!!!! How did I let myself do this?????

As I write this, I am realizing that I just can't pretend to myself anymore that he is The One, that our good times will a marriage make, that I am at risk of making a big mistake by "taking on" another household member who isn't ready to be a contributing, cooperative partner. As he gets deeper into trouble with his lack of work opportunities (he is a planner, ironically!), and considering yet another life change (he wants to get a different degree, online, and take care of my baby while I work -- but it took him 3 diffferent universities and 6 years to get through school the first time -- and I have no assurance he will stick with a plan), I'm feeling more and more stuck, more obligated to "keep him on" as my baby gets more connected to him. WHY would I choose to be with someone who is SO different from me that it always feels like drudgery to be with him, while he feels relieved and happy and reaps tons of benefits to be with me/us?

So I think I need to keep it short and sweet, and not make it a topic for discussion with a counselor or even between us, and have it drag out forever as everything does with him.

While he loves my baby and me, and says he wants to get married and be a family in one household, I really doubt that he can do it and be an equal partner. If I am going to have a partner at all, I want someone who is responsible for himself and to us, as well, not just talking about it or asking me to be patient.

The sucky thing is he's a really nice guy, and he's struggling with all this, and I feel badly that breaking up with him will be a huge blow for him at this stressful time in his life. But the other part of me says that he has chosen his path, and that I don't have to be responsible for how he feels. He has been miserable in one job or another since last winter, and talks about it constantly.

So, before he breaks one more big or small agreement with me, I want to tell him that it's just not working out, that our plans for the future are not going to work for me and for my kids, and that now that he's lost another job, maybe it would be a good time to move on to a place where he won't feel stuck int he middle of nowhere. But....has anyone ever done this short and sweet?

i would appreciate some insight and suggestions! Thanks, mamas.

Laurie wash.gif (44), wife to DH thumb.gif(60), mama to DS guitar.gif (18), DS reading.gif(6), DSD heartbeat.gif(15), and DD (4)jog.gif 
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#2 of 138 Old 08-30-2008, 02:16 PM
 
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I want to tell him that it's just not working out, that our plans for the future are not going to work for me and for my kids, and that now that he's lost another job, maybe it would be a good time to move on to a place where he won't feel stuck int he middle of nowhere. But....has anyone ever done this short and sweet?

i would appreciate some insight and suggestions! Thanks, mamas.
I think this is it!

The thing about breaking up is the importance of being honest and direct. If you are done, be done, make it clear and move on.

Wishing you well.
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#3 of 138 Old 08-30-2008, 10:13 PM
 
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I think this is it!

The thing about breaking up is the importance of being honest and direct. If you are done, be done, make it clear and move on.

Wishing you well.
: I think that about sums it up. If he tries to argue with you, just tell him it isn't up for discussion and you've already made your decision.

Good luck!

Single WAHM to 5yo DD, 2yo DS, and forever 7 week old angel DD.
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#4 of 138 Old 08-30-2008, 10:32 PM
 
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Can you believe it?? I am early for once

This is the place to discuss all things 'dating'

I have just had an experience that I am not sure how to take.

I was wondering why there was less $$ in my checking account than I thought was in there so I went online and discovered that match.com had taken a chunk of change as a 'renewal' I had cancelled that a while back and had my profile hidden so I wouldn't get annoying winks and emails.

I was so peeved that I took my profile off of hidden mode, and a screen came up (a random screen) of guys, I saw one that looked more interesting than most so I said wth, and winked. We are now going to go out next week

I am sensible, and have lately been wanting to be in another relationship. I am a total 'in the moment' kind of person, and I am going with the flow.

The way I look at it is...why get angry at match for mistakenly taking my payment? It kind of seems like some kind of divine order, who knows?

Oh well, it is a new moon today, good time for new beginnings.

                                Whatever will be, already is...
 
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#5 of 138 Old 08-31-2008, 12:18 AM
 
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Beloved, this new moon is so so very much needed! Hmm, interesting way of looking at things, I'm intrigued...

EvolvingMama -

Read your whole message... And wow, you're still with him?? Whoa girl! Whoa! Hmmm... you really need to do what is bound to happen and end it. You know that it's gonna happen. So, do it, and you'll get to where you're going quicker! No more moving at turtle speed, going around in circles. Even if he's super nice and great on the inside, I would not be able to be with someone like that. ugh! Remember, there are a lot of almost's out there. You could easily meet a man (if you wanted to) who you connected with more. The only difference is that you are currently connected to him, used to him and his scent. But as a cereal monogamist, I will tell you that it will fade out so easily!

I've been dumped in many different ways and situations. The best and easiest by far, as the dumpee, has been the weening method. A couple of times, the boyfriend has been sweet and caring in the breakup. And then during the next 2 weeks after, we continued to talk and see eachother, and then slowly tapered off into a nice friendship, but not too close, or often.

I think the most hurtful, hard, and dragged out dumping experiences I've had, is when I'm flat out dumped, with no hanging out, not talking about it, and no friendship

(not that I always get dumped or anything)
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#6 of 138 Old 08-31-2008, 12:25 AM
 
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I've landed in a great spot with the wealthy attorney..

We are just friend, I'm fine with it, happy to be single, not ready for him, and if we fall in love again later, great, if not, no big deal. I'm so happy I am at this point. We hung out on Friday night, and I felt so centered in that. It's as right and as real as rain! We also talked for a long long time on the phone. I think we will probably fall in love someday. And I say that not as a hopeful smitten woman, but as a totally objective observer. It's kind of obvious, and that's just hardcore fact. Not based off of any BS I may have received to spare my feelings, but just because it's obvious. Of course anything can happen and I may change or meet someone else and vice versa. And if so, I'm fine with it. If I were to be told that we would never be anything, I'd feel FINE!

I've smack landed in the best most healthiest, (yet slightly odd) situation and mindset, ever!

This guy is so smart. Probably one of the smartest people I've ever met. I'm not one just go along with some guy and accept that he is always right. But this guy, he has amazed me in his rightness. I'm glad he ended it, I'm not ready either!
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#7 of 138 Old 08-31-2008, 01:43 AM
 
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oooh, Kelly, that DOES sound like some divine interference!! Have a wonderful time and tell us all about it!

Laurie, I could have written most of what you wrote just a month or so ago. It was so hard for me to break up with the boyfriend, but it came down to realizing that I would never be able to get my brain to stop yelling at me if I didn't do it It's hard to end a relationship with someone who you really do care about but it was the best thing I ever did. I instantly felt a weight come off of me and I knew it was the best decision. Also, staying in a relationship that isn't right means you're not available for the right relationship. I've spent the last 3 weeks kicking myself for not ending it sooner because then I'd have had more time with the man of my dreams, who is finally in my life

Robin~ single, work-at-home momma to my WonderBoys
YoungMan (6/00) & LittleBoy (6/04)
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#8 of 138 Old 08-31-2008, 12:58 PM
 
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So i think i can finally share a bit of my happiness. Especially after the whole ex showing up thing! About 6 weeks ago my neighbor who is a single mama asked me if i could watch her kiddo but for the dad on his visitation days because both them of had to work. I agreed because her son also happens to be my son's best friend and i will help any single parent out if i can. After a year of the son being in my family's life i finally met his dad.(the dad actually has custody M-F and for some reason i have never met him during their drop off/pick up times) See where this is going? The dad showed up in the morning to drop him off and the rest if history. Every day that he dropped him off and picked him up he started staying longer and longer and he and i would talk for hours. He started bringing me vegetables and flowers from his garden and then we made plans to take the boys to a movie. Then a week later we took the kids to a fair and then the beach. The energy between us is very powerful and so real. Finally he and i made plans to go out alone. That night he told me that i was the most amazing woman he has ever met and i make him feel so good and so happy and he told me he wants to be with me. He also told me that i deserve to be treated good and that he wants to do that for me. I asked him if he was sure about getting involved with a single mama of 5 kids (and with a crazy ex!) and he said that he didn't care at all and that they were a part of me and he wanted to be with all of me. After that night we started talking daily and he and i and all of our kids have been doing things together. Last night he and i went out and he told me again that i make him feel so happy and he thanked me for helping him to be able to enjoy life again and to see things in a new light. We met 6 weeks ago and only just now kissed for the first time, which was the most amazing kiss i have ever shared. I have always felt like men wanted just sex with me(except for my oldest dd's dad, we were great friends) and for the second time in my life i felt appreciated for who i am and not purely as a sexual being. I feel his love and appreciation and it is the most powerful feeling. He is thirty almost thirty one, so gorgeous!, a single dad who has custody M-F(how many dads have that?) and he goes to school to be a preschool teacher. He has strong family values and has only been with a few women, both long term( did i mention he was a scorpio?). So i want to preface all of this with the fact that two days before we met i had told the universe that i was done dating. I felt used and unappreciated and that i was not going to be dating any men until i had a strong connection with a man. When i met this man i was immediately drawn to him and i told myself that i would cultivate a strong friendship with him because i needed good male energy in my life. My intentions were for friendship with him. I have been discouraged by being a single parent and dating, feeling like i would never meet a great guy who would fit with ease into my crazy life. I've been there. I have been single for 2 years and dated casually but it never felt good. SO i want y'all to know that it is possible to meet an amazing and special man who will appreciate you for everything you are. Tonight he and i are going to see WIllie Nelson
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#9 of 138 Old 08-31-2008, 02:04 PM
 
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So i think i can finally share a bit of my happiness. Especially after the whole ex showing up thing! About 6 weeks ago my neighbor who is a single mama asked me if i could watch her kiddo but for the dad on his visitation days because both them of had to work. I agreed because her son also happens to be my son's best friend and i will help any single parent out if i can. After a year of the son being in my family's life i finally met his dad.(the dad actually has custody M-F and for some reason i have never met him during their drop off/pick up times) See where this is going? The dad showed up in the morning to drop him off and the rest if history. Every day that he dropped him off and picked him up he started staying longer and longer and he and i would talk for hours. He started bringing me vegetables and flowers from his garden and then we made plans to take the boys to a movie. Then a week later we took the kids to a fair and then the beach. The energy between us is very powerful and so real. Finally he and i made plans to go out alone. That night he told me that i was the most amazing woman he has ever met and i make him feel so good and so happy and he told me he wants to be with me. He also told me that i deserve to be treated good and that he wants to do that for me. I asked him if he was sure about getting involved with a single mama of 5 kids (and with a crazy ex!) and he said that he didn't care at all and that they were a part of me and he wanted to be with all of me. After that night we started talking daily and he and i and all of our kids have been doing things together. Last night he and i went out and he told me again that i make him feel so happy and he thanked me for helping him to be able to enjoy life again and to see things in a new light. We met 6 weeks ago and only just now kissed for the first time, which was the most amazing kiss i have ever shared. I have always felt like men wanted just sex with me(except for my oldest dd's dad, we were great friends) and for the second time in my life i felt appreciated for who i am and not purely as a sexual being. I feel his love and appreciation and it is the most powerful feeling. He is thirty almost thirty one, so gorgeous!, a single dad who has custody M-F(how many dads have that?) and he goes to school to be a preschool teacher. He has strong family values and has only been with a few women, both long term( did i mention he was a scorpio?). So i want to preface all of this with the fact that two days before we met i had told the universe that i was done dating. I felt used and unappreciated and that i was not going to be dating any men until i had a strong connection with a man. When i met this man i was immediately drawn to him and i told myself that i would cultivate a strong friendship with him because i needed good male energy in my life. My intentions were for friendship with him. I have been discouraged by being a single parent and dating, feeling like i would never meet a great guy who would fit with ease into my crazy life. I've been there. I have been single for 2 years and dated casually but it never felt good. SO i want y'all to know that it is possible to meet an amazing and special man who will appreciate you for everything you are. Tonight he and i are going to see WIllie Nelson

That is great!!! What does your neighbor think??

                                Whatever will be, already is...
 
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#10 of 138 Old 08-31-2008, 03:15 PM
 
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Haven't told her. The last time i was dating someone she told me that she couldn't understand why a woman with 5 kids could get a decent guy and why she, with only 2 kids twice a week, couldn't get a decent guy. She and I are the same age but she prefers picking up 21 year old men from bars and can never understand why they won't commit to something long term with her. She isn't exactly tactful. I have been watching her son for her every weekend day that she wants to go and party for the last year for free with zero reimbursement. WE don't have a close relationship by any stretch of the means but i adore her son so i maintain an amicable friendship so that her son can continue playing with my family. I didn't feel it necessary to tell her about me and her ex. If she asks i will gladly oblige though!
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#11 of 138 Old 08-31-2008, 10:31 PM
 
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Avanti, thanks for the story. Totally awesome. Male preschool teachers are dreamy, you lucky girl....
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#12 of 138 Old 08-31-2008, 10:51 PM
 
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Evolving Mama: Sounds like you've gotten some good advice here. Good luck and keep us posted. I'm hoping that as I type my issues here, I will figure some things out, as it seems you did.

Beloved K: When's the date???
Avani: Sounds great!

I feel a very long, personal post coming... apologizing in advance about the length.

Ok. I haven't posted very lately on the dating thread, so I'll try to recap briefly. I met J at Christmas time. We really clicked (best 1st date EVER!). We saw each other approx 1x/week for a while. He told me early on that he wasn't sure he was ready for a relationship because of still needing to work through issues about his marriage and divorce. I respected that. All along I haven't even been certain of what I'm ready for for the same reasons. However, we have gradually gotten more and more involved, at a pretty slow pace. We still don't often see each other more than 1x/week. We don't talk daily or anything. But we are not seeing other people. We have an amazing time together... great conversations... unbelievable sex (I truly had no idea it could be like this...)... and a very strong connection. We spend some time (not tons) with each others kids and the kids all have fun together. I guess we'd both consider ourselves to be in a relationship (whatever that means), but not at the stage where we are melding our daily lives or anything like that, if that makes any sense?

This is new to me. I've never dated much at all. I've had 2 serious relationships, one of them being my ex-husband. I've never been with someone this long outside of the context of a serious relationship. I think it's very good and healthy for me. And he has been very good and healthy for me in so many ways. However, it's also very anxiety-producing. I'm used to being more certain about where I stand and how someone feels about me. I find myself feeling great and relaxed and happy when I'm with him. It's been such a good lesson in appreciating today and now and the moment. But I've gone through phases all along where I feel very insecure and uncomfortable in between times of seeing him. Each time it's happened, I've worked through it in some way. Early on it was reminding myself that it doesn't have to be more than it is right now. Just enjoy. Don't rush things. Other times we've ended up having a talk that has helped me.

Now, I'm there again. Having a lot of insecurity. And it feels more intense than ever before. And it starts as the end of our time together is creeping up (usually when I am going to need to leave soon to get DS). And it's frustrating me. Things are fabulous. I want to just enjoy the wonderfulness. I think it's because I recognize how increasingly emotionally involved I am, how much I LOVE being with him, how important he has become to me... and therefor how much higher the stakes are getting for me, you know? Plus, I think these feelings may also be stirring up some undealt with stuff from my marriage. My ex cheated. I had a dream recently that J slept with someone else. I don't actually have any real life fear that he would do that. I trust him to be open and honest with me. We've talked a lot about all of that. But I DO have fears about what he feels, where this is going, if he likes me as much as I like him...

I don't know what to do right now. My general plan through this relationship has been to work at relaxing, trying to enjoy each moment, letting things fall and happen where they will. And it's worked out amazingly well to this point. I've told J that I'm not in a rush, I don't want him to feel rushed or pressured, that the one thing I do need is openness and honesty. He has really appreciated not being pressured into things before he feels ready. And he has become ready and initiated various things as he has... like meeting the kids... spending the night, etc.

I'm wondering if I'm getting to a point where I need a little more security about where this might be headed. OR, maybe I need to work on myself to be more at peace with the wondefulness that I have.

I don't even know exactly what I'm asking. But I'd love to hear any thoughts, advice, words of wisdom for how to deal with this insecurity and anxiety. If you do think I should talk to him, what should I be saying? I don't want him to feel pushed or pressured... and I don't know what it is that I'd be asking of him...

Sorry for this LONG ramble. This has been building up and I'm not sure I know anyone who would understand. Thank you.
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#13 of 138 Old 09-01-2008, 12:33 PM
 
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Avani: That is so great. I'm so happy for you! Scorpios are very loyal as partners. Good luck and enjoy.

Anne
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#14 of 138 Old 09-01-2008, 04:16 PM
 
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BelovedK - I love when synchronicty happens. Enjoy!!!

Clementine - Your situations sounds absolutely lovely! Enjoy!!!

Avani - Wow...again how synchronicity plays a hand. I am so happy for you and hope you get the relationship you know you truly want and deserve.

Robinchap1 - It might be time to ask yourself if you want more in a relationship (which likely risks losing this man) or if the man is more important than the relationship? When I start to look for something to be different in my life, I go within and ask myself why. If if feels like I'm lacking something, I know it's time for me to do some healing on myself. If it feels like I'm wanting and ready for something more, then I know it's time to end the relationship and move on to find someone in the same place as me. Your heart will tell you what you need to know and if you listen, it will steer you in the right direction. I wish you peace.
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#15 of 138 Old 09-01-2008, 07:04 PM
 
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i'm not gonna stay subbed cuz i don't really want to think about dating right now. just wanted to wish BK luck on her hawt date and to tell avani i'm mad jealous of her willie nelson date. (well, not with him. that might be fun as hell, though! )

spread the lovin, ladies. just always take care of *NUMERO UNO* because y'all rock and deserve only the best.

:
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#16 of 138 Old 09-01-2008, 10:30 PM
 
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good luck to those dating soon!

i´ve been divorced for a few months but found a very good friend of mine a few months ago and something happened...a beautiful feeling. now, he´s coming down to visit and we are going to the mountains for 3 days, with my son. he´s 2.5yo so it´ll be easy...i hope.
do i have to act like i do with my normal friends?
can i act affectionate or will my son get extremelly confused??

i´m happy but very nervous!!!!!!
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#17 of 138 Old 09-01-2008, 11:51 PM
 
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I am not going to go into much detail, but I met him in a safe environment (he was with his family *older kids*) I felt insta-chemistry We are going to be having a leisurely dinner date soon. I just KNEW there was something about this. I will remain calm :

                                Whatever will be, already is...
 
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#18 of 138 Old 09-01-2008, 11:53 PM
 
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I am finally headed back east in about 10 days or so to meet the man I have been chatting with online and on the phone since June! : Things are looking promising and super lovely mamas!

Blissful Mama to DD-(5), DS-(6) and someone new due in November!
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#19 of 138 Old 09-02-2008, 12:00 AM
 
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I am finally headed back east in about 10 days or so to meet the man I have been chatting with online and on the phone since June! : Things are looking promising and super lovely mamas!
::

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#20 of 138 Old 09-02-2008, 12:16 AM
 
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Robinchap1,

Wow, I can relate. What to do? I'm trying to please myself and learn to turn to meditation. I'm going to find a book at the library: Conscious Loving. ANYthing has got to help! I'm starting to feel a little bit "played," TBT.
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#21 of 138 Old 09-02-2008, 12:47 AM
 
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I'm going to find a book at the library: Conscious Loving. ANYthing has got to help! I'm starting to feel a little bit "played," TBT.
I was curious about this idea of Conscious Loving, so I googled it.

Did you know there is a very active discussion board that focuses primarily on relationship issues: Conscious Loving Forums?
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#22 of 138 Old 09-02-2008, 01:00 AM
 
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I was curious about this idea of Conscious Loving, so I googled it.

Did you know there is a very active discussion board that focuses primarily on relationship issues: Conscious Loving Forums?
awesome! thanks for posting the link!

Blissful Mama to DD-(5), DS-(6) and someone new due in November!
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#23 of 138 Old 09-02-2008, 01:20 AM
 
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I never in a million years would have thought I'd even be posting a question here at this point (xh left about 7 months ago, and we've been officially divorced for 2 months), but here goes... from what I've read it sounds like a lot of you are trying to find a partner, and I'm wondering if any of you casually date, or have had experience with it, and what it was like for you... and also, what your definition of "casual" is. Thanks!

ETA: On the kid side of things, I mean "casual" as not ever introducing dcs to anyone, but I'm interested in the way you mamas might define "casual" for relationship purposes... if that makes sense.
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#24 of 138 Old 09-02-2008, 08:58 AM
 
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I got married at 20, and it's been less than a year sine I split from my stbx.I am most definitely NOT looking for a serious relationship. I can readily define what I mean by "casual", because the guy I'm going out with this weekend really wanted to know, so he got me to define it.

I'm looking for someone who I get along with and have things in common with, but is not going to pressure me for exclusivity or commitments. He won't meet my kids, or spend holidays with me, etc. We won't spend all of our spare time together.

Now, if I can pull that off without getting too attached, I'll be really proud of myself I've been on a bunch of 1st and 2nd dates lately. None of them have been terrible, but none of them are going anywhere much.

I've got seriously high hopes for the person I'm seeing this weekend, though. We've done a lot of IMing and he's really funny and smart and I get along with him great in the virtual world. I'm really nervous that I won't like him in person.

For anyone who remembers my drama from last month with the guy who seemed interested but didn't call: I did send him an email and he responded after less than 2 hours. Promising right? So I wrote him again around a day and a half later. It's been a couple of days and I haven't heard back this time. So, I'm definitely moving on. Kind of disappointing, but it goes with the territory.

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#25 of 138 Old 09-02-2008, 10:42 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by One Art View Post
I never in a million years would have thought I'd even be posting a question here at this point (xh left about 7 months ago, and we've been officially divorced for 2 months), but here goes... from what I've read it sounds like a lot of you are trying to find a partner, and I'm wondering if any of you casually date, or have had experience with it, and what it was like for you... and also, what your definition of "casual" is. Thanks!

ETA: On the kid side of things, I mean "casual" as not ever introducing dcs to anyone, but I'm interested in the way you mamas might define "casual" for relationship purposes... if that makes sense.
Casual for me would be no committments, very little integration into my everyday life and just out to have some fun without any strings attached.

I casually dated for most of my 20s (I am about to turn 35 in 5 days! ). At that time in my life, it was perfect as I was too selfish and self-involved to give much to another person.

I think because I have btdt with casual dating, I could never go back to such relationships again. I do look back in fondness of that time in my life... I did have a great time and met a lot of amazing people!

But, I am at a different place now. I love my life, am wonderfully happy and I want to be able to share that life and happiness with someone special.

Additionally, casual dating is, in a way, like leading two lives when you have children. I barely have time for the amazing one life I have now.
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#26 of 138 Old 09-02-2008, 05:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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This is such a great place for support! It's so meaningful to me to have you mamas out there, when I am pretty much on my own as a single mama out here in the boonies. My partnered friends and non-mama friends don't quite get it.

I appreciate your suggestions, everyone who answered my post re: breaking up. He is still away until tomorrow and I still have his dog. Now my older son has started his week with my babe and me, so it's the 3 of us and I am really ready to be done with this relationship. So this is what I have done:
  • consolidated his stuff to return to him
  • sent him an email (since his phone isn't working but he is checking his emails while out of town) saying that I have been doing alot of thinking about our relationship as things have not been going well, and that after he comes to pick up his dog, I need a couple of weeks' break from our relationship to think about what I want to do. I don't want to just drop him cold turkey, in the hopes that (as Clementine said) he can have the chance to save a little face and still be a friend, if he chooses. I suggested a day to get together and talk.

When we do have conversations about what's going on, I will let him know that it just isn't working out for my kids and me, and that I think our differences are too great to make for a happy life together. I dont' want to have to explain anymore than that; I'm done arguing, and will tell him so when he complains and tries to guilt me into staying together for his sake, because he is in such a tough place right now.

it will be difficult not to feel sorry for him and agree to help him out with his move, figuring out what's next for him, etc....and he will probably be mad at me for creating his misery, but I will strive to just focus on my sons, my work, and my own needs. And then take a good long while to come back to some equilibrium before I even CONSIDER dating again!

Thanks for your support, and congrats to all of you who are dating and having fun! It's inspiring!

Laurie wash.gif (44), wife to DH thumb.gif(60), mama to DS guitar.gif (18), DS reading.gif(6), DSD heartbeat.gif(15), and DD (4)jog.gif 
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#27 of 138 Old 09-02-2008, 10:29 PM
 
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Thanks mimim and Holland.... mimim, I'm kind of like you in that I met xh at 20 and then ended up marrying him and having two dds... so there wasn't a whole lot of casual dating, and I'm not in a place to be serious either. Also, I'm still in my twenties! And Holland, it's funny that you should say that about leading two lives, because in a way I am partially interested in contemplating casual dating as a way to do just that - well, kind of... more like one life and a sliver of another (the dating), because no, I don't have time for two different lives either. The thought of being able to go out and just have fun with no comittment to anything long-term sounds so refreshing and nice, especially if I am childless for a few hours and can just stop thinking about laundry and schedules, and enjoy another person's company, kwim? Anyway, it is not something I was, or will be actively seeking, but an opportunity may be presenting itself, unsolicited, and I'm trying to figure out what would be right for me.... I would love to hear more from you mamas about your perspectives and/or experience with casual dating... and also, what level of physical intimacy might go with the territory. Thanks!
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#28 of 138 Old 09-03-2008, 12:17 PM
 
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Well, the dating scene has been fairly quiet for me. I've been going out with a guy who I have considered to be one of my best friend since I was 8 years old and that has been pretty nice. It's nice to go out and hang out once and again without a ton of pressure.

We treat each other well and respectfully and I like his attitude about things in general. We are both single parents, so we are understanding of child care needs and it has been really nice.

Former dreads.gifwearing, treehugger.gifing, pole dancing, read.gifpushing, ribbonpurple.gifsurvivor & single mama extraordinaire to energy.gif.  

Now that's a mouthful!!! computergeek2.gif & follow it!   

 

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#29 of 138 Old 09-03-2008, 12:28 PM
 
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I can't imagine at this time in my life keeping dating separate from kids. Hell, my kids have been on every single one of my dates WITH me! though my dates have been definitely defined as casual. I didn't have kids until I was nearly 30 though so I have done alot of the "having fun" thing in my 20's.

Blissful Mama to DD-(5), DS-(6) and someone new due in November!
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#30 of 138 Old 09-03-2008, 03:55 PM
 
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It feels nice to keep it breezy. Thing is, as I am aging, I want someone to travel with, to share my dreams with and all that stuff. But I am not counting on any one person in particular. If something does shake out, that would be a nice surprise, but I'm banking on being alone.

By the by, I say aging like I'm 100, I haven't even hit 30!

Former dreads.gifwearing, treehugger.gifing, pole dancing, read.gifpushing, ribbonpurple.gifsurvivor & single mama extraordinaire to energy.gif.  

Now that's a mouthful!!! computergeek2.gif & follow it!   

 

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