Need input.. kids seeing dad - Mothering Forums

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Old 09-25-2008, 12:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I need some feedback on this because I'm not too sure what's the right or wrong answer.

I realize this is a big transition time for the kids since we've only been living away from their dad for less than a week. They're all taking it pretty well, there is more neediness in general and my 4yr old is obsessed with trying to figure out why we don't live with daddy anymore, but overall it's been better than expected.

Anyway, so ex has been still picking up the kids in the morning for preschool/daycare and dropping them off. I initially thought this was a good way for the kids to see him every day. This seems to be really hard on my 14 month old, though. This is the kid who walks around in the morning holding her shoes and charges into her daycare class and absolutely loves it. Instead the last couple days she's been refusing to leave her daddy and wailing and crying when he leaves. Obviously it's hard on her to not be seeing him very much and then when she does he leaves!

I guess I'm just wondering... should we stop this plan? Will she get used to it? What do you think?
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Old 09-25-2008, 01:10 PM
 
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I think that very short visits can be disruptive. Especially to younger kids. It sounds like the visit is largely the trip to school and getting in and out of the house and school, right? Of course, schedules come into play, but I'd say longer visits would be better, even if slightly less frequent. What about having him pick the kids up after school then taking them to the park for an hour? That way they're actually "doing" something with him.
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Old 09-25-2008, 01:54 PM
 
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i agree, the short visits around here seem to be disruptive and little more. i pretty much nix any visit that's less than an hour, too stressful on the kids.
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Old 09-25-2008, 03:17 PM
 
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I think they're right, but please try to stay flexible on it; I'm not entirely sure that stopping wouldn't wind up being worse. Perhaps he can pick them up earlier than normal one or two days a week instead, and take them to breakfast? (I don't know if your morning routine has enough time built in for this.) Also, look really hard at how much they're seeing him other than this. I'm not personally a fan of true 50/50 custody, because I found it too disruptive, but I'm a huge fan of the kids spending as much time with Daddy as they reasonably can. Some small part of what you are dealing with will improve with time as it becomes the new routine, but the hard part is going to be figuring it out. The answer is of necessity different for every family.

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Old 09-25-2008, 04:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Spoke with the ex and we're going to try to have him come over 15-20 minutes earlier and just hang out and help get them ready and have some "daddy time" prior to being dropped off. The only issue with that is it's very awkward for us to be around each other too much right now, but here's wishing for the best.

I never really considered it before but the really short visits do seem to cause a lot of disruption.
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