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#121 of 147 Old 10-22-2008, 03:45 PM
 
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It's funny you post b/c I was reading your post pretty intently and relating. I too am guilty of not being able to "believe" it when men are nice to me...I used to seek out men who just didn't like me *that* much, so I could *make* them like me---weird to look back on. I always liked men who liked their addictions more than me. I wanted to be the *one* who would save them.

With your situation, it looks like you've got a man who is either super sweet beyond measure, or very insecure. I'm sorry if that seems harsh, but I think it helps to look at things realistically sometimes, yes? I hope, hope, hope he's sweet for you, of course, but keep your eye on the other possibility too.

Why does he have no phone "right now"? That is an interesting thing.

I am a survivor of violence too--it is amazing to get through the process. Accept that it is a process--your trust in other people has been violated because of what someone chose to inflict on you...it's a crazy power thing. Our job is to get through it strong and not let them take more than they already have. You don't want the repercussions to ruin your chance at trusting someone who won't do this to you...it's really freaking hard though. I'm crying as I write this to you because it sucks that people want to hurt others...also I'm PMSing. :LOL

Staying open while staying alert & smart...we can help each other with this. Stay connected.
Oh I am not niave or stupid enough not to think of the other possibility as well... I have trust issues and I am a highly pessimistic person. He has no phone right now because he just moved in with his best friend and his best friend uses his cell phone all the time and has no use for a home phone so Andy hasn't gone yet to get a cell phone. His roomate doesn't want a house phone. Andy used to have a home phone and we would talk for hours on it everyday. He's just too lazy and he procrastinates like crazy. So that's mainly why he doesn't have a phone at the moment.
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#122 of 147 Old 10-22-2008, 04:13 PM
 
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Cool. Communication's important
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#123 of 147 Old 10-22-2008, 05:01 PM
 
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Yes it is so we make use of MSN for hours everyday now.
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#124 of 147 Old 10-22-2008, 05:29 PM
 
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Yes it is so we make use of MSN for hours everyday now.
Just be careful of the IMing... the other 93% is very important in communicating (they say 7% is the words themselves) and can lead to misunderstandings SO easily. I hate IM.
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#125 of 147 Old 10-22-2008, 05:43 PM
 
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As I mentioned in my previous post, we are forging new ground (for both of us) in this relationship. I never dreamed I would be with someone who treats me so well or wants what I want from a relationship AND shares my religious and political views.

It's like relationship Utopia. :

I had to go through a lot of losers (a lot of that my fault for putting up with it) and it's hard when you are lonely and just want a little comfort and you end up staying with the person because it's easy. Then it starts getting not so easy because you find out they are a jerk, or a pedophile in waiting. BTDT.

I feel so fortunate to finally have found someone I believe is THE ONE. He feels the same about me. I wouldn't have been so aware of what I needed if I hadn't spent years in relationships that didn't give me anything I needed. I guess in that sense they weren't a total waste of time.
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#126 of 147 Old 10-22-2008, 05:45 PM
 
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Me too but I see him enough times in the week as well to get my points across verbally. He's got no choice but to get a cell phone soon anyways cuz our doc has no way to get ahold of him because he gave them the wrong message number lol. So soon enough I will be able to talk to him
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#127 of 147 Old 10-22-2008, 06:07 PM
 
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I hope you girls are all right that the right man is waiting outthere - the man who doesnt mind a "three kids package deal" mama.. sigh.. It was hard enough to find good men before I had children - thinking I can find one now seems - well very close to impossible..
It looks like I dont belong here anymore - as it doesnt seem I will be dating again anytime soon
I visited my young date this past weekend and he admitted that he thought it was difficult - thinking ahead and considering my three children as part of the deal. When I left he couldnt give me an answer as to whether he wants to meet again or not - he promised to be in touch though (and I believe he will). But right now I am in this stupid waiting position - I have been checking my phone every hour since saturday, hoping for - well something - from him. And still nothing. I absolutely hate this - and am ofcourse too proud to pick up the phone myself - I also dont want to seem pushy if you kwim..

I really have a hard time keeping up the good energy around the kids - and feel terrible about it. Ouch - I had forgotten how much of a rollercoaster life can be when you are in this game

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#128 of 147 Old 10-22-2008, 07:00 PM
 
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Mama, i have 5 kids! My partner is more then ok with it but there is still adjusting going on. It was my mind set of feeling like no man would want a woman with 5 kids that got me stuck. I actually said to my boyfriend before we started dating that i didn't think i would find anyone ok with the fact that i have two babies that i still sleep with and then 3 slightly older children that take alot of my attention, and he said so, any man would be lucky to be with you. Seriously they are out there. Since i have been with my partner i have been asked out by 3 other men who all know i have 5 kids. Keep your heart open for the right experience.
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#129 of 147 Old 10-23-2008, 11:36 AM
 
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I have been checking my phone every hour since saturday, hoping for - well something - from him. And still nothing. I absolutely hate this - and am ofcourse too proud to pick up the phone myself - I also dont want to seem pushy if you kwim..
Hopefully you also know that you'd be fooling yourself by contacting him before he contacts you. Sit on your hands and find something else to focus on. Tool around on OKCupid whenever you get the urge to call him. I feel you about being too sad and removed from your kids while you go through the heartache. I don't see any way around, you have to go through it, and you will come out the other side, and your kids will be fine. When I was going through my recent break up I let ds see me cry once (as opposed to behind closed doors or when he was asleep) and when he asked what was wrong I told him I missed [exbf] and he wiped my tears and gave me kisses. I'm not saying it's OK to lean on your kids emotionally, but letting them know you're blue and why is OK, imho.
Sorry if all the advice is too much; I'm not usually so aggressive about getting into other people's business.

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#130 of 147 Old 10-26-2008, 11:30 PM
 
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Mind if I jump into this conversation? I have been single for over 2 years now (since I was 10 weeks pregnant), and finally feel ready to get back into the dating scene. I just *gulp* placed an ad on a local dating site. I am so scared! I so badly want to feel like a grown up again and more than just a mama. I am so afraid of that first response I will get, and am petrified that I may get no responses at all!

I realized tonight that I don't have any pictures of me at all without DS in them, so the one I posted online has him in it too. I was a little hesitant to use it, but it is a good pic, so we will see how it goes.

I am crossing my fingers!

Formerly single Mama to the zaniest boy on the block, born on my birthday on 3/28/07. Soon to be Mama to a new little and can't wait to bfinfant.gif and femalesling.GIF and familybed1.gif again! 
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#131 of 147 Old 10-27-2008, 02:38 PM
 
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Kim - I am just getting into dating after having been with the same man for almost 8 years - and am amazed to see how quickly I got back into it. I find myself flirting again, eyeing men to see if they are single - all that stuff you do when you are "searching". Really its like riding a bike - you never forget. You will do great! Dont forget to have fun doing it

Here I still dont know what my younger guy wants to do. I finally had enough of waiting yesterday and sent him a text asking what is going on. He is still hesitant to start something so I sent him an e-mail saying I am not hanging around waiting much longer - I pretty much gave him time to this weekend to find out what he wants to do. I doubt it will be in my favor, but I feel good that I have put a foot down. I was sensing he was trying to drag things out even longer, and I cant do that so..

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#132 of 147 Old 10-27-2008, 05:36 PM
 
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I have a tentative casual date tonight. This guy is in my social circle...and asked me out about a month or so ago but we've never actually met up (solo, I've seen him when I go out with friends) due to our schedules. I invited him and a few friends over to my house tonight to celebrate that I finally finished school...so we'll see what happens.

I am mostly done with my young guy, I think. I like him and all, but even for a casual "friends with bonues" thing I seem to want more out of him. I typically see him once every week or two..not really enough for me.

"Have faith in yourself and in the direction you have chosen." Ralph Marston

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#133 of 147 Old 10-28-2008, 06:48 PM
 
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So...it went well, as he *just* left my house

"Have faith in yourself and in the direction you have chosen." Ralph Marston

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#134 of 147 Old 10-28-2008, 09:49 PM
 
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So...it went well, as he *just* left my house
Hehe Good to see another mama who knows how to enjoy herself Hurrah for good times

Here i am confused. After putting a bit of pressure on my young guy he suddenly had a change in attitude and wants to meet next week. Next friday is a looong way away - sigh.. Now I am ofcourse wondering whether it was smart to start pushing him - but I am leaning towards thinking its fair to not want to be left hanging week after week?..

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#135 of 147 Old 10-29-2008, 01:04 PM
 
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Seie,

Read "he's not that into you!" I just read it and it really helped me put things into perspective...
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#136 of 147 Old 10-30-2008, 05:43 AM
 
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I so rarely pop in to this thread as it doesn't usually pertain to me.


Tonight, I went out with a guy I dated earlier this year. A guy I thought I was falling in love with. Very long story short, I ended it.

We went out again. I very much enjoyed myself. I'm conflicted.

Anyway, yay! I finally have a reason to post.
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#137 of 147 Old 10-30-2008, 11:45 PM
 
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Seie,

Read "he's not that into you!" I just read it and it really helped me put things into perspective...
Thanks for the suggestion. I ordered it. I guess you suggesting it implies that he could well just not be that into me I have been wondering the same thing - what I dont understand is why does he still wanna meet up then? I pretty much made it clear that if he is too indecisive to make up his mind, its better we not meet again. I am happy that he wants to meet (next friday) but I am worried it will end in heartbreak again - just after I am starting getting my hopes up.

I really dont think far ahead for now - I have no ideas of getting into a super steady relationship at this point - but would love to have a lover - if you kwim. But I am kind of thinking he is somewhere else - as in I think he is in a place where he doesnt want to invest too much in a relationship that may not last. Dont know if that makes sense..
Nomatter what then this is costing me a lot of energy that I could really use in my daily life, where I feel pretty hung up..

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#138 of 147 Old 10-31-2008, 03:03 AM
 
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I don't have dating news but I do have Baby news. I had my little wonderful on October 25th, 2008 and Andy was there for the labour and delivery and has visted every day that I was in the hospital. And he totally loves the little guy. I'll post a birth story when I can
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#139 of 147 Old 10-31-2008, 02:14 PM
 
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wow, congrats, mama! happy babymoon!!!!! :
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#140 of 147 Old 10-31-2008, 04:28 PM
 
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Thanks for the congrats! He's a cutie that's for sure.
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#141 of 147 Old 10-31-2008, 07:14 PM
 
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Congratulations on the new baby!

Rainbow.gif ~ Molly
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#142 of 147 Old 11-01-2008, 03:00 PM
 
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Yay new life! It may be November thread time--Beloved might be in love, though
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#143 of 147 Old 11-01-2008, 06:46 PM
 
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Krystal: Huge congrats Im so happy for you!!

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#144 of 147 Old 11-01-2008, 10:35 PM
 
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Thanks all for the congrats I am posting my birth story and pics now.
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#145 of 147 Old 11-02-2008, 02:15 AM
 
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Congrats Krystal. He's beautiful!
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#146 of 147 Old 11-02-2008, 07:31 PM
 
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Thanks so much I think so too
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#147 of 147 Old 11-03-2008, 11:59 AM
 
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Congrats Krystal! How exciting!!!!! : welcome new little guy!
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