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-   -   October Dating Thread!!! (http://www.mothering.com/forum/234-single-parenting/976228-october-dating-thread.html)

BelovedK 10-01-2008 04:55 PM

I actually have news this time!! (about time) I have found a man who has everything on my proverbial list Things are going very well and we keep getting closer. I can't tell you how wonderful this is. I want to say I can't believe it, but I can because I have been doing my work and feel that I really deserve someone who treats me really well I could go on and on, but I won't...I want to leave space for everyone else


Holland73 10-01-2008 10:02 PM

Kelly... that is so fabulous!!! I am so very, very happy for you. :

Enjoy and savour every single little minute.

Holland73 10-01-2008 10:10 PM

All is beautiful here on the bf front.

S and I have been together for almost 8 months and we continue to grow, enjoy and just constantly learn from each other. It is such a wonderful, and challenging, relationship.

For my 35 birthday last month, he bought me one of the most thoughtful gifts I have ever received from a bf. He gave me a gift certificate to an awesome knitting store!!! Knitting is my new hobby and he was been so supportive and genuinely interested in my knitting adventure. :

guestmama9915 10-02-2008 12:33 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BelovedK View Post
I actually have news this time!! (about time) I have found a man who has everything on my proverbial list Things are going very well and we keep getting closer. I can't tell you how wonderful this is. I want to say I can't believe it, but I can because I have been doing my work and feel that I really deserve someone who treats me really well I could go on and on, but I won't...I want to leave space for everyone else

Please, go on and on! It's great to read.

mmace 10-02-2008 07:55 AM

So happy for you, Beloved! And Holland and all the other happy mamas!

My sweetheart and I broke up three weeks ago. It is killing me because it is so stupid and wrong, but I don't think it's going to be able to be fixed at this point.

lunar forest 10-02-2008 10:57 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BelovedK View Post
I could go on and on, but I won't...I want to leave space for everyone else

Oh c'mon! don't be like that! We want to hear it! I'm really happy for you, you totally deserve this, bk!:

I'm so happy I can't even tell you. bf is upstairs sleeping in my bed right now and every time I think of it I get this little tug at my heart. oh my. He spent all day here yesterday with me and my kids while I was working. It was so crazy with 6 kids, mostly toddlers having a rough day. It was loud and awful, but he just played with my kids and had this content smile on his face all day. I love him.

BelovedK 10-02-2008 11:05 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by lunar forest View Post
Oh c'mon! don't be like that! We want to hear it! I'm really happy for you, you totally deserve this, bk!:

I'm so happy I can't even tell you. bf is upstairs sleeping in my bed right now and every time I think of it I get this little tug at my heart. oh my. He spent all day here yesterday with me and my kids while I was working. It was so crazy with 6 kids, mostly toddlers having a rough day. It was loud and awful, but he just played with my kids and had this content smile on his face all day. I love him.
I love that feeling

BelovedK 10-02-2008 11:06 AM

OK, I will dish more when I have a moment, last night was special (ifkwim )

Still_Snarky 10-02-2008 02:10 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by mmace View Post
My sweetheart and I broke up three weeks ago. It is killing me because it is so stupid and wrong, but I don't think it's going to be able to be fixed at this point.

i'm sorry mama.

Still_Snarky 10-02-2008 02:29 PM

well, as incredible as it sounds to my own ears, d and i will be celebrating one year together on october 14th. he moved in officially last month, though for all intents and purposes he's been here for months. last night in bed he turned to me and said 'how the hell did i con you into this?' i said: 'you mean, supporting me and my two kids, plus you and your own son?' 'no, i mean, we're DOING this. together. you're sharing these incredbile things with me. the five of us...' i just about melted into the bed.

lunar forest 10-02-2008 04:24 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Still_Snarky View Post
well, as incredible as it sounds to my own ears, d and i will be celebrating one year together on october 14th. he moved in officially last month, though for all intents and purposes he's been here for months. last night in bed he turned to me and said 'how the hell did i con you into this?' i said: 'you mean, supporting me and my two kids, plus you and your own son?' 'no, i mean, we're DOING this. together. you're sharing these incredbile things with me. the five of us...' i just about melted into the bed.
omigod that's so sweet.

cycle 10-02-2008 05:19 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Still_Snarky View Post
well, as incredible as it sounds to my own ears, d and i will be celebrating one year together on october 14th. he moved in officially last month, though for all intents and purposes he's been here for months. last night in bed he turned to me and said 'how the hell did i con you into this?' i said: 'you mean, supporting me and my two kids, plus you and your own son?' 'no, i mean, we're DOING this. together. you're sharing these incredbile things with me. the five of us...' i just about melted into the bed.


Holland, BK, lunar,:

MMace - I am sorry you're still hurting.

BF and I are going on 8 months and it is the strongest, most peaceful connection I have ever had with a partner. He is wonderful with ds, I can't even describe how amazing it is, I never thought I would find anyone who was so perfect for both of us. ::

I have more to share, big stuff, but can't now. Have to finish up and go get ds.

BelovedK 10-02-2008 07:09 PM

So I had lunch with him (after having breakfast earlier and I get back to work and there was the hugest, most fragrant bouquet of flowers with the sweetest note

I feel so cared for
:

Still_Snarky 10-02-2008 08:56 PM

wow. i cannot believe how much yummy gooshy-ness there is in this month's thread. i'm so happy for all of us.

Oh the Irony 10-02-2008 09:50 PM

yay belovedk! sounds like a sweetie. that durn UA is putting a crimp in this discussion.

going good with the guy i'm seeing. slow which is twice as good. some stuff has come up relating to ex's infidelity but i'm dealing with it and learning/growing/healing more deeply.

rubelin 10-02-2008 10:59 PM

I'm in a quandry. Been seeing totally wonderful guy for about 2 mo but we only see each other 2 or 3 times a week and barely ever talk on the phone. Is that normal for a relationship where you go slowly?? A while back someone mentioned about that initial period where you're so in love and spend so much time together and, in thinking back, it seems that only lasted less than a couple of weeks. When we are together, it's lovely, and he's so wonderful but it's also very chaste (aside from a handful of encounters). I guess it's good to go slowly, but it seems he's just not interested in much more than what we've got and I feel like I'm going to spend the rest of my life trying to get him to pay more attention to me and have sex with me. That's not the relationship I was looking for.

So, is this all just because it's going slowly?? I've never done the slow thing so I have no reference point. He isn't seeing anyone else and he does pay attention when he's here, but he's just not really here much. It's been a week since I've seen him, with one hour of talking on the phone (he was out of town last weekend) and I've really started forgetting him (I'm HORRIBLE at long distance because I forget people when I don't see or talk to them) so, at this point, it feels like it'd be easier to just continue to not see him than to get together and be reminded of how much I like him and go back to wishing I could be with him more. He's never had a long term relationship and I don't think he really knows how to, but I also keep thinking he's just not that into me, even though he tells me all the time that he is.

and, on top of that, my life has been one financial crisis after another since my ex moved out last summer so I feel like I'm constantly battling depression and panic over money and that I need to put on a happy face about it with him (not that he's asked me to, it's my issue). He's such a stable, responsible guy and I feel like such a screw up for my life being the wreck that it is.

on the bright side, ex and my family are pitching in for childcare so I get 6 hours a day to work, which will hopefully help with the financial sitch, if only the economy would start turning :P

Becca917 10-02-2008 11:20 PM

I have my first date tomorrow! We are doing lunch together - and then probably coffee in the evening too!

I'm so excited. I'll let you all know how it goes.

BelovedK 10-03-2008 08:23 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Oh the Irony View Post
yay belovedk! sounds like a sweetie. that durn UA is putting a crimp in this discussion.

going good with the guy i'm seeing. slow which is twice as good. some stuff has come up relating to ex's infidelity but i'm dealing with it and learning/growing/healing more deeply.

I know He sent me flowers at work, and he treats me sooo well (not used to that) I wish I could talk about the things that we can't, though I have to admit, there was a little 'whoops' and I am a slight bit worried ifkwim (actually it was a HUGE 'whoops') :

ok, I am going to stop now lest I break the UA

lunar forest 10-03-2008 10:05 AM

wow, bk, that sounds fantastic. This is such a mushy sweet thread, it makes me feel especially bad for the mamas who have love lives not going so well.

and yeah, I wish I could hear/share the juicy parts.

~Clementine~ 10-03-2008 12:14 PM

Well Lunar - , as a mama who's love life isn't going so well, (mostly because I have baggage) this thread is inspiring, reminding me that there are men out there that won't get freaked out over my children. I think back to my ex, who is a great Dad and a good friend. When we started dating he said he didn't want kids, but might have one, but just one. Well, 8 years later he's the mushiest Dad. Men are like wild animals, they scare easily. It's best to approach with your hand stretched out so that they can sniff and without making eye contact.
-------------------
Robin - Did you both decide to go slowly? My example is with a man who's probably not into me... But he was very attentive and affectionate. He always called when he said he would, love letters, complements, spending every day off with me, trying to get me to meet up with him in the middle of his work day just to kiss.... treating me like I was going to be in his future..... Then he decides that he needs to pull back on the reigns and not dive in, and all the attention stopped. So, did you guys decide to do so? To slow it down? My example is just to prove that the man I speak of would naturally shower a woman with attention, and has with his exes, but is purposefully not being himself. So I think maybe for both of us, it's either because they are 'just not that into us" or.... They are purposefully holding back.... Maybe both.
---------------------------
An update on me... I haven't called E (attorney man) in a week. Last time we talked it was him happily txing me the morning after an amazing night of hanging out with me, his friend of 8 years and my ex-hubby. Im gonna wait for him to call me. I seem to fall in and out of love with him. At least he's been 100% a good man this entire time. Or else I'd have to wonder how sane I am. It only takes a couple lessons in life to learn to not love a man who treats you badly....... At the same time, I am open to others because I see some good examples of other men who I'd really like. All in all I'm ready for a relationship. I've been singe for YEARS with no boyfriend. Just a couple 2 weekers.

mimim 10-03-2008 06:34 PM

Robin, you see him 2 or 3 times a WEEK? That seems like quite a lot to me. Did you mean 2 or 3 times a month?

I've finally found somebody I connect with. I've talked to him a lot and gone out with him a few times and it's gotten pretty hot and heavy really fast. Probably too fast, but I don't care. But, he's all about respecting my boundaries and not letting it get too serious. I haven't talked to him for several days because he said needed to back off so as to not get too attached. Awesome. We are going to see each other tomorrow. Yay!

emma_goldman 10-03-2008 07:02 PM

Yay for love! Thanks for sharing, mamas, it really is heartwarming and cheering to hear your stories.

I'm reading Suzanne Lopez's book Get Smart with Your Heart: the intelligent woman's guide to love, lust, and lasting relationships. Good stuff! Thanks for the recommend, PP. I am on a huge learning/growing/developing kick! Any more book recommends for me?

[This could be a whole 'nother thread...] I am also on a path to develop my spirituality and have discovered that I'm interested in walking an "earth-based" path. Any recommendations for how to develop that besides reading? (And what to read, anyway?)

urmysunshyn 10-03-2008 10:33 PM

I'm so glad that I thought to check here at MDC for single parenting support! Yeah! I've been separated since last springtime and want to start dating. I'm looking forward to getting some support about dating and how to go about it, since I haven't "dated" in 10 years!

~Clementine~ 10-04-2008 12:15 PM

urmysun.... I remember my first date after not dating for 6 years and how nervous I was and how big if a deal it seemed. Now I can date blind folded and with one hand tied behind my back. (is that a good thing) haha

Oh the Irony 10-04-2008 12:22 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by rubelin View Post
When we are together, it's lovely, and he's so wonderful but it's also very chaste (aside from a handful of encounters). I guess it's good to go slowly, but it seems he's just not interested in much more than what we've got and I feel like I'm going to spend the rest of my life trying to get him to pay more attention to me and have sex with me. That's not the relationship I was looking for.
I don't know rubelin. 2 times a week sounds fine to me--that's all I would be able to swing with someone though. I think you gave yourself a pretty good answer above. It doesn't sounds like it is the relationship you want. Could it develop? Not sure. Is the chemistry there when physical stuff does happen? It is a bit of a red flag that he hasn't really had a long term relationship.


Bad Mama Jama 10-04-2008 06:01 PM

okay all! i am back with a happy update! last month, my partner (he's also one of my best friends in the world) and i hit a bump in the road with our plan to buy a house. we had a talk and i found that he was freaking out because he wasn't used to having help as a single parent. we talked it out and we have moved through it.

it is scary for both of us, but we have been friends for 21 years and we came to the conclusion that this is an awesome opportunity to complete our families, have some support, and we've always have a lot of love for each other. solid love, not always the butterfly romantic love, but the kind of love that makes us available to share our fears and cry with one another.

i have been lucky to have him and he's been lucky to have me, so we are going forth with our plans!!!

RainbowTurtle 10-05-2008 08:19 PM

Happy update here too. After one and a half years of reflection and being happy on my own, I went on a decidedly awful dates and then this one blind date (after months of urging from the setter-upper person ) and well, I don't know how she did it but it's eerie. I'm not putting the cart before the horse but I can be myself with this gentle, gentle giant and I feel positively giddy. He says he feels the same way. He talks about feelings way more than I do, which is quite new to me. We talk every night for at least two hours (who needs sleep??) and we see each other once or twice a week. He's sweet, gentle, respectful and he makes my knees weak.

We're taking is very slow but he's mentioned Christmas and spring breaks a few times already. LOL - we'll see.

It's a wonderful feeling. I know I've never felt this way before and I'm a little worried that it seems so very easy. I'm working hard at allowing myself to be happy. Weird how I thought I'd finally figured that out (happy being single, happy being myself) and now I have to be alright with another person wanting me to be happy. Huh - we'll see but it certainly feels good. It'll be interesting to see where this goes.

guestmama9915 10-06-2008 02:45 AM

Happy happy happy!! Thank you for the happy updates. I am so giddy right now, had the best childless weekend of my life. Back to reality? Le sigh, I am just so... happy.

rubelin 10-06-2008 02:52 AM

I am still so torn about this guy. We had a very long conversation on Thurs (mostly via text, which I will NEVER do again!) about how he needs to go slowly and that he needs to back off from how it started (saw/talked to each other almost every day for the first couple of weeks) and that it just feels like he's pulling back because it started out the way it did. I really liked the way it started, it was perfect for me and that's how I'd like it to be. Anyway, after hours of going around in circles and me giving him an out to just end it because I couldn't, we came to a resolution that I could kind of live with, which was that he will devote 2 days (well, evenings) a week to being with me. And he says we can talk on the phone other nights but that hasn't really been happening. I feel like i have no idea how to get past this and have this relationship that isn't happening the way I want it to.

He wasn't feeling well yesterday and canceled our plans (though he went out and did them alone??). We talked a bit last night but it felt forced. He invited me to go walking this afternoon (our regular activity) and then we went back to his house to hang out. We did have some quiet time together lying on his bed and cuddling, but he kept it very chaste again; we didn't even make out. He barely kissed me when he walked me out to my car after cutting off the evening at 8pm. I cried all the way home, I feel so rejected by him.

I've never taken things slowly before and I don't think I really want to if this is what that means. We have already dtd a few times and it was good but now there's been nothing for weeks. He's not had much sexual experience so I know that's part of it, and he hasn't dated much, and most of that has been long distance. Perhaps he's one of those guys who's past his sexual peak and just isn't that interested in sex?? He's told me that he loves me and that i am the one he wants to be with, but that he has to build a foundation slowly and that he will want to spend more time with me the longer we know each other. My problem is that I get to know people by spending lots of time together and when i go a few days without talking, I forget who they are and it's like starting from scratch again. But maybe that's what dating is like??

In our long talk the other night he said many times that he's felt like what he does isn't appreciated and that he doesn't think what he offers will ever be enough for me. I don't want to keep harping on these big issues or make him think he isn't good enough, but I don't think I can keep waiting for the time when he'll want to be with me, while i suppress my sexuality to make sure he doesn't feel pressured to give more than he can. ARG!!

he's just such a wonderful guy and he does have the capacity to make me so melty, but he just doesn't seem all that inclined to act on that capacity. I think I'm going to give him the rest of the week to see what direction this is really heading. I'd love some ideas or comments about this, I'm feeling so insane in my own head!!

Momtwice 10-06-2008 02:47 PM

Dear sweet rubelin.

You deserve to be wanted passionately. You deserve to be wanted by someone so bad it hurts. You deserve to be lusted after by someone who is turned on by you. Don't ever let him make you feel like you don't.

Passion is a beautiful thing and a spiritual thing and you deserve it and it's ok that you want it!!!!


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