What do you do when....UPDATE POST 14 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 17 Old 11-13-2008, 08:15 AM - Thread Starter
 
Momtwice's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 10,468
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
...you are depressed about not having a job and the impending doom you fear this will result in,

but then you become so depressed you can't LOOK for a job and it gets worse?

UPDATE POST 14

Take the time to heal from your marriage before you move on with someone else. Make a list of all the qualities you would like in a new partner and then work on growing that way yourself. ~mandib50
Momtwice is offline  
#2 of 17 Old 11-13-2008, 09:11 AM
 
ButterflyStarburst's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 217
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
You look at your baby(s). You watch them sleep, and you think about all the amazing things they could do in their lifetime. You think about their happiness, and let your doubts and worries about yourself take the back seat. There i'll bet you'll find the courage and strength you need to get on your feet, open the newspaper, do an online search, and send out your first batch of resume's/job applications.

Don't lose heart! You are strong Mama, and you can do this. Your child(ren) know you can do this. If you feel you need help out of your depression, pick up the phone and see a counsellor (there are places you can see them for free).

You *have* to take care of yourself, in order to take care of your child(ren). I learned this, but it took me a while. I'd like to help you to see it faster than i did, if i can.

Your children need you, and *you* need you to push through this, and do what you need to do to be happy in you.

I believe in you Mama.

Hugs to you! :
ButterflyStarburst is offline  
#3 of 17 Old 11-13-2008, 10:00 AM
 
treefairie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 128
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I seek professional help and I suggest you do the same.

Much metta(loving-kindness), Tree
treefairie is offline  
#4 of 17 Old 11-13-2008, 10:11 AM
 
kokonutmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 685
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Professional help sounds like a good idea. Short of that, though, my honest answer would be "Take a shower," because for me, a hot shower, fresh clothes, and running a brush through my hair are a good beginning to a more energetic, less depressed outlook. I know a woman who gets the same result from taking a walk outside. Sometimes an aerobic workout helps. If I can (meaning, nobody is going to need my attention anytime soon and I won't have to answer the phone, door, etc) I listen to music that makes me cry and then eventually I'll find myself choosing more upbeat, empowering songs. Then I take a shower

You can do it, mama.

treehugger.gif
kokonutmama is offline  
#5 of 17 Old 11-13-2008, 10:49 AM
 
AKA_PI's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Atlanta, Georgia
Posts: 2,012
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think everyone's suggestions here are great. You can do it. Wallow in your pity now and then in an hour, take a shower and tackle the world head on.

Book loverread.gif - Sewer sewmachine.gif - Movie lover lurk.gif - Mommy to a wonderful little boy (8/4/08) biggrinbounce.gif - Aspiring writer notes.gif - On a mission to lose 15 pounds - all-around cool chick hippie.gif

AKA_PI is offline  
#6 of 17 Old 11-13-2008, 02:35 PM
 
samy23's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 1,442
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Its not about a job, for me, but I have depression and anxiety. The depression got so bad one day I had to see a doctor. I've been on medication for it for a while and it does help, but its still a struggle. Im also seeing a counsellor, I would advise you try these options. Unfortunately there's no quick fix...

Mom    wash.gif  bikenew.gifgeek.gifdishes.gif

samy23 is offline  
#7 of 17 Old 11-13-2008, 02:54 PM
 
cjuniverse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: In a quiet place.
Posts: 2,023
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Boy, have I been here!

This cycle is what kept me out of a job/between jobs for 10 years, essentially. It's what kept me in bad relationships/situations that didn't serve me for almost my entire life to date.

I know you are you and I am me and we are likely very different, but this is how I've learned to handle it.

I listen to myself. I get really quiet, stop everything, and listen to myself. I let whatever feelings/emotions/words inside out, and I let them wash over me. I swim in them, taste them, touch them, just sit with them.

This process can take anywhere from 10 minutes to an entire day...and the point of it is to break down my own walls, and get out of my own way...which I've found is usually the main problem.

Afterwards, I listen to myself again...I listen deeeep within myself and hear the strong, capable, motivated, happy, energetic ME inside at last, the one who's powerful voice had been muffled by the layers of self-defeating sadness, self-blame, and self-hatred that had overtaken her.

And once I hear her voice ringing clear...mami, I can do ANYTHING. I can carry the world on my shoulders, and do it with a smile. I can see the good in life again. My heart is open, my head is alive and nothing and no one, including myself and the voices of self-doubt, can stop me!

Now, this is all very easy to type out, but quite difficult to actually move through in real life. But once you do, the transformation is immediate and incredible!

Many hugs mami. Many hugs and a world of love. YOU CAN DO THIS. YOU WILL DO THIS. YOU ARE STRONG, AND YOU CAN TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND YOUR BABIES!!!
cjuniverse is offline  
#8 of 17 Old 11-13-2008, 06:38 PM
 
MsChatsAlot's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 5,102
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
There is such a wealth of knowledge & advice in the above posts.

After you've done what they've suggested of feeling it, taking a shower, etc. then I'd think about all the fun and exciting things a job can be. It can be fun to get dressed up, go out in the world, do new things, meet new people. It can be fun to share lunches with fellow employees, have something to do, etc. It can be fun to pursue a talent, a passion. It can also be fun to go somewhere, do a skill we are really good at and get paid for it.

And if you're still having trouble seeing that as fun, remind yourself what is better or what you want more? Is it more important to have a job that pays the bills and keeps your children in a home with food in their bellies....or having them live with their father and you on the street.

You have a choice and it can be lots of fun if you allow it to be or at the very least, you can see that it allows you to have your children stay with you and keep you all in your home with food on the table, and that's a really good motivator.
MsChatsAlot is offline  
#9 of 17 Old 11-13-2008, 06:59 PM
 
BabyBearsMummy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 838
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Some days it is so hard to be a single mum

Please vent away here and then seek out local resources that might help you.
BabyBearsMummy is offline  
#10 of 17 Old 11-13-2008, 08:19 PM
 
eccomama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 510
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by BabyBearsMummy View Post


Some days it is so hard to be a single mum

Please vent away here and then seek out local resources that might help you.
I totally agree. it took me a year to dig out of my last slump and it was an uphill battle. counseling, different meds, doing things for myself (socializing, taking classes) and most of all my daughter. if nothing else, i have to go on for her. of course it took me a year to get to the point that i cared about anyting, even here.

hang in there

single mama to DD 5.09
eccomama is offline  
#11 of 17 Old 11-13-2008, 11:28 PM
 
meemee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Norther California
Posts: 12,765
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 19 Post(s)
first you listen to your true friends. you listen to yourself. how deep is this thing. do you need medication? or do u think this is situational.

and so all i can share is my own experience.

all you can do is just get in deeper

and deeper

into the hole.

because you cant do anything.

and then you hit rock bottom.

mind you in that process somehow you are making it for your kids. you are somehow pulling together to make sure somehow that their basic needs are met.

while you keep continuing to get deeper and deeper.

pretty soon all you have for food is the coin jar in your house.

and so you hit the food closets and become a pro at finding the few that you can go to once a month to get enough food for the month.

and you keep getting deeper.

you cry for help. and so many people try ...

... but it gets you nowhere.

BUT

what you dont realise that the answer lies exactly in what you are doing.

nothing.

it lies in hitting rock bottom.

it lies in discovering your deepest debilitating fear.

it totally freezes you.

you feel numb.

you fulfill all your responsibilities as a zombie.

and one day

magic.

poof. like a light switch.

it is a new day.

you wake up.

you look out and see beauty in all things that you found ugly before. you look out at the cold, cloudy depressive day and find it is soooo painfully beautiful. you are just profoundly moved by the drops of water dancing on the bare branches outside your window. woah what does it feel like.

you get dressed and cant wait to go out and feel the day.

you love the cold wind in your face. you love the sight of those bare branches against the backdrop of the grey sky.

the evergreens look so glowing green adn washed and clean. those red, orange brown maple leaves just move your heart in a way nothing can.

you get back home - and nothing is the same anymore. you are just filled with excitement. you say what the f*** i am going to apply to every damn job i can find that fit me on craigslist. and so you spend an hour working like a madman into applying.

and at the end of it you feel you have accomplished something. it doesnt matter if you get a job or not. just applying felt like winning a gold medal.

so you go off to treat yourself. you feel so joyful that you want to really treat yourself. so u light some incense, some candles and fill up the hot tub. and you put in those multicoloured maple leaves you couldnt help but collect into the tub and get yourself some hot tea and just soak. and then you feel pulled to meditate. and so you do.

and you suddenly wake up. the water is cold. its been an hour. you were NOT asleep. you were awake and present - but not in a conventional way.

and as you get out of the bath tub you feel like you have shed your skin.

it is beautiful outside. and another day. oh the possibilities. the adventure. the excitement. you have no idea what is in store for you tomorrow. but u look forward to it eagerly. coz you know something might happen. and you also know you got thru this day.

:

 treehugger.gif Co-parent, joy.gifcold.gifbrand new homeschooling middle schoolerjoy.gif, and an attackcat.gif 
meemee is online now  
#12 of 17 Old 11-14-2008, 03:15 PM
 
MsChatsAlot's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 5,102
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Beautiful meemee, absolutely beautiful!
MsChatsAlot is offline  
#13 of 17 Old 11-16-2008, 11:13 PM
 
cjuniverse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: In a quiet place.
Posts: 2,023
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Meemee -

That was awesome.
cjuniverse is offline  
#14 of 17 Old 12-19-2008, 10:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
Momtwice's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 10,468
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Update:

I just wanted to tell everyone that I did start counseling and it's really helping.

Thanks for the love!

Take the time to heal from your marriage before you move on with someone else. Make a list of all the qualities you would like in a new partner and then work on growing that way yourself. ~mandib50
Momtwice is offline  
#15 of 17 Old 12-21-2008, 02:39 AM
 
Moss's Mommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Dirty South
Posts: 1,474
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh mama. I want to tell you... it's not just you. In May, my mother basically had me fired from my job. I filed a restraining order on her bc of what happened after that and the threats she made (which had so far come true). My whole body hurt. I couldn't even peek out into the world from underneath my covers. I had no families or friends, really, to help. I had to get my ass out of bed, come to my senses enough to go to a domestic violence shelter... I was referred to a free attorney, who wouldn't represent me in court to get a restraining order, bc they claimed it wasn't domestic violence since the incidents were bw my mother and I... My dad and the rest of my family didn't help or care in any way. my sis who was supposed to come down and stay for the summer to keep my son decided she didn't want to get in the drama. It goes on and on and I feel a sense of deep betrayal from the world in general. But thank God, I represented myself in court and got the restraining order. I was extremely depressed the whole summer. Felt like my mom had died. It was no victory for me. I had just moved into a new house, had bought all new furniture and my whole world fell in. By the time I started feeling better, (btw, we starved, have gotten several eviction notices).... somehow we are still here. I still have no job. Friends and family kept telling me to just.... get a job. I've spent money that I don't have on gas... looking for jobs. There are no jobs. How am I supposed to get a job, depressed, when 400 other people have applied for the job? I am college educated, have excellent references, and have worked long term at some really great places. My resume is what they call "steller." I'm not depressed anymore, especially now that I know it's not just me who can't find a job. Nobody believed me at first and I don't even talk to those people anymore bc they made me crazy trying to convince them how hard it was to "get a job." I have no savings, no family, nothing. But I've made it. It's been painful. especially since I thought I had gotten through that initial "broke" hump of being single mom. I'm stronger for it though and I believe that I'll never settle for being treated bad when it comes to family, friends, relationships and jobs. I only have a few dollars to my name but I will fight for my son. And no, it's not fair. Not at all. But you are not alone. Much love.
Moss's Mommy is offline  
#16 of 17 Old 12-21-2008, 03:12 PM
 
mountain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: closer to fine
Posts: 1,869
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yes, mamas, yes! What makes us great is that WE DON"T STOP!!! We don't give up! I get up because I'm relentless in my search for love invincible for my sweet babies, energy that I brought into this world. I swore I would take care of them...

I am on my last dime fighting in court, too. What can we do, there are some things we have to stupidly slallom through...
mountain is offline  
#17 of 17 Old 12-22-2008, 12:43 PM
 
MsChatsAlot's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 5,102
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm glad to hear you've found something that's really working for you, momtwice.

I have so much faith and belief in you and know you are far stronger than you even realize. :
MsChatsAlot is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off