first you listen to your true friends. you listen to yourself. how deep is this thing. do you need medication? or do u think this is situational.
and so all i can share is my own experience.
all you can do is just get in deeper
into the hole.
because you cant do anything.
and then you hit rock bottom.
mind you in that process somehow you are making it for your kids. you are somehow pulling together to make sure somehow that their basic needs are met.
while you keep continuing to get deeper and deeper.
pretty soon all you have for food is the coin jar in your house.
and so you hit the food closets and become a pro at finding the few that you can go to once a month to get enough food for the month.
and you keep getting deeper.
you cry for help. and so many people try ...
... but it gets you nowhere.
what you dont realise that the answer lies exactly in what you are doing.
it lies in hitting rock bottom.
it lies in discovering your deepest debilitating fear.
it totally freezes you.
you feel numb.
you fulfill all your responsibilities as a zombie.
and one day
poof. like a light switch.
it is a new day.
you wake up.
you look out and see beauty in all things that you found ugly before. you look out at the cold, cloudy depressive day and find it is soooo painfully beautiful. you are just profoundly moved by the drops of water dancing on the bare branches outside your window. woah what does it feel like.
you get dressed and cant wait to go out and feel the day.
you love the cold wind in your face. you love the sight of those bare branches against the backdrop of the grey sky.
the evergreens look so glowing green adn washed and clean. those red, orange brown maple leaves just move your heart in a way nothing can.
you get back home - and nothing is the same anymore. you are just filled with excitement. you say what the f*** i am going to apply to every damn job i can find that fit me on craigslist. and so you spend an hour working like a madman into applying.
and at the end of it you feel you have accomplished something. it doesnt matter if you get a job or not. just applying felt like winning a gold medal.
so you go off to treat yourself. you feel so joyful that you want to really treat yourself. so u light some incense, some candles and fill up the hot tub. and you put in those multicoloured maple leaves you couldnt help but collect into the tub and get yourself some hot tea and just soak. and then you feel pulled to meditate. and so you do.
and you suddenly wake up. the water is cold. its been an hour. you were NOT asleep. you were awake and present - but not in a conventional way.
and as you get out of the bath tub you feel like you have shed your skin.
it is beautiful outside. and another day. oh the possibilities. the adventure. the excitement. you have no idea what is in store for you tomorrow. but u look forward to it eagerly. coz you know something might happen. and you also know you got thru this day.