Queer TTC/pregnant after loss - Page 4 - Mothering Forums

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#91 of 111 Old 04-04-2009, 03:04 PM
 
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I am so so sorry for your loss Megin and Katie. I don't know what else to say. Sending big virtual hugs your way.


lemurmommies, loving wife to ruvalokiteshvara, proud moms to our intact son E (12/06), and mourning the loss of our daughter Noelle (stillborn 12/08).
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#92 of 111 Old 05-02-2009, 10:57 AM
 
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I know that no one has posted to this thread for a while, but I thought I'd give it a little bump. I know that there have been some developments with a few of us, so I thought maybe we'd want to share here.

Yesterday was Noelle's intended due date. It was a pretty hard day, all in all. Not as hard as I thought it was going to be, but hard none the less. DP was at work, and I was at home with E, and I was just wishing we were getting ready for a squishy babe instead of trying to figure out when we might be able to TTC again. If anyone is interested, I posted a special blog post for Noelle yesterday.

As some of you may know from the Queer TTC thread, or KD won't be able to come back to visit us for another attempt at #3 until August or possibly September. Which seems like an eternity and a half away. We have asked two people we know who are local to us if they would donate, but neither has panned out. We have one more person that we coud possibly ask, but after that, we're just stuck waiting. I can hear my biological clock tickly more and more loudly. It's kind of deafening, but what can we do? Oh well.

I hope everything is going well for you all. Any updates you want to share?

lemurmommies, loving wife to ruvalokiteshvara, proud moms to our intact son E (12/06), and mourning the loss of our daughter Noelle (stillborn 12/08).
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#93 of 111 Old 05-02-2009, 04:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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lemurmommies - thank you for sharing your blog post with us. I know exactly what you mean about wishing the world would stop for just a moment. I hope you are able to work something out with the kd you have yet to ask.

As I'm sure you recall - we were in the same due date club - so I'm coming up on my would-be due date and have been thinking a lot about where I thought I'd be now and where reality has put me.

I was really hoping to be pregnant again before my due date - so the last cycle was hard for me knowing it was my last shot before said date. But here we are trying again. I'm tired. But the thought of taking a break is just too heart-breaking. So on we go.

Still madly in stillheart.gif with jb after 10 years and chasing after my precocious toddler jog.gif    

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#94 of 111 Old 05-02-2009, 08:37 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pleasantlyfurious View Post
I was really hoping to be pregnant again before my due date - so the last cycle was hard for me knowing it was my last shot before said date. But here we are trying again. I'm tired. But the thought of taking a break is just too heart-breaking. So on we go.
Yep, I'm right there with you pf. It would have been awesome to be pregnant again by my due date. Like you, the BFN last cycle somehow seemed worse because I too knew that it was my last shot before Noelle's due date.

I am so glad that you're trying again. I wish I was in it for this cycle too, but it's obviously not meant to be. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you!

lemurmommies, loving wife to ruvalokiteshvara, proud moms to our intact son E (12/06), and mourning the loss of our daughter Noelle (stillborn 12/08).
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#95 of 111 Old 05-02-2009, 10:12 PM
 
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Yeah, I think the due date thing is hard. I actually did get pregnant again before my due date, but lost another. Not sure that was any easier, but there is definitely something tough about coming up on when I thought that first little one was going to join us. I would have had a nice big belly by now.

We're on to IVF, I think. I'm glad to know I am in the hands of a specialist now. Somehow it has allowed me to get out of my head a little bit.

I still keep thinking-- big hugs to all of us because we shouldn't have to go through this.

Katie, DW to Megin, Mamma to Quinn (7y.o.) and Wylie, born 07-04-10
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#96 of 111 Old 05-03-2009, 08:36 PM
 
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After 2 m/c and a chemical last year I am slightly terrified that I'm pregnant again now. My due date for the pregnancy that went the furthest (just shy of 10 wks) was March 4. Hard to believe we would have a 2 month old right now!! I'm just trying to focus on being happy today. Being pregnant today. I don't know if that will make things any easier if I do have another m/c (likely, it won't) but at least I can find some comfort and happiness now. I know it's easy to say that on the surface but I feel like I am deeply happy right now so I'm just going with that and will see what happens.

Thanks for sharing, everyone

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#97 of 111 Old 05-04-2009, 03:41 PM
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hey everybody,

Hugs to you Lemur and Pf! I am so sorry those last bfn stung so much!!

Mother's day will mark the 2nd anniversary of when I started inseminating--jeeezz loouuuiiiissseee!!

just wanted to check in and say I'm scared as all hell but trying to remain optimistic and encouraged. My symptoms seem to have subsided some which makes me panic a bit.
I am planning on resuming with my HBMW that I saw during my last pregnancy but I did have the hcg's done at my OBGYN's office. during that visit he suggested that I come back for a 6 week ultrasound. I'm wondering if I should maybe do that? and actually I'll be out of town most of my 6 week so it would probably be week 7ish?

Any advice or feedback? I never thought I'd do any u/s but now I think that if this sprout doesn't stick I'll be left wishing I had known any and all info. Of course the early u/s does open me up to inconclusive info OR the possibility that my OBGYN (whom I don' like very much) will be the one to say "I'm sorry but it appears..."??

My friend who is a doula says that the health risk of my body being full of doubt and worry is worse for my sprout then 1 u/s and I agree with her, I'm just torn about how it may feel to learn about complications in that way? Last time I was greatful I went through it all at home with friends?

I should also remember that I did hear a heart beat (doppler--not u/s) at 8 weeks, but still lost my last at 10.5

I generally feel pretty positive, but still the fear lingers...

11/24/08 SMBC with a loving LTR DP in a Queer & Poly relationshiploving my new baby Kale Cqolbi Justice!!!!!
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#98 of 111 Old 11-01-2009, 11:22 PM
 
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Thought I'd check in with everyone. I know where some of you guys are at, and others, I haven't heard from lately (though I tend to let Megin do all of the posting on the Queer TTC thread).

AFM: We did end up doing IVF, and am now pregnant. Three betas later, I think I really believe it now. Ultrasound in a few weeks.

What's going on with people here? New people to join the thread?

Katie, DW to Megin, Mamma to Quinn (7y.o.) and Wylie, born 07-04-10
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#99 of 111 Old 11-02-2009, 12:19 PM
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hey katie,

well you know where I am--on the list where we are all waiting with bated breath for you to join!!

This was the first IVF cycle for y'all right?? I'm excited to hear about your u/s, when do you go??

Things are going well for me and my belly is ridiculous, but I have to admit that as the 1 year anniversary of my loss nears I'm feeling really sad. As happy as I am for this lil' one I am still sad about the lost of the last.

I'm taking a child birth ed class now with 2 "oops" couples and 2 (1 het/1 lesbian) that have been at this for awhile with many losses before these pregnancies. Yesterday we had a chance to talk about our loss as a group. The instructor (who lost a lil one at the end of her 1st trimester) encouraged us to explore the joy and the loss. These lil ones aren't inter-changable, they aren't all the same. I feel eternally grateful to the lil one that had the courage to be the first to try to switch from embryo to fetus. I learned a lot from that pregnancy and I will never forget that babe.

My greatest challenge right now is trying to decide if I can return to DP's family this holiday season. I was visiting them when I lost my lil one. We were staying with them for a few days before T-Day with plans of attending the Day of Mourning in Plymouth MA on the actual day. My loss came the day before and I was WAY too deep in my mourning to attend a public event.

There is a certain poetic justice of ACTUALLY attending this year on the exact calendar day of my loss, carrying my new lil one, taking the time and intention to feel all the sadness--from the Macro-the genocide of the native people of this continent to the Micro-my own personal grief.

I'm thinking I will attend the event in Plymouth and then maybe go see family afterwards? It doesn't feel right not see them, but I don't want a play by play reenactment of last year's itinerary.

11/24/08 SMBC with a loving LTR DP in a Queer & Poly relationshiploving my new baby Kale Cqolbi Justice!!!!!
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#100 of 111 Old 11-02-2009, 03:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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kjm - we just had our one year anniversary of our loss last month and we were at virtually the same point in our pregnancy this time around (got pregnant in August both times!). It was certainly hard. Getting past it was good, though, since we were on "new ground" and having pregnancy firsts again without the shadow of last time as comparison.

We just hit 12 weeks this past weekend and we've begun telling people outside our immediate-immediate circle - which is great and scary. Our neighbors/customers have bee SOOOO happy for us. It makes it seems real.

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#101 of 111 Old 11-02-2009, 09:52 PM
 
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ktcl -- thanks for checking in, and checking up on us!

I'm in the same boat as ktcl. Did IVF again, got two good betas. Now nervously waiting for next Monday, when we'll do the 6.5 week ultrasound. I'm scared, because last time we saw only an empty sac, and it's hard for me to believe that the result this time might be better. This week seems endless.

What else to report? Got through our old due date in September, when a slew of friends delivered. Not easy at all. Did get pregnant a week before my old due date, but it was a chemical pregnancy, suspected from the first (low) beta, and flat on the 2nd.


Pleasantlyfurious, I am SO GLAD you made it to week 12. That's fantastic.

KJM, I know what you mean about the holidays. We got our first BFP on Xmas Eve 2008 -- we were SO much younger then.

Geek. TTC since 09/2008. M/cs 01/2009, 12/2009. IVF 7/2009, 10/2009, 1/2010.
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#102 of 111 Old 11-03-2009, 09:56 PM
 
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Hey everyone I'm very new to this thread. I'm trying for my first child with anonymous donor sperm. I tried 4 cycles of IUI with clomid and injectibles and now I'm waiting for donor embryos. However, the clinic I'm wait at is experiencing a backlog of families interested in embryo donation so the wait is currently about 18 months! I'm probably going to do IVF in the late winter or spring in a different country because its much cheaper.
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#103 of 111 Old 11-04-2009, 08:17 PM
 
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astropeep-- I can't believe how close we are to each other in this whole IVF cycle. Good luck on Monday! I have my u/s next friday. Trying to stay calm until then, but feel like I am overanalyzing every sensation in my body. Is that nausea? Is that cramping? Did I walk too fast? A bit maddening...

Katie, DW to Megin, Mamma to Quinn (7y.o.) and Wylie, born 07-04-10
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#104 of 111 Old 11-09-2009, 07:35 PM
 
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KTCL -- yes, it's amazing to have an IVF cycle buddy! Who knew? I am crossing my fingers that you guys have a lovely u/s on Friday.

Our u/s went great. It is just now beginning to penetrate my thick skull that what I saw this morning was a little heartbeat.

I am still *terrified* of another m/c. But still, we are further along than we've ever been before, and even if the odds are 5-15% for a m/c at this point -- that's still the best odds we've yet had!

Geek. TTC since 09/2008. M/cs 01/2009, 12/2009. IVF 7/2009, 10/2009, 1/2010.
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#105 of 111 Old 11-10-2009, 04:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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ktcl and astropeep - Sending such good energy your way!

Still madly in stillheart.gif with jb after 10 years and chasing after my precocious toddler jog.gif    

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#106 of 111 Old 11-16-2009, 11:35 PM
 
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Thanks, PF!

If I may ask those of you who've gotten pregnant again after a loss: how long did it take before you weren't angry anymore? Here I am, (not visibly) pregnant, and it still really bothers me to walk past froufrou baby boutiques, to see braindead articles on how breastfeeding will make you skinny, and, let's just admit it, to be around pregnant women.

My "pregnancy after loss" book assures me this is normal, and that becoming pregnant doesn't magically turn off the long-term grieving process. But at some point I'm going to have to get more comfortable around folks who are preggers. Maybe that will be easier if/when I know this one's for keeps.

Geek. TTC since 09/2008. M/cs 01/2009, 12/2009. IVF 7/2009, 10/2009, 1/2010.
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#107 of 111 Old 11-17-2009, 12:46 AM
 
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I'm 33 weeks now and while I'm not angry anymore, I'm still sad at times. However, I do believe that in some way the 2 little ones I lost were selflessly letting my current one manifest. I know that sounds cheesy but I do feel that quite often.

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#108 of 111 Old 11-18-2009, 04:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yes. Like carmen, not really angry anymore, but still sad sometimes. While certainly not an on/off switch, I did start to feel different once we were on "new territory". With our loss at almost ten weeks last time I was pretty distant for the first 11 weeks - but once I felt past that point of (personal) loss, it started to feel like a first time again.

Still madly in stillheart.gif with jb after 10 years and chasing after my precocious toddler jog.gif    

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#109 of 111 Old 11-28-2009, 07:40 PM
 
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We lost our first after IVF very early on, what a crushing blow for us. Then we had a second IVF cycle that was unsuccessful. We finally had to use an egg donor to concieve our girls, started out as triplets - then we found out later that one of the girls had died around 10 weeks. It was really hard to see that ultrasound with our two healthy babies and that empty sac betwen them - that was their sister. I am still bitter about the losses, and it still makes me very sad sometimes. Those babies we lost were my children, and you can't help but be disappointed and sad about it. But the real anger left me when our girls were born and I no longer had to avoid pregnant women and everything associated with them. I just a few months ago had my four babies tattooed on my arm in remembrance, for those we lost and those we are blessed to have with us. Healing can take a long time, though. I am sorry for those of you who are dealing with recent losses, just know that there are lots of us out here that you can lean on.

Mommy to girls twins.gif 9/2005, our angel babies stillheart.gif 2004 and stillheart.gif 2005, and our intact, ebf superhero.gif4/29/2010.

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#110 of 111 Old 11-29-2009, 04:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi Kelly - welcome. I'm sorry to hear about your losses. It looks like we are in the same DDC this time around.

AFM - I went public with extended family and then facebook this weekend (at 16 weeks) and as soon as I did, I worried it was "too soon" or that I should have waited until the sonogram in two weeks. But it has been so nice to get so many congratulations and joyful wishes.

Still madly in stillheart.gif with jb after 10 years and chasing after my precocious toddler jog.gif    

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#111 of 111 Old 11-29-2009, 11:45 PM
 
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Wow PF-- you waited until 16 weeks! That's willpower. I"m sitting here at 9 weeks, and getting very ready to tell. We have another ultrasound on Friday, and I think that if it looks good, i'm ready to share the news. Of course that could be because I'm sick of trying to hide the belly that started showing up VERY early on. The only time I get really sad and pissed about the losses is when I think about/perseverate about the age difference between this one and DS. We started TTC when he was 3. Now he's 6. Somehow that doesn't seem fair. I have kind of forgotten about my other due dates come and gone, though. Maybe that's because I lost mine pretty early, and didn't get sooo attached to the dates.

I'm thinking positive thoughts for all of us as we make our way through this simultaneously difficult and amazing time.

Katie, DW to Megin, Mamma to Quinn (7y.o.) and Wylie, born 07-04-10
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