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#61 of 419 Old 12-13-2008, 02:40 PM
 
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Pranava - you have every right not to be happy. Sorry for the very icky timing, the harsh news and sending you warm thoughts...

Does it just feel horrible because of what she said, or is there any relief at not being in limbo and waiting for her decision anymore?

: mama to T 9/04 and E 11/08
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#62 of 419 Old 12-13-2008, 02:55 PM
 
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Pranava, that is horrible!!! I found the part about "Its not like we had sex and you ended up pregnant" to be especially vile. But I think in a way, this is "good" news. At least you are very clear about where she will stand in your child's life and once the pain has subsided you can move on with a clear vision for your child's future.

I am so sorry that this is happening to you. Lots of s to you.

smartycatpartners.gif quasar.  Mommies to two boys.
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#63 of 419 Old 12-13-2008, 03:32 PM
 
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This calls for a ritual, pranava... something needs to be done to cleanse her presence from your life, and your baby's life.
You could burn the page (I'd suggest the whole book, hon ... I know it's a sacrifice, but I think it would be appropriate) outside, to release all of the negativity, and then burn a letter you write to her, and then a letter that you write to the baby ... the last one being an invocation/invitation to the little one to join your new, XDPless life.

As for your home ... there are several cleansing rituals you can look up online.

One that we do for each new home is a meditative sweep, if you will. Starting at the far corners, sweep toward the front door, concentrating on all the things you are 'sweeping' out of your home ... her ambivalence, your anxiety and anger, her immaturity, her lack of commitment, etc. When you get to your front door, sweep it all out with a few, select, banishing words. Then you can invite all the new aspects you'd like to include in your life with babe, and sweep them 'in' from the outside.

You are a strong woman, and will be a stellar mama. We all know you can do this with your head held high. We are all so proud of you.

dust.gifFour-eyed tattooed fairy godmother queer, mama to my lucky star (5) and little bird (2.5). Resident storyteller at www.thestoryforest.com. Enchanting audiostories for curious kids. Come play in the forest!
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#64 of 419 Old 12-13-2008, 03:40 PM
 
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pranava, if you do decide to burn the whole baby book, I'd love to get you a new one of your choice.

: mama to T 9/04 and E 11/08
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#65 of 419 Old 12-13-2008, 04:36 PM
 
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Pranava...how utterly horrible of her. It sounds to me like she is saying these things now ("It's not like we had sex and you ended up pregnant") because she is trying to justify to herself how horrible and selfish she is being. That said...I know with all the hurt and anger right now this might not be comforting...but it sounds like you really are better off. Any person that would do something like that...they just add no value to your life. And especially that of your baby. Be angry...be sad...let yourself feel however you need to feel right now...but know that you will pull through. You've made it this far. With all the hurt and indecision you've had to deal with because of this horrible person...you've made it so far. You're strong mama...and you've got a big group of other strong mama's here that will be more than happy to lend you a cyber-shoulder to cry on. Take care of yourself and your little one.

DS Alexander Joseph born 6/29/09
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#66 of 419 Old 12-13-2008, 04:44 PM
 
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Oh lovely Pranava, I'm so sorry that you've received yet another slap in the face from your XP. Her actions and words are truly baffling but I'm glad that you finally know where you stand with her.

Burnings and cleansings sound like a wonderful idea. It's time for you to find some joy. Do something that makes your heart sing. This is your time now. I'm thinking of you and your beautiful babe and sending you love and healing.

One gorgeous solstice babe 12/08, two smitten mothers - mothering consciously with conscience and compassion. Birth & Postnatal Doula. Student Midwife. Expecting #2 November '12.

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#67 of 419 Old 12-13-2008, 07:12 PM
 
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pranava, that is so unnecessary and mean of your xdp to write. i agree with burning the whole book. someone with that kind of negativity does not belong in you or your baby's lives. i can't imagine having to deal with that complete slap in the face!! dp and i are keeping you and baby in our thoughts and sending you many hugs.

g

my family - dp d heartbeat.gif, ds b biggrinbounce.gif (4), ds f thumbsuck.gif (2), dd a baby.gif (jan '12), ddog m dog2.gif
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#68 of 419 Old 12-14-2008, 02:00 AM
 
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Bleeding a bit today....and mild cramping.. pretty scared. will keep yall posted.
only about 18 days along at this point.

Taking a break for a bit to attempt to salvage my sanity. wool.gif
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#69 of 419 Old 12-14-2008, 03:04 AM
 
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Originally Posted by JenInMpls View Post
pranava, if you do decide to burn the whole baby book, I'd love to get you a new one of your choice.
I'm in too. You just let us know. And then, you can tell your kid that a whole community of awesome queer parents gave him that book to welcome him into the world.

Pranava, I'm so sorry that she is treating you this way. No one deserves that, and especially not when doing the important work of growing an awesome new baby. Many, many .

xo

A, partner to J, mama to O, now with a new username!

Building queer family since 2008!

(and oh, did i mention we're having twins?!?)

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#70 of 419 Old 12-14-2008, 10:35 AM
 
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I got a letter from XP yesterday that says she does not want any part in my child's life. She thinks I manipulated her into having this baby. She feels she has no obligation to me or the child at all becasue "it's not like we had sex and you ended up pregnant." She said the whole insemination process sickened her. She said I should just be happy because I got what I wanted. I just cut out the page of the baby book she gave me last Christmas where she wrote "I give this book to my Co-mama of our unborn child - concieved as a thought in our minds and a hope in our hearts. To My Loves" I am so very sad.
Pranava,

I'm so sorry! While I haven't been in the exact same situation, dw acted similarly while in the midst of her affair. Our twins were 18 months old, and we had been talking very seriously about ttc again with dw being the pregnant one. She had to go away for a month-long job in Alaska, and we decided that because of the physical demands of her job there, we should wait to ttc until she got back. While she was there, she ended up having an affair with a guy who she met there, and thinking, briefly, that she had fallen in love with him. I was expecting her to come home and say, "let's make a baby!" And instead, she came home and said something along the lines of, "I don't ever want to get pregnant, I don't ever want more babies, I'm not even sure I want the babies we have. This was always your plan, your pressured me into having kids too soon, I don't want to be a full-time mom, blah, blah, blah." It was awful and so, so hurtful. Amazingly, we managed to work through it, but it took a long time.

I'm also experiencing this right now with my parents, who are going through a horrible divorce, and my dad is seeing someone new. He says/writes all of these awful things to my mom about how he was never happy with her in all of their 38 years together. Then my mom will find a letter he wrote her a month before he left that says something along the lines of, "all I want in life is to grow old with you and love you," and it's beyond maddening. I'm sure he is, like my dw was, speaking only from this altered state that comes from being in a new relationship. My dw doesn't even remember the things she said/did during that time. It was like she really was having an out-of-body/mind experience.

I'm sure that your ex will someday regret these decisions she's made. I'm sure that the things she's saying now are no true reflection on how she was feeling before she met her new girlfriend. This isn't about you or the baby at all. It's about your ex being blindsided by the affair. Once it ends--as it surely will--she'll be the truly miserable one, while you'll be a blissed-out mama to your sweet baby love.



Lex

Mindfully mothering SIX kids (ages 4, 5, 7, 8, 11 & 11) in a small house with a lot of love.
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#71 of 419 Old 12-14-2008, 12:08 PM
 
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pranava - So sorry this is happening. But I agree with others here, maybe this will turn out to be a good turn of events and you can clear and cleanse yourself of her for good.
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#72 of 419 Old 12-14-2008, 12:51 PM
 
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Cramping and bleeding very heavily all night. Not a lot of clotting...but still can't be good. Guess we just wait at this point.

pravnava
Im so sorry...maybe it will be for the best in the long run. Your little one will be so lucky to have you. hang in there.

Taking a break for a bit to attempt to salvage my sanity. wool.gif
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#73 of 419 Old 12-14-2008, 01:30 PM
 
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Ms. Scarlett...I'm so sorry you are going through this. I don't know what to say...but I'd like to offer you a great big hug. Word to the wise (in case you don't already know) as someone who has been there...if you are bleeding through a pad every hour or so...take yourself to the emergency room. Please take care of yourself and let us know how you are.

DS Alexander Joseph born 6/29/09
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#74 of 419 Old 12-14-2008, 02:49 PM
 
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sorry to hear your sad news miss scarlett - as jen said, please get medical attention if the bleeding continues to be heavy.

sending you lots of cyber hugs.

g

my family - dp d heartbeat.gif, ds b biggrinbounce.gif (4), ds f thumbsuck.gif (2), dd a baby.gif (jan '12), ddog m dog2.gif
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#75 of 419 Old 12-14-2008, 03:06 PM
 
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Miss Scarlett,

I'm so very sorry.



Lex

Mindfully mothering SIX kids (ages 4, 5, 7, 8, 11 & 11) in a small house with a lot of love.
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#76 of 419 Old 12-14-2008, 04:07 PM
 
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Thanks everyone. Luckily my DP is a Family Nurse Practitioner, so Im in good hands. We are just trying to come to term with it now. Thank you all for your kind words, will keep you posted.

Taking a break for a bit to attempt to salvage my sanity. wool.gif
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#77 of 419 Old 12-14-2008, 04:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh Miss Scarlett I'm so sorry


Thank you everyone for your kind words and support. I love my MDC friends I don't think I will burn the book - not yet anyway. If I did that, I might feel like burning everything we bought together: clothes, toys, stroller, crib. . . I do like the idea of burning a letter to her, or burning the letter she sent me. I've heard I should burn it in a place I will never visit again, so I can release the emotions and leave them behind.

Thanks, Lex for sharing your story and your parent's story. That sounds just like XP. She's completely out of her mind - possessed by something evil.

Life is strange and wonderful.  Me read.gif, DP lady.gif, DS (3/09) blahblah.gif , 3 dog2.gif  and 4 cat.gif

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#78 of 419 Old 12-14-2008, 06:05 PM
 
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um, pranava, you are WELL QUIT of her. : big hugs to you.

Waldorf-teaching mama to A (12/08), wife to my sweet wife M , and sharing a home with a dog , four cats , five turtles, a fish, and a crab.
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#79 of 419 Old 12-14-2008, 06:20 PM
 
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wait, was that a birth announcement, 2happymamas???

Anders is perfect. awareness of his perfection was somewhat hampered last night when he REFUSED to sleep, but we are working through the gassiness and fussing, and he is being alert and adorable right now. It was not the birth I had planned, but I think it all went very well -- heck, I got to bring a baby home, so I'm pretty happy, and the nursing staff at the hospital KICKS BUTT.
:

Waldorf-teaching mama to A (12/08), wife to my sweet wife M , and sharing a home with a dog , four cats , five turtles, a fish, and a crab.
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#80 of 419 Old 12-14-2008, 06:55 PM
 
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wait, was that a birth announcement, 2happymamas???

:
Nope. Coco's big sister was born.

We have friends who used the same donor. They had their little girl (KR) last week. I saw her yesterday and she is beautiful! I was holding her and Coco kicked her several times in the leg....KR's eyes shot open like, "What the hell was that?"

Coco was kicking and kicking after I held her big sister yesterday. And my nipples leaked TONS after holding a crying newborn. I think my body may have been a bit confused.

Now, when will we see pictures of Anders? I love the name, BTW.
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#81 of 419 Old 12-14-2008, 06:59 PM
 
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Pran...I know it's not very nice, but I really wanna bring my 37.5 week pregnant ass down there and get her. I could totally be there in an hour. I don't see how someone can say such mean, hurtful things to a person. To any person, much less someone they claimed to have cared about.

I am sorry she turned out to be such an ass. With this behavior, she does not deserve that boy. He deserves to only have people in his life who love him and want to be in his life. Not someone who feels as though she was tricked or trapped.
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#82 of 419 Old 12-14-2008, 07:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks 2happymammas!! The thought of 2 pregnant women walking into a bar(she's a bartender) and taking her down cracks me up

That must be awesome for Coco's sister to be so close to you. What an amazing family life she'll have! You're getting very close now : I've been searching the net for central indiana queer parent play groups. I can't find anything established. Do you know of any? If not, maybe I should start one. I think it would be great for the kiddos, and I might meet a cute single lesbian mama

Life is strange and wonderful.  Me read.gif, DP lady.gif, DS (3/09) blahblah.gif , 3 dog2.gif  and 4 cat.gif

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#83 of 419 Old 12-15-2008, 12:40 AM
 
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MissScarlett- I am so, so sorry. I lost my first pregnancy very early on, and it was a terrible experience. Many women also bleed and don't lose their pregnancies. Either way, you are in my thoughts. Big .

Pranava- Your kid is going to have a great life with you. And yes, find/start a parenting group. The connections I've made in mine have been so important. And, there is dating, life, and love after parenthood. Really.

A, partner to J, mama to O, now with a new username!

Building queer family since 2008!

(and oh, did i mention we're having twins?!?)

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#84 of 419 Old 12-16-2008, 01:41 AM
 
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Well girls, Im officially heading back over to the TTC thread. Hopefully Ill be back in late February to join you all again. Thank you for the kind words and support. Im sorry my stay was so short (but grateful if it had to end like this it was brief)

Best of luck and healthy babies to all

Miss Scarlett

Taking a break for a bit to attempt to salvage my sanity. wool.gif
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#85 of 419 Old 12-16-2008, 09:23 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm so sorry Miss Scarlett. I hope you join us again soon

Life is strange and wonderful.  Me read.gif, DP lady.gif, DS (3/09) blahblah.gif , 3 dog2.gif  and 4 cat.gif

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#86 of 419 Old 12-16-2008, 03:30 PM
 
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So sorry to hear that Miss Scarlett. Give your self some time to heal and surround yourself with lots of love.
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#87 of 419 Old 12-17-2008, 07:35 PM
 
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Miss Scarlett I am so sorry. Be kind to yourself. I hope to see you back here real soon

Loving wife to Kate. So in love with Amelia. Born August 14, 2009
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#88 of 419 Old 12-17-2008, 07:50 PM
 
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I feel like I have been playing catch up over the past few days. We lost power for 3 days and it has been crazy since. We were a lot luckier then others I know who are still without power.

So last Friday I was scheduled to have my third beta. Because of the storm there were powerlines blocking the road preventing me to go, so I had to go on Saturday. Typically I would have gotten the results by Monday, but my doctor's office did not have power or phones until today. The past few days have been crazy...wondering and waiting. (Last year I had a miscarriage around the same time, so that added to my anxiety)
Well the doctor called this morning and my beta was 888! I am very excited. The numbers are higher then I had expected. It is really real! I have an appointment for an ultrasound on 12/29 and we should be able to see the heart beat.

We haven't told many people, just those strong supports in our lives. And I told my mother, because she lives with us. I am just wondering when others told their family, friends, and co-workers.

As I become more excited about it I find it hard not to tell people.

Loving wife to Kate. So in love with Amelia. Born August 14, 2009
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#89 of 419 Old 12-18-2008, 10:27 AM
 
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DM...we told close family members right away. They knew we were TTC and constantly wanted updates anyway. The last time around...the one we lost...we told EVERYONE right away. We were more selective this time. Close friends knew at about 8-10 weeks...after we saw the heartbeat. I actually just told my co-workers yesterday at our holiday party. I'll be 12 weeks tomorrow...and so far so good...so I figured it was time. Besides...half of them said they guessed it already because of my belly!!! Seriously...at 12 weeks...I'm showing already!!! Is this normal? Any of you other mamas start showing this early? At least enough for half your co-workers to notice?! I mean...I've only gained 3lbs and I think most of that is in my boobs!!!! But my belly is really staring to out me!!!

DS Alexander Joseph born 6/29/09
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#90 of 419 Old 12-18-2008, 04:24 PM
 
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We heard the today! : It was the most amazing sound in the whole world!

We are feeling blissed-out beyond words, and more excited than ever about our teeny tiny baby.

It's starting to feel real.



Lex

Mindfully mothering SIX kids (ages 4, 5, 7, 8, 11 & 11) in a small house with a lot of love.
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