Sorry this is really long!!!
I haven't posted here before, but am an active lurker on these boards. am definitely queer & proud, and am trying to be a parent!
Trying to be brief
... here's my situation. My dp and I have been thinking actively about having kids & charting actively for almost 2 years! We just started inseminating with a donor from a sperm bank in July, and to our delight I got pregnant in August on our second try. Sadly I lost that baby in a miscarriage soon afterwards. We have been on hold for a couple of months since then, partly my own emotional recovery & also due to scheduling probs with our doctor.
Throughout this whole process we have resisted the medicalization of what to us should be a natural & beautiful thing (a bit naive maybe, but that's how we feel). At home sperm bank insem is not an option for us here, so we had reluctantly reconciled ourselves to a less-than-ideal Dr. On top of that, we had always struggled with the idea of having an unknown donor. Dp lost her dad at the age of 3 and while neither of us want to share parenting outside of our relationship, we also like giving our child the option of knowing their donor, esp. since dp
So....after the m/c and some waiting, a really great donor has walked into our life from an unexpected direction. I really feel like this is fate--this guy is really wonderful, seems quite open to the idea, we both like him & his values.
1) I just asked him yesterday and he's not sure, but I ovulate on Monday at the latest (already getting signs) and I don't want to pressure him. Should I insem again with sperm bank sperm?
2) He's a bit uncertain about the whole thing--he's gay, but doesn't know anyone who's done this. Does anyone know of any books/ articles/ resources for potential donors?
I really feel like this is a good thing, an opportunity that wouldn't have come about w/o the devastating loss of the m/c, and a decision based on trust & hope rather than fear....but so many questions!
Thanks to all for listening!