At home insemination basics- newbie - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 10 Old 01-14-2009, 02:41 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hello,

I am a striaght woman looking for a bit of discussion on at home insemination.
We are still not 100% sure we will have to use donor sperm- but are getting more and more sure. I hope it is okay to visit this forum as it is the best one for discussing insemination with donor sperm.

I am with a man but he has male inferiltiy problems. We also just found out today that while he is totally healthy otherwise, he has some kinds of chromosomal translocations ( 2 chromosomes in wrong places and imbalanced) that we think cause a very high risk of abnormaliities in the offspring.

So we are looking to donor sperm. We found a known donor that we want to ask, though we have no idea if he will say yes ( a 2nd cousin of my dh)

So I am thinking steps ahead to if he says yes and to when we inseminate.


Is inseminating at home a fine and tried and true method? does it work as well as in a doctor's office? I mean- have many people here successfully inseminated at home using fresh donor sperm?

so how does it work? The donor gives his sperm into a cup. then what do I do? I know how to know when I am ovulating- so then what do I use to get the sperm into me? Some kind of syringe?

Does it take people longer to conceive this way than other ways? Or is it just as effective- if timed right- as intercourse would be?

Also- how do I find out the legal rights of my state regarding this? I was just reading that even with a signed contract some states put DNA over the contract if the known donor wanted rights to the child.

Thanks-
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#2 of 10 Old 01-14-2009, 02:53 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Well I just googled it and it is pretty basic. I guess maybe I just wanted to put out there that we are leaning towards donor sperm.

I feel mixed about it but right now okay. Now- we just hope he says he will donate! And will be first willing to get his own bloodwork tested out- and would be willing perhaps even to provide a few days in a row of donor sperm.

I have zero idea if he will as I have never met him, but dh grew up with him and dh and his sister say he is a great guy- and he is good looking and even has a tiny bit of a similar look to dh- and dh and his sister seem to think he might be "flattered" by the request and agree.

He is young- early 20's- and no kids of his own yet.

Just processing! I may move to a different thread- crazy stuff to find out today ( about the chromosome stuff)
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#3 of 10 Old 01-14-2009, 03:04 AM
 
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A home insem is called an IVI (intervaginal insemination). This is vs. an IUI (interuterine insemination) where a catheter is inserted into the uterus and WASHED sperm is inserted. This can be done at home as well if you find someone who will train you. Home IVI can be done with a syringe inserted into the vagina. The sperm can be placed into some sort of cup (we used a sterile specimin cup but just because I work at a hospital and have access) like a baby food jar. The sperm then needs to be kept body temp (in the arm pit) and in the dark until insertion.

An home insem is just as effective as intercourse, IUIs in a doc's office aren't necessarily going to be more effective than home insems. They're just another level of intervention. TTC is a mixture of science, faith and good old fashioned luck. We used fresh sperm, home insems and it took eight tries. The successful try was one IUI (our only one) and two home insems.

There are more levels of interventions but we didn't do anything besides the single IUI, so I can't speak to them personally.

Good luck.

Me: almost 40, RN DW: 38, CPD Boy: born 4/2/2007 Girl: born 8/23/2010
Queer Parenting since 2007
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#4 of 10 Old 01-14-2009, 09:02 AM
 
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Hey Katie,

Big , and welcome, though I'm sorry to see you here- I was really hoping that your DP's problems were surmountable.

I used frozen sperm, not fresh, which is a different ballgame, but there are plenty of people here who have used fresh, and can advise you as to the legal issues (which do vary a bit from state to state), as well as the technical stuff. In general, my understanding is that you should draw up a contract ahead of time, because, although not legally binding, it will show intention, which is useful should there ever be a court issue. After the baby's birth, your donor would need to relinquish his custodial rights and then your DP can adopt the baby.

Good luck!

A, partner to J, mama to O, now with a new username!

Building queer family since 2008!

(and oh, did i mention we're having twins?!?)

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#5 of 10 Old 01-14-2009, 11:13 AM
 
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I would look into the legal aspects before worrying about the logistics of actually doing it at home. That actual insemination with fresh sperm is pretty easy. My DP and I used fresh sperm at home and it was a piece of cake. The legal issues are another matter though, and it really depends on what state you are in. We met with an attorney before beginning the process (though we had spoken to our donor and he was onbaord). The attorney drew up a sperm donor agreement that we all three signed. It is not legally binding in this state, but as a previous poster stated, it helps establish intention. In many states there are laws about at-home insemination's being illegal. And some judges will want to see an affadavit from the inseminating physician before granting a termination of the donor's rights. So, you really need to know the laws of your state, and then weigh your options. On the plus side, if you are married (legally) to your partner, he is automatically considered the Legal Father of any child you give birth to regradless of whether or not he is the biological father.
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#6 of 10 Old 01-14-2009, 11:33 AM
 
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I used fresh donor sperm at home (DP's cousin's actually) and it worked on the second month of trying (so after about 7 inseminations).

It is all silly, really. He would come over and make his deposit into a shot glass and then bring it out to us and DP would insert it into me using a medicine dropper. It all happened instantly so there was no worry about keeping it body temperature or anything like that.

As for legalities.... we didn't do anything because of our situation....we want the dad in our daughters life, but in most cases and especially yours since your baby will have your SO as the father, you will need to look into it. As previous posts have said, look into the legal aspects first, the rest will be a piece of cake! Good luck to you!
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#7 of 10 Old 01-14-2009, 12:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks everyone!
We are leaning towards doing this in a big way.

I think our other option would be a really invasive complex expensive one- in which maybe dh's sperm ( if there are small pockets of it) could be surgically extracted- then I would do ivf- then they would genetically test the embryos before implanting.
Many people do this and it works great- but I don't know. It doesn't appeal to us.

So now the KD we want to ask is out of the country but dh's sister is looking into when he returns ( soon I think- couple of weeks) and is going to ask for us since she is closer to him. So we are looking now to see if he says yes-

then ideally we would have him come over a few days in a row when I was ovulating and deposit it and dh and I would go to the other room and insert it!

We are drawn to this over the complex more medical procedures even though it wouldn't be dh's biological child.
I like the advice aobut dh legally adopting the baby- DH and I aren't married yet but are planning on it so we will likely marry when I am finally pregnant.

thanks for welcoming me here and it feels really helpful to know all of you have been through this and it works out well.

I will be in touch as things develop.

Also- legallyI guess if dh's cousin agrees and we go for it we will go to a lawyer to find out the state rights and draw up a contract. I asked dh if the situation was reversed if he would donate sperm for his 2nd cousin and he said yes. But who knows! I have never met this possible donor but at least he grew up with dh so dh's whole family says he is great and he actually has the same smile as dh!
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#8 of 10 Old 01-14-2009, 12:49 PM
 
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I've done at home insems and have had two successful pregnancies out of four ovulations (several attempts during some ovulations), but those are pretty good odds! LOL!

Just get a large syringe for dispensing medication and you are good to go. Insert it as close to the cervix as possible, depress the plunger SLOWLY, and I chose to lay there for about 20 minutes afterward.

Legality varies from state to state, country to country. Some states are better to insem in than others. I have heard New York for example is surprisingly not good, but I am fuzzy on the details of why and where is good. My impression is that there is little precedent set for recognizing these types of contracts so it is definitely kind of a risky area. Personally though I feel that if the man either has done this before, or has children and is clear on not wanting 'daddy' status with yours, it can be quite safe. We are protected always by Family Law, and a man who wants rights will also get responsibility. Personally I feel that can be a sufficient deterrant especially if you live a distance away, and if he is not surprised by his feelings for the child once s/he is born.

eta - Crossposted and I forgot to say it but yes I definitely agree that a contract is very important.
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#9 of 10 Old 01-14-2009, 03:54 PM
 
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Hi, Katie!

Well, unfortunately I really don't know the legalities of a KD since we used an anon donor, but here's my story in a nutshell:

DD (3 yrs) was conceived using frozen washed sperm in a dr's office via IUI. 1st try was successful.

Baby #2 was conceived @ home this past December. I am now abt 6 wks pg. 1st try was also successful. I didn't even use an OPK; I just knew I was ovulating & so timed the insem accordingly.

All we did was thaw the (unwashed) sperm for 20 mins per the bank's instructions. Obviously, you won't have to do this. Then, we poured the sperm from the vial into a sterilized shot glass. DP then used a child's oral (needless) syringe to draw the sperm into my cervix. I laid around for abt 30 mins.

FYI-- Everything I've read re: at home insemination indicates that an orgasm helps the cervix draw the sperm upwards. It certainly seemed to help in my case!

Good luck!

Proud WOHM veggie mom to Alina 7/29/05 & partner, Jackie, since 2001, m/c 1/2009
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#10 of 10 Old 01-15-2009, 04:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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For those of you that used a Known donor- what kind, if any, tests did you have him do prior to donating?

I think we would want our known donor to have a blood test to check his chromosomes- but only because we were so awed by my dh's diagnosis and would want to be clear. what about a semen analysis?

I am only thinking about this because dh did those things.
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