We asked our first choice potential KD if he would donate last night, and we had a great long conversation that resulted in him saying he needs to think about it more before deciding (which we expected and definitely respect). He is a straight man in a new-ish relationship who shares a lot of our politics/lifestyle and is an old trusted friend. We told him that although we are clear on wanting a legal contract, termination of parental rights, and no co-parenting type arrangment, we would be happy after those prerequisites are met with anything from no more contact than what we have now (hanging out every few months) to having him be "uncle M" and coming over to hang out with the kids every week or two. He was definitely interested but sort of conflicted/confused about what his role would be and what it means to biologically father a child who then he wouldnt parent. He was worried that even if he could get over doing something so out of the mainstream, his family etc might have a hard time. Also, he envisions having his own kids one day so he wanted to think a lot about what that would be like (would our kids consider each other siblings? how would that "work")
For all of these things we told him that we too have grappled with these issues and want a donor who we can openly navigate this stuff with and understand its an evolving process.
So- we asked him if it would be helpful to give him resources or talk to other donors and he said yes. the problem is now i dont know where to point him. all the resources i have are from the parents point of view (not the donors) or a more involved, co-parenting donor. Does anyone have any ideas? Does anyone have a known donor in a situation that sounds similar to our ideal (and that has been positive) and that would maybe be willing to have an email exchange or phone call with him?
thanks so much in advance,