TTC#2 - a conversation that started not long after Sebby was born, but now we're getting serious...
Anyway, I had always expected to be pregnant and birth our kids. DP was never really into it and I was secretly pleased. I always left the conversation open though and [in hindsight) paid lip service to the possibility that one day DP would like to birth a babe...
You see where this is going? She wants to have the next one. She wants to do the primary care thing. AND she only want 2 kids. Thus, no more babes for me. My soul hurts. I'll never get my homebirth (which was promised when I agreed to the birth centre for Sebby), I'll never be pregnant again.
Realistically, I only want two kids too. We can't afford more than 2. We want to work and travel abroad. I want to study again. Given that having kids is not the ONLY thing I want to achieve in my life, it's not sensible to have more than 2. Nor do I have any great desire for more than 2.
Talk about moving the goalposts. We've been working together to get DP's business on track and generating a decent income so that she can quit her job, work from home and support us all. We had both agreed that I didn't have to go back to work unless I wanted to. She had committed to supporting our family for the next 5ish years. If she has the next babe and stays home with it, there is no way around it - I'll be back to my job in November and my study plans are off the table.
Plus, I really really really want to be pregnant again. It's a soul yearning. I doubt that I have to explain it to most of you.
The thing though with DP is that she really is amazing. If I sulked and argued enough, it wouldn't be hard to talk her out of it. She's WAY more giving and generous than me and it's hard not to take advantage of that.
How can I deny DP of the incredible, amazing, life changing experience that is pregnancy and birth? She might be ok or she might resent me for the rest of her life. Or it could lead to a big, major relationship disaster....
I don't know how to move forward with this. I don't want to manipulate her final decision but it's going to take a super human effort on my part to compromise on this.
Thoughts? Experiences? Help?
Anyway, I had always expected to be pregnant and birth our kids. DP was never really into it and I was secretly pleased. I always left the conversation open though and [in hindsight) paid lip service to the possibility that one day DP would like to birth a babe...
You see where this is going? She wants to have the next one. She wants to do the primary care thing. AND she only want 2 kids. Thus, no more babes for me. My soul hurts. I'll never get my homebirth (which was promised when I agreed to the birth centre for Sebby), I'll never be pregnant again.
Realistically, I only want two kids too. We can't afford more than 2. We want to work and travel abroad. I want to study again. Given that having kids is not the ONLY thing I want to achieve in my life, it's not sensible to have more than 2. Nor do I have any great desire for more than 2.
Talk about moving the goalposts. We've been working together to get DP's business on track and generating a decent income so that she can quit her job, work from home and support us all. We had both agreed that I didn't have to go back to work unless I wanted to. She had committed to supporting our family for the next 5ish years. If she has the next babe and stays home with it, there is no way around it - I'll be back to my job in November and my study plans are off the table.
Plus, I really really really want to be pregnant again. It's a soul yearning. I doubt that I have to explain it to most of you.
The thing though with DP is that she really is amazing. If I sulked and argued enough, it wouldn't be hard to talk her out of it. She's WAY more giving and generous than me and it's hard not to take advantage of that.
How can I deny DP of the incredible, amazing, life changing experience that is pregnancy and birth? She might be ok or she might resent me for the rest of her life. Or it could lead to a big, major relationship disaster....
I don't know how to move forward with this. I don't want to manipulate her final decision but it's going to take a super human effort on my part to compromise on this.
Thoughts? Experiences? Help?