So I have an intersting story that will go well in this thread.
The first very important thing to find out, is whether or not your state has a defacto parent law. This makes a huge difference in the adoption process.
So here is my story, my now ex and I had a son in 2001. We lived in Delaware, but because DE was just now starting to pass second parent adoption laws, we chose to have our son born in NJ because NJ had much more established second parent adoption and defacto parent laws which would make the process a whole lot easier. So we paid the Lawyer 2,000, made sure she gave birth in NJ and completed the second parent adoption, no problems. We are both legally recognized as his parents now right......
So after ex and i split we had agreed on a shared parenting agreement which split my then 4yr olds time 50 / 50 between the two of us. We always lived fairly close to each other in Delaware so no problems. This arrangement worked great for nearly 2 years. Well when my son was now 6, ex met a new gf, and decided she was going to move to NJ, almost 2 hours away from where we live in delaware. Obviously this would make the shared parent agreement hard. So after much thought, I (the non-biological parent) filed for custody of our son, since we had no official custody arrangement and I wanted to protect my rights. Should be easy right? WRONG. After waiting over a year and a half to get a court date, we get to court only to not have the trial because the judge decides that my adoption from NJ might not be valid in Delaware. Not because of the whole gay adoption thing, but because somehow in the DE law it says if you live in delaware you must adopt in Delaware for it to be recognized. SO, since we lived in DE and adopted in NJ, my legal status as a parent was now in question. Judge wanted to do a briefing to determine if i even had legal status. Luckily, 3 months later, the DE legislature passed a defacto parent law. This law, not my second parent adoption, solidified my rights to my son and allowed our custody hearing to continue. 1 yr and 11 months after originally filing for custody, I (the non-biological mother) was awarded full custody of our son.
Surely, there is a flaw in the law of our state not recognizing an outside states adoption, but I do not have the funds to challenge that, but would probably be something good for lambda legal or human rights activists.