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Old 11-25-2009, 11:18 AM
 
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beastie - i'm so sorry. sending you and your partner much love, hugs and healing vibes. take care of yourselves.



g

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Old 11-25-2009, 01:11 PM
 
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JJNoho, when you update the list in December, will you move me to the list of losses?
beastie, i am so sorry for you and dp. sadly, i will move you when i start the new thread. hope you get to rejoin us as soon as you are able!

wishing much comfort and support during this time, jj

Me, DW , and DS born 7/6/10
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Old 11-25-2009, 01:16 PM
 
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i was debating whether to post this or not in light of the recent events with beastie and perhaps kimlyn...i am so sorry for the loss. it didn't seem right to celebrate when others are facing a loss..

i was able to hear the heartbeat this morning for the first time.

it was really great and helped reassure me that so far so good even if my nausea seems to have taken a hiatus. next step is the early screen ultrasound.

Me, DW , and DS born 7/6/10
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Old 11-25-2009, 03:49 PM
 
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Just wanted to pop over to offer my love and support to Beastie and DP. I'm so very sorry to read this news.

Also, hugs and best wishes for good baby health to kimlyn.

xoxoxo

Part hippie-chick, part type-A career woman, all mama. Enjoying life as a wife to my partner of 11 years, and a mama to our smarty-pants toddler, Cadence.

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Old 11-25-2009, 05:01 PM
 
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Originally Posted by jjnoho View Post
i was debating whether to post this or not in light of the recent events with beastie and perhaps kimlyn...i am so sorry for the loss. it didn't seem right to celebrate when others are facing a loss..

i was able to hear the heartbeat this morning for the first time.

it was really great and helped reassure me that so far so good even if my nausea seems to have taken a hiatus. next step is the early screen ultrasound.
That's great news My nausea starting letting up around 9-10 wks and was mostly gone by the 2nd trimester. Hearing the heartbeat is a great sign!

Me joy.gif, DP treehugger.gif, S bikenew.gif and L babyboy.gif
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Old 11-25-2009, 05:17 PM
 
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(Somehow I missed Kimlyn's sad news...)



Update us when you're able.

SPBC Finally a Papa! Elise Ember Soleil - 10/3/10 - 4:09 AM - 6 lbs 8 oz My daughter eats donor milk! Human milk for human babies!
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Old 11-25-2009, 09:42 PM
 
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My heart goes out to you Kimlyn and Beastie. All my love.

Sarah - mama to the love of my life, Aurelia Josephine, b. June 11, 2010

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Old 11-26-2009, 04:16 AM
 
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Hi there,
So Sunday morning around 1AM I woke up and my water had broken. The baby hadn't turned, so I ended up with a c-section. But, we also ended up with a lovely new baby! Hazel Eliot - 5lbs. 13oz.

Because she was early she's in the NICU for now...but progressing quickly. We think she'll be coming home Monday after she finishes her phototherapy. So, I'm off to other boards to figure out this breastfeeding stuff.

here she is!
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?ai...5&l=0e38d9a5b4

rainbow1284.gifbeth  stillheart.gifDW   blahblah.gif DD  Nov. 2009 and 1sttri.gif due Feb. 2013
 
 
 

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Old 11-26-2009, 10:01 AM
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Welcome Hazel!!!She is so precious!! Congrats Bethany and DP!!!

11/24/08 SMBC with a loving LTR DP in a Queer & Poly relationshiploving my new baby Kale Cqolbi Justice!!!!!
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Old 11-26-2009, 11:57 AM
 
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congratulations whoabethy!!!

she is adorable. hope she gets to come home soon!

happy thanksgiving to everyone celebrating in the US!

Me, DW , and DS born 7/6/10
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Old 11-26-2009, 12:22 PM
 
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congrats whoabethy and WELCOME to the world hazel!! i guess she was in a hurry to get here. i'm glad she will be home soon. good luck with breastfeeding, once you get the hang of it, it is the most amazing experience ever.

enjoy your babymoon!

g

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Old 11-26-2009, 12:37 PM
 
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Welcome, Hazel!! Congratulations, whoabethy!! She's gorgeous and I love her name!

(I think we were due the same day!! Reminds me how close I am!!)

Me joy.gif, DP treehugger.gif, S bikenew.gif and L babyboy.gif
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Old 11-26-2009, 12:38 PM
 
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Beastie, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.

My diagnosis was also confirmed on Tuesday that the baby's heart had stopped and there was no movement. Yesterday, I had surgery to have the baby evacuated. I'm not sure of the sex yet and we won't know what happened for another 3 weeks when test results come back. Baby Kendrick will be cremated and buried by the hospital in a local cemetary.

This loss comes not only around Thanksgiving but also my 1 yr wedding anniversary (11/28).

If we didn't have each other right now, I'm not sure how we would survive. I am sore and recovering today. I was supposed to go to my aunt's for the family dinner, but I don't think I'll be leaving home today.

I can also be moved to *waiting to be ready*, and I'm not sure when that might be.

Best wishes to everyone else.

Madly in love w/DW by the same name, mourning the baby girl we lost and expecting another baby in December 2010!
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Old 11-26-2009, 05:13 PM
 
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Kimlyn, I'm so sorry you and your DP are having to go through this. I hope you take time to heal and are gentle on yourself. Take care.

Me joy.gif, DP treehugger.gif, S bikenew.gif and L babyboy.gif
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Old 11-26-2009, 05:44 PM
 
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Beastie and Kimlyn ...
Many prayers and blessings coming to you and your partners. I am so sorry for your devastating losses. I cannot begin to imagine.
I'm not sure if you know, but there is a pregnancy loss thread on Mothering, where many mamas have much wiser words (from experience) than those of us here.
I am praying for you, your partners and your babies.

dust.gifFour-eyed tattooed fairy godmother queer, mama to my lucky star (5) and little bird (2.5). Resident storyteller at www.thestoryforest.com. Enchanting audiostories for curious kids. Come play in the forest!
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Old 11-27-2009, 10:34 AM
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Kimlyn and Beastie

I'm so sorry for your loss and wishing you and your DPs lots of love and healing. Take the time and space to go through this ocean of emotion. By truly experiencing both the loss and the love, my hope was eventually restored. As I grappled with my own loss (one year ago), I felt I could NEVER do this again. I thought it would be crazy to CHOOSE all this pain again?!? I was surprised by all the women that "came out" to me as having had dealt with such loss. I took solace in the fact that they all went on to have future pregnancies, though I thought, "that will never be me". Time passed, I healed and when the time was right, it was like a switch was flipped. No, I never will forget that first babe, but by allowing myself the space to explore the myriad of emotions I found the strength and the clarity I needed. I wish you both the same.

11/24/08 SMBC with a loving LTR DP in a Queer & Poly relationshiploving my new baby Kale Cqolbi Justice!!!!!
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Old 11-27-2009, 12:25 PM
 
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oh gosh, kimlyn, i am so sorry. i was really hoping for you and beastie that the medical people had called in wrong and you would get some good news. i hope you and dp rest and take care of youselves.

sending you healing vibes...

Me, DW , and DS born 7/6/10
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Old 11-27-2009, 05:04 PM
 
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For those of you who have had little ones already, what does it feel like when the baby "drops?" For the past few days I really feel this little one is riding oh so low. DP and a co-worker both pointed out that my "bump" even looks lower. It's not painful or anything but wow, it sure makes walking around uncomfortable! I googled and found some info that's not uncommon for baby to drop after 34 weeks for first time moms but I can't really find a good description of what it actually feels like and I'm curious! (I don't see our mw again until Dec. 10)

Me joy.gif, DP treehugger.gif, S bikenew.gif and L babyboy.gif
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Old 11-27-2009, 06:57 PM
 
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Originally Posted by carmen358 View Post
For those of you who have had little ones already, what does it feel like when the baby "drops?" For the past few days I really feel this little one is riding oh so low. DP and a co-worker both pointed out that my "bump" even looks lower. It's not painful or anything but wow, it sure makes walking around uncomfortable! I googled and found some info that's not uncommon for baby to drop after 34 weeks for first time moms but I can't really find a good description of what it actually feels like and I'm curious! (I don't see our mw again until Dec. 10)
Potentially TMI: My twat felt very puffy and was quite sensitive, and it was like i was walking with a bowling ball between my legs. But the biggest difference was that I could breath again with the new space for my lungs to move! Exciting that you're getting so close!

dust.gifFour-eyed tattooed fairy godmother queer, mama to my lucky star (5) and little bird (2.5). Resident storyteller at www.thestoryforest.com. Enchanting audiostories for curious kids. Come play in the forest!
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Old 11-27-2009, 09:37 PM
 
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kimlyn, sending you and your dw many hugs and healing thoughts. i'm so sorry for your loss.



g

my family - dp d heartbeat.gif, ds b biggrinbounce.gif (4), ds f thumbsuck.gif (2), dd a baby.gif (jan '12), ddog m dog2.gif
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Old 11-27-2009, 09:50 PM
 
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kimlyn,

I am ever so sorry for this loss. May you and your partner find much peace, love, and comfort in these times.

Be well,
megin


Mommy to an amazing 8 year old, wife to an inspiring principal, and welcoming Wylie Grace! Our July 4th babe!
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Old 11-29-2009, 05:37 PM
 
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Beastie and Kimlyn - I am so sorry. It is so unfair. I'm thinking of you both and your families during this time. Be kind to yourselves.

Still madly in stillheart.gif with jb after 10 years and chasing after my precocious toddler jog.gif    

***joy.gif***8***12***16***20***24***28***32***36***40    computergeek2.gif westphillymama.com

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Old 11-29-2009, 09:09 PM
 
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Potentially TMI: My twat felt very puffy and was quite sensitive, and it was like i was walking with a bowling ball between my legs. But the biggest difference was that I could breath again with the new space for my lungs to move! Exciting that you're getting so close!
Your description is actually quite accurate to what I've been feeling. My heartburn has lessened too.

It is exciting

Me joy.gif, DP treehugger.gif, S bikenew.gif and L babyboy.gif
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Old 11-30-2009, 10:56 AM
 
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kimlyn & beastie

  Two moms and two boys enjoying the truth that love always wins!!!  joy.gifjoy.gifpartners.gif
 

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Old 11-30-2009, 11:55 AM
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Needing Advice

So I've been having some issues of reliability and trust with my homebirth midwife and I'm seeking people's opinions about what I should do at this point.

Out of the last 3 appts my midwife was 30 mins late, out sick with the flu and then 20 mins late. Each time I wasn't left totally "in the lurch" but rather met with the other midwife in her practice. After the "out sick" appt (which she had had the flu for over a week by the time of our appt) I contacted her and said that I felt a little passed off, and that in the future I would like a heads up if she couldn't be there. I also addressed that she was the midwife that I hired and it was her that I wished to have my contacts with (previously if I put a call in to her 90% the other midwife called me back).

She seemed to understand and said she was glad that I brought these things up--but then again, next visit she was 20 mins late again saying "oh I thought the appt was at 10:30" same line as the time she was 30 mins late--though my appts have ALWAYS been 10am, and the other midwife told me that they had confirmed the appt time the day before with each other.

In the past week I have written her 3 emails (she was out of town for the holiday and said email would be a good way to reach her). She completely ignored my first email (which was about questionable discharge that I think should be addressed ASAP!). She responded to my second, again confirming that she would be checking email regularly. And then has ignored my 3rd (which laid out all my insecurities) for 3 days now.

So here I am, with 5 or so weeks left wondering if I can rely on this woman. I'm pissed that my $2500 has been paid and I'm not sure if I should consider changing this late in the game. The reality is that I don't doubt that she will make it to my birth, but I can't help but feel hurt and unimportant to her at this time. The thing I struggle with is that one of the reasons I chose homebirth was I didn't want to feel like a number, just another client, I wanted to feel special, nurtured and cared for. Maybe that was fantasy?

My mother keeps saying either way this kid is coming, and I get that. It doesn't have to be perfect, but I really thought I'd be feeling a deeper bond with my midwife by 35 weeks, not feeling further from her.

Part of my wonders if this is just cold feet?? Are my insecurities about birthing flaring and I'm putting them on her??

11/24/08 SMBC with a loving LTR DP in a Queer & Poly relationshiploving my new baby Kale Cqolbi Justice!!!!!
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Old 11-30-2009, 02:17 PM
 
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So I've been having some issues of reliability and trust with my homebirth midwife and I'm seeking people's opinions about what I should do at this point.

Part of my wonders if this is just cold feet?? Are my insecurities about birthing flaring and I'm putting them on her??
that sounds like an awful way to feel as you near the home stretch. it seems like you need to be feeling more trust and less anxiety about her. her behavior has not shown her reliability - that would make me upset too. i am a person of my word so have little patience with medical professionals getting appointment times wrong or not responding when they said they will.

fwiw, i am using a hopsital based midwife group and am in noho. i have never felt like a number to them during the ttc process and now early prenatal. i think they are all great and have provided personal care to dp and me.

whatever you decide going forward, best of luck in figuring it out. this is not the time for her to be flaking out on you.

Me, DW , and DS born 7/6/10
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Old 11-30-2009, 03:41 PM
 
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kjm, i would be pissed too! it's one of my pet peeves - people being late to already scheduled appts and "oh i thought it was at 1030am" doesn't cut it with me, especially if she's used the same excuse more than once. otoh, i wouldn't want to switch this late in the game, and lose $2500!! i hope you can work something out with her soon.

we are seeing an ob partly because dp is considered somewhat high-risk and partly because she is my ob too and we are both comfortable with her. the practice is great - we've seen all the doctors at least once before - and they do their best to see everyone on time - and that's not easy given some of the patients roll in 5 or 10mins late sometimes. it's pretty funny that our least favourite doctor was the one on-call when i went into labour but she was great in the delivery room! lol! maybe that's a little level of comfort to you?

g

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Old 11-30-2009, 04:42 PM
 
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I think your concerns and irritation are totally valid, kjm. When DP and I went for our first appointment with one of our midwives (they work in teams so you alternate appointments) we were not 100% secure with a homebirth. However, because of the "personalized" care we quickly became sold on a homebirth. My point is, because I was a little nervous about a homebirth in the first place I can imagine a flaky or seemingly undependable midwife would definitely make me question my decision. It sounds like you see the other midwife regularly - can you transfer to her and not have to pay again? You also mentioned that you have a doula friend already so I'm sure she will help you through any anxiety and decisions. One thing to keep in mind is - if you decide to transfer care now, you likely won't have any more personal care than you are getting now just because of the timeline. But, don't let her ruin your birth plan!!!

Me joy.gif, DP treehugger.gif, S bikenew.gif and L babyboy.gif
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Old 11-30-2009, 11:32 PM
 
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Keely - that sounds really crappy and unprofessional but then it's always hard to know what's going on for ppl - and private midwifery is one of those games where the personal/professional line is a bit blurry. I'd be inclined to post this in the birth professionals part of this board and see what other midwives think and if there's anything they suggest you can do this late in the game.

I had a lot of pre birth stress due to my care provision and it really sucked at a time that iwas so very vulnerable. You really don't need to be fighting anyone in your last days and weeks of pregnancy. I hope you can resolve it asap.
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Needing Advice

So I've been having some issues of reliability and trust with my homebirth midwife and I'm seeking people's opinions about what I should do at this point.

Out of the last 3 appts my midwife was 30 mins late, out sick with the flu and then 20 mins late. Each time I wasn't left totally "in the lurch" but rather met with the other midwife in her practice. After the "out sick" appt (which she had had the flu for over a week by the time of our appt) I contacted her and said that I felt a little passed off, and that in the future I would like a heads up if she couldn't be there. I also addressed that she was the midwife that I hired and it was her that I wished to have my contacts with (previously if I put a call in to her 90% the other midwife called me back).

She seemed to understand and said she was glad that I brought these things up--but then again, next visit she was 20 mins late again saying "oh I thought the appt was at 10:30" same line as the time she was 30 mins late--though my appts have ALWAYS been 10am, and the other midwife told me that they had confirmed the appt time the day before with each other.

In the past week I have written her 3 emails (she was out of town for the holiday and said email would be a good way to reach her). She completely ignored my first email (which was about questionable discharge that I think should be addressed ASAP!). She responded to my second, again confirming that she would be checking email regularly. And then has ignored my 3rd (which laid out all my insecurities) for 3 days now.

So here I am, with 5 or so weeks left wondering if I can rely on this woman. I'm pissed that my $2500 has been paid and I'm not sure if I should consider changing this late in the game. The reality is that I don't doubt that she will make it to my birth, but I can't help but feel hurt and unimportant to her at this time. The thing I struggle with is that one of the reasons I chose homebirth was I didn't want to feel like a number, just another client, I wanted to feel special, nurtured and cared for. Maybe that was fantasy?

My mother keeps saying either way this kid is coming, and I get that. It doesn't have to be perfect, but I really thought I'd be feeling a deeper bond with my midwife by 35 weeks, not feeling further from her.

Part of my wonders if this is just cold feet?? Are my insecurities about birthing flaring and I'm putting them on her??

One gorgeous solstice babe 12/08, two smitten mothers - mothering consciously with conscience and compassion. Birth & Postnatal Doula. Student Midwife. Expecting #2 November '12.

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Old 12-01-2009, 11:06 AM
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Thanks y'all

So I did 2 things yesterday, made an appt with a new midwife for next week and had a real deal talk with my current midwife.

I'm trying now to give it a few days to make my decision. I am scheduled for my first home visit this Friday with my current midwife.

The conversation we had was tough. She reminded me that she has a life, a family and other clients, meanwhile all of my energy is going into this pregnancy and so obviously our levels of attention are different. She let me know that she is mostly confused as to how I can come off so confident and competent during our appts, yet be so scared and insecure between appts. She also said that I have such a big birth team she is confused as to where she fits in. So I guess we have both been acting from a place of insecurity.

I assured her that my birth teams tasks are to get me water and food, to hold the space for me in my life and in my community. That having all these folks present is about THEM committing to the birth and rearing of my child NOT them checking my dialation, baby's heart rate, or even catching my baby. Thats her job. They will be there for "buy-in" to my family NOT to take her place.

She told me that email is a really bad means of communication for her. She isn't on the internet consistently (where as I am every minute of most days) and that when she reads my emails she assumes I have written them in the same cool, calm and collected demeanor that I have when we have appts and has NO idea that I'm sobbing while typing. She asked that I always call her and if its not an emergency and not a good time she will tell me that BUT that at least then she will have an accurate depiction on what is going on.

I think she was psyched to get me as a client because I had already done so much reading and preparation, I had a huge support system, I was taking classes, I was confident and she thought this would be easy. Now she is realizing ALL those things aside, as we get into the home stretch ALL that other "normal" stuff is gonna come up and she is gonna have to work hard to support me through it.

All this said, she still has been flaking, but I think now she gets it--I'm just as out of my gourd as any first time mama approaching my due date.

11/24/08 SMBC with a loving LTR DP in a Queer & Poly relationshiploving my new baby Kale Cqolbi Justice!!!!!
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