Queer and Pregnant! Nov. Dec. and January 2009! - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 157 Old 10-31-2009, 10:55 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Welcome queer and pregnant folks!

This is the list for November, December and January.

If you want to be added, just post in bold with your due date. Also, if you have recently had your babe(s), please chime in with the name and birth date in bold. If your information is not correct or has changed, please also post in bold so that I can get it corrected!!

Queer and Pregnant

October 2009
Travelgirlz, due with twins October 10
Mads-a-Mama, due October 25

November 2009
Turtle's Momma, due November 24
baby.fatty, due November 24


December 2009
Kelmendi due December 15

January 2010
KJM due January 1
Gloomcookie, due January 2
Beth, due January 3
Carmen358, due January 3
Indigoscot DP, due January 18
Darkpouka, due January 27 (with a girl)

February 2010
basje, due February 14
Janetommey (Melissa and Erin), due February 24 (with a boy)

April 2010
Kimlyn32, due April 4
hbog, due April 5
wishin'&hopin', due April 21

May 2010
kelly, due May 10
pleasantlyfurious, due May 15
KSDoulaMama, due May 15
boolery, due May 25
DJK, dp due May 30

June 2010
Sarah, due June 1
Eryn, due June 2
Beastie, due June 15
jjnoho, due June 24

July 2010
Megincl and Ktcl (Megin and Katie), due June 3

Late July/Early August 2010
Painefaria, due with #2

Graduates!!!

Scalpel, Babies Nathan Fisher and Maxwell Edward (Nate and Max) born 11/3/09
Denny_Zoo29, Dekaylee May Katherine Bond, born 10/29/2009.
Jodybird511, Baby Asher born 10/9/09
Wazzmum, Baby Tate born 9/15/09
Raene & River, Baby Cedar born 8/30/09
DM630, Baby Amelia born 8/14/09
ninefirefly, Baby girl born 7/31/09
Serenekitten, baby Asher born 7/21/2009
QTRANDI, Baby Rudy born 7/7/2009
JennM1021, Baby Alexander born 6/29/2009
Lexbeach (Lex and Lena), Baby Leo born 6/26/2009
Heart-N-Bones, baby Ella Grace born 4/22/2009
Quasar (and dp Smartycat), Baby Raymond Joseph born 4/5/2009
Pranava, Baby Zion born 3/24/2009
Giggleblue, Baby A born 3/16/2009
Pigirl, baby born 1/30/2009
Starling and Diesel, Esme born 1/30/2009
2happymamas (Jill & Kerri), Colette(Coco) born 1/5/2009
Simcon, Baby G born 12/28/2008
MujerMamaMismo, Sebastian Felix born 12/21/2008
Tigermiep (and dp M), Anders Xavier born 12/11/2008
JenInMpls (DP Jo), E.W. born 10/24/2008
Becca, Phoebe Joy born 10/9/2008
Scalpel (Jess, DP Darcie), Alexis Jean born 8/29/2008
Venustx, Triplets!! Levi, Sage, and Jillian born 8/12/2008
AngelaM (Angela), Ocean Rae born 8/10/2008
mamimapster, Jocheved (Julia) Hadassah Bat Sara V' Miriam born 7/15/2008
kk_davey, Grier born 7/7/2008
MollyKenzie, Lucy and Edie born 6/18/2008
rightkindofme, Shanna Francesca born 5/24/2008
TheGirls, Alexandra Kathryn Stay born on 5/12/2008
thismama, Zelda born 5/6/2008
mamastotwo, Boy/Girl twins born 5/2/2008
msjodi, Delaney Cait born 5/1/2008
Jentina (Jen & Sarah), Ellis Thomas born 2/20/2008
NZmumof2 (Anna, DP Leah), Florence born 1/23/2008


Recovering from Losses, to Rejoin Us Soon
Jen
Snoopy13 (JD)
Lemurmommies
Miss Scarlett
Astropeep and FozzieBear
Milletpuff
Lyndzies


Joyful, busy, often overwhelmed queer academic mama to an awesome toddler and:

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#2 of 157 Old 10-31-2009, 12:38 PM
 
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Wow, November! That blows my mind!

Thanks for starting the thread, Beastie. I hope the next three months are happy and healthy for all of us!

All is well here babywise. I'm feeling lots of little wiggles. I, on the other hand, am sick with another cold. PITA.

Big thanks to Carmen for taking care of the thread the last three months.

Happy Halloween everybody! I think I'll go look at costumes for 7-month-olds on the net.

Me, 36, DP, 39, stepDDs 14, and 15, and little DS born on his due date April 5, 2010.
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#3 of 157 Old 10-31-2009, 03:02 PM
 
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Thanks, Beastie!

Me joy.gif, DP treehugger.gif, S bikenew.gif and L babyboy.gif
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#4 of 157 Old 10-31-2009, 09:23 PM
 
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thanks for starting the thread beastie!

happy halloween all! our son was captain kirk this year. also, usa folks remember to fall back at 2am tomorrow morning.

g

my family - dp d heartbeat.gif, ds b biggrinbounce.gif (4), ds f thumbsuck.gif (2), dd a baby.gif (jan '12), ddog m dog2.gif
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#5 of 157 Old 11-01-2009, 01:44 AM
 
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Due January 27th
(it's a Girl!!!)

Queer single mama to DD 11, DS 9, DS 6, DD 2, and baby girl Due in Jan 2010
We ~ Homeschool ~ No Vax ~ No Circ ~ Co-Sleep ~ AP Parent
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#6 of 157 Old 11-01-2009, 11:50 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Congratulations and welcome, Darkpouka! I've added you to the list.

Speaking of the list, with the recent burst of new queer pregnancies due in April, May, and June (and, FX, the new queer pregnancies heading our way from the Queer TTC group), I wonder if we might all introduce ourselves again? I know that those of you who've been on the list for a while know each other, but I'd love the chance to find out more about you. What do you think?

I'm 29, queer-identified with a FTM partner. If this embryo sticks, I'm due on June 15. This pregnancy is the result of our very first attempt TTC, using anonymous donor sperm from a bank. The plan was to try for a summer baby, because of my work (I'm a professor, struggling and surviving on the tenure track). I haven't told anyone at work about this pregnancy, and am super worried about the professional and personal hostility that I may meet, sine having kids in general and especially before tenure is still a taboo! Other than concerns about work, the other big thing that I think we're always working on is our queer identities as a couple who passes for straight. This will come up more and more, I'm sure, as we get closer to having the baby. It's important for us to be out, but also not to undermine DP's position as a father; I know all queer couples deal with versions of this issue, and I'd love to hear more about how you're navigating all of this! When I'm not busy overthinking my pregnancy, we're also busy with our three (!) dogs, and with fixing up our new old house, that we bought this summer.

Ok, so that's me.

If you're interested in joining in the introductions, go ahead a post a short intro! Looking forward to learning more about you!

Joyful, busy, often overwhelmed queer academic mama to an awesome toddler and:

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#7 of 157 Old 11-01-2009, 01:40 PM
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hey yall,

My story begins in May 2007 when I decided to start inseminating with a KD. I am partnered with a gender queer person, 8 years my junior. I had decided that I wasn't getting any younger and that my job was the most supportive and inclusive environment that I could imagine--therefore for me it was the PERFECT time. May partner decided to ride the coaster with me while zhe figured out what role to have in the baby's live. It was rough, I would be devastated when AF would show, zhe'd be relieved. Every month. It sucked. Flash forward to May 2008 and DP decided that we needed space to explore our very different places in life and to begin seeing other people. Two moths later we acknowledged that, though living apart, we still wanted to be in each others lives. We committed to exploring polyamory together and in that we found great solace. A way to explore a variety of ways of being in the world, a way to find the support we weren't able to get from each other, and a way to deepen our relationship through more open and honest communication.

I was inseminating ALL the while and got pregnant Sept 2009 and miscarried Nov 2009. I was devastated as was KD. When I was ready to insem again April 2009 KD#1 said "No way" it was too hard for him. I asked a second friend and got pregnant my first cycle with KD #2.

DP and I moved back in together June 2009. We created a "Partnership Non-Parenting Contract." We each have our own bedroom, though we sleep most nights together (I'm sure that will change when kiddo arrives). Neither of us are dating anyone else right now as our plates feel full with baby (for me) and graduate school (for DP).

We are creating a new (to us) queer family model. We don't have many role models. We know this will work for us because we are committed to making it work. We know that it will take a lot of clear communication, a lot of hard work, and a lot of patience. But we are committed to creating the family that feels right to ALL of us, not just selecting from models A, B, or C.

11/24/08 SMBC with a loving LTR DP in a Queer & Poly relationshiploving my new baby Kale Cqolbi Justice!!!!!
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#8 of 157 Old 11-01-2009, 02:17 PM
 
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My DW and I have been together since New Years Eve of 07-08 and we were married in October of 2008. (Seems so quick when I put it like that!) We got married at the courthouse in Santa Rosa, CA right before the election. We decided that we wanted to have a big wedding with our friends and family over the summer, so got to work planning that, but we were also excited to start trying for a baby- both she and I always knew that we wanted kids, and even though we are on the younger side, we'd both been (im)patiently waiting for it to be "time." Our first try was in May using anonymous donor sperm, but that proved to be a disaster. Having so much money and so much emotion invested in our hopes of Perfect Timing was way way too stressful. My body took forever to ovulate and I was a nervous wreck. We ended up doing one IUI, but it didn't take because I did not ovulate until two days later. We re-evaluated and decided to ask a wonderful friend of ours to be a KD. Though he lives across the country from us, he very excitedly agreed to help us. Our big wedding was on June 20 and lo and behold, I was actually very fertile that weekend and KD was attending the wedding, so it was perfect! No plane tickets or mail deliveries necessary. That cycle, however, did not take either, but was much much less stressful. Knowing the sperm could stay alive in my body and knowing that there were more where they came from helped me feel a lot more zen about the process. The next cycle we did not try since we were on our honeymoon in Thailand. Our next active cycle, we flew KD in for a weekend and I was super duper fertile. I had predicted I'd ovulate on that Sunday, and we were able to do three insems- one Friday, one Saturday, and one Sunday before he left. We found out 11 DPO that I am definitely pregnant. We recently bought a new house and DW has a teaching job that she is loving. I'm working for the school district as well, which is a very supportive environment for us, since they are very understanding of my pregnancy (including morning sickness, exhaustion, etc.) and my doctor appointments and whatnot. However, once the babe is born in May, I will get to live my dream and be a SAHM! I am really excited to be entering the second trimester and the END of morning sickness...

Me: 27, DW: 31, Mamas to G: 5-17-10 luxlove.gif

 

My sweet surro-babe was born on 6-27-12 coolshine.gif

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#9 of 157 Old 11-01-2009, 05:29 PM
 
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I made an intro post but didn't really put much information about "me" ~ only my situation ~ so I'll add that here.

Short background ~ I'm single, out of a hetero relationship of 11/12 years. I've got 4 kids already, a daughter born in '98 (homebirth with a midwife), son born '00 (birth center with nurse midwife), son born '02 (hospital with same nurse midwife group) & daughter born '07 (unassisted homebirth.) I haven't decided yet (although I'm running out of time) but I'd like this upcoming birth to be a homebirth (most likely unassisted) again.

My kids all know I am gay (although they don't really seem to care unless they hear people saying hateful things about LGBTQ issues in general and then they like to go on about how stupid some people can be) We live in Utah which has some challenges and a few benefits (like friends) It would be nice to move sometime though as sometimes the general population can be frustrating.

I work as a massage therapist. I'm also trained as a doula and infant massage instructor. Eventually I'd like to study midwifery, herbs, and essential oils. I love crafts ~ I sew, crochet, knit, paint, draw, etc... I've tried my had at lots of things like spinning & weaving and I want to learn how to tat, make lace & shoe making. I have a DIY attitude about like in general. I love writing although it seems like I've had perpetual writers blog since my relationship with my ex began. I'm thinking that now that I feel more free inside I'll be able to let the words flow again. (once I get out of the habit of distracting myself when I want to write) I've also been getting back to being more spiritual (I'm an earth based, goddess worshiping witch-y pagan)

I'm excited to jump back into the dating scene as I haven't had a girlfriend since I was 19! There aren't that many lesbians where I live though ~ and I feel the need to BE independent and single for a while before really getting into a serious relationship. I'm also not completely financially stable at the moment ~ so I'm working on other ways to make money and getting my family into it's homeschooling/cleaning/working groove.

My pregnancy has been going well. I have started to get the worst heartburn at night (and sometimes during the day.) That's pretty typical of my pregnancies though and I just keep thinking I've only got 3 more months to go. ~For Halloween I took the kids trick-or-treating and we ended up walking about 2 miles! I could barely lift my legs when we got home, thankfully I feel much better today.

Queer single mama to DD 11, DS 9, DS 6, DD 2, and baby girl Due in Jan 2010
We ~ Homeschool ~ No Vax ~ No Circ ~ Co-Sleep ~ AP Parent
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#10 of 157 Old 11-01-2009, 06:50 PM
 
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Good idea! It's great to get to know new-comers and be reminded of each other's stories.

DP and I have been together almost nine years (we met in college) and had been TTC for over two years. We started out very medical and expensive (sperm bank, doctors, meds, IUIs, and a few other interventions) and quickly ran out of money and steam. We suffered a miscarriage about a year ago that really devastated us. Over the last six months we switched our game plan to a KD, at home insems, acupuncture, and chinese herbal medicine - and shockingly got pregnant!

I just turned 12 weeks and we are starting to tell friends and neighbors which is exciting. We own a little vegetarian cafe/coffeehouse and live in the apartment above it. DP works in the cafe (way more than) full time and until recently I had a non-profit work-from-home job. I was laid off in June, and we've been trying to figure out a way to make ends meet since. I faith things will work out one way or another, but we are really hoping we don't have to close the cafe.

Oh - and we are waiting to find out of the baby is a (bio) boy or girl until the birth!

Still madly in stillheart.gif with jb after 10 years and chasing after my precocious toddler jog.gif    

***joy.gif***8***12***16***20***24***28***32***36***40    computergeek2.gif westphillymama.com

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#11 of 157 Old 11-01-2009, 07:54 PM
 
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Good idea

DP and I have been together just over 4 years. We started TTC in April 2008. I had some basic blood testing done, STD, Day 3 FSH, thyroid, etc. and my GP (who is awesome) said everything was "exactly where we wanted it to be" so off we went to ask our chosen KD. He is an old friend, more of an acquaintance now, and said yes! We created a contract and had a few conversations about what we wanted the relationship to look like and off we went! To our surprise I got pregnant very easily, the first 3 times! Unfortunately, I had one chemical and then 2 miscarriages (9.5wks and 5wks) in a row. I didn't get any testing done as everyone told me it was common and just one of those things. I worried that my age was a factor - I'm currently 38 - but doctors, etc. said that wasn't an issue and that it was encouraging that I got pregnant so easily. I was very strict with diet, no caffeine, vitamins, blah blah blah and decided to step it up further and start acupuncture for fertility and TCM herbs. I did that every week for 3 months before I got pregnant again and have continued throughout the pregnancy. I'm at 31wks right now and so far, knock on wood, things are going well. I attribute a lot of it to the acupuncture. DP and I also practice buddhism very seriously and our faith has been invaluable throughout this crazy journey. We're planning on a homebirth with our midwife team and a doula.

We're up in Vancouver, Canada and love living near the ocean and mountains. We don't know the sex of our little one but are SO excited to finally meet him or her in January Oh, and we're already planning on #2...time is ticking quickly with my "advanced maternal age"

Me joy.gif, DP treehugger.gif, S bikenew.gif and L babyboy.gif
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#12 of 157 Old 11-01-2009, 07:58 PM
 
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dp and i met playing on a pool league 6 years ago. we had our committment ceremony in summer 2006. in fall 2006 i got pregnant with our son and now dp is 29 weeks pregnant with son #2. we used anonymous donor sperm and were able to use the same donor for both pregnancies. i work in IT and dp is in architecture (and thankfully still has a job given the downturn in the housing market!).

we just started cding our son - i'm experimenting with different brands - in prep for doing that with our new babe. i'm enjoying it and dp thinks i'm weird, lol!!

g

my family - dp d heartbeat.gif, ds b biggrinbounce.gif (4), ds f thumbsuck.gif (2), dd a baby.gif (jan '12), ddog m dog2.gif
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#13 of 157 Old 11-01-2009, 08:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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These are all wonderful! It is so nice to "meet" you all and to hear more about your stories!

Since people are sharing more about their relationships, I should add that DP and I met in 2003 when we were running "rival" genderqueer groups in the town where I was a grad student and he was a law student and just finishing transitioning. We dated super causally for a long time before moving in together four houses ago. He's about 16 years older than I am, which is one of the reasons we decided to TTC sooner rather than later. We got straight married in January 2008 (DP is legally male now), and then when I got this job, I made him move to the midwest with me!

Anyway, enough about me! Looking forward to more intros soon.

Joyful, busy, often overwhelmed queer academic mama to an awesome toddler and:

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#14 of 157 Old 11-02-2009, 12:51 AM
 
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Awesome idea, Beastie. I am really enjoying learning more about everybody.

I've been with DP for about 3 and a half years and we have two girls, 13 and 14, from her previous relationship. I have always really wanted kids and she has also wanted more and when I turned thirty-five last winter we decided it was time. We decided to go with an anonymous sperm donor but out child will have the option of contacting him when he/she turns 18. We are both teachers and live in a small community, which is where the work is around here. I got pregnant on the second try this July by IUI at a clinic. (1 IUI the morning of a detected surge - totally different from what people advise around here). I guess I am going to have a regular hospital birth. There aren't too many options around here. My little one is moving around a fair bit and I am starting to get quite attached. I look forward to finding out the sex at our ultrasound next week. I don't have a preference but I want to get to know this kid and I want it to be twice as easy to pick a name.

Oh and if you want to know what me and baby are going to be for Halloween next year, google "lobster baby costume" and check out the one in the pot.
I'll be the one wearing chef pants.

Me, 36, DP, 39, stepDDs 14, and 15, and little DS born on his due date April 5, 2010.
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#15 of 157 Old 11-02-2009, 10:29 AM
 
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denys_zoo had her baby girl on thursday last week!!!

http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1156127

welcome to the world little one!

g

my family - dp d heartbeat.gif, ds b biggrinbounce.gif (4), ds f thumbsuck.gif (2), dd a baby.gif (jan '12), ddog m dog2.gif
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#16 of 157 Old 11-02-2009, 12:10 PM
 
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great idea beastie!

dp & i met last year - 2008 - we have had a short courtship. i guess when you know, you know! i am 39 and we didn't want to wait long to ttc given that i am (and i quote) "an elderly primate" according to the midwife i saw before starting. we used open identity frozen sperm from PRS. i got pregnant on the our third try - rather surprised since i had sort of settled in for a long time given everyone's responses to us about my age and using frozen sperm. we are currently planning our wedding - it's important for us to be married before the birth so dp is on the birth certificate. i love living in an area that is so supportive socially and legally to our family status!

still early at only 6 weeks but am feeling it big time - lots of nausea and sore tits!

i look forward to reading more introductions and thanks to everyone who has already posted!!!

Me, DW , and DS born 7/6/10
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#17 of 157 Old 11-02-2009, 03:56 PM
 
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Just popping in to say...CONGRATS denys_zoo!!!!! Welcome to the world little girl!!!! She's beautiful!!!!!


DS Alexander Joseph born 6/29/09
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#18 of 157 Old 11-02-2009, 08:41 PM
 
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Hello again everyone and congrats deny_zoo!

My DW and I have been together since February 2006. We met at a club and I was there with my then girlfriend. We got married 11/28/08, so my 1st anniversary is coming up. We knew we wanted to have kids and I wanted to get started soon. I'm 33, DW is 40 and she would like to have 3 kids (we'll see). We got pregnant on our second IUI in June 2009. The day DW pushed the speciman in was a beautiful Sunday. We went to church and had a great service and the pastor prayed with us that the baby would stick. I got a very very faint line and figured I'd get a beta just to check and to my surprise it was positive!

So far the pregnancy is going pretty well. I haven't had morning sickness, just a bit of nausea here and there. Heartburn is in full force and my boobs have been sore since July (when will that end?) I just bought my first bit of maternity clothes because some of my pants are too snug and they are very comfortable!

We are soooo excited and I've already planned to buy and store more sperm by the time we deliver for future babies.

Madly in love w/DW by the same name, mourning the baby girl we lost and expecting another baby in December 2010!
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#19 of 157 Old 11-02-2009, 09:11 PM
 
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Well, hello, hello!!! Just got permission from Katie, my wife (ktcl here) to join this thread!!!! She's five weeks pregnant with #2. We've been TTC #2 for about 3.5 years, with four losses along the way. Hence my hesitancy to join in over here. But I think we just have to jump on for the ride.

We did IVF this time, with genetic testing of the embryos to hopefully prevent early pregnancy loss. So far so good, and Katie's been suffering from vague day-long nausea, which actually makes us happy. Bring on the symptoms!

As for us, we've been together for a bit more than 10 years, married for 9.5. This babe is due the day after our 10 year wedding anniversary. We have a 6.5 year old son who is amazing and wonderful. Let's see...typical to many lesbians, we share an ex in common -- comes from going to the same, small college. Nothing really exciting in terms of background...just really hoping to meet a new family member come July.

Happier than I can express to be "over here" with you all.

Be well,
megin

Mommy to an amazing 8 year old, wife to an inspiring principal, and welcoming Wylie Grace! Our July 4th babe!
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#20 of 157 Old 11-02-2009, 11:17 PM
 
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My wife and I met 10 years ago, when I was 19 and she was 24. It started out as me playing tour-guide since she was new to the city, turned into a close friendship, and then (several years later) we started dating. We've been married about 3 1/2 years now. I work as a receptionist, and DW is a university professor. We have a very elderly cat (almost 20), and a young, energetic dog (my grandmother is trying a convince me to watch out for the cat trying to sleep on the baby, but honestly, I'm more worried that our 50lbs of oblivious dog will sit on him/her.)

We started talking about kids after we'd been married a year... but it took another year and a half to actually get everything in place. We went with an unmedicated IUI using (ID disclosure) anonymous donor sperm. It worked the first try! Which is something I still have trouble believing, 34 weeks later.

The pregnancy has been going fantastic so far - great enough that DW, who has a morbid fear of being pregnant, has said that it actually doesn't look so bad (there's still pretty much no chance that she'd want to carry number two though ). Right now we're alternating between nervous and really excited.

The incredibly true adventures of two girls in love. Also starring DS babyf.gif12/09 and dog2.gif!

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#21 of 157 Old 11-02-2009, 11:38 PM
 
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CONGRATS deny_zoo!!!!!

WELCOME Megin and Katie!!!!

Loving reading everyone's stories! AND - that this thread is so active!

Still madly in stillheart.gif with jb after 10 years and chasing after my precocious toddler jog.gif    

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#22 of 157 Old 11-03-2009, 12:30 AM
 
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Congratulations deny_zoo!!!

Me joy.gif, DP treehugger.gif, S bikenew.gif and L babyboy.gif
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#23 of 157 Old 11-03-2009, 09:28 AM
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Katie and Megin!!!

11/24/08 SMBC with a loving LTR DP in a Queer & Poly relationshiploving my new baby Kale Cqolbi Justice!!!!!
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#24 of 157 Old 11-03-2009, 09:49 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hooray and welcome, Megin and Katie! I hope it's an easy and healthy nine months! I've added you to the list at the top of the thread-- let me know if you'd like me to add a more specific due date!

Thanks everyone, for the intros! I'd love to hear more. Or maybe we should pick a new topic and just keep on chatting?

Beastie

Joyful, busy, often overwhelmed queer academic mama to an awesome toddler and:

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#25 of 157 Old 11-03-2009, 11:31 AM
 
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Thanks for the warm welcomes, everyone!

Our EDD is 7/3/10.

Thanks!
megin

Mommy to an amazing 8 year old, wife to an inspiring principal, and welcoming Wylie Grace! Our July 4th babe!
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#26 of 157 Old 11-05-2009, 04:55 PM
 
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Beastie - I think picking a new topic to chat about is a god idea

QOTD:

Are going to/Did you find out the sex of your baby? What was your reasoning for finding out vs. waiting?

AFM: We are waiting until the birth. I never really had strong feelings about it, but DP kind of wanted to wait, and now I'm glad we are. My main reasons are:
- Hoping to cut down on some of the hyper-gendered gifts pre-birth.
- It would be so nice if DP could be the one to announce the sex at the birth
- I have a part of me that is hoping for a girl, and I think that at an ultra sound I might be disappointed with learning it's a boy, but how can you be disappointed when someone is handing you your baby? All those hormones, sense of accomplishment, recognition of your little one - there can't be any room for it to be any other way in that moment

I've been surprised at the reactions we've gotten. There are plenty in the normal range from "Oh, good for you - so much will power" to "Oh no! I can't wait that long to find out!". But some people have been downright aggressive about it. We've been asked how we are going to prepare. We couldn't possibly buy gender neutral things or - GOD FORBID - something blue or pink that we would use with the "wrong" sex. One neighbor has actually told us that we need to find out because we are going to be too tired and overwhelmed in those first few days to go out shopping. In his mind, it was totally impossible to buy anything without knowing the sex. So crazy!

I'm not against finding out - in fact part of me still wants to sometimes, but I certainly didn't expect to come across so much resistance to waiting!

Still madly in stillheart.gif with jb after 10 years and chasing after my precocious toddler jog.gif    

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#27 of 157 Old 11-05-2009, 06:27 PM
 
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great idea pf!

we plan to find out. i don't have any strong desire to not know the sex before birth or to hold out for a surprise. i don't care what we have - i am just hoping for healthy - so either way it works out for me!

i am with you about the hyper gendered everything and not finding out is a good way to keep it at bay from others. i already have baby clothes (have been collecting for some time in anticpation i guess) that are gendered and my mother is horrified to think that i would put the baby in the wrong outfit for their gender! she is also horrified to think that i would allow our son if we have one to play with a doll! we don't really see eye to eye on this issue.

once i know what we are having, i am still not going to buy into the uber girly and ultra masculine items for babies.

all this baby stuff does seem to highlight some entrenched beliefs about gender with people at large. i am glad we get to be more fluid with our understanding of sex, gender, etc..

Me, DW , and DS born 7/6/10
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#28 of 157 Old 11-05-2009, 08:11 PM
 
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Hi all -

These re-introductions and group questions have been great to read through. What a good suggestion!

My genderqueer DP and I met in 8/05 while volunteering at a summer camp for kids of queer families and queer youth (http://www.camptentrees.org) - I'm a teacher and DP is a social worker. We fell for each other hard and moved pretty quickly into a serious relationship. We both knew we wanted kids and we started looking into KDs early in 2007. The first potential KD we asked took 6 months to decide that it wouldn't work out, but the second person we asked (a fellow camp volunteer) said yes right away (in the summer of 2007) and now we can't imagine anyone more perfect. He's really been amazing through this whole adventure! DP and I registered as domestic partners in Washington in Feb 2008, with a ceremony and reception, and did our first insemination at home in 3/2008. After about 6 months of TTC, we started getting some testing done and found out that our beloved KD had a low count and very poor morphology. We decided to give IUI a few tries before going to plan B, but it took *forever* to get a clinic in the Seattle area to agree to do KD insemination with fresh sperm. We finally did our first IUI on 3/4/09 and it worked, even though there were only 1 million swimmers left after the wash! We were totally despondent during the 2WW and I could not have been more surprised that it worked! This pregnancy has been really uneventful and chill, and we can't wait for Cletus the Fetus to make an appearance in the next few weeks!

We didn't find out the sex, for a number of reasons. Mostly, DP identifies as genderqueer and we had a really difficult time with the idea that knowing what bits the baby has will influence our plans for its arrival. More practically, we cannot stand the super gendered messages on infant clothing. DP cannot keep a secret for anything and if we had found out what sex our baby was, I'm sure within minutes our mothers would have sent us terrifying "daddy's little sparkly whore" clothes for a girl or "I'm gonna grow up and kick your ass" clothes for a boy. So we're avoiding it as long as possible!

mama to Hank - 12/09/09
 
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#29 of 157 Old 11-05-2009, 09:21 PM
 
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we didn't find out the gender of our son ahead of time. it's my family tradition, sort of, and i really liked the idea of dp announcing "boy" or "girl" at the birth. of course, as pf mentioned, we had several people amazed that we would wait and a couple that were annoyed that we didn't find out!! we got lots of great neutral clothes and painted the nursery green. it was an amazing experience. kudos to others who are going this route! i will say that dp told me it was a boy right after the hpt+.

ffwd to dp and she decided she wanted to find out. and since she supported my not finding out, i was perfectly happy to do things her way this time. we both had a very strong feeling at around 6 weeks that this was another boy and of course we were right.

g

my family - dp d heartbeat.gif, ds b biggrinbounce.gif (4), ds f thumbsuck.gif (2), dd a baby.gif (jan '12), ddog m dog2.gif
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#30 of 157 Old 11-05-2009, 10:34 PM
 
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Hey folks,
Megin introduced us earlier in the thread, and I just wanted to jump in and share an odd story about the sex of our little bean. We did IVF, with genetic testing done on the embryos. When the doctor was getting ready to transfer the embryos, he was reviewing the genetic information on a sheet of paper, and asked me if I wanted to see it. I said sure, not really knowing what I was going to be looking at. He pointed to the highlighted line that represented the embryo that was going to be implanted, and in the first column, I saw XX (other rows in that same column had either XX or Y in them). So basically, before I even had the embryo in me, I knew it was a girl. I keep reviewing that paper in my mind, wondering if I really understood it correctly. I was a little annoyed that this aloof doctor didn't think to explain that I would be finding out the sex by looking at this paper. So given all of this weirdness, I still don't FULLy believe it's a girl (though that's silly, I know). I think I'm not at all connecting to the sex because it makes it feel so real, and I am still feeling nervous about feeling like it's real.

That said, we did find out for DS, and I was always glad we did...

Katie, DW to Megin, Mamma to Quinn (7y.o.) and Wylie, born 07-04-10
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