November Queer Conceptions - hoping for a bun in the oven (and not of the Thanksgiving dinner variety!) - Page 9 - Mothering Forums

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Old 11-25-2009, 03:41 PM
 
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On the up side, it sounds like this particular genetic disease can be ruled out in the donor. And it's pretty common - 1 in 500 is not that rare.

This is not only the second case of a donor conceived kid inheriting a genetic disease, it's maybe the second proven case, but it's REALLY HARD to prove that your kid inherited anything from the donor unless the bank cooperates.

One of the problems with sperm donors through the banks is their young age and the financial incentives. The first means that they often don't know their family's or their own disease history, for both social reasons (it's not 18-30 year old guys' job to keep up on family happenings, including illnesses, in our culture) and medical reasons (many of these guys, their siblings, and their parents are younger than many of us who are using their sperm, so their whole medical history hasn't emerged yet - obviously, you don't know your donor's dad will die of a heart attack at 42 if he's only 38 when his 20 year old son is out donating sperm).

However, it really pisses me off when this stuff is tied to sperm donation. There's nothing to suggest sperm donors are less healthy, overall, than any partner you might have, were you partnered to a virile male. In this case, the donor passes the disease on to his child, not conceived through sperm donation.

You can't pick the perfectly healthy, not a trace of genetic illness donor any more than you can the perfectly healthy, not a trace of genetic illness partner. It's just not possible.

I'm not saying be stupid - I wouldn't pick someone with a strong history of type 1 diabetes, say, because my dad is type 1 diabetic. And I would avoid donors with lots of acquired hearing loss in their families, if I could, because that runs in my family. I would also avoid people of the same inbred genetic lineage I come from, though I'm only 1/4 Acadian, I would not take an Acadian donor, because we have a high prevalence of some diseases and there are very strong genetic links. But I did pick a donor with a strong family and personal history of vision problems. Nothing huge, but they all wear strong corrective lenses. I, on the other hand, am the only person in my immediate genetic family who does not wear corrective lenses, but most of my extended family has great vision, so I was willing to risk vision more than hearing.

It's a calculated risk. Yes, we can control our donors' histories more if we're using frozen donor sperm, but when there's a personal connection there, you've gotta ask yourself what the risk is and whether you can live with it.

I wouldn't go so far as to say "were I partnered to this guy, would this be a deal-breaker, would I turn to donor sperm or not have chilren?" That's too extreme, as is "Go with who you want, you have no control over it, nobody is perfect." but somewhere between the two is your comfort zone and once you find it, it will be clear. I hope this works out for you, Amanda!

SPBC Finally a Papa! Elise Ember Soleil - 10/3/10 - 4:09 AM - 6 lbs 8 oz My daughter eats donor milk! Human milk for human babies!
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Old 11-25-2009, 03:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Updated to here.

Thanks for offering to do the December thread, osker. I hope you bring us great luck, too!!!!

Happy (U.S.) Thanksgiving, all. I'm very thankful for you.

Part hippie-chick, part type-A career woman, all mama. Enjoying life as a wife to my partner of 11 years, and a mama to our smarty-pants toddler, Cadence.

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Old 11-25-2009, 05:41 PM
 
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And, actually our DD, conceived through donor sperm DOES have a genetic disorder from her sperm donor. Well, she's a carrier anyway. It is an autosomal recessive disorder that affects how the body metabolizes certain food groups. Apparently there is another child by the same donor whose mother was also a carrier and thus has severe problems processing all sorts of foods, milk, wheat, etc. and apparently those things can kill him. And, yes, we're using the same donor to conceive #2 because I'm not a carrier and DD is very, very healthy. As Papa said, everyone has something and it REALLY sucks when that something is fatal or life altering, but the sperm donation process has nothing to do with it.

Samantha, married to Holly for over five years . DD #1 born 12/13/06 , DD #2 born 8/18/10 and 2 furballs of indeterminate age.
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Old 11-25-2009, 05:53 PM
 
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on the same donor inherited issues topic, i wanted to share a story about friends of ours who have 2 boys. their first son is perfectly healthy but their second son has an extremely rare genetic issue called microvillus inclusion disease or mid. it is so rare that there are only a handful of cases worldwide. both parents have to be carriers and there is a 1 in 4 chance of a child inheriting it. they had no idea they were carriers and what are the odds of 2 people who are carriers of this disease getting married and having kids? anyways, my point is that this kind of thing is not exclusive to donor sperm.

fwiw, their son has survived much longer than anyone thought and will be 2yo in march.

g

my family - dp d heartbeat.gif, ds b biggrinbounce.gif (4), ds f thumbsuck.gif (2), dd a baby.gif (jan '12), ddog m dog2.gif
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Old 11-26-2009, 09:42 PM
 
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Can we pleased be moved to waiting to O? This will be our first official ttc cycle; I'm so excited!! The donor contract is signed by everyone and their lawyers finally, and we're just waiting on test results of DP's pap. And for ovulation of course. Yay!!!

As far as crushing on KDs is concerned, DP and KD actually had a thing going on a few years back, and now he's my sister's boyfriend as of a year ago which is when I met him and crushed on him a bit. hahaha. DP and I still blush and giggle when we speak with him sometimes. We're so ridiculous. lol

I'm a queer, poly, pagan, (dis)abled, crazy, crunchy, intersectionally-minded feminist. fsonj & I are mamas to our unschooled/freeschooled 12yo & 3yo!  (Ask me about co-breastfeeding, supplementing at the breast, inducing lactation, eating placentas, undisturbed birth, and parenting a genderqueer child with Aspergers!)
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Old 11-27-2009, 01:31 AM
 
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Happy (American) Thanksgiving everyone!

This year we're thankful for friends and family and the continued ability to try to conceive. Even if we haven't been successful, we are at least able to try and that's enough for today.

Speaking of... we actually did ovulate and try today, so can we please be moved to waiting to know?
Thanks!

K, H, and baby E (who is now three!!!)
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Old 11-27-2009, 09:40 PM
 
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Well, we don't need to be moved yet as I'm not sure, but it appears that I may have ovulated on Wednesday. It's so hard to tell as my BBT has been crazy this cycle (all over the place due to illness, antibiotics, starting up chinese herbs etc.) This cycle has ended up being the worst in my 3+ years of charting. I was sick, was on 2 rounds of antibiotics and now have a yeast infection from them. The antibiotics dried up my CM, making it hard to tell what was going on. I never got a detectable LH surge and our donor's STDs still aren't back yet. SO, I should know for sure by tomorrow but it's looking like this won't be our first cycle to start afterall, which means we probably can't try again until late January unless I happen to ovulate really early next cycle. Arrrgh.

Megan-39, Postpartum Doula, DW to Sacha-40 (18 years together) and Mama to Finn Alexander born 4/2/07 and Zivia Littlewood born 8/23/10

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Old 11-28-2009, 12:11 AM
 
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Crampity, cramp, cramp, cramp, on 4 DPO.

Let's hope it means something besides I ate too much at Thanksgiving.

SPBC Finally a Papa! Elise Ember Soleil - 10/3/10 - 4:09 AM - 6 lbs 8 oz My daughter eats donor milk! Human milk for human babies!
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Old 11-28-2009, 02:11 AM
 
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Crampity, cramp, cramp, cramp, on 4 DPO.

Let's hope it means something besides I ate too much at Thanksgiving.
Here's hoping!

Megan-39, Postpartum Doula, DW to Sacha-40 (18 years together) and Mama to Finn Alexander born 4/2/07 and Zivia Littlewood born 8/23/10

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Old 11-28-2009, 03:25 AM
 
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Megan - argh! I'm so sorry your body is not playing nice!! Here's to hoping that maybe you will ovulate early next month?! I was so hoping for you!

Samantha, married to Holly for over five years . DD #1 born 12/13/06 , DD #2 born 8/18/10 and 2 furballs of indeterminate age.
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Old 11-29-2009, 01:12 PM
 
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Where is everybody? This 2ww is killing me! I need help obsessing.

3-5 DPO - heartburn

4 DPO - really strong twitchy cramps, but stronger than I've had before.

5 DPO - cramps continue but less intense

5 DPO overnight - vivid dreams, not about babies, but instead about people I know who are far away and miss quite a bit.

Today is 6 DPO and I gots nothing so far. Tomorrow, I have acupuncture in the AM and then my post-IUI phone consult with the clinic in the PM.

SPBC Finally a Papa! Elise Ember Soleil - 10/3/10 - 4:09 AM - 6 lbs 8 oz My daughter eats donor milk! Human milk for human babies!
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Old 11-29-2009, 02:38 PM
 
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We're rolling along. 3dpo. Nothing noteworthy at all!
My biggest ttc stress at the moment is trying to come up with a cute title for the december thread!!

K, H, and baby E (who is now three!!!)
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Old 11-29-2009, 06:15 PM
 
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Megan - argh! I'm so sorry your body is not playing nice!! Here's to hoping that maybe you will ovulate early next month?! I was so hoping for you!
Thanks : )

Megan-39, Postpartum Doula, DW to Sacha-40 (18 years together) and Mama to Finn Alexander born 4/2/07 and Zivia Littlewood born 8/23/10

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Old 11-30-2009, 12:40 AM - Thread Starter
 
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updated to here.

Papa and osker -

erthe_mama - hoping you catch an eggie this month!

megan it is SO aggravating when our bodies don't cooperate! An early O next month is possible, so I've got FX for it, for you!

AFM - taking some time away (from Philly, work, and TTC-stuff) was really nice. Still kind of feeling "meh" about TCC right now. I'm just in a funk, and really wish I could snap out of it. Oh well. Hopefully the holidays will be a good distraction. I'm already having to insem this month a couple days earlier than would be ideal, because of KD's schedule, so I don't have much hope for this cycle.

Also, some weirdness today - spotting. Like, quite a bit. Very VERY strange for me.

I hope everyone else is doing well... even though I've been taking a break from the boards, I've been thinking about you all.

osker - do you want me to PM you the first post so you can start December on Tuesday? (!) Or, you can just quote the first post, and then copy and paste the code into a new thread for December. Up to you! (And, thanks again!!!)

Part hippie-chick, part type-A career woman, all mama. Enjoying life as a wife to my partner of 11 years, and a mama to our smarty-pants toddler, Cadence.

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Old 11-30-2009, 01:21 AM
 
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Lyndzies.

Thanks for keeping the thread all this month. Hopefully being the threadkeeper will bring Osker some luck!

Ack, my post-IUI / pre-IVF phone consult is tomorrow. . . anyone know any big questions I should ask???

SPBC Finally a Papa! Elise Ember Soleil - 10/3/10 - 4:09 AM - 6 lbs 8 oz My daughter eats donor milk! Human milk for human babies!
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Old 11-30-2009, 01:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Lyndzies.

Thanks for keeping the thread all this month. Hopefully being the threadkeeper will bring Osker some luck!

Ack, my post-IUI / pre-IVF phone consult is tomorrow. . . anyone know any big questions I should ask???
I'm not sure, but wanted to wish you luck during your consult!!!!

Also, definitely hoping osker gets some threadkeepers luck. We didn't have nearly enough BFPs in November.

Part hippie-chick, part type-A career woman, all mama. Enjoying life as a wife to my partner of 11 years, and a mama to our smarty-pants toddler, Cadence.

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