An idea for "telling" (once we finally get our BFP!) - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 14 Old 11-12-2009, 04:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Soooooo.... I've been trying to think of a creative way to tell our families. I know I'm totally jumping the gun, but it's keeping me distracted, so whatever!

If we get our BFP this month, we'll be telling (only) immediate family at Thanksgiving. I was thinking of having DP wear this shirt I designed and seeing how long it takes the fam to catch on. I've already designed it, just trying to decide whether ordering so we'd have it in time will jinx us (I'm only 7dpo)!

Should I go ahead and order, so I have it on hand to gift her with whenever we do get our BFP? I think it's nice, because we could both have one, and it's relevant not only while I'm pregnant, but well after future LO is born. What do you all think of the idea?

To give a frame of reference for where this idea came from... once pregnant, I'm going to try to be really sensitive all along the way about how some parts of her not being the bio mom are going to be a challenge, and i think having her be the one to make the announcement will start things off on a good foot. 'cause she's going to be a mommy, too!! I want people to fawn all over her (perhaps more than I want them to fawn over me) when the happy day finally comes.

How did some of you mamas/papas/parents share the big news??? I love hearing about all the creative ways there are to "tell!"

Part hippie-chick, part type-A career woman, all mama. Enjoying life as a wife to my partner of 11 years, and a mama to our smarty-pants toddler, Cadence.

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#2 of 14 Old 11-12-2009, 04:09 PM
 
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oh Lyndzies! i'm totally copying this! maybe you should sell them on cafe press. great idea.

i say, order it now. keep it around until your BFP. it might be a fun way to "tell" DP too!

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#3 of 14 Old 11-12-2009, 04:10 PM
 
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thanks for the link of the tshirt, I love it! i like this idea a lot, and letting her spread the news is a big deal... keep posting ideas along this line, gives me good ideas too!
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#4 of 14 Old 11-12-2009, 04:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hmmmm.... maybe I will set up an online show w/ them! Not a bad idea. I like the idea of other queer couples wearing it!

The other slogan (that I saw somewhere else) that I want to do a shirt of (in the same style) is: it's mommies, plural.

snowyjoey - I also had the simple idea of giving my mom and dad a Thanksgiving card to "grandma and grandpa" signed "baby Lastname." Or Christmas, as the case may be. Valentines day... etc. Whenever the time is right!

Part hippie-chick, part type-A career woman, all mama. Enjoying life as a wife to my partner of 11 years, and a mama to our smarty-pants toddler, Cadence.

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#5 of 14 Old 11-12-2009, 04:30 PM
 
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Love it!

SPBC Finally a Papa! Elise Ember Soleil - 10/3/10 - 4:09 AM - 6 lbs 8 oz My daughter eats donor milk! Human milk for human babies!
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#6 of 14 Old 11-12-2009, 04:37 PM
 
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My crazy idea is to make up a card that has all the family names on both sides (DW's and mine) written all over it (kind of like those hallmark cards that has something dumb like "happy birthday" written in different fonts all over the card, inside and out) and then on the back, have a space that says something like, "think there's room for one more?"

And I think my facebook announcement will be something like, "...is barefoot and..." and see how many people get it...

Samantha, married to Holly for over five years . DD #1 born 12/13/06 , DD #2 born 8/18/10 and 2 furballs of indeterminate age.
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#7 of 14 Old 11-12-2009, 08:42 PM
 
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That shirt is awesome, Lyndzies! I vote that you should order it now, both because you should put it out into the universe that you are TOTALLY ready for the BFP that is around the corner, AND because even if this doesn't end up being the cycle, I know it'll happen soon!

Now can you think of a clever or witty shirt for all of us with genderqueer/trans coparents who won't be moms but will still need the same boost as your partner will get from this shirt? I'm counting on your creative genius here....

Joyful, busy, often overwhelmed queer academic mama to an awesome toddler and:

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#8 of 14 Old 11-12-2009, 10:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Beastie View Post
That shirt is awesome, Lyndzies! I vote that you should order it now, both because you should put it out into the universe that you are TOTALLY ready for the BFP that is around the corner, AND because even if this doesn't end up being the cycle, I know it'll happen soon!

Now can you think of a clever or witty shirt for all of us with genderqueer/trans coparents who won't be moms but will still need the same boost as your partner will get from this shirt? I'm counting on your creative genius here....
Hmmm.... well, I saw a saying once for a baby's shirt that would make me think to alter it for an adult it would read "the father's name is Donor" but that wouldn't work in queer parenting circumstances where one parent identifies as "father."

I'll have to think on that one!!!

Part hippie-chick, part type-A career woman, all mama. Enjoying life as a wife to my partner of 11 years, and a mama to our smarty-pants toddler, Cadence.

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#9 of 14 Old 11-13-2009, 09:02 AM
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I like the shirt Lyndz. I remember being a a Pride event where there was the cutest onesie. It had 2 chicks coming out of their eggs and it said "I was hatched by two chicks" Of course it didn't apply to me, but I loved it so much I had to buy *something* or else I would have been sad so I went for the "my daddy's name is donor" onesie. The last time I moved I was packing up my baby box (which lived in my garage following my last miscarriage) and I discovered a 18 month onesie in my box that I didn't recognize?! No one in my life will fess up to putting it there? But us reads "Our family is too cute for the closet" I think that is a great slogan for a family of gender queers that doesn't want to pass for straight!!!

As for creative ways to break the news--I attended a mother's day event where my mother was performing (she is a Raging Granny!! www.raginggrannies.com). Right before they were about to perform I went up and presented her with a gift bag. Inside the gift bag was a BFP FRER. I should have given her a digi because she had NO idea what it was!! Her friends all caught on right away!! She looked up at me and I was jumping up and down, dancing, singing "you're gonna be a grandma again" She was so excited and so happy to receive the news surrounded by her friends!!

11/24/08 SMBC with a loving LTR DP in a Queer & Poly relationshiploving my new baby Kale Cqolbi Justice!!!!!
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#10 of 14 Old 11-13-2009, 10:34 AM
 
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Well, we're not there yet, but we've had three years to think about it! When we do get that far we're still not sure exactly when we'll tell people... but once we're ready, we generally plan to tell family on a holiday... (please can that be Christmas this year?!?). We have something that works as a logo with our last name, so we'll make cards for that (It would be like if your last name was Bloomingdale and you made cards that said, "Coming soon at Bloomingdale's")... but we thought to go with that we would buy little presents for everyone like that books of activities for grandparents to do with their grandkids, etc. If this baby chooses to get here sooner rather than later (oh, wait, it already is later) then he/she would be my parent's first grandchild and the first niece or nephew on that side. If it would coordinate with a family holiday then we would tell everyone together... if not... hmmm... wait for the next holiday?

Not sure yet how we'll tell non-family. The real concern would be telling work for both of us. How do people go about doing that???

K, H, and baby E (who is now three!!!)
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#11 of 14 Old 11-13-2009, 10:54 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by osker View Post
Not sure yet how we'll tell non-family. The real concern would be telling work for both of us. How do people go about doing that???
Actually, a few people (including my boss and exec. director) know we're TTC. My office doesn't have a maternity policy, so I wanted to make sure before we even got into the throes of trying that I'd be able to take some extended leave (either by using all my vaca and sick, and/or working from home/part-time for a bit) but still keep my permanent position. I can't even take advantage of FMLA because my company is so small (FMLA doen't apply to companies that have less than 50 employees).

And they're very supporting and assured me we'd "work something out."

As far as telling them, once I'm pregnant... I'm not sure. I might tell the ones I'm close too (about 3/4 of the folks) and then either wait for the news to spread on it's own (it will) or let my belly do the telling! I'd have to tell at least some of them rather early because of the nature of my work (setting up coverage, assigning responsibilities and a plan for client management, etc.)

Sorry that was so long-winded!

Part hippie-chick, part type-A career woman, all mama. Enjoying life as a wife to my partner of 11 years, and a mama to our smarty-pants toddler, Cadence.

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#12 of 14 Old 11-13-2009, 12:14 PM
 
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ideas
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#13 of 14 Old 11-13-2009, 05:18 PM
 
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Well, I ended up just blurting the news out - but we had planned on telling during a game of "two lies and a truth". My family loves to play games (board games, made-up games, any games) and we are a wide range of ages - my youngest brother is 14 and my dad is mid-sixties, so it's something we can all do together.

Two lies and a truth is played by everyone going around and stating three "facts" about themselves two of which aren't true and one that is true, but the others playing may find funny or hard to believe - for example: 1. I hate ice-cream 2. I'm not wearing any underwear 3. I'm left handed

It's a fun game to play with people that know you really well, because it's hard to think of interesting fact about yourself that they wouldn't necessarily know. So of course we were going to propose a game of that and I would list "I'm pregnant" as one of my facts and the other two would be very obvious lies like "I'm a natural red head" or "I'm only three feet tall".

Ahhh - that would have been fun. Too bad I have such a big mouth.

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#14 of 14 Old 11-13-2009, 07:56 PM
 
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I love the shirt! Maybe I'll get one like that for my partner and I and we'll wear them when we go over her parents' house... I've seen the hatched by two chicks one and was going to get that for Ray, but never did.

My family knew we were trying, and pretty much kept asking me every month. I told my parents by going over there with my very slightly positive pregnancy test and telling them that I wouldn't be able to go on the cruise with them (It was scheduled for February and I was due early April and the company had a limit as to how many months pregnant you could be). At first my mom didn't get itsince it wasn't one of those "Pregnant" digitals, but she caught on, gave me a big hug and started crying. We didn't tell my partner's parents until several months after I was already pregnant and they didn't take it so well. Glad we waited because I think the stress of telling them we were even trying probably would've messed my cycles up.

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