Genderqueer Parent Names - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 22 Old 11-12-2009, 09:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hey! I wanted to bump the original thread I had with this subject, but it's since been closed. I'd love to re-open the conversation because it's becoming pressing that DP choose a name to go by (yay!) once the baby is born. She doesn't identify as trans, or even genderqueer necessarily, but certainly doesn't feel like a "mom". She feels like "dad" doesn't quite fit either and the lesbian community favorite "baba" is what she called her grandmother, so that doesn't work for her either. I've been compiling a list of parental pet names and parent names in other languages to give us some ideas, but we haven't found something just right yet. What are other genderqueer or non-mom parents thinking they'd like to be called once that adorable baby is calling for them?

PARENT NAME LIST:
Ama
Ahtay (Philipines)
Amou (loved one in Portuguese)
Baba (grandma in Ukranian)
Busha
Dad
Dada
Daddy
Dee
Ema (Yiddish for mom)
Ima
Imme (Arabic for mother)
Love
Ma(ma)
Ma(first initial/name)
Maia (great mother)
Memaw
Maman
Mia
Mimi (beloved in Italian)
Mojo
Mom
Mommy
Momo
Muh(muh) (Mumma)
Mum
Mummy
Mumsy
Papa
Papi
Per (Pear - short for Parent)
Popo (Korean for kiss)
Tata (dad in Ukranian and iciBemba)
Yaya (Greek for grandma)
Zizi (Perhaps don't choose this if you or your loved ones are francophones )


Please list any additional suggestions in bold and I will add them to the list - thanks!

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#2 of 22 Old 11-12-2009, 10:14 PM
 
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Originally Posted by pleasantlyfurious View Post
Zizi (Perhaps don't choose this if you or your loved ones are francophones )


Please list any additional suggestions in bold and I will add them to the list - thanks!
Wow, how weird...I was just asking a friend what his kid would call him and he was like "are you doing a survey?" naw, just pumping you in case I need to know for a t-shirt or something!

Aucuns zizi ici! It's slang for penis!

My kiddo is going to call me papa, though I intend for us to be a bilingual family, predominantly English, but my kiddos will attend francophone school (not French immersion - French school for kids who speak French at home, whereas immersion kids are anglophone and speak English at home, though some are alophone, this is not really recognized pedagogically).

I take issue with coopting the names of another culture/language. I think it can be extremely problematic.

It's different, say, if you are Jewish to take a Hebrew name, or if you consider yourself bilingual/bicultural to take a name from your less dominant culture. For example, a francophone name for me, though most would think of me as anglophone, I am trilingual (I also speak Spanish, quasifluently), but culturally, I am Franco-Anglo Canadian, with anglo dominating. I do think that it would be problematic for me to take on a name that was, say, Japanese, or Inuit or some other language and/or culture I had no connection to.

SPBC Finally a Papa! Elise Ember Soleil - 10/3/10 - 4:09 AM - 6 lbs 8 oz My daughter eats donor milk! Human milk for human babies!
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#3 of 22 Old 11-12-2009, 10:49 PM
 
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Originally Posted by FtMPapa View Post
Wow, how weird...I was just asking a friend what his kid would call him and he was like "are you doing a survey?" naw, just pumping you in case I need to know for a t-shirt or something! .


papi
memaw
busha

?

I'm going to be mama and DP mommy (so long as future LO finds that acceptable). So boring, but there you have it. I still call my mom mama, so I'm psyched.

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#4 of 22 Old 11-14-2009, 12:30 AM
 
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We thought about using Nimaamaa (my DP is Ojibwe/Métis), but my grandma goes by "Mama" and it sounds too familiar, so we chose "Ama" since it's pretty universal.

placenta.gifeat.gif I'm a queer / trans-activist / poly / pagan / (dis)abled  / crazy / crunchy partner to fsonj; we're mamas to our unschooled/freeskooled 10yo, and co-breastfeed our sprightly toddler love.gif born Nov '10! (Ask me about how to supplement at the breast!)

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#5 of 22 Old 11-15-2009, 11:57 PM
 
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My nearly adopted dumplings (and granddumplngs) call me Momo, which happens to be Tibetan for "dumpling". I have called my kids the Dumplings forever, so this works for us.

I tried to get them to use Ema, mother in Hebrew, but it didn't take. It's a little different with older kids who originally were introduced to me by my first name. Also kids who alreay have a Mommy.

Rhu - mother,grandmother,daughter,sister,friend-foster,adoptive,and biological;not necessarily in that order. Some of it's magic, some of it's tragic, but I had a good life all the way (Jimmy Buffet)

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#6 of 22 Old 11-16-2009, 12:25 PM
 
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this is an interesting thread...we have decided on maddy for dp. she is not trans but really does not identify with mommy or momma. so maddy is a combo deal of mommy and daddy. i first heard this from the boylan family (she's not there-book) in maine after the father transitioned to female. the kids came up with it for her.

Me, DW , and DS born 7/6/10
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#7 of 22 Old 11-16-2009, 03:15 PM
 
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I'm going to be mom/mommy and my wife will be called mama. Personally, I'd kind of like for her to be called dad just because I think her butchness is hot hot hot but she feels like she will be at enough risk for marginalization as it is and wants to minimize the possible complications. She has this nightmare scenario where our kid ends up in the hospital, is calling for his "daddy" (or whatever) and she isn't allowed to go in without a long discussion about gender and gay rights with the the nurses. I get this, so it's fine.

And I know what people mean about "not feeling like a mom", just like "wife" has been a pretty loaded word for us to use. But I really feel like the world will be a better place when words like "mom" and "wife" are opened up to include a wide spectrum of people who identify as female, whether butch or not. I know that trans and genderqueer are a different situation. Those are just my two cents regarding the reclaiming and destigmatization of words that have traditionally been associated with femininity. In my experience, I have become a lot more comfortable with "wife" and don't feel like it hems me in like I did at first.
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#8 of 22 Old 11-16-2009, 09:17 PM
 
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I have a butch/genderqueer friend who is pregnant and expecting in January. She will go by "Per" (pronounced like "pear," short for parent), and her femme partner will go by Mama. I like this.

I should also say that a big consideration for us was wanting my DP to have a parent name that was clearly recognized as such. I carried our DD, she looks a lot like me, and I'm "mama." No one ever doubts my role as her parent. For DP, it's a lot more complicated, and people are sometimes less likely to automatically recognize him as a parent. For this reason, he felt that a less traditional name ("Baba," etc.) would further marginalize him in the area of parental recognition.
nak

"Per" How sweet is that? Wish we'd thought of it. Although DP is francophone, so perhaps wouldn't want to be called 'pere.' She did want to be dada or papa, but decided that our family is marginalized enough for our liking.
We use 'mama' for me (the femme gestational parent) and 'baba' for DP, who is uber-butch / genderqueer.
I would encourage using baba, even though your DP might have a grandma-baba. We also had a grandma-baba in the family (deceased) and we went with it anyway. Partly as a way to support the movement to have 'baba' be the lesbian dad moniker, and partly because we couldn't think of anything else. It hasn't been a problem ... and now DP is very much the 'baba.'

dust.gifFour-eyed tattooed fairy godmother queer, mama to my lucky star (5) and little bird (2.5). Resident storyteller at www.thestoryforest.com. Enchanting audiostories for curious kids. Come play in the forest!
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#9 of 22 Old 11-16-2009, 09:19 PM
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Just FYI... Baba is Daddy in Arabic....

 
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#10 of 22 Old 11-21-2009, 03:25 PM
 
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We are simply Mommy and Mama, and the girls wouldn't have it any other way. They sometimes have to remind *us* when we don't answer to the correct name!!!

Mommy to girls twins.gif 9/2005, our angel babies stillheart.gif 2004 and stillheart.gif 2005, and our intact, ebf superhero.gif4/29/2010.

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#11 of 22 Old 11-21-2009, 05:39 PM
 
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One couple I knew uses Ada and Mom/other standard American "mother" variants. What I think is really neat is that Ada is the one who carried the baby and is the less butch of the two, so the butcher, non-carrying parent is Mom. Don't know why, but it makes me smile.

Living with my DW, ourcat.gifAstrid, my mom and dad, and their dog and cats, too.  Hoping to start TTC with my OSO as baby-daddy soonish!

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#12 of 22 Old 11-21-2009, 05:49 PM
 
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Mommy and Mama here too and it has worked well for our family, though we both feel like mom and are not genderqueer.

Megan-39, Postpartum Doula, DW to Sacha-40 (18 years together) and Mama to Finn Alexander born 4/2/07 and Zivia Littlewood born 8/23/10

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#13 of 22 Old 11-24-2009, 12:41 AM
 
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I'm going to go by Mommy, and my wife (butch, but not at all genderqueer) is going to go by Daddy. Or at least, we're going to try to. We're really hoping we can make it stick.

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#14 of 22 Old 11-24-2009, 01:47 AM
 
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Hello,

I have removed some posts because we cannot host discussions about the ads. If anyone needs assistance please pm me.

Not all those who wander are lost 
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#15 of 22 Old 12-08-2009, 02:30 AM
 
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A dear friend is "Dommy" to her son. He made it up. It's a nice mixture of Dad and Mommy, if you ignore the BD/SM connotations.

Used to be stay at home parent to our two lovely girls, survived nursing school with family intact, about to graduate and looking for a job! I low-supply nursed my bio daughter for 3 years. 

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#16 of 22 Old 12-08-2009, 09:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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It's a nice mixture of Dad and Mommy, if you ignore the BD/SM connotations.
Hahaha. Yes, that is cute.


The more we "try on" names as the pregnancy progresses, the more I think we're just going to go with dad/daddy/papa type monikers. They just fit best. Hopefully the explaining to friends and acquaintances process won't be too trying.

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#17 of 22 Old 12-09-2009, 03:20 PM
 
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Hahaha. Yes, that is cute.


The more we "try on" names as the pregnancy progresses, the more I think we're just going to go with dad/daddy/papa type monikers. They just fit best. Hopefully the explaining to friends and acquaintances process won't be too trying.
Yeah, in our experience, the explaining to friends, etc., is not the hard part. Everyone totally gets it, and in fact, many of our butch friends want to be called "Uncle So-and-So". The only time that, for us, using Papa or Daddy feels awkward, is when we're out in public, amongst strangers. Then, when I say to our DD, "Go to Papa!", I always wonder if people are starting at us trying to figure out who/what I'm talking about. All of that said, it makes my DP feel GREAT to be called Papa. It just fits. And really, that's the important thing- finding names and identities that feel right for you and your family. As my DP pointed out once, people ALREADY think we're weird. Who cares if they're confused about our parental names?

Also, just to add, we just enrolled DD in full-time daycare, at a center, and they have been amazing about referring to DP as Ocean's papa or daddy. We stayed away from mainstream childcare for quite awhile in part because we were so nervous about it, and it has turned out to be just fine. So, sometimes the world is less hostile than you expect.

A, partner to J, mama to O, now with a new username!

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#18 of 22 Old 12-18-2009, 10:18 PM
 
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I'm femme and go by mommy, and my partner who is genderqueer goes by duda. It just randomly evolved as the name our animals "called" my partner pre-baby and my partner likes it b/c when our son is older he can just call my partner dude if he wants.

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#19 of 22 Old 01-14-2010, 11:50 AM
 
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We're also a butch/femme couple and decided to just see what would happen regarding names. She does call us both "mom" bu I'm generally mom/mommy/mama and she mainly calls my partner "Gator." It just sort of evolved--they both call each other Gator, and it's very cute. And when she's annoyed with us, she calls us by our first names.
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#20 of 22 Old 05-13-2010, 12:46 AM
 
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Bringing this old thread back bc I'm new here and it interests me! I'm stepmom to my fiancee's kiddies. Daughter calls me either "Mama Angie" or just "Angie," depending on her mood I guess... she's four. Our little guy just calls me "Angie," I think at two years old he can't really understand having two Mamas around, at least not yet. I do want to have a child of my own in a few years when we're more financially set... the betrothed and I have discussed this and will probably use the "Mama"/"Mommy" distinction. But we are both very femme, so I don't think we have as much need to devise a unique name because we're both very comfortable in feminine roles. It's so interesting how us queers have to always come up with labels for everything. Whenever I tell people I'm my kids' stepmom, they instantly assume I'm with the dad... then I have to correct them. I hate saying "partner" too, for what it's worth. Ick.
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#21 of 22 Old 05-21-2010, 11:52 PM
 
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hello all, i'm the bio-mom and go by mom/mommy and we came up with a name for DP based on her initials of her first and middle names, which are LM, so her name is Elmie. we like the connection to elm trees too, and like that it has a shortened version (elm or LM) for when DS is older. DS is still quite young though, so he doesn't use the names yet!

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#22 of 22 Old 05-23-2010, 07:17 PM
 
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We were both Mama until our oldest started talking. He began to differentiate us as Mama and Mommy. It stuck.

Jen
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