just wanted to post an update.
my parents and I had a fairly lengthy conversation about all this the other night. As I had been thinking about it over the last couple of weeks, I had decided that my role was going to be to listen and validate and to try avoiding debate and persuasion. Anyway, my dad approached the topic with me while my parents were over for dinner. Mom said, "can we please not talk about this right now?" I very gently said, "mom it's kind of a big elephant in the room and we're going to have to talk about it at some point. might as well be now." Anyway, we had a really good and what I feel like was a very positive conversation. Basically, the big issue for them is using the word "marriage." I think they are sorting through what they feel are the moral issues. Ultimately they love my brother and they like his partner. At one point, I asked my mom if she thought she'd ever be able to see him as a son-in-law. And she answered yes.
They have several concerns. One of them being that it's very likely that some extended family member will behave in a rather cruel way to him, and they don't want that for their son and his partner. I told them that I think the thing that would be most helpful to them in weathering that kind of rejection would be my and my parent's support. If they know that we've got their back, I think they'll be okay.
Anyway, my parents weren't angry or resentful or argumentative about any of it. I truly believe that they are just trying to sort through all of their issues. And they know that I've got an open ear any time they want to talk things out and they know I'm not going to try to persuade them on any position. And I think that makes them more comfortable to talk about it.
So overall, I feel much better about it all. I think that eventually, they will develop a level of comfort with my brother's homosexuality and with his soon-to-be marriage. I just saw it as such a positive step that they were willing to have such a long conversation with me about it. I honestly feel really blessed and I'm so grateful because when my brother first came out to me, I was afraid that my parents would disown him. Ultimately my parents love both of us unconditionally and I think that we are pretty lucky