Eek! Just asked our first potential KD... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 18 Old 12-17-2009, 09:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well, actually, I asked his wife (he is a very quiet guy).

We expect him to say no (his wife is for it, but thinks he may not be), and I completely respect whatever decision they decide to make, but I am kind of on pins and needles anyway.

Cross your fingers for us pretty please!

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#2 of 18 Old 12-18-2009, 05:00 PM
 
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Fingers crossed for you!

We also just approached our first KD and his wife and they seem kind of into it, eek indeed!
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#3 of 18 Old 12-18-2009, 05:32 PM
 
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! I know how difficult of a decision and step that can be!

Part hippie-chick, part type-A career woman, all mama. Enjoying life as a wife to my partner of 11 years, and a mama to our smarty-pants toddler, Cadence.

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#4 of 18 Old 12-18-2009, 06:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Fingers definitely crossed for you too then Misticpi! I guess it was just another strange experience in the long line of strange (and exciting!) experiences that goes along with DI. Most certainly weirder for me than looking through the profiles online to pick an anonymous donor.

She told him we'd asked last night and apparently his reaction was a surprised and flattered "really?". So I do hope that's a good sign.

(Oh, and I am in a het. relationship but we are navigating water that a lot of you Mamas and Mamas-to-be understand - so I hope this is okay to post here!)

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#5 of 18 Old 12-20-2009, 08:49 PM
 
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Hope you don't have to wait too long and best of luck!

Megan-39, Postpartum Doula, DW to Sacha-40 (18 years together) and Mama to Finn Alexander born 4/2/07 and Zivia Littlewood born 8/23/10

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#6 of 18 Old 12-22-2009, 06:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks Megan! I hope they will be letting us know one way or another soon, I am on pins and needles but trying hard not to be pushy about them making a decision or knowing what they're thinking. We will be proceeding with an IUI with frozen sperm from Xytex if they decline. It's funny, we had never ever considered a known donor until very recently, and now that we have gone ahead and asked we both kind of feel it would be preferable!

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#7 of 18 Old 12-22-2009, 06:54 PM
 
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I sure hope it works out for you then. Having a KD has been a wonderful, fulfilling experience for our family.

Megan-39, Postpartum Doula, DW to Sacha-40 (18 years together) and Mama to Finn Alexander born 4/2/07 and Zivia Littlewood born 8/23/10

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#8 of 18 Old 12-23-2009, 03:54 AM
 
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I wish you the best of luck, hopefully everything works out for you. We just did our first insemination this month (nearing the end of the 2ww thank goodness!) with a known donor. I think it takes a really special man to be a known donor. Anyway, good luck!
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#9 of 18 Old 12-23-2009, 02:57 PM
 
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It seems that being flattered is a common response for guys, eh?

We are still waiting for potential KD to call back, he either is thinking about it very carefully or is scared to tell us that he won't be able to do it. Interestingly his wife is all for it and is trying not to pressure him (I wonder how succesfully!).

We are taking the approach of telling everybody we know that we are looking for a KD and seeing if anyone volunteers or knows of anyone who might. Who knows if this is a very effective approach but it is fun seeing people's excitement and I like that we get to talk about the topic a lot, so hopefully that'll help us be less nervous and ackward if/when we ask other potential KD's.

did you hear anything yet sarahcecille? Good luck!
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#10 of 18 Old 12-23-2009, 05:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I like that idea - talking about it with lots of people (at least about using DI) has definitely made the topic less weird and awkward. It's one of the ways that babies are made, period. Misticpi - I hope they get back to you soon, I know how the waiting feels!

I actually just heard today that he is apparently leaning towards YES! So the four of us are going to sit down on Sunday and talk it all through. It feels really important to me that he is really sure about his decision, that he and his wife really feel good about it and that all of us have our needs and boundaries very clearly laid out before we start anything.

My jaw kind of dropped when his wife told me, I am pretty darn thrilled and grateful. I know they still may decide that it isn't right for them though.

Now to figure out the logistics if we do go ahead with it!

Megan - so glad that it has been a good experience for you - would you mind elaborating? I'd love to hear some positive experiences.

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#11 of 18 Old 12-23-2009, 07:14 PM
 
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Fingers crossed!

2nd try was a charm! BFP EDD 10/17/10 Beta @ 12 dpo - 92 Beta @ 15 dpo - 902 - It's a GIRL - Olivia Grace 10/18/10 6lb 12 oz
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#12 of 18 Old 12-23-2009, 09:33 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahcecile View Post
Megan - so glad that it has been a good experience for you - would you mind elaborating? I'd love to hear some positive experiences.
Yay on the possible yes and time to sit down and talk details!!

As for our experience, I'm not sure what you're interested in knowing but I'd be happy to answer questions. Our donor thought about it for about a week before giving us a yes. We asked him initially if he would be open to helping us for a second child in the future as well and he agreed that he would, leaving open the door that he could change his mind if something changed (but was pretty committed). We asked him initially nearly 4.5 yrs ago and now have a 2.75 yr old and are newly pregnant so it's been a while we've been in this relationship with him. He has a BF and so he was part of the original contract and part of KD's decision making. KD was out of the country from the time DS was 6 months until he was nearly 2.5 so we had quite a bit of unplanned distance but now he lives 10 mins away and we see him every couple of weeks. What else would you like to know?

Megan-39, Postpartum Doula, DW to Sacha-40 (18 years together) and Mama to Finn Alexander born 4/2/07 and Zivia Littlewood born 8/23/10

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#13 of 18 Old 12-24-2009, 12:00 AM
 
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Originally Posted by sarahcecile View Post
I actually just heard today that he is apparently leaning towards YES!
A big huge congrats. I think it's usually a good sign when a potential KD comes back with an answer sooner than later. I hope your conversations go well.

Me: almost 40, RN DW: 38, CPD Boy: born 4/2/2007 Girl: born 8/23/2010
Queer Parenting since 2007
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#14 of 18 Old 01-04-2010, 07:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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They said yes!!!! So although I am having a very confusing cycle (with a bunch of positive opks (but I don't think I've ovulated yet), I think we may insem. starting today. Getting lots of OTHER positive signs of fertility.

So excited and nervous, and really really really grateful.

- Sarah

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#15 of 18 Old 01-05-2010, 02:39 AM
 
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Woohoo!!!! Let the fun begin now! Very happy for you.

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#16 of 18 Old 01-05-2010, 03:23 PM
 
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Yay! Best of luck!

Megan-39, Postpartum Doula, DW to Sacha-40 (18 years together) and Mama to Finn Alexander born 4/2/07 and Zivia Littlewood born 8/23/10

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#17 of 18 Old 01-06-2010, 11:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you for the warm thoughts, you guys are so sweet!

We just did our 3rd insem. a couple hours ago, so now we just sit on our hands and wait. It was pretty much painless, much much much less stressful than using frozen swimmers, and our KD and his wife were awesome. I am feeling really okay with everything right now, and really bowled-over-grateful. Especially when I calculate what we would have spent on this cycle going through the cryobank. (This is not to say that I don't think the cryobank is a great thing!)

Please cross your fingers for us that we timed everything correctly and it works!~

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#18 of 18 Old 01-07-2010, 01:53 AM
 
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Hope it works for you on the first try! It did for us this time after 8 long tries for #1.

Megan-39, Postpartum Doula, DW to Sacha-40 (18 years together) and Mama to Finn Alexander born 4/2/07 and Zivia Littlewood born 8/23/10

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