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Old 05-14-2010, 08:14 AM - Thread Starter
 
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erthe_mama: if I could have breast fed him I would have! I've never been pregnant before, there for I have no milk to share with that cute little guy! I had to explain that to him and I think he understood (for as well as a 2year old could anyways)!

DP to Sara, two crazy kids running around, lil dude born 11-1-11babyf.gif and the new guy is home !! babyboy.gif  (5/2/12)

 

 

 

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Old 05-14-2010, 03:00 PM
 
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A big thanks to everyone who shared their TTC stories! DP and I literally can't hear enough of them. We want to know what worked for everyone.

indigoscot, that must have been one hell of a clinic to get you both pregnant in such a short amount of time given all those hurdles. You are really lucky!

megincl, you are a trooper. You must be so excited for your little girl to arrive. When is your actual due date? I was born in July, too.

jenmostoften, I can't even think about performing an IUI myself. Holy crap. You've got some balls! More power to you. I'm pulling for you guys.

megan_sacha, that's awesome that you got your BFP on the first try! I have to say I'm a little jealous that you had fresh sperm.

osker, how many inseminations were you doing per cycle? How were you timing them?

gamitzer, I definitely understand the relief of putting it in someone else's hands. So far I've been pretty good about not feeling responsible for the outcome, although once we get our BFP I'm sure I'll want to feel responsible.

AFM, we are thinking about doing 3 inseminations next cycle if we don't get our BFP this time. Last cycle (our first try), we were a little naive and were totally convinced DP was pregnant. I just didn't realize how crappy the odds were. I've been feeling extra resentful of my straight friends. Still, I'm guardedly optimistic this cycle. We shall see.

Expecting #1 in February with DP carrying!
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Old 05-14-2010, 03:31 PM
 
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Bunnies, We did some rounds with one vial, some with four, usually two, and the lucky shot was one vial! We generally did 24 hrs after OPK+, but that was because we had charted for so long that we thought H's cycles tended toward the longer and slower route. Some cycles if we had more vials we would do 12, 24, 36. The positive cycle we did probably 14 hours post OPK+. And, seeing as she's a girl, she may have been conceived as late as the next day post-insem though our charts indicate ovulation on the day we did the IUI.

Phew! I had almost forgotten how... intense! ttc can be!

K, H, and baby E (who is now three!!!)
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Old 05-14-2010, 08:50 PM
 
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It just occured to me today -- what have have people done/are planning to do about second parent adoption? By random luck my wife got a job in MA during our TTC process so we got off easily but I would love to hear what other people decided.

Beth, SAHM to the little french goose, 6/17/09 and my little panda bear 2/6/12. I nursed with low supply, domperidone and a lact-aid for 18 months!
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Old 05-14-2010, 09:24 PM
 
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We're in MA as well, but we're going to do the second-parent adoption as well as health care proxy, guardians, living wills.. The whole shebang. We're hoping that a friend of ours, who happens to be a GLBT lawyer, will help us out with the paperwork in trade... perhaps for some maternity photos of she and her family!
I've heard in MA you can file for yourself pretty easily and it doesn't cost much at all.

K, H, and baby E (who is now three!!!)
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Old 05-15-2010, 11:32 AM - Thread Starter
 
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We don't think there is anything we can do about second parent adoption. Ohio kinda sucks like that. We can do a guardianship thing (DP says shes heard about it and we're gonna look into it). I'm okay with it really because I know no matter what happens (hopefully nothing) DP and I will share custody of the babies.

DP to Sara, two crazy kids running around, lil dude born 11-1-11babyf.gif and the new guy is home !! babyboy.gif  (5/2/12)

 

 

 

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Old 05-15-2010, 01:03 PM
 
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This is already fascinating! I had no idea that Ohio didn't do second parent adoptions and I forgot that one of the reasons you want a second parent adoption is for a divorce possibility. Our major concern was making sure I had enough legal standing to keep our children away from my In-Laws if my wife died. What else have people got?

Beth, SAHM to the little french goose, 6/17/09 and my little panda bear 2/6/12. I nursed with low supply, domperidone and a lact-aid for 18 months!
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Old 05-15-2010, 06:40 PM
 
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smilingsara: Awwww, adorable.

Bunnies: TTC story: We used a known donor, and he had midterm exams and was only available five days before DP's predicted ovulation. We went for it anyway, and here we are! Second try!! We were pretty surprised because DP has pretty scanty EWCM usually, and had practically none when we insemmed. Go figure.
Oh, almost forgot to say that we did home inseminations. KD came over and put his semen in a salsa bowl, and I put it in DP usually within a three minute span with a medicine applicator syringe. lol

CassnBeth: DP and I are trying to go the lawyerless route of adoption since there is absolutely no way that we could afford adoption with one. Argh. Luckily she is a legal assistant, so she'll understand what is going on for the most part. On the down side, the only family law she has worked in is divorce. Our major concern is making sure we both have legal rights to our children in case of death. Unfortunately, we both know that my mom would go after any children I bear like there's no tomorrow.

I'm a queer, poly, pagan, (dis)abled, crazy, crunchy, intersectionally-minded feminist. fsonj & I are mamas to our unschooled/freeschooled 12yo & 3yo!  (Ask me about co-breastfeeding, supplementing at the breast, inducing lactation, eating placentas, undisturbed birth, and parenting a genderqueer child with Aspergers!)
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Old 05-16-2010, 03:56 PM
 
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we did second parent adoption in our state because there is no same-sex partner marriage/domestic partnership and likely never will be. we've done them for both of our sons. yes, it did cost $$$ but you can claim it back on your taxes.

g

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Old 05-17-2010, 01:21 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by indigoscot View Post
we did second parent adoption in our state because there is no same-sex partner marriage/domestic partnership and likely never will be. we've done them for both of our sons. yes, it did cost $$$ but you can claim it back on your taxes.

g

where do you live?! do you mind if i ask how much it was?! you can PM me if you dont wanna disclose to the whole group! thanks in advance!

DP to Sara, two crazy kids running around, lil dude born 11-1-11babyf.gif and the new guy is home !! babyboy.gif  (5/2/12)

 

 

 

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Old 05-17-2010, 11:39 AM
 
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Hi everyone, I'm new here. We're hoping to start the TTC journey in a few months and it'd be great to have support from people who've already been there...

This thread has been a very interesting read. We're not in the US which probably changes some things, but still!

Rachel partner of Nat, mummy of Sam (4) & Fi (4)
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Old 05-17-2010, 01:54 PM
 
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Hello Everyone!!

Welcome Angharad! In retrospect, it would've been helpful to know what a roller coaster the TTC journey can soemtimes be prior to launching headlong into it, and prepare myself mentally. I was pretty naive about how simple I thought it would be to just conceive. I thought all the real challenges would come after we actually had the baby. (And I know there will be plenty challenges to come then, too)

Bunnies-I am glad I am not the only one intimidated as hell by performing an IUI Although I am not gender queer, I do like to think I have some figurative balls, now if only they produced sperm.......

Osker-Ironic how the lucky shot was a single vial insem...proof postive that its not about quantity, rather just that one great swimmer!

Indigoscot- good FYI about claiming adoption back on taxes, i will have to look into that. Thanks!

erthe mama- LOL about the KD using a salsa bowl. Do you chuckle every time you use that bowl otherwise now?

Wisconsin is such a weird state in its own way, because laws have been hostorically progressive here, (we were the first state in the country to include sexual orientation in the list of legally protected employment rights in 1982) so i had hoped we would be following suit on Gay Marriage after a handful of states started passing it. Although we do not have gay marriage, just last fall they passed a domestic partnership amendment which only addresses a VERY small number of issues, mostly centered around medical visitation and decision making, and some inheritance stuff. It grants like 43 of the 200+ state rights that married couples receive, because it cannot be "substantially similar" to marriage. While I feel its a consolation prize, I have to remember that it is better than nothing, and it is a step in the right direction....and still more than a lot of you couples out there have access to.

State law prevents same-sex second parent adoption, however WI lawyers are finding that they can get around this by the birth mother surrending all rights and then reapplying for 2-parent adoption due to a loophole they've found in the verbage of the discriminatory law. It freaks me out a little that DP would have to surrender her rights, because that sounds scary, but LGBT lawyers assure us that it will be fine, and the success rate of previous cases is setting an undeniable precedent. SO - although I ranted more than I intended on that subject, we hope to go that route. The money thing is a concern though, because I know that it will be expensive. but I don't see that we have any other choice, because it is very important to both of us that we have equal parental rights, not only for divorce/death situations, but it's just the principle of the matter!!

DP and I together 12 years stillheart.gif Mom to DS nocirc.gif born 4/4/11

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Old 05-17-2010, 04:05 PM
 
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Welcome Angharad!

wanted to add: there's a thread that's also specifically about waiting more than 3 months before ttc.. if it hasn't gone too far down the list it should be there somewhere....

K, H, and baby E (who is now three!!!)
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Old 05-17-2010, 07:50 PM
 
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erthe mama- LOL about the KD using a salsa bowl. Do you chuckle every time you use that bowl otherwise now?
YES. We've used it for a couple house parties as well, and I told my sister who lives with us (KD is her bf) that the salsa bowl we were using once held KD's swimmers. She choked on her cheese ball a little. DP just rolls her eyes at me.

I'm a queer, poly, pagan, (dis)abled, crazy, crunchy, intersectionally-minded feminist. fsonj & I are mamas to our unschooled/freeschooled 12yo & 3yo!  (Ask me about co-breastfeeding, supplementing at the breast, inducing lactation, eating placentas, undisturbed birth, and parenting a genderqueer child with Aspergers!)
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Old 05-17-2010, 08:22 PM
 
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YES. We've used it for a couple house parties as well, and I told my sister who lives with us (KD is her bf) that the salsa bowl we were using once held KD's swimmers. She choked on her cheese ball a little. DP just rolls her eyes at me.
You know, if you can't laugh.. how are you going to make it through!?!?

K, H, and baby E (who is now three!!!)
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Old 05-17-2010, 10:26 PM
 
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Welcome Angharad!

wanted to add: there's a thread that's also specifically about waiting more than 3 months before ttc.. if it hasn't gone too far down the list it should be there somewhere....
Thanks! I'll check it out.

Rachel partner of Nat, mummy of Sam (4) & Fi (4)
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Old 05-20-2010, 06:06 PM
 
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So after much discussion and some rough number crunching, DP and I have decided that she can give it a go at being a SAHM, the biggest snag in that is insurance coverage. Her job right now (which is horribly stressful!) provides her with what has been referred to by nurses as "rock star insurance" and we are very lucky to not have to pay much for fertility treatments, etc. So, we figure we will either burn up her lifetime fertility limit on the insurance and then she'll quit, or she'll get pregnant and then quit.

I work for a relatively small locally-owned company of about 100-125 people, and they do not offer same-sex partner benefits. Yesterday afternoon, I worked up my courage and went to the head of HR (I am out at work) and asked why they didn't offer it and what needed to happen to change that. She told me to write up a proposal and she would present it to the president of the company. Yikes! I don't know what I expected her to say, but now I am nervous. While I mostly feel up to the task at hand, it seems like I hold the future of gay employees at this company in my hands. If I write a crappy proposal, I will ruin it for all gay people who will ever work here!! LOL, I know I am inflating it, but it is just a bit overwhelming. And for the record, I am the only out gay person working at the place right now.

Phew! I just needed to vent that out. So for the last 24 hours my brain has been swimming, trying to come up with powerful, persuasive, point-making statements to convince my company to cover my DP and future baby. I am giving myself til saturday to think about it, and by the end of the weekend, I want to have a rought draft written up.

Anyone else ever had to do this and have any advice? I know HRC and a couple other organizations have some help guides online, which I am all over, but I will take all the help I can get!

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Old 05-20-2010, 06:19 PM
 
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I am definitely looking at salsa differently now, erthe_mama.

Welcome, Angharad! We are two months into the TTC journey, which isn't long at all by most people's standards, but I would definitely recommend to your DP that she start paying very close attention to her cycle now, before you dive in. We didn't start looking at my DP's cervix or tracking her CM, for example, until the first cycle we inseminated. She had been charting her BBT for several months, which was great. But the secondary signs were an afterthought. I would also encourage your DP to start paying closer attention to her premenstrual symptoms so she has a better shot at differentiating them from early pregnancy symptoms...something that is proving to be super difficult for us.

jenmostoften
, best of luck to you with your proposal! Maybe performing a home IUI will be a cakewalk after, you know, defending the rights of the gay community. At least you're busy, right?

I haven't looked that far into second parent adoption because I keep making the excuse that I'll have 9 months to get it done once that BFP comes. We have a lot of legal stuff to work out, so I'm hoping it's not a huge headache. It would be very hard to endure TTC and all the legal stuff simultaneously.

Hope everybody's doing well.

Expecting #1 in February with DP carrying!
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Old 05-20-2010, 06:32 PM
 
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An HR proposal? GO YOU! I suppose "because I say so" and "because it is morally right" aren't the kind of statements you meant when you asked for help, huh?

Beth, SAHM to the little french goose, 6/17/09 and my little panda bear 2/6/12. I nursed with low supply, domperidone and a lact-aid for 18 months!
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Old 05-20-2010, 06:36 PM
 
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Jen,
How exciting that benefits could be possible! Whoo!!
Try this one: http://www.equalitymaryland.org/pdfs/dp_fact_sheet.pdf
And do you have access to academic journals? If so, try this one:
Heck, Julia E., Health Care Access Among Individuals Involved in Same-Sex Relationships.
American Journal of Public Health, Vol 96(6), Jun, 2006. pp. 1111-1118.

Maybe go for how you're actually getting paid less than your co-workers because they get benefits for their families and you would either have to go without or pay out of pocket?

Good luck! Good for you for asking for what you want!

K, H, and baby E (who is now three!!!)
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Old 05-21-2010, 12:13 AM
 
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jenmostoften - good luck with your proposal! my good ol' boy company surprised us with same-sex partner benefits in jan 2009 after our ceo saying in a townhall meeting it wasn't being planned! we immediately put dp on mine as they are so much better than hers. she is also eligible for my pension if i pass away before her.

fast forward to dp being pregnant and us wondering how it would work for ds2. would he be covered? would we have to wait until i officially adopted him? so i contacted hr, explained the situation and after 4 days they got back to me and said the legal dept was changing the paperwork and he would be covered at birth. that also meant he was eligible for my company daycare right away too. it felt really good to be trailblazers!!!!

g

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Old 05-21-2010, 02:01 PM
 
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You know, if you can't laugh.. how are you going to make it through!?!?
Exactly!

jenmostoften: I don't have any experience in that kind of thing (since I'm Canadian and I've never experienced not having partner coverage in a workplace), but I just wanted to say good luck!! I hope your proposal is accepted!

indigoscot: Wow, nice! That is fantastic.

Anyone else's DP very very sleepy? I think mine would sleep 24/7 if I didn't wake her up around noon every day. Good thing she's off work right now!

I'm a queer, poly, pagan, (dis)abled, crazy, crunchy, intersectionally-minded feminist. fsonj & I are mamas to our unschooled/freeschooled 12yo & 3yo!  (Ask me about co-breastfeeding, supplementing at the breast, inducing lactation, eating placentas, undisturbed birth, and parenting a genderqueer child with Aspergers!)
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Old 05-21-2010, 10:49 PM
 
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We got our BFP today!

DP took two different brands of HPTs and got faint lines on both (she is only 10DPO). She immediately went in for a blood test, and we got the results back within a few hours.

Needless to say, we're super excited, and I am thrilled to join the ranks of those of you who are expecting!

We have a doctor's appointment on Tuesday, so I'm assuming we'll get an official due date then, but all the online calculators say February 1st.

I also feel the need to shout from the rooftops that ICI at home with frozen sperm DOES work! So many people told us it couldn't be done, and I am proud to prove them wrong.

I know I haven't been around that long, but a big thanks to all of you for your encouragement and support!

Expecting #1 in February with DP carrying!
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Old 05-22-2010, 01:13 PM
 
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Bunnies, congrats on your most excellent news!

Megan-39, Postpartum Doula, DW to Sacha-40 (18 years together) and Mama to Finn Alexander born 4/2/07 and Zivia Littlewood born 8/23/10

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Old 05-22-2010, 05:20 PM
 
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Bunnies! Congratulations! Such exciting times!!!

K, H, and baby E (who is now three!!!)
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Old 05-23-2010, 08:55 PM
 
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Congrats, Bunnies!!!!!

Mommy to an amazing 8 year old, wife to an inspiring principal, and welcoming Wylie Grace! Our July 4th babe!
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Old 05-24-2010, 12:49 AM
 
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woohooo!! congrats bunnies!

my family - dp d heartbeat.gif, ds b biggrinbounce.gif (4), ds f thumbsuck.gif (2), dd a baby.gif (jan '12), ddog m dog2.gif
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Old 05-24-2010, 08:36 PM
 
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Hooray Bunnies! That is so awesome. Keep us posted on all the excitement soon to come!!


DP and I together 12 years stillheart.gif Mom to DS nocirc.gif born 4/4/11

belly.gif #2 kiddo due 3/13/14

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Old 05-30-2010, 01:48 AM - Thread Starter
 
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congrats bunnies! thats super exciting!


jenmostoften: how goes the proposal writing?! Can I help at all?!


erthe: too funny about the salsa bowl! I love it!

we are getting on vial to try this month (can go back to two when DP's other house gets rented)! We are really excited about it! I had a killer interview with a company to be their photographer on staff (which would give me insurance) and I'll hear back about that soon! We have decided if I get that job, and she hasn't gotten pregnant, it'll be my turn to try, too!

how is everyone's long weekend going?!

DP to Sara, two crazy kids running around, lil dude born 11-1-11babyf.gif and the new guy is home !! babyboy.gif  (5/2/12)

 

 

 

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Old 06-02-2010, 03:35 PM
 
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Well, I just got out of a meeting with the head of HR and the president of our company not too long ago, and it went horribly. Worse than I could've imagined. Although I managed to stay calm and intelligent throughout the whole meeting, I had to go cry in the bathroom immediately afterwards.

While I know HR is totally and completely on my side, the prez was already telling me NO before I hardly had a chance to speak and he didn't read my proposal. he made blatently ignorant and discrimanatory statements, but managed to word everything just so, so I don't have a legal leg to stand on. Even the HR lady next to me looked suprised at the things he was saying. I can't rehash it all or I am going to start crying again. I am so damn hurt and angry! Despite everything, I know I wrote an excellent proposal which included personal perspective, facts and local statistics, so I'm trying to hold on to that. I left the proposal there on his desk even though he ignored it, I'm hoping he reads it later (but he probably won't). I know I have to just be proud that I even tried and managed to respond intelligently on the spot to his bigotry. I thought if I failed, I'd feel like it was my fault....but I don't. It's not my fault he's a jerk.

I appreciate everyone's encouragement and kind words throughout the writing process, and osker... the equalitymaryland link was indeed helpful. If anyone is faced with a similar situation anytime in the future and wants a copy of my proposal, I am willing to share it, just let me know.

Moving right along....I am trying to look forward to the fact that we get to start TTC again next month and DP's body got right back on cycle perfectly following the MC. So, onward and upward! At this point, we can only cross the insurance bridge when we are standing at the edge of it I guess.

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Refbacks are Off