Me (35). DP to S (39) ; Mommy to DS: J (6), Furball Pupps: L (10) & S (1) and a new little baby boy arriving on/around Dec 2.
dp carried our second son and had hg for 6 months and nausea daily up until she delivered. her experience wasn't as great as mine.
if i was younger (i'm 41 this year) and didn't have a blood clotting issue (post partum blood clot that means any subsequent pregnancies would require daily shots of heparin) i would jump at the chance to be pregnant again. however, dp will also ttc our third child. it was something i had to come to terms with even though it had been our plan all along.
i hope you are able to work something out!!
Maybe we'll do the whole "3 more tries" thing, then give her 6 months, then start alternating between us if this goes any longer than that. But she's only 28 and has very regular cycles and normal hormones and all that, so we're thinking it shouldn't take 6 months for her
I just might need to come to terms with my own barrenness at 27...not fun.
But I have 3 more tries...forget the stupid doctors, three more tries!
I wish this issue would bring us closer together, but just discussing using DW's eggs has already put a wedge between us--DW feels like by doing that, she's being treated as just a donor, just spare eggs floating around that she's not using, even though I think it's awesome that this baby would be both of ours.
Although it doesn't make it any easier that you are having troubles producing eggs...sorry to hear that. Hang in there!!
DP and I together 12 years Mom to DS born 4/4/11
#2 kiddo due 3/13/14
Her main concern with this process is that it would take so long that her fertility will disappear after she turns 30.
We, I think, were kind of unique in our process. We ideally wanted H to get pregnant first for a variety of reasons. We had no reason to believe that either one of us would have better fertility than the other, so it was more social reasons that made us go that way. Anyway, that aside... it took us three long years to get pregnant. In that time every so often H would get tired of trying. She would be overwhelmed and frustrated and just feel like it wasn't working. A few of these times we took a break, a few of these times we would do a cycle where we would try to get me pregnant. We knew that we both wanted to be pregnant at some point, and in the long run knew it didn't matter.. they would all be both of our children no matter whose body they came from. So, over the course of those three years we tried getting me pregnant... probably five times? (one was actually because she failed to ovulate one cycle and we already had the swimmers)
In the end, I think it's really important to talk about how you see your fertility journey going. Do you feel that one person makes all the decisions? Do you make them 50/50 or does it depend on whose body is up for the try? Does one person get all of the choices? It sounds like you're already pretty well introduced to the medical world... you might see if there is someone at the fertility clinic who can sit down with you both as a mediator of planning, sort of like a financial planner, but a "fertility planner" and map out what you would like to see happen given the great variety of things that could go right or wrong in this process. My best advice at this point would be to talk all the time, and don't be afraid to take a month off if you need to breathe. It can be a long road, especially if you want multiple children, which it sounds like you do. It's a marathon, not a sprint!
Switching from insemming me to insemming DW was my idea. She and I are the same age (26 at the time) but her cycles are textbook perfect, as if they were invented by Toni Weschler for demonstration purposes, so we had every reason to think that DW would get pregnant very quickly. We decided for both of us to insem each cycle until one or both of us turned up pregnant (this somehow made sense at the time -- we were a little strung out). DW got pregnant on the second try by a donor who turned out to have pretty signifigant male factor issues. We were both ecstatic; I didn't have even one speck of jealousy when the second line turned up. However, once the obsession of TTC was over, DW and I both went through a grieving period for our plans for me to carry our children. Those were the roles we had expected and things didn't turn out that way so it was hard, for both of us.
There was never a point where DW and I felt like we were in competition. When we decided to have my wife start insemming we were both just desperate for a way to get the TTC misery over more quickly. Though...I think some of the reason we didn't feel competitive is because we are hoping to have at least four children. I mean, we knew there were more chances for pregnancies if one or the other of us turned out to be really unhappy with the way things were the first time.
And now that my daughter is here I really don't care if I carry or birth any of our children at all. Even though now we have much better health insurance and could probably afford to go through the treatments I would need to get pregnant successfully. We ended up with this great division of labour since my wife got to do all the pregnancy and childbirth and I am the SAHP. Though we're with Jenmostoften in that if we could afford for one of us to carry the other's eggs that would be our ideal; one person provides all the genetics and the other provides all the nutrients and breastmilk.
I'm sorry this is kind of a disjointed novel -- I have been trying to respond since yesterday but I have an eleven month old with a head cold trying to help me every few words.
Beth, wife to Cass and SAHM to the little french goose, 6/17/09...and now also mom to a second wee girlie 2/6/12. Nursing with low supply, domperidone and a lact-aid.