~*~*~Poly Families-- The Second Thread~*~*~ - Page 7 - Mothering Forums

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#181 of 268 Old 02-25-2011, 09:58 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Fieryfly View Post

Erthe-mama, great book rec', enjoyed that one myself recently.  Happen to have any more good recommendations? We have a Pagan Polyamory book that I haven't had a chance to read since a friend borrowed it, but she said loved it (hopefully not so much she doesn't get it back to me, lol).

I don't, but I sure love yours! I checked it out on Amazon, and it looks great!



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for me it's the same as the question "but how can you love more than one child equally and in a healthy way?" the first child is so deeply beloved and takes so much time, how can you possibly handle dealing with an infant and still maintain a close relationship with the first child. and likewise for subsequent children. Yet pretty much everyone manages, and no one really questions it.

 

With adults, you have to maintain open, honest communication, be sensitive and respectful.

Beautifully put!

 

 

Would it be weird for me to ask my boyfriend to donate sperm so that my primary partner and I can have another baby some time? Sheepish.gif


placenta.gifeat.gif I'm a queer / trans-activist / poly / pagan / (dis)abled  / crazy / crunchy partner to fsonj; we're mamas to our unschooled/freeskooled 10yo, and co-breastfeed our sprightly toddler love.gif born Nov '10! (Ask me about how to supplement at the breast!)

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#182 of 268 Old 02-25-2011, 10:41 PM
 
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I don't think that would be weird, as long as you've all discussed the ins and outs of it (no pun intended) with honesty and respect, and you've got all the potential future legal implications taken care off... sounds like a lovely idea.

 

as for me, I've been seeing a bit of my ex-gf lately and we're dancing around the idea of getting back together... she's leaving her abusive stbx and moving to my neighbourhood :)

my dh is going to cali for work next week, and we're planning for ex-gf to come stay here while he's gone. time will tell.


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#183 of 268 Old 02-26-2011, 09:40 AM
 
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Thanks, Majik! xx

 

 

Hopefully that works out for you all! smile.gif Erm... what's a stbx?


placenta.gifeat.gif I'm a queer / trans-activist / poly / pagan / (dis)abled  / crazy / crunchy partner to fsonj; we're mamas to our unschooled/freeskooled 10yo, and co-breastfeed our sprightly toddler love.gif born Nov '10! (Ask me about how to supplement at the breast!)

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#184 of 268 Old 02-26-2011, 11:50 AM
 
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Would it be weird for me to ask my boyfriend to donate sperm so that my primary partner and I can have another baby some time? Sheepish.gif


That sounds sweet. I agree it's important to look into the legalities of the situations. It's a good idea for everybody to have a discussion about what expectations would be about your boyfriend's place in the child's life. When people give up a child in an open adoption, you can usually make legal arrangements giving the birth parent rights to a certain amount of visitation. Unfortunately, it is usually difficult to do the same thing for sperm donors or egg donors, even though it's a similar situation. You may want to consult legal advice. Good luck!

 


 Majik, hope things work out for you!

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#185 of 268 Old 02-26-2011, 03:10 PM
 
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Soon-to-be-ex. Used to describe a spouse that you are in the process of divorcing, but still legally married to,


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#186 of 268 Old 03-13-2011, 05:55 PM
 
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I'm in the process of coming out of my winter hibernation and went to a munch last night.  There were a lot of new faces and I met a new girl that looks interesting.  We both seem to really like each other and we exchanged digits so we'll see where it goes.  Of course once I meet one girl I like, they seem to come by the bushel because I met another new girl online today.  We have more in common than girl1 and I do but she is straight... as far as her profile says at least lol but she made many many mentions of bi friendly activities so I'm not sure where exactly she stands but we already have a date set so that bodes well for me.  Oh my, oh my.  I'm really loving the spring, that is for sure.


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#187 of 268 Old 03-13-2011, 09:45 PM
 
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yay for spring! and yay for new loves.


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#188 of 268 Old 03-26-2011, 09:13 AM
 
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Quote:

Would it be weird for me to ask my boyfriend to donate sperm so that my primary partner and I can have another baby some time? Sheepish.gif


No. :)  That's how we got our daughter. 

 

DH RJ and I are carriers for cystic fibrosis, and a 25% chance of having a little one with CF was too much of a risk to take.

 

After much discussion and looking at others in the family as possible baby material donors (all were not suitable because they also had markers), all 3 of us agreed to get Trystam tested to see if he was a carrier. He was not. 

 

With RJ's blessing, Tryst and I started trying while RJ was in the last month of his deployment to Afghanistan eliminate the possibility of RJ being the father. Thankfully, we got lucky the first time.

 

While it leads to some interesting math for those who are not in the know, her conception date is about a week prior to RJ's return, and both RJ and Tryst look similar to pass our daughter off as RJ's. She has both of our last names, although in sensitive company, we only use mine and RJ's. Tryst is a part of her life already, and he plans on being there for her always.

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#189 of 268 Old 03-26-2011, 10:50 AM
 
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guys - belly kiss.jpg

 

RJ and Trystam givin' the belli some love... :D

 

IMG_4121.resized.JPG

 

Skadi on CPAP just after she was born. She came early at 35 weeks.

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fencing.gif Carolina Kel 
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#190 of 268 Old 03-26-2011, 03:21 PM
 
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Thanks for sharing! How awesome! I love your pic. luxlove.gif

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#191 of 268 Old 03-26-2011, 03:23 PM
 
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Whoops! I just posted as my wife. But she feels the same way! lol


placenta.gifeat.gif I'm a queer / trans-activist / poly / pagan / (dis)abled  / crazy / crunchy partner to fsonj; we're mamas to our unschooled/freeskooled 10yo, and co-breastfeed our sprightly toddler love.gif born Nov '10! (Ask me about how to supplement at the breast!)

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#192 of 268 Old 03-26-2011, 04:22 PM
 
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that's awesome Carolina Kel :)

 

and lol erthe_mama, welcome to fsonj


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#193 of 268 Old 04-17-2011, 10:40 PM
 
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I am glad to see this thread!  

 

I'm a poly,  pansexual, kinky, model, soon-to-be mama.  I am currently only with my husband, but I have had one or more other partners in the past.


Wifey (23) and Hubby (23) since 07/08.  Enjoying DS baby.gif born 8/6/11!
 
  bfinfant.giffamilybed1.gif nocirc.gif femalesling.GIF fuzmalesling.gif cd.gif !!!
 

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#194 of 268 Old 04-17-2011, 11:57 PM
 
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welcome greencarnation and congrats on your pregnancy!

 

as for me, I'm back together with my ex-GF. Hopefully this time it's permanent; she's properly separated from her ex, they've sold their house and are working out custody arrangements for their kids. meanwhile, my DH is overseas with DD so i've been getting to spend a little one-on-one time with GF, which is nice :)


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#195 of 268 Old 04-18-2011, 04:15 PM
 
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Welcome greencarnation!! Yay mama!!

 

Majikfaerie, that's super awesome!! Wootwoot!!

 

My bf told me he loves me a couple weeks ago for the first time. heartbeat.gif


placenta.gifeat.gif I'm a queer / trans-activist / poly / pagan / (dis)abled  / crazy / crunchy partner to fsonj; we're mamas to our unschooled/freeskooled 10yo, and co-breastfeed our sprightly toddler love.gif born Nov '10! (Ask me about how to supplement at the breast!)

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#196 of 268 Old 04-18-2011, 05:33 PM
 
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yay e_m!


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#197 of 268 Old 05-09-2011, 08:18 AM
 
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Glad to find this too! After 15 years monogamous with the father of my kids, I added a GF to the mix, it lasted 6 months, learned some lessons about letting the new partner form a relationship with the kids too soon. Nonetheless when it was going well, it felt very right to have a special woman in my life in addition to my already great family.

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#198 of 268 Old 05-09-2011, 09:39 PM
 
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so close... sigh.  a lady that i admired for so long, we have known each other for years, these past few months we've gotten closer, spent 2 wonderful nights together and now it's over.  she's been terribly hurt in the past and is terrifies to just let herself go. we will remain friends, but it still hurts.  it's hard to meet someone in my situation that I actually like


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#199 of 268 Old 05-09-2011, 09:58 PM
 
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i've known since I was a teen that I was poly and bi.

Quote:
Originally Posted by makalani View Post

Hi! Interested in this thread but not sure where to start. Do most poly people know that they are interested in a poly lifestyle when they first begin dating or is it something people "come to". 



 


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#200 of 268 Old 05-10-2011, 02:38 PM
 
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Thanks for your response Sharlla. Sorry to hear about your lady friend :(

 

 I have been following this thread and just ordered a few books on the subject. I have been talking with DH about my thoughts and curiosities thus far and he has been very supportive. Also, surprisingly, I realized that a family I have known for several months now might be a poly family and one day the circumstances were just right for me to ask so I got the courage up and did!! Was cool to be trusted with that kind of personal info. Felt really good to greet their trusting conversation without judgement and with a basic level of understanding of polyamory. Thanks to this thread and the folks who post! It made my day to respond that way :) 

 

I sort of have this daydream of actually getting the chance to date one of these friends which is swirling through my head lately. Had an attraction waaay before I learned that this family was poly so that was kind of interesting. Feels alive and girly and exciting! Trying not to rain on my own parade too much but I realize that I really have no idea how to even initiate something like that. Maybe the rules in the house don't even allow this particular member to date. Seems a bit funny to be trusted with info about a family's circumstances one week and looking to join right in the next!! LOL!  I think some reading first and maybe some conversations with the adults in the family will come up. Kind of exciting to think that I might actually know someone that I am not only attracted to BUT already lives a poly lifestyle. Butterflies :) 


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#201 of 268 Old 05-11-2011, 01:11 AM
 
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I'm missing my GF. I won't get to see her for another 4 weeks! gah! Also won't get to see DH for 4 weeks, but missing him less. :p


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#202 of 268 Old 05-12-2011, 09:23 AM
 
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Oooh, makalani, exciting! Let us know how it goes.
 

 

Awww, majik. :(


placenta.gifeat.gif I'm a queer / trans-activist / poly / pagan / (dis)abled  / crazy / crunchy partner to fsonj; we're mamas to our unschooled/freeskooled 10yo, and co-breastfeed our sprightly toddler love.gif born Nov '10! (Ask me about how to supplement at the breast!)

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#203 of 268 Old 05-15-2011, 03:24 PM
 
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so i have stalked this site for a few years. DH and I have been married for almost 10 years the last 3 of them we have dated a few girls but nothing really serious until recent. Last year we met a girl, and her and i began to become GREAT friends (she is married with a family) one thing led to another and she became our girlfriend for about 6 months and it just ended on her part one day. I am still good friends with her but she just decided it was not what she wanted and that part of our relationship ended. DH had a harder time with it then i did we both loved her dearly but i think i understood more where she was coming from. Any way our goal has always been to have our girlfriend live with us. Now we have found a girl we both really like and she is willing to move in. I am just now starting to wonder how all this will work and if i can get some advice. We have 2 kids and they are the center of our life. In the past it has always been pretty hidden from everyone (although i am sure my mom has a pretty good idea). We just want to do right by "our" family and really don't care what anyone outside it thinks. We feel as long as we are happy and our kids are happy that is what matters. But the new girl has brought up concern about the kids and what they will think about all us sleeping in the same room and how we will handle that. Our kids are 8 and 6. I am looking forward to this new adventure!!

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#204 of 268 Old 05-15-2011, 07:59 PM
 
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welcome to the thread momto2monkey!

 

We've been in a similar situation for a few years now. It hasn't been an issue for my DD (8yo - 5yo when our first GF started living with us). We just didn't make a big deal about it. GF and DD got on really well. In the beginning, we were also still having DD sleep in the bed with us - we had a queen and two double matresses on the floor in our bedroom - took up the whole space of the room! so there was plenty of sleeping space, and we had another single bed set up in another room, so any time anyone wanted some space of their own there was somewhere to go (this was originially GF's room when she first moved in - now DD is big enough for her own room, it's her room).

 

Really, I wouldn't worry about what other people think - you're right: the most important thing is that you're doing what's right for your family and what works for you. Make it clear from the outset how things stand with your children, and engage in lots of open, honest communication. :)

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#205 of 268 Old 05-15-2011, 08:06 PM
 
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Majikfaerie

  Thanks so much.I really don't for think there will be an issue with the kids asking. More likely the inlaws asking the kids about our living situation.  And was also brought up by our GF as she is great with the kids but very unsure of her place and attention that is shown to her in front of our kids. We are all going to sit down and discuss how things with the kids should be handled and hopefully over time life at our house will be an easy flowing family.

 

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#206 of 268 Old 05-26-2011, 01:07 PM
 
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I am new to considering Poly for my family. My husband knew I was bi, but 5 years into our marriage (last week) I expressed my feelings toward adding a girlfriend in to the mix, as I long for female love and intimacy. We are taking our time in considering this, as we have 2 children already and we love each other deeply. Any tips for a newbie?


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#207 of 268 Old 05-27-2011, 08:16 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by asprague View Post

I am new to considering Poly for my family. My husband knew I was bi, but 5 years into our marriage (last week) I expressed my feelings toward adding a girlfriend in to the mix, as I long for female love and intimacy. We are taking our time in considering this, as we have 2 children already and we love each other deeply. Any tips for a newbie?



you will probably have a lot easier time finding a girlfriend just for you.  craigslist and the poly dating site are filled with couples looking for a "third"  that's why they call these women "unicorns" because it's very rare to find a woman who wants to join an established couple and for the chemistry to be right for all 3 people.  There seems to be plenty of married bi women out there looking for girlfriends for themselves. 


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#208 of 268 Old 05-27-2011, 11:47 AM
 
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Hi, Apart from the usual Poly advice such as "know thyself" and be open, honest, respectful and sensitive in your communication  with all partners and potential partners. I'd say if you have not had a lot of experience with romantic relationships with other women, read up on this topic. I currently am, (6 months after breaking up with my first Poly GF) and I'm having a lot of "ah ha!" moments about the differences in relationship dynamics compared to men

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#209 of 268 Old 05-27-2011, 07:39 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Amethyst69 View Post

Hi, Apart from the usual Poly advice such as "know thyself" and be open, honest, respectful and sensitive in your communication  with all partners and potential partners. I'd say if you have not had a lot of experience with romantic relationships with other women, read up on this topic. I currently am, (6 months after breaking up with my first Poly GF) and I'm having a lot of "ah ha!" moments about the differences in relationship dynamics compared to men


what sort of stuff have you been reading? 

 


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#210 of 268 Old 05-27-2011, 08:48 PM
 
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chiming in with another "open, honest communication is vital".

 

I'm in Thailand now, working... well, it's hardly working - all expenses paid to stay in a luxury house with swimming pool and maid, just to take care of one client.

but I'm still missing GF. should be home in a week, but I've also been offered another job in Fiji.


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