~*~*~Poly Families-- The Second Thread~*~*~ - Page 9 - Mothering Forums

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#241 of 269 Old 12-18-2011, 10:20 AM
 
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Hey, everyone.

 

Can you believe I didn't realize this or the Sex Talk forums existed?!?

 

Ok, I'm bi-lite and DH is bi-heavy and we have an open relationship, but live in a place with... limited options (small town Great Plains isn't known for its... flexibility in sex). So we are essentially just discussing what we would like in the future. I'm big on a polyandrous relationship (multiple "husbands") with the option of female flings on all sides. DH seems to find that to his liking as well, so now we just keep our eyes open for that special person(s) to expand our family.

 

Ironically, I'm getting a lot of ideas from the show "Sister Wives". lol


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I'm a head-covering witchy mama to DS ('06) and DD ('10) with DH, Stormie, a Heathen breadwinning daddy.
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#242 of 269 Old 01-16-2012, 10:01 AM
 
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maybe we can have a poly group?  instead of a single  thread buried in a forum....it was hard to find yall


 heartbeat.gifMomma to baby boy Ember.babyf.gifborn at home 12/22/11.  Madly loving his daddy Thimble guitar.gif since 6/26/09. 

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#243 of 269 Old 06-13-2012, 08:44 AM
 
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I hope we can make a new thread. I'm new here, and need to meet yall.
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#244 of 269 Old 06-13-2012, 09:31 AM
 
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I guess we could start a new thread in another forum... but none of the poly threads have been remotely active.


My family of 3 (plus pup) Indigo (Aimee), Rob (dp), Ryne (ds) & Phebe (dog), plus my BIL's family of 3.

 
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#245 of 269 Old 06-13-2012, 12:56 PM
 
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I would love to see an active thread or group.


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#246 of 269 Old 06-13-2012, 02:46 PM
 
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im not currently seeing anyone but DH has a very good friend with benefit and a casual FWB.  i know both ladies pretty well but am really good friends with the first one as well and can see eventually when im in the mood to expand it being a girlfriend thing for me too
 


Unassisted birthing, atheist, poly, bi WOHM to 4 wonderful, smart homeschooling kids Wes (14) Seth (7) Pandora Moonlilly (2) and Nevermore Stargazer (11/2012)  Married to awesome SAH DH.

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#247 of 269 Old 07-18-2012, 03:48 PM
 
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Hey folks!! Long time, no chat! My boyfriend and I are on and off again, and the lovely lady I was talking about last time is now my best friend. We both want more, but her husband is super depressed and she doesn't trust him to be honest about his relationship needs, so we're kinda stuck. We have also made plans to homestead together. <3 My wife and I are also Planning our next baby!!

Anyhow, I'd really like to also have a man for a partner. I don't know anyone even remotely suitable though. lol.

I'm a queer, poly, pagan, (dis)abled, crazy, crunchy, intersectionally-minded feminist. fsonj & I are mamas to our unschooled/freeschooled 12yo & 3yo!  (Ask me about co-breastfeeding, supplementing at the breast, inducing lactation, eating placentas, undisturbed birth, and parenting a genderqueer child with Aspergers!)
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#248 of 269 Old 07-19-2012, 06:56 PM
 
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I suppose the best way to make an active thread is post in it, so here I am!

 

I dropped off the forum parts of the internet to deal with grad school in the last couple years, but find myself wanting this connection again.  Especially because it looks like my baby dreams might come true!  

 

I think the last time I posted here, it was right after DW and I started this whole poly thing.  I quickly met an absolutely beautiful man who I've come to love dearly.  We've been seeing each other for a bit over 2 years.  A couple weeks ago, we finally talked about the possibilty of procreating.  It's been on my mind since first got together, since we were only using condoms for BC, and, well, DW and I have been wanting babies for a long, long time. Seems it's something he's been thinking about, too.  He's something of a confirmed bachelor, in that he can't see himself "settling down" and doing the domestic thing, but he does want kids and is really great with them.  So having me and DW be primary parents, but having him involved with the kids sounds pretty good for him.  It's kind of like the classic mom-and-dad-split, only without the bitter breakup first. :P

 

All three of us are going to sit down soon to talk about things in more detail.  Anyone around he done this sort of thing, parenting with a "secondary"?  I'm going to be pulling out my queer parenting books and look at stuff, but any tips, things to think about, etc. would be most welcome!


Living with my DW, ourcat.gifAstrid, my mom and dad, and their dog and cats, too.  Hoping to start TTC with my OSO as baby-daddy soonish!

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#249 of 269 Old 07-25-2012, 06:23 PM
 
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POSTING! I would love to see a group just for poly familys like myself

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#250 of 269 Old 07-25-2012, 08:58 PM
 
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erthe: Sorry to hear your lady and her husband aren't in a place where you can be more than friends.  Depression is hard stuff.  But homesteading sounds amazing!  Does one of you have land?  And yay for baby planning!

 

bloodofthefae: Hi and welcome! I'd love to hear about your family.


Living with my DW, ourcat.gifAstrid, my mom and dad, and their dog and cats, too.  Hoping to start TTC with my OSO as baby-daddy soonish!

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#251 of 269 Old 07-26-2012, 11:48 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by katharinerose View Post

erthe: Sorry to hear your lady and her husband aren't in a place where you can be more than friends.  Depression is hard stuff.  But homesteading sounds amazing!  Does one of you have land?  And yay for baby planning!

 

bloodofthefae: Hi and welcome! I'd love to hear about your family.

I am 24, DH is 23 and dear Partner is 19 f. 

We are hoping to have a hand fasting in the spring of next year or maybe late fall this year. 

I am TTC my first child which we all three look forward very much to unschooling/homeschooling. Its proven to be a struggle for me so far, But DH and DP are super supportive. Dh is a manager in training at his place of work. We just transfered from KC.  We are blessed for me to stay at home and cook and clean and the like. DP is looking for a job, though not very hard ;) I know several familys like mine, and its nice to know we are not alone. Thought I will be the one with the yongest once I conceive :)

All of enjoy reading on our e readers, thank goodness for library's, a book bill would be horrendus! I am the UBER crunchy one of the three. The other two dont fuss to much about it. 

Chicken is our main source of meat, some fish, and rarely hamburger. Dont do beef other wise, or pork. 

 

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#252 of 269 Old 08-09-2012, 11:40 PM
 
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I just came across a polyamory reality show, which might interest the mamas in this thread: http://www.sockshare.com/file/252884748D7C5B7D#

I'm watching it now, so don't know if it's any good or not, just wanted to share.
 

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#253 of 269 Old 09-13-2012, 07:42 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by katharinerose View Post

erthe: Sorry to hear your lady and her husband aren't in a place where you can be more than friends.  Depression is hard stuff.  But homesteading sounds amazing!  Does one of you have land?  And yay for baby planning!

Yes, that's still happening... though we just spoke today, and she's talking about breaking up with him; his habits have just been too rough on her. :( 

My partner and I have land an hour and a half away from our city, but it's all bush with a little meadow. Not really much for.. well.. anything really. lol 

 

Unfortunately, the guy who was going to donate to us is moving away to further his modelling career. And I'm not quite ready yet; I'd like to go on GAPS first and get healthier before I get pregnant. But who knows, maybe he'll come back! 


I'm a queer, poly, pagan, (dis)abled, crazy, crunchy, intersectionally-minded feminist. fsonj & I are mamas to our unschooled/freeschooled 12yo & 3yo!  (Ask me about co-breastfeeding, supplementing at the breast, inducing lactation, eating placentas, undisturbed birth, and parenting a genderqueer child with Aspergers!)
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#254 of 269 Old 10-22-2012, 07:13 PM
 
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Can someone shed some light for me? Can this work

 

Here is a bit of background -

Dh and I met at 17 his father had recently passed away, he hit the deepest depths of depression. We fell pregnant with ds1 14mnths later and we have bounced from one big life event to another since then, engagement, wedding, second ds. We have suffered deeply as he runs in a 4month cycle with his depression, down.... then an up then another deep down. We love each other, we do, but for the things we share, and companionship. We do have an intimate relationship, but he is unable to forfill me mentally. I recently met a man ( 13yrs my senior ) who just blows me away. He is also married, but I love this man, he makes me feel alive, I feel complete with him in my life. But I can't see myself without my dh. This other man brings a glow to my soul. I feel whole and better for being intwined with him. My husband and I are in therapy. A session this thursday and I am wanting to bring up having an open relationship. I am struggling with dh and his depression knowing I overwhelme him, but this other man takes me in his stride scoops me up and worships me and loves me for just being me. I want to pursue him, how does a poly relationship work? or are there no set rules as such? Do we set the boundaries?

 

How do I explain that I love my husband, the father of my children, but he's not my soul mate, the person who makes my heart sing, that person has graced me with the privilege of meeting unexpectedly and albeit attached loves me too.............

 

am i crazy?

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#255 of 269 Old 10-25-2012, 11:23 AM
 
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Hi all!

I just discovered this thread and am hoping to find some poly folks who practice Attachment Parenting. I have been poly for a few years now and things were going great until we had a new baby. I just can't figure out how to balance poly with the demands of a cosleeping, extended breast fed baby and I'm going crazy.

My husband expects to get two or three evenings a week to see his other love interests, but I can barely manage to escape for a few hours every couple of weeks, which just isn't enough time to maintain relationships with two boyfriends, let alone squeeze in any time just for me. Other poly people just leave their kids with sitters, or have already done the sleep training thing and can just leave the baby home with dad, but I'm not willing to compromise my parenting values in favor of my social life. Still, being mono in a poly relationship really sucks and I need to find balance somehow.

I 'd love to hear how other people have managed.
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#256 of 269 Old 05-14-2013, 04:49 PM
 
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Hi all, I have a question about open relationships. I am not in a poly relationship but I would like to learn more. My husband has cheated on me, and I told him that what has hurt most about that was that he was dishonest with me. He has told me that he wants to explore non-monogamy with me as a couple and I agreed, but everything I bring it up he gets upset and thinks I am not serious and he gets into a passive aggressive mood where he says that he just has to mourn/come to terms with the fact that he will not be able to do some things sexually that he has always wanted to do.

 

He has cheated on me with men and he is bisexual (we both are) but he says that really he wants a sexual encounter with another women. He thinks he would prefer swinging to a poly relationship because he says that for him he mostly wants to explore sexually while being in a primary relationship with me (we also have 2 kids).

 

I have a few issues with that because a) I do not think I could do swinging because I can't separate emotions from sex. Sex has never felt good to me when I couldn't bring my emotions into it.

 

and b) I am not sure about a poly relationship because I honestly feel like our primary relationship has enough drama, the idea of having more communication, more relationship work, more investment with someone else would just bring me stress rather than joy.

 

I am pretty content being monogamous but he is not.  I have come up with a few suggestions for a compromise. I suggested that for example, when we travel I am fine if we have flings with other people (either as a couple or separately). I have had flings when I was single and traveled and I feel that for me, flings during travel allow me to be emotionally invested but have a clearer idea of boundaries because I know that we will be separated geographically. That might not make sense but that is how I feel right now.

 

I thought that was a good starting point for a compromise but DH just gets passive aggressive and seems to really just not want to compromise. It is almost like he prefers cheating/doing things behind my back. I know that his relationship with me and our family is very important to me. And I know he is not interested in a poly relationship because he has turned down 2 different long-term potential with 2 people (one a man, one a woman) and not on my behalf but because he is not interested in having an emotionally vested relationship with anyone but me.

 

However, drama aside and all, if we actually did start exploring with other people, I would probably be more poly prone because I do get attached to people I sleep with and I probably would want a relationship. I don't want that now, but I know swinging wouldn't really do it for me, casual sex doesn't hold any sort of excitement for me, it actually stresses me out.

 

So my question is, can we actually work things out, considering we seem to have different long-term needs (with me wanting either monogamy or poly, and he seems to just want a long-term relationship with me but with casual sex on the side), and considering he has also been seeing a few men on the side (one night stands) behind my back, even though he knows that the dishonesty has really hurt me, it seems like he almost likes the excitement of doing it behind my back because I always told him I am more upset by the fact that he does it behind my back than that he wants to be with other people now and then. And he told me that he has a great desire to have a casual sexual experience (or one night stand) with a woman.

 

Can we make this work or are we too different and should we just accept that we will need to part ways sooner or later? We get along great as friends, as parents, and as partners. We have a lot of hobbies in common and have common life goals too such as where we want to be in 10 years, where we want to live (we both want to homestead in a few years), etc.....

 

But is this the one difference that cancels out all the things we have in common? I don't want him harboring resentments towards me his whole life but I am also upset that he is so unwilling to compromise/negotiate and that he is going behind my back and cheating.

 

Any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks!

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#257 of 269 Old 05-15-2013, 09:17 PM
 
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Poly is about communication and trust, its not a bandaide for a broken relationship. If you pursue this I almost guarantee it will destroy your relationship. I would explore www.polyamory.com and post this there, you will get tons of great advice there
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Unassisted birthing, atheist, poly, bi WOHM to 4 wonderful, smart homeschooling kids Wes (14) Seth (7) Pandora Moonlilly (2) and Nevermore Stargazer (11/2012)  Married to awesome SAH DH.

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#258 of 269 Old 05-17-2013, 12:31 PM
 
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I've been away from MDC for a long time. It was the memory of this thread that brought me back.

Betty *(.)(.)* mama to: DS1 (12) DS2 (11) DS3 (8)
(12/26/06) (5/11/09) (10/7/09)x2

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#259 of 269 Old 05-20-2013, 07:04 AM
 
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I agree with Sharlla that communication is paramount... but that being said.  

 

My DH and I have very different poly styles / needs.  He is more likely to "hook up" and while he's had a couple longer term relationships it's more about the sex.  I can go years between boyfriends or girlfriends because while I have played a few times, I need an emotional relationship.   But as long as he follows the safety protocols we've established, I could care less if I know or not.  But he usually tells me because I am such a voyeur that I get off on hearing the details.

 

If you think poly will be a bandaid to fix your marriage... it's not going to happen.  If your husband is not willing to communicate and remove what might be his need for the thrill of "cheating" I don't know what help poly will be.


My family of 3 (plus pup) Indigo (Aimee), Rob (dp), Ryne (ds) & Phebe (dog), plus my BIL's family of 3.

 
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#260 of 269 Old 12-14-2013, 06:17 PM
 
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Now that I'm a "practicing" poly instead of just one in theory (lol) I'm sad that this thread has died out...


Single mama to DS8 and DD4. Feminist. Queer. Atheist. Poly. Full-time poli sci and econ student.
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#261 of 269 Old 12-16-2013, 02:02 PM
 
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Jumping back in here. I've identified as poly for ~7 years, and haven't been monogamous since high school. This is my first time as poly and single though! I haven't really been single for any extended period of time since I was 14. 


Mom to ds 10/12 and dd 2/05 ribbonrainbow.gif

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#262 of 269 Old 12-17-2013, 07:44 AM
 
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Yay! Activity... :)


 

Quote:

My introduction to polyamory was this (just typed it for another board, lol)

In accident by high school was my first intro, but I didn’t know that’s what it was called then. I was the new kid and I ended up having a very strong attraction to this guy who introduced himself to me. Shortly after, I found out he was dating this guy. I sort of “gave up”. He kept flirting with me though. And so did his boyfriend. They explained that they dated each other. We all started dating each other and then I think each of them (and myself) all had one other partner. It lasted a few months, which for a high school “experimental thing” I think isn’t that bad.

Fast forward about 2 years. My ex (of 6 years) and I started monogamous.
About a year in, we had a conversation with a friend of ours, older than us by about 15-20 years, sat us down and told us he could tell there were other people at the party we were interested in. He asked why we didn’t run with it if we knew we loved each other.
Now granted, he was talking about just having sex with other people. But the more I talked about it with my ex, the more we realized we could expand that to relationships as well. We eventually broke up; but I still consider myself poly.

 

Much like yourself, I have been in at least one relationship pretty much nonstop since age 15. This is a new situation from me. I broke up with my ex-husband in April and had drifted away from the other person I was seeing about a month before that. From April to October I was completely single.

 

I started looking for people to get to know in October and ending up meeting this pretty awesome guy (A) on OKC in person the beginning of November. Neither of us are in a place where we can or want to settle down at this point, but we're having a blast. He actually broke the ice on this topic when he was talking about wanting to have a little bit of freedom and not being "responsible" for someone else's happiness. I explained to him about my poly past and he seemed relieved. So, we've both been given the green light to "date" other people as well. He and I are becoming a little more serious. Now it's less of a "this could end at any time" thing and more of a "OK, this person is going to be around for awhile" thing. He's not actively looking for anyone else at the moment, but I have started talking to another guy. I was forthcoming with A about the fact that I started talking to this other guy (J) in the past week, but was surprised that A actually wanted to know more about J and I. lol. I'm used to the don't lie to me, but I don't expect to know everything as long as your being safe approach.

 

All that being said, I'm sure this question has come up at some point in this threads existence, but how do you approach this with kids? I have a 7 and 4 year old. Neither has met A yet but they know about him, that I go out with him. He wants to meet them soon, but he is going through his mother having a terminal illness so lately he's just wanted to kind of escape everything. DD(4) has met J because he has a daughter the same age and they had a playdate.


Single mama to DS8 and DD4. Feminist. Queer. Atheist. Poly. Full-time poli sci and econ student.
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#263 of 269 Old 01-15-2014, 04:09 PM
 
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I'm excited to find you guys!
I've got two kids under 5 and a developing poly life. DH and I have considered ourselves to be poly for about 2 years but put it on hold when our daughter was born (DH was defending his dissertation at the same time). We just didn't have the time or energy.

This fall I met a great woman who is either going to be an awesome best friend or a fun girlfriend; time will tell. I'm also dating her husband. The kids have met them both, but they have simply been introduced as Mummy's friends. At this point in the relationships and in my kids' development that seems both accurate and appropriate.

Jenn, breastfeeding, cosleeping, cloth diapering, babywearing Mummy to Danny (5/2009)
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#264 of 269 Old 01-16-2014, 03:27 PM
 
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Hi!

There has been a lot written about how coming to poly by way of cheating has been very difficult to achieve successfully. The key to a poly living is honest communication.

In regards to different styles, yup there are prolly too many to count. We are all individual and even at times our personal preferences change.

Start with honest communication, even if it hurts!

Good luck!

Hugs. joy.gif

Shane - Homeschooling mom to three boys (12, 1-, 8) and living the open life with my husband.

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#265 of 269 Old 01-18-2014, 07:58 PM
 
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Dhs gf of a year and half just got a bf ( a classmate of mine ) dh will be unavailable to her all of feb so he's not sure if they will continue sleeping together. Dh doesn't have romantic feelings for her and hes always felt bad about that since she did ask to be his gf.

Im pretty busy with work and school. My brief time at the end of summer where I was actively trying to meet people didn't pan out and I've stopped trying. It would be cool to but im so picky I just don't see if happening

Unassisted birthing, atheist, poly, bi WOHM to 4 wonderful, smart homeschooling kids Wes (14) Seth (7) Pandora Moonlilly (2) and Nevermore Stargazer (11/2012)  Married to awesome SAH DH.

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#266 of 269 Old 03-03-2014, 12:18 PM
 
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Yay, this thread exists!

I'm a poly mama of 1 adorable little munchkin. I live in NC. I have 2 partners, my hubby and my boyfriend (LDR). I'd love to meet someone nearby. I'm bi, poly, demisexual, and a SAHM. That makes dating and meeting people kinda difficult, lol. We're looking to expand our family, hopefully with more partners as well as more little ones.

This thread deserves a bump! Hoping to maybe forge some friendships here with some local-ish crunchy poly families.


There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots, the other, wings.   namaste.gif  ribbonpb.gif  joy.gif
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#267 of 269 Old 03-05-2014, 03:31 PM
 
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I have a real honest to goodness boyfriend! We've known each other a couple years. I've had my eye on him but timing wasn't right. Well we finally went out and its been wonderful ever since.

He's 100% my type. And I guess im his too smile.gif hea so romantic and funny. Im definitely in love. He's monogamous though but I we've talked about me being married and he hasn't seemed effected by that

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Unassisted birthing, atheist, poly, bi WOHM to 4 wonderful, smart homeschooling kids Wes (14) Seth (7) Pandora Moonlilly (2) and Nevermore Stargazer (11/2012)  Married to awesome SAH DH.

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#268 of 269 Old 03-05-2014, 03:32 PM
 
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Dh and his gf petered out. Hes just cuddle friends with her

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Unassisted birthing, atheist, poly, bi WOHM to 4 wonderful, smart homeschooling kids Wes (14) Seth (7) Pandora Moonlilly (2) and Nevermore Stargazer (11/2012)  Married to awesome SAH DH.

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#269 of 269 Old 09-21-2014, 01:41 PM
 
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Things have been going really well. Bf and Iare gking to have a commitment ceremony next weekend at ren faire.

Dh has a few fwb but no girlfriend, although he is dating someone he likes he me through fetlife. She's a poly married woman.
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