Pride and Preschoolers - Mothering Forums

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Old 06-03-2010, 10:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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OK, not really, one of them is 7, but I liked the way that sounded better.

I haven't made it to pride since I had a toddler, toddlers don't ask half as many questions as 4 or 7 year olds. Today a discussion about the pride festivities brought up a whole lot about civil rights.

What have been your experiences?

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Old 06-08-2010, 12:00 PM
 
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I think your post may have gotten lost in the "pile". I check every once in a while for any actual posts about queer parenting (as opposed to queer conception and pregnancy...) and this is a timely one. We have been bringing our six year old daughter to Pride since she was tiny, and she lives in a lesbian household. But I'm realizing that as she gets older, even though we've already discussed these issues repeatedly, she needs to revisit them again at a level appropriate for her development.

For example, last night we were at an outdoor Pride concert, and there was a visibly transgendered person in one of the groups. We have talked about this before - she even had a trans day care provider in preschool - but she wanted to know why this person looked like a girl but had a deep voice. After I explained that some people can be born into a girl's body but inside, feel like they are a boy and then decide to be one (and vice versa) she looked at me with surprise in her voice and said, "You can DECIDE to be a boy or a girl???" Believe me, we have discussed this quite a bit before, but for some reason, it sunk in in a new way. Then, they introduced the gay men's chorus, and she said, "Mom, what's 'gay'?" I was hoping no one was listening, and thinking what kind of self-hating lesbian moms this child has! But what I realized is, at six, she needs a different explanation than she needed at 3 or 4 or 5, and that kids need information repeated, even if we think they get it.

P.S. You mentioned civil rights, and we talk about that in our house pretty much as the ability for her moms to get married someday. She definitely gets the injustice of that.
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Old 06-08-2010, 06:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks. I am glad to hear your daughter also denies knowledge of the word gay. My kids said they'd never heard gay, lesbian or queer ("how do you say that one again? weer? huh-weer? coo-ear? And what does it mean?"). They still don't believe that we can't marry here(believing anyone partnered is married). I had to go through a whole huge civil rights history lesson and they didn't believe me at all. They just kept laughing and saying, "who would really believe that?" about examples I gave. It wasn't until I brought up segregation on busses that my son changed his tone and said he had read a book about that. Suddnely he seemd to realize I was telling the truth, since it was confirmed by an outside source.

On embarassing moments at pride, thanks for that heads up too (although, I would have been plenty embarassed if anyone outside my family had heard my kids say they didn't know what gay meant). I was thinking of alcohol and nudity, I seem to recall a lot of that from my younger days, but I think mine are still in a place where they don't realize public nudity is anything out of the ordinary. I even wonder if they will notice transfolk. They don't seem to get that girls follow a different set of rules in their own age group. My daighter seems to have caught on somewhat, as she has noticed that if she keeps her hair short she can be mistaken for a boy, but my son is oblivious. No matter how many times I say it, he doesn't seem to understand that long hair makes people think he's a girl, tho he even calls everyone with long hair "she." But I also think he doesn't care. He never corrects anyone. His soccer coach last year she'd him all year. I tried to correct but it never made it through.

I seem to be getting lost. Sleepy typing does no one any favors.

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Old 06-10-2010, 03:18 PM
 
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Seraf said, "Suddnely he seemd to realize I was telling the truth, since it was confirmed by an outside source." Ugh... that totally gets my goat. lol

We also have this discussion almost every year. Still.

I'm a queer, poly, pagan, (dis)abled, crazy, crunchy, intersectionally-minded feminist. fsonj & I are mamas to our unschooled/freeschooled 12yo & 3yo!  (Ask me about co-breastfeeding, supplementing at the breast, inducing lactation, eating placentas, undisturbed birth, and parenting a genderqueer child with Aspergers!)
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Old 06-11-2010, 05:40 PM
 
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We've had nothing but good experiences and conversations come out of pride. I think the drinking and nudity you remember may be from after-parties? Boston doesn't have much of either during the parade portion.

As for not knowing what it means to be gay, even in gay headed household, I think that is pretty normal. I mean, how often does it come up at the breakfast table? Just like we keep explaining what a twin is to the twins.

Can't wait for the parade tomorrow! Always fun.

Me.  With 1 spouse, 4 kids, 16 chickens, 74 matchbox cars, 968,562+ legos, a dishwasher waiting to be emptied, a washing machine waiting to be filled and a lost cup of tea in the house.

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Old 06-11-2010, 09:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am thinking of the festival where the parade ends. I've never done the after-parties.

I'm excited too, ours in next week and we're making shirts for it tonight.

Seraf

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