I don't even really know where to begin here...My dh and one of our dearest friends(we'll call him Dave) have had massive falling out and I'm at a loss as to what to do.
Dave, who was born biologically female came out as transgendered male about a year ago. My dh and I have supported his decision wholeheartedly from the start. Then shortly after he came out, he discovered he was pregnant. We were surprised, but happy for him. Over the months of the pregnancy we've had lots of discussions, including whether or not Dave would breastfeed. Throughout the entire pregnancy, he was adamant that he would breastfeed, regardless of being uncomfortable with his breasts. My dh and I, being big advocates for breastfeeding where very happy to hear this.
Dave gave birth yesterday and is ecstatic to be a new daddy. When I talked to him this morning I asked how the bfing was going and he said he has decided not to breastfeed. He said he thought it would be better to have "a formula fed baby and a happy daddy than a breastfed baby and a depressed daddy." Admittedly, I was terribly disappointed, but I am supporting his decision. My dh is not. He is angry and feels that Dave is putting his comfort and desires over the health of his baby. (My dh was raised in a family of militant breastfeeders and refuses to try to understand Dave's point of view.) So now they are at odds with one another. My dh is refusing to speak to him and Dave is angry and hurt by my dh's behavior.
I don't want to see their friendship dissolve like this. They've always been close, but I really don't know what to do. Anyone have any advice on how I can help my dh understand? I really am at a loss here...
I do want to add, in my dh's defense, this is very unusual behavior for him. He has been under an extreme amount of stress lately. We've had some nasty setbacks financially and his project at work has been one massive headache after another. (We were supposed to be on vacation this week, for the first time in 3 years, but had to cancel it due to yet another issue with his job.) I'm hoping that this is just a emotional knee-jerk reaction due to all the piles of stress he's under and that after he's had some time to think about it he'll come to his senses.
Dave, who was born biologically female came out as transgendered male about a year ago. My dh and I have supported his decision wholeheartedly from the start. Then shortly after he came out, he discovered he was pregnant. We were surprised, but happy for him. Over the months of the pregnancy we've had lots of discussions, including whether or not Dave would breastfeed. Throughout the entire pregnancy, he was adamant that he would breastfeed, regardless of being uncomfortable with his breasts. My dh and I, being big advocates for breastfeeding where very happy to hear this.
Dave gave birth yesterday and is ecstatic to be a new daddy. When I talked to him this morning I asked how the bfing was going and he said he has decided not to breastfeed. He said he thought it would be better to have "a formula fed baby and a happy daddy than a breastfed baby and a depressed daddy." Admittedly, I was terribly disappointed, but I am supporting his decision. My dh is not. He is angry and feels that Dave is putting his comfort and desires over the health of his baby. (My dh was raised in a family of militant breastfeeders and refuses to try to understand Dave's point of view.) So now they are at odds with one another. My dh is refusing to speak to him and Dave is angry and hurt by my dh's behavior.
I don't want to see their friendship dissolve like this. They've always been close, but I really don't know what to do. Anyone have any advice on how I can help my dh understand? I really am at a loss here...
I do want to add, in my dh's defense, this is very unusual behavior for him. He has been under an extreme amount of stress lately. We've had some nasty setbacks financially and his project at work has been one massive headache after another. (We were supposed to be on vacation this week, for the first time in 3 years, but had to cancel it due to yet another issue with his job.) I'm hoping that this is just a emotional knee-jerk reaction due to all the piles of stress he's under and that after he's had some time to think about it he'll come to his senses.