The reason it's mostly legal stuff is because with only a few states recognizing gay marriage, only those few will grant a divorce. It's a hell of a limbo. My ex and I were married in Victoria, B.C. in 2007 and we seperated in 2009. We're both in new relationships, the split has been amicable, and we'd divorce if we could. Trouble is, our marriage isn't recognized in Idaho, where we both live, so we can't get divorced here. If a judge granted us a divorce, he/she would be acknowledging that we were indeed legally married. This is not a problem unique to Idaho. It's a step most states won't take. The only way for us to un-hitch at this point is for one of us to 1) move to B.C., wait at least a year, and file or 2) move to a state that recognizes gay marriage, wait 6 months to a year (depending on residency requirement), and file. Neither is going to happen anytime soon. We both want to live in Idaho, have our families here, work here, etc.
I've done a lot of looking around online for the sort of support groups and resources you've mentioned. I haven't found them. I hope they're out there and will be following this thread! It's a relatively new issue, legally. Emotionally and socially, I think it's as old as the first split. The division of a couple, regardless of sex, is complicated. Sometimes it's sad, sometimes it's liberating, sometimes it's amicable, sometimes it involves children and property and everything else two lives brought together into one. I found a lot of (straight) divorce resources applicable and helpful. My marriage was not so different.
This will continue to be a predominantly legal issue until some justice is available to lgbtq people. The nightmare that some families have gone through, especially regarding custody of children, is often due to the lack of protection the law would provide, had it been extended to recognize all marriages. I'm just glad we only had to figure out who got the cats.
Sarah - mama to the love of my life, Aurelia Josephine, b. June 11, 2010