Dating as a queer single parent? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 11 Old 11-13-2010, 08:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Talk to me people!

 

I have been single for about five years now, and I want to date. 

 

But I don't know how to meet people.  

 

How do y'all meet people to date?  Give me some ideas.

 

Also - everyone assumes I'm straight and married now that I have a baby.  I knew this would happen, but it's unreal. 


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#2 of 11 Old 11-13-2010, 08:29 PM
 
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Hey Papa~  I'm no expert, but I think in this day and age, online dating is the way to go. If not an outright match.com kinda thing, at least a queer dating site where you could get to know people in the chats and forums.  The bar scene isn't conducive to real love, and would probably be out of the question now that you've got a little'un.  I think online's the way to go. 


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#3 of 11 Old 11-13-2010, 08:51 PM
 
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i'm not much help i'm afraid!  i met dp playing in a pool league.  that probably isn't a possibility for you with a wee babe.

 

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#4 of 11 Old 11-13-2010, 09:28 PM
 
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What about a queer parents playgroup thing. Might not be a blatant dating group but I bet there are a fair number of SPBCs who join. Or parks/library/cafes/community centers....


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#5 of 11 Old 11-14-2010, 12:32 AM
 
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I second online.  I live in the sticks.  I think I met 2 queers in 3 years.  I met my current partner online after I was single for a couple of years.

 

How to meet real, live, people?  Well, I don't know.  Put the word out.  Friends love to hook friends up.


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#6 of 11 Old 11-14-2010, 12:00 PM
 
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Carmen has a great suggestion, for sure.  Papa, do you live in a big enough metro area to have a group like that?  It'd not be available everywhere, but where it does exist, I'll bet it would have a few other single parents, and then who knows?!


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#7 of 11 Old 11-14-2010, 06:15 PM
 
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Oh, the health food store! 


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#8 of 11 Old 11-14-2010, 06:41 PM
 
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Okay, sorry to be blunt.. but are you trying to meet guys? girls? lesbians? gays? I think that how you go about it would be different depending on who you are looking for. For example, my super straight, very catholic, young virginal friend met her husband at church. That's what was important to her, and that's where she went to find him.  My sister is a slightly awkward, geeky computer type.. so she met her current bf in an online game. We have friends who both love to sail, and they met while doing some sailing thing...  see where I'm going with this?

Think about what you like to do, what you want to be a part of your (and E's) life down the road, and maybe look for someone there?

I think the idea to look for a SMBC group is a great idea, if you're looking for a single mother. 

 

I have to say, I think that looking at a young, hip church is the way to go. If you can find a church in your area, which I bet you can, that is open to queers and welcoming to us I think you would have a high chance of meeting someone who is thoughtful, able to plan, and open to family and a settled life.  


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#9 of 11 Old 11-15-2010, 06:28 PM
 
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This is funny, because I'm always trying to set you up with my friends! Sadly, they keep pairing off before I can get them to you.

 

Barring my future as a matchmaker, I met my DP at a queer grad student social. But, we started dating before I had a baby, which makes doing things like going to socials more complicated. I second both online and church. I've totally been caught cruising people at our old Unitarian church. (And the Unitarians are so easy to join- you don't even have to believe in god!) And there's usually free childcare, which is nice when the baby is old enough that you're ready for a break from her for an hour.

 

Other places I've met partners: bookgroups, craigslist, the gay nude beach, and of course, through friends...

 

Also, I totally get cruised as a parent all.the.time. It's actually sort of fascinating to me. It's usually by cisgendered men, so they do assume I'm straight, but apparently they don't assume I'm married! And occasionally, it's by a really hot woman.;) So, having a baby does not automatically make you appear off limits, it turns out.


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#10 of 11 Old 11-16-2010, 06:41 AM
 
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DP and I met online on okcupid.com. It's a really free site and is kinda fun because it has tests and stuff! I really like the site.

Other places I would suggest would be seeing if there are any classes you'd like to take to learn new things, I also second the health/grocery stores, and I'm just all around a big fan of the Internet!

Best of luck! thumb.gif

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#11 of 11 Old 11-16-2010, 03:30 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AngelaM View Post


Other places I've met partners: the gay nude beach...

I love it Angela!!!!
 

I'm definitely no help in these stakes. DP and I are a bit tragic and have been together for a kazillion years. I've no idea how I'd survive if I had to go out there as a 30 something.

 

Good Luck to you Papa! I think it's awesome that this is something that you're actively thinking about so early in your parenthood. Sounds like you're looking for some balance which demonstrates far better clarity than I had in my first year of parenting!


One gorgeous solstice babe 12/08, two smitten mothers - mothering consciously with conscience and compassion. Birth & Postnatal Doula. Student Midwife. Expecting #2 November '12.

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