How do I tell DS his Dad is sisters Dad too??? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 2 Old 11-18-2010, 04:38 PM - Thread Starter
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New here so I'll try and keep it short ...wave.gif


My DS, 9yo, has been asking about his sister's "Daddy"....


a) DS dad and I divorced when he was 1 yo

b) Met my partner when DS was 2 yo...DS knows no different and says he has 2 moms & a Dad...

c) Partner and I decided we wanted a baby together so asked ExH to donate his sperm so DS and DD were full siblings


DD is 3.5 yo now and yesterday she made a comment about her Daddy after hearing other children at play group talking about their daddys...DS piped in and said "But you dont have a Daddy"....ExH has very close relationship with DS and DD knows him.


How do I explain to DS that he and DD have the same father, he's just not a "Daddy" to her the way he is to him???? 


How do I even start to open that door with DD??? 


ExH is fine with the children knowing the truth he just doesnt want DD to think he didnt want her so to speak when it was MY decision to use him strictly for DNA purposes...


Thanks in advance!

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#2 of 2 Old 11-18-2010, 10:21 PM
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Wow, that is an interesting situation.   Were you planning on telling your DD the truth about her donor?    If so, I really think the bigger problem is going to come when she realizes that she and her brother have the same "father" but not the same relationship.  Would you be open to your exH having some kind of a relationship with her?  I think it is something you may have to prepare yourself to face... that she may want a relationship with him. 

When were you planning on telling DD the truth about her donor/father?  I think it needs to be now.  Hopefully before she really remembers any other option.  Explain to her in 3yr old terms about how you need an egg and a sperm to create a baby, and then let her lead the way as to how she wants to view the man who donated that sperm. 


Perhaps explain to your children that what makes a parent is the relationship they were in at the time the baby was conceived.  So your XH is your DS's "Daddy" because you were married at the time.  And while the same man is your DD's donor / biological father... he is not her "daddy" because you were with her mother at the time. 


Good Luck trying to figure it all out.  I still just think it will be hard for your children to understand how one man is daddy to one child and DNA to another.

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