Queer & Pregnant: December & January - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 318 Old 12-04-2010, 06:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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joy.gifWelcome queer & pregnant folks!joy.gif



This is the list for December & January.

If you want to be added, just post in bold with your due date. Also, if you have recently had your babe(s), please chime in with the name and birth date in bold. If your information is not correct or has changed, please also post in bold so that I can get it corrected!!


bellycast.gif  Pregnant  bellycast.gif


January 2011
kythryne, EDD January 4

February 2011
korey, EDD February 1
burg, EDD February 4
abeecharmer, EDD February 4
Coco99, EDD February 14

March
Beastie, EDD March 21

April 2011
wehrli & jenmostoften, EDD April 1
gumshoegirl007, EDD April 2
2moms3kids, EDD April 5 (c-section April 1st)
bttrflygypsy, EDD April 10
LibraryLady, EDD April 15
2happymamas, EDD April 15

June 2011
painefaria, EDD June 5

July 2011
Cejae, EDD July 4

pigirl, EDD July 21
MizYellow, EDD July 25
AmyPDX, EDD July/Aug?

JesseW, EDD July 26

August 2011
AmandaHope, EDD August 3

Kredmon, EDD August 6

Crunchybug, EDD August 8


babyf.gif Graduates babyf.gif

 

mtnlisa: Josie Anne, born 12/18/10

Kimlyn32: Kacey Elaine, born 12/13/10

erthe_mama & fsonj: Vida, born 11/23/10

Monarchgrrl: Sophia Elizabeth, born 11/2/10

quasar & smartycat: Charles Jeffery, born 10/29/10

Mistral: Olivia Grace, born 10/18/10
Lyndzies: Cadence James, born 10/15/10
FTMPapa: Elise Ember Soliel, born 10/3/10
megan_sacha: Zivia Littlewood, born 8/23/10
mpkgoddess: Catherine Margaret (Cate), born 8/18/10
Osker & H: daughter, born 8/11/10
jjnoho: Sam, born 7/8/10
Megincl & Ktcl: Wylie Grace, born 7/4/10
ksdoulamama: Grace Elizabeth, born 5/17/10
pleasantlyfurious: Leo Sebastian, born 5/16/10
kelly: Asa Brent, born 4/29/10
wishin'&hopin': Henry, born 4/10
Indigoscot: son, born 1/24/10
kjm: Kale, born 1/12/10
Carmen358: Skylar, born 12/30/09
Kelmendi: Simon, born 12/23/09
babyfatty: Henry Earl, born 12/9/09
Beth: Hazel, born 11/19/09
Scalpel: Nathan Fisher & Maxwell Edward, born 11/3/09
Denny_Zoo29: Dekaylee May Katherine Bond, born 10/29/2009.
Jodybird511: Asher, born 10/9/09
Wazzmum: Tate, born 9/15/09
Raene & River: Cedar, born 8/30/09
DM630: Amelia, born 8/14/09
ninefirefly: daughter, born 7/31/09
Serenekitten: Asher, born 7/21/2009
QTRANDI: Rudy, born 7/7/2009
JennM1021: Alexander, born 6/29/2009
Lexbeach & Lena: Leo, born 6/26/2009
Heart-N-Bones: Ella Grace, born 4/22/2009
Quasar & Smartycat: Raymond Joseph, born 4/5/2009
Pranava: Zion, born 3/24/2009
Giggleblue: "A", born 3/16/2009
Pigirl: Baby, born 1/30/2009
Starling and Diesel: Esme, born 1/30/2009
2happymamas: Colette (Coco), born 1/5/2009
Simcon: "G", born 12/28/2008
MujerMamaMismo: Sebastian Felix, born 12/21/2008
Tigermiep & M: Anders Xavier, born 12/11/2008
JenInMpls & Jo: E.W., born 10/24/2008
Becca: Phoebe Joy, born 10/9/2008
Scalpel & Darcie: Alexis Jean, born 8/29/2008
Venustx: Levi, Sage, and Jillian, born 8/12/2008
AngelaM: Ocean Rae, born 8/10/2008
mamimapster: Jocheved (Julia) Hadassah Bat Sara V' Miriam, born 7/15/2008
kk_davey: Grier, born 7/7/2008
MollyKenzie: Lucy & Edie, born 6/18/2008
rightkindofme: Shanna Francesca, born 5/24/2008
TheGirls: Alexandra Kathryn Stay, born on 5/12/2008
thismama: Zelda, born 5/6/2008
mamastotwo: son & daughter, born 5/2/2008
msjodi: Delaney Cait, born 5/1/2008
Jentina & Sarah: Ellis Thomas, born 2/20/2008
NZmumof2 & Leah: Florence, born 1/23/2008
 

 

candle.gif Recovering from Losses, to Rejoin Us Soon candle.gif

 

 

Jen
Snoopy13 (JD)
Lemurmommies
Miss Scarlett
Astropeep and FozzieBear
escher12
Milletpuff

Lisedea



[NOTE: Any EDDs over a month old without a birth announcement will be deleted.]


J & A together for 6 years love.gif married since 11/09 & so in love with our DD, Reed Kylie born 2/5/11! stillheart.gif
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#2 of 318 Old 12-04-2010, 06:47 PM
 
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 Can you add my EDD as July 4th?  Thanks! 


Professional nerd, DP to Megan and mommy to 3 y/o Bam Bam . TTC since January '09.  Welcomed our new babes May 22, 2011. Now living life in the NICU one day at a time.
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#3 of 318 Old 12-04-2010, 08:14 PM
 
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I have not posted on this thread in a long time....Life has been crazy busy.

 

I am now 21 weeks pregnant with our second DD. DW and I are so happy to be having another daughter. DD1, Colette, will be 2 in one month.

This pregnancy is going really well. I am finally getting more energy and have started feeling her move more the past 2-3 days. We are planning to have another homebirth this time, although it may be up in the air right now. The 20 week showed a possible slight birth defect (cleft lip and/or palate), although there's still a good chance that it is not present. We have another ultrasound on December 22nd to see what's up with her. DW wants to have a hospital birth if she does have an issue with the palate, but I am torn between wanting my homebirth, wanting DD to be safe, and wanting to respect DW's feelings (especially as a non-gestational parent). DW is more comfortable with HB if it's only the lip, but it can be hard to tell if the palate is compromised via ultrasound. If she knows the palate is cleft, she definitely wants this babe born in a hospital due to possible breathing issues. We'll just have to see what happens.

 

Anyway, I do hope to be around more on this thread. Heck, I have been waiting almost 3 years to be on a Q&P thread with Coco!

 

 

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#4 of 318 Old 12-05-2010, 06:25 AM
 
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2HappyMamas ! YES ! I cant believe that your Coco is almost 2 ! Whew ! But in the end, we will have two kids each at the same time`;-) Life sometimes gives back for past struggles... I am very far from thinking that life is fair ( working with DV victims... I know that it isnt,...) but once in a while, it feels as though it compensates a bit... these twins sure feel like a gift for waiting all these years (even tho I know that so many couplews struggle and struggle and never even have one... sometimes I feel slightly guilty...).

 

I have a friend who had a baby with a severe case of cleft lip and palate. I would definitely advise a hospital birth in that case. Her baby had alot of feeding issues and they were more easily adressed at the hospital and he could be hydrated and nourished in alternative ways in the mean time. He is now 15, he had a few operations, braces and speech therapy but he is very much ok :) You dont sound too worried tho ;-) As you said, it is far from definitive and of all the possible issues, that is one that can be managed well and that can be repaired.

 

Coco

xx

 


Celebrating the arrival of our twins twins.gifCharlie & Chloe, born Jan 28th 2011 !

 


 

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#5 of 318 Old 12-05-2010, 09:33 AM
 
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Oh my goodness, Coco is almost two!  I don't know why that surprises me, being that Esmé is almost two as well.  We're not pregnant yet, but are hopefully doing an IVF transfer next Thursday, so long as my lining looks hospitable.  It'll be fun to be in this thread again with you!  Good luck with your follow-up u/s!  And good luck on deciding about where to birth.  I know how important it is to honour the non-gestational mama's input, but I hope that the two of you come to a decision that you're both happy with. 

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by 2happymamas View Post

I have not posted on this thread in a long time....Life has been crazy busy.

 

I am now 21 weeks pregnant with our second DD. DW and I are so happy to be having another daughter. DD1, Colette, will be 2 in one month.

This pregnancy is going really well. I am finally getting more energy and have started feeling her move more the past 2-3 days. We are planning to have another homebirth this time, although it may be up in the air right now. The 20 week showed a possible slight birth defect (cleft lip and/or palate), although there's still a good chance that it is not present. We have another ultrasound on December 22nd to see what's up with her. DW wants to have a hospital birth if she does have an issue with the palate, but I am torn between wanting my homebirth, wanting DD to be safe, and wanting to respect DW's feelings (especially as a non-gestational parent). DW is more comfortable with HB if it's only the lip, but it can be hard to tell if the palate is compromised via ultrasound. If she knows the palate is cleft, she definitely wants this babe born in a hospital due to possible breathing issues. We'll just have to see what happens.

 

Anyway, I do hope to be around more on this thread. Heck, I have been waiting almost 3 years to be on a Q&P thread with Coco!

 

 




dust.gifFour-eyed tattooed fairy godmother queer, mama to my lucky star (5) and little bird (2.5). Resident storyteller at www.thestoryforest.com. Enchanting audiostories for curious kids. Come play in the forest!
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#6 of 318 Old 12-05-2010, 09:34 AM
 
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And Hi to you too, Coco!  TWINS!  Wow!  Go mamas!  Go babies!  Whoo hoo!
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Coco99 View Post

2HappyMamas ! YES ! I cant believe that your Coco is almost 2 ! Whew ! But in the end, we will have two kids each at the same time`;-) Life sometimes gives back for past struggles... I am very far from thinking that life is fair ( working with DV victims... I know that it isnt,...) but once in a while, it feels as though it compensates a bit... these twins sure feel like a gift for waiting all these years (even tho I know that so many couplews struggle and struggle and never even have one... sometimes I feel slightly guilty...).

 

I have a friend who had a baby with a severe case of cleft lip and palate. I would definitely advise a hospital birth in that case. Her baby had alot of feeding issues and they were more easily adressed at the hospital and he could be hydrated and nourished in alternative ways in the mean time. He is now 15, he had a few operations, braces and speech therapy but he is very much ok :) You dont sound too worried tho ;-) As you said, it is far from definitive and of all the possible issues, that is one that can be managed well and that can be repaired.

 

Coco

xx

 




dust.gifFour-eyed tattooed fairy godmother queer, mama to my lucky star (5) and little bird (2.5). Resident storyteller at www.thestoryforest.com. Enchanting audiostories for curious kids. Come play in the forest!
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#7 of 318 Old 12-05-2010, 09:39 AM
 
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hello everyone biggrinbounce.gif

 

We had our 2nd midwife appointment yesterday and she found the heartbeat almost immediately!  It was a nice solid 144 and we got to listen for a little while.  I am so happy and relieved it helps that I have been feeling the baby move intermittently.  I actually feel like we will have a baby in May/Junelove.gif.  My nausea has been better over the last two days.  I haven't taken any medication since Friday!  So maybe it was stress related bag.gif.  Wherli if no one is taking the thread I feel that I could take it now.  Hopefully everyone is well.  I will be back soon to do personals we are cleaning and decorating today...  Lots to do nut.gif


S & Yrainbow1284.gif (Vermont Civil Union 7/8/03) DS1 Holdennovaxnocirc.gif (4/25/07) and two in heaven  angel.gif1/10 &  angel.gif5/10 our rainbow1284.gif is here  DS2 Keegan(5/23/11)homebirth.jpg
 
 
 
  

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#8 of 318 Old 12-05-2010, 03:36 PM
 
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Hello-

after 2.5 long years of trying, my partner and I are expecting. My due date is August 6.

We're excited to be here. 

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#9 of 318 Old 12-05-2010, 05:37 PM
 
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Can you add me to the list? DW and I are expecting August 8, 2011. Feeling lucky and excited!

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#10 of 318 Old 12-05-2010, 06:36 PM
 
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Welcome.gif and CONGRATS crunchybug and kredmon!!! joy.gif

how are you feeling?

how did you and your partner meet?

tell us something about yourself.... innocent.gif

wave.gif to all!! have a great night.

DP and I  rainbow1284.gif together since 2001, brokenheart.gif 4/10,  pos.gif 7/10
DS - planned h20homebirth.gif born via ribboncesarean.gif 4/4/2011
)O( treehugger.gif nocirc.gif winner.jpg cd.gif greenthumb.gif earth.gif whale.gif
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#11 of 318 Old 12-05-2010, 07:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Congrats & welcome Kredmon & Crunchybug!! joy.gif


J & A together for 6 years love.gif married since 11/09 & so in love with our DD, Reed Kylie born 2/5/11! stillheart.gif
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#12 of 318 Old 12-05-2010, 09:52 PM
 
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Hey all!

 

Thanks so much for all the congrats on the last Q&P thread! heartbeat.gif

 

Also, congrats to the new preggers!

 

Wherli: Sonja had pregnancy-induced carpal tunnel as well. The things that worked for us were: finally replacing our old mattress, propping her top arm with a pillow and getting acupressure. I can't remember who this was, unfortunately, but someone on the Q&P thread a while ago suggested pillow-y wrist braces to us. Those sound like they would help as well. Good luck!

 

Library: try a netti pot for that nose! :)

 

 

AFU: We're totally enjoying our babymoon! jumpers.gif

I just wish our milk supply would increase... We decided to start taking Domperidone since Sonja's milk is rather on the low-supply side and mine hasn't come in yet (which I think actually has more to do with the fact that I really suck at pumping on a consistent basis shy.gif). Luckily, our doula found us a wonderful milk donor! She's so fantastic!!!! I hope that one day I can do the same for another mama. 

C'mon, baby, gain some weight already!!!


I'm a queer, poly, pagan, (dis)abled, crazy, crunchy, intersectionally-minded feminist. fsonj & I are mamas to our unschooled/freeschooled 12yo & 3yo!  (Ask me about co-breastfeeding, supplementing at the breast, inducing lactation, eating placentas, undisturbed birth, and parenting a genderqueer child with Aspergers!)
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#13 of 318 Old 12-06-2010, 03:16 AM
 
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Congratulations & welcome among us Kredmon & Crunchybug!! lol.gif

 

 

Tell us your TTC stories if you feel like it !

 

 

 

Coco

xx


Celebrating the arrival of our twins twins.gifCharlie & Chloe, born Jan 28th 2011 !

 


 

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#14 of 318 Old 12-06-2010, 05:15 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by erthe_mama View Post

Wherli: Sonja had pregnancy-induced carpal tunnel as well. The things that worked for us were: finally replacing our old mattress, propping her top arm with a pillow and getting acupressure. I can't remember who this was, unfortunately, but someone on the Q&P thread a while ago suggested pillow-y wrist braces to us. Those sound like they would help as well. Good luck!

 


thanks, erthe_mama... i just added a temperpedic matress topper to our fairly new (and comfortable otherwise) bed... it didn't seem to help much. i use a huge pregnancy pillow and without it i'd be lost! but it's not helping enough... and i have a pillow-y splint for my wrist and that doesn't seem to help much either. i'm going to try to see my acupuncturist soon but i've been doing prenatal yoga twice a week and chiro twice a week as well, so i've had NO time to get to acu. greensad.gif ugh. sorry to ramble about my discomforts and frustrations...

I'M SO HAPPY YOU ARE ENJOYING YOUR BABYMOON!! FX that Sonja's milk supply increases and yours comes in (get on that pumping grrl!! wink1.gif )
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#15 of 318 Old 12-06-2010, 07:42 AM
 
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I'm so far behind!!!

 

Congrats to erthe_mama!  Bring on the babymoon and more time to bond with baby Vida.  Those pictures were priceless.  And, I hope the milk-thing will sort itself out.  I'd really love to hear of a breastfeeding story at some point in time that doesn't involve lots of challenges ;)

 

A big welcome to Kredmon and Crunchybug.  Congrats to you both and yay for August babies!

 

LibraryLady and Wehrli, take care of yourselves!  These pregnancy aches and pains are no fun.  I think I'm developing a nice case of SPD!

 

Painefaeira, hooray on your 2nd MW visit and hearing the heartbeat.  That's a nice solid 144!!!  A girl, perhaps?

 

AFU, there's so much to report and so little to report?  Work is very dramatic and it looks like there will be a huge leadership transition.  My mat leave (aka, escape route) cannot come soon enough. 

 

We've also had some conflict with our donor that we're working to resolve.  It's calm for now, but he'll be visiting in January so we'll have time to work it out face-to-face.  The crux of the issue is that his biggest worry is that he'll get cut out of the baby's life, and our biggest fear is that he seems to be pushing for too much and asking for more than we're willing to give.  I'm sure that some of this is language and much of it is communicating over long distances.  We've also realized that there's some things in our agreement that we're no longer comfortable with and we'll need to address this.  I'm sure the same thing is happening on his end.

 

Our other kids are great, if not high maintenance, right now (well, our son in particular is having some really enjoyable behavioural issues ;))  Our daughter on the other hand is dealing with some pretty complex homophobia at school (lesbian moms, she's bisexual) and is learning to navigate the complexities of high school.  She's now asked us to get involved which means advocacy again for us!  (I mean, when do we EVER stop having to advocate for our kids, which is the part of parenting I find the most tedious and exhausting).

 

The baby is kicking up a storm and my sister-in-law bought a book to be read in-utereo which DW read aloud last night.  It was so cute.  My SIL is also staying with us for the next two weeks as she's completing an elective at the local hospital (she's a 4th year med student, and applying to be an OBGYN as we speak).  This is leading to lots of interesting conversations on birthing given that we're taking the homebirth and MW route, and she's all epidural and OBGYN focused.  Since she lives far away, I'm really going to enjoy the next two weeks as much as possible with her.  Then, when she leaves, we're going to be moving DD into her new bedroom and the nursery transformation will begin!!!  Now, decorating sounds a lot more fun to me!


DW and I are moms to two teens (DD 17 and DS 15) adopted through CAS in 2007 and a toddler (DD 2) born at home in March 2011.

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#16 of 318 Old 12-06-2010, 08:06 AM
 
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Gumshoe: The KD issues sound complex, but I hope that a face-to-face visit will build trust so that you can work them out.

 

Wehrli: I wish I had helpful advice about the CP. I do hope it gets better soon.

 

Kredmon and Crunchybug: Welcome.gif and congrats on the pos.gif!  I'm just a few days ahead of you--due on Aug. 3rd.  I agree that we'd love to hear more about you, your families, your ttc journeys, etc. 

 

Painefaria: Wonderful to hear that heartbeat! heartbeat.gif

 

2HappyMamas: glad everything is going well with the pregnancy.  I remember loving that time around 21-28 weeks with my DD (who is now 8!).

 

AFM: Feeling sleepy but otherwise great....just guilty about all the junk I ate at weekend holiday parties. 


Partner rainbow1284.gif of 17 yrs to DP,  Mommy to 10-yr-old Z blowkiss.gif, and Lilah Nyx, born 7/24/11 luxlove.gif.

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#17 of 318 Old 12-06-2010, 10:23 AM
 
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Hello everyone,

 

Thanks for  all the welcomes and congrats.

 

In typically dramatic lesbian fashion, my partner and I had a mutual ex, which is how we met. We got married almost 3 years ago in a Mummer's hall in Philadelphia (where she's from) in front of all our friends and family members. We're lucky to have lots of support from our "real" and our chosen families. Then, we got officially married in DC Last summer after it became legal, by ourselves in a sweet little ceremony. I guess we're super married now. She's a lawyer and musician and I'm a graphic designer.

 

As far as ttc went, we tried 4 times at home with frozen anonymous donor sperm. None of them worked. Then we did  3 IUIS, one non-medicated the other two with lots and lots of drugs at the crazy slick fertility clinic. None of them worked and the Dr. couldn't tell us why, even though, as my girlfriend kept saying, she looked like a movie star. Next, I spent lots of time on the phone with insurance companies trying to get them to explain how they would pay for IVF if I were married to a man but not if I were legally married to a woman. I never got a very good answer but I guess I made a few customer service reps pretty uncomfortable. At this point I was devastated.  It made me so mad to think that I would have to go into massive debt to pay for something that the girl in the cube next to me at work could get for free. My girlfriend forbid me from knitting any more baby sweaters and we sort of took a break.

And then we learned about embryo donation. It seemed very science fiction at first, but then it sort of grew on us.

 

I had my first FET before thanksgiving. Then, my sister who is an acupuncturist came to visit and cooked us lots of delicious healthy food and gave me "stay baby stay" acupuncture. And it worked!

We're beyond excited, a little scared and fabulously happy.

 

There's the long version for you, but you did ask. I'm looking forward to getting to know you all.

 

Kristin

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#18 of 318 Old 12-06-2010, 01:00 PM
 
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Welcome Kristin and Crunchybug!  Here's to a happy and healthy 9 months!     champagne.gif


S & Yrainbow1284.gif (Vermont Civil Union 7/8/03) DS1 Holdennovaxnocirc.gif (4/25/07) and two in heaven  angel.gif1/10 &  angel.gif5/10 our rainbow1284.gif is here  DS2 Keegan(5/23/11)homebirth.jpg
 
 
 
  

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#19 of 318 Old 12-06-2010, 01:03 PM
 
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Wow, Kristin--what a journey!  Thanks for sharing it.  If you don't mind my asking, where did the embryo come from? What was the process like selecting (?) an embryo?  I'm just curious.  The process of choosing an anonymous donor was strange for me, so I can imagine choosing an embryo might also feel odd...but exciting!  And how fantastic that it worked!  Congratulations again.


Partner rainbow1284.gif of 17 yrs to DP,  Mommy to 10-yr-old Z blowkiss.gif, and Lilah Nyx, born 7/24/11 luxlove.gif.

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#20 of 318 Old 12-06-2010, 01:12 PM
 
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Hi Kristin ...

I'm not officially on this board yet (potential FET this week!!!), but wanted to introduce myself.  Our daughter is just about two and we had her through embryo donation too.  If you ever want to chat, feel free to PM me.

Blessings and healthy vibes to you for your pregnancy!


dust.gifFour-eyed tattooed fairy godmother queer, mama to my lucky star (5) and little bird (2.5). Resident storyteller at www.thestoryforest.com. Enchanting audiostories for curious kids. Come play in the forest!
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#21 of 318 Old 12-06-2010, 02:04 PM
 
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Hi all!

 

First and foremost, welcome to Kredmon and Crunchybug!!! It's exciting to see so many new people on the board, and to hear your stories of conception. I hope you have an easy and healthy 40 weeks!

 

Wehrli: What a pain, literally, about the carpal tunnel. It sounds like you're doing everything you can to address it, and I hope something helps soon.

 

Painefaria: Hooray for the heartbeat! What a relief!I hope this marks the beginning of the end with your nausea...

 

2HappyMamas: I'm just a few weeks ahead of you, and I agree that this middle part feels great! The potential for cleft palate must be stressful, but it sounds like you havel ots of good options for care if the diagnosis is confirmed. I hope you find the solutions that work right for your growing family!

 

Gumshoe: Wow, the situation with your KD sounds complicated. Are you comfortable sharing some of the issues that have come up since you all made your original plans? I hope that your face-to-face meeting helps you all find a comfortable resolution.

 

Erthe_mama: It sounds like Vida and her team are adjusting well... sending great lactation vibes your way!

 

LibraryLady: How are you feeling? I hope the breathing is coming easier...

 

AmandaHope: I know what you mean about the holiday junk food overload; last night we had a delicious latke party, but this morning at the midwife's a weighed in with an almost ten pond gain from last month! Nevertheless, I'm glad you're feeling good.

 

 

AFM: All is well, still feeling good and enjoying the lucky alignment of this fun part of pregnancy and the long-awaited end of the semester. I am really ready for a break from teaching! But I do have a QOTD:

 

If you plan to have other children after this pregnancy, what (if any) steps are you taking (or have you taken) now?

 

I ask because our sperm bank, CCB, is once again raising prices, and I wonder if it's worth it to buy sperm now from our donor and store it for future pregnancies. But how much would we buy? Is the storage worth it?  Our donor currently has plenty of vials in stock, so should we just wait, at least until after this baby gets here? I'd love to hear any advice or experiences!

 

 


 

 


Joyful, busy, often overwhelmed queer academic mama to an awesome toddler and:

****5****10****15****20****25**heartbeat.gif*30****35****40

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#22 of 318 Old 12-06-2010, 02:50 PM
 
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Beastie's QOTD:  We're not planning on having any more (well, I'd love to have a little DW running around, but DW isn't interested in being pregnant nor is she interested in going through fertility treatment so that I can carry a baby using her eggs).  But, we did leave it open in our donor agreement that we can ask him for another contribution and he has first right of refusal for donation.  We also made it so he needs to have a discussion with us before he agrees to donate to anyone else.  If you know you want more kids and want to use the same donor, I'd buy it now for later :)

 

With respect to your question regarding issue, it really is one around language and meaning.  For example, in our agreement it's very clear that he is a donor and not a co-parent or any sort of parent to this child.  He will be known to the child, and the child will know that he is her father, his role is really that of an uncle. When we talk about it, we all seem to have the same understanding.

 

What we're finding challenging is how he is sharing the news of the baby within his circle (we live in different cities, but since he's been a friend of mine for 10+ years, our circles overlap especially on facebook).  He uses phrases like, "I'm having a baby!".  Or talks about the child in a way that parentifies himself.  We've had one or two long conversations about it because he really does live in a different world than us (a very conservative, corporate law world) and after he may start off with "I'm having a baby" he really breaks it out to explain the situation. He's really using his choice to be a donor to open up some dialogue and push boundaries and challenge people in his corporate world. And, I can respect that.  He's using common, shared language, to begin a dialogue and trying to create change from the position of an insider.

 

That being said, we don't feel that it's accurately reflecting the relationship we've established and it scares the shit out of us.  We're more of the thought.  "You helped US have a baby!  YOU'RE not having a baby."  I feel is misrepresenting the situation and it makes me question whether or not we're on the same page.

 

There's a couple of other examples, but really we need to have a very long conversation and revisit the agreement to make sure we really are all on the same page.


DW and I are moms to two teens (DD 17 and DS 15) adopted through CAS in 2007 and a toddler (DD 2) born at home in March 2011.

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#23 of 318 Old 12-06-2010, 03:50 PM
 
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Welcome Kredmom and Crunchybug!  I'm bad about posting to the Q&P board, but I must say that now it's filling up with people I actually know, I'll feel more at home.  August is a great time to be born, so I'm very excited for you!!!  Kristin, that was quite a story~ I'm glad you finally had your success, and I'm also glad you hassled your insurance company. They need to hear more from 'people like us'.  Yay you!

 

 

Beastie~ I'm breathing better now, after a trip to the ER and an inhaler. I now have to take a course of steroids to reduce the inflammation in my lungs, which I'm not happy about, but I do admit that it's been impossible to breathe and that's an untenable situation, so I guess I have to do what I have to do.  Nothing's worked so far, not even neti pots, but the inhaler has finally made a dent. Yay!  The midwife assures me that the steroids are safe, though I'll admit I'm still slightly worried about having a Frankenbaby. Yikes.

 

Gumshoe~ Ugh. I don't blame you a bit for being upset by your donor's language.  He's not having a baby at all, YOU are having YOUR baby, it's really nothing to do with him. I hope you're able to get that hashed out.  KDs have their bonuses, but I'm very happy to have nothing to do with this kind fella whose sperms helped us out. 

 

As for the QOTD, we plan on having another in 5-6 years, with DP carrying, but we're not making any plans nor arrangements at this time. I doubt we'll even use the same donor (though I'm sure we'll look and see if he's available, by chance). I think we're just going to be the kind of family that love makes and that'll be good.  

 

 

So happy to be breathing better now!  It was getting really scary for a bit.


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#24 of 318 Old 12-06-2010, 05:03 PM
 
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starling&diesel: 

Oh exciting-so glad to know someone else who has gone this route. You had twins huh? we're suspicious that we might... of course we have no idea at this point. Good luck with your FET!

 

 

AmandaHope:

Our embryos were donated to us by acquaintances of ours. It is the most amazing gift anyone has ever given me. Magical generosity.

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#25 of 318 Old 12-06-2010, 07:42 PM
 
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Oh my goodness, we didn't have twins!  You better not have jinxed me for doubles this time round! 

We put in two embryos, had two poles and sacs, but only one babe.  Thank goodness.

We're putting in two again, if the u/s goes well.

We also were given our embryos by a couple of (dykely) acquaintances. 

Magical generosity, indeed!  Two years later and I still don't know how to thank them.  Our gratitude shows in our loving our daughter to her core every single day.

Woman 1 carried Woman 2's retrieved and fertilized (with anonymous donor sperm) eggs. What's special is the egg donor's parents are friends with my parents, so I know our daughter's bio roots back a ways on one side, and we're all friends, so we get to see our daughter's two bio-sisters grow up.  Only us queers could come up with that kind of post-modern family!

Anyways, sorry to crash the board.  Hopefully I'll be back here officially come the Solstice, when I pee on a stick, if this week goes according to plan!

kredmon ... Feel free to pm me if you have any questions about the dynamics of it all.  It is an emotional soup, to say the least.


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by kredmon View Post

starling&diesel: 

Oh exciting-so glad to know someone else who has gone this route. You had twins huh? we're suspicious that we might... of course we have no idea at this point. Good luck with your FET!

 

 

AmandaHope:

Our embryos were donated to us by acquaintances of ours. It is the most amazing gift anyone has ever given me. Magical generosity.




dust.gifFour-eyed tattooed fairy godmother queer, mama to my lucky star (5) and little bird (2.5). Resident storyteller at www.thestoryforest.com. Enchanting audiostories for curious kids. Come play in the forest!
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#26 of 318 Old 12-07-2010, 06:09 AM
 
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Starling~ It's not crashing! We're all friends here, and I'm interested to hear your story. Embryo donation really is a magical gift!! Wow!!!  You and Kred are fortunate to know such generous friends. I'm glad it's enriched your lives and hopefully theirs. 

 

 

 

Started my steroid regimen and am feeling much better. No inhaler last night and only a few bits of goo this morning. Best I've felt in months!!!  We also learned that while Miles Davis makes the baby boogie, traditional Portuguese fado sent her right off to sleep. A useful thing, and one I will remember! Though we were also joking that if the baby is fussy and needs to hear familiar sounds from the womb, I can just cough on her.


Writer girl~notes2.gif~runner girl~jog.gif ~three cats~ cat.gif~ one dog~ dog2.gif~  and the wonderfully red-haired Alice Meredith, born April 8hearts.gif   
 
 
 
  
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#27 of 318 Old 12-07-2010, 06:11 AM
 
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qotd - well, we already have a second son from the same donor and we plan to have one more with dp carrying again.  as far as buying and storing vials - i say do it now if having the same donor is important to you!  if you buy 6 or more at ccb there is free storage (you'd need to look up the details).  we only have 2 more vials of our original donor because he retired.  those vials can sell out at any time!!!!!

 

g


my family - dp d heartbeat.gif, ds b biggrinbounce.gif (4), ds f thumbsuck.gif (2), dd a baby.gif (jan '12), ddog m dog2.gif
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#28 of 318 Old 12-07-2010, 09:06 AM
 
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I need to join this board! I have been on the conceptions board and didn't do enough exploring to realize that a pregnancy one existed!  My EDD is also August 6th.


M (30), D (30)  TTC #1 since October 2010. 13 unsuccessful cycles--no meds (2 m/c). First medicated IUI July 2012: BFN. Second medicated IUI: BFP! Triplets! bigeyes.gif Actual Due Date: May 17...GOAL: April 5th!

 

Sawyer, Elliott, and Miles arrived on March 24th @ 32 weeks & 2 days.

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#29 of 318 Old 12-07-2010, 09:11 AM
 
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Yay Lise!!!  It does indeed exist, though some of us (me especially) are list straddlers. I'd miss my friends on Q&P too much if I just hung out over here. But welcome!! 


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#30 of 318 Old 12-07-2010, 09:28 AM
 
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Welcome among us, Lisedea!! Congrats!!! joy.gif

DP and I  rainbow1284.gif together since 2001, brokenheart.gif 4/10,  pos.gif 7/10
DS - planned h20homebirth.gif born via ribboncesarean.gif 4/4/2011
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