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#121 of 342 Old 05-09-2011, 10:31 PM
 
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I wanna play too! DP and I moved in with each other pretty much immediately. When you know, you know!  I have a hard time breaking up with people though. I don't want anyone's feelings to get hurt and I definately don't want to be the one hurting them, it's just so uncomfortable I am so much more likely to just pack my stuff and leave then have a drawn out conversation. Which is probably why I am not friends with any of my exes anymore.

 

lemur - that is one of the cutest Mother's Day cards evah!

 

 


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#122 of 342 Old 05-09-2011, 10:38 PM
 
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Oh yeah, this is our little munchkinator:

 

P3190052.JPG

 

And the pug, as always, in the corner! eyesroll.gif


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#123 of 342 Old 05-10-2011, 08:53 AM
 
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Thanks for the comments on the card. We were pretty excited to get it!

 

My AOTD is going to be honest - I don't know!  lol.gif  When I started dating DP, she was living with someone else - someone she had just broken up with. She couldn't leave the living situation for financial reasons, so it was a bit awkward. So all in all, we moved in with each other 6 months after we officially started dating - for us, that worked out well. I think we certainly would have moved in together earlier if we could have though. 


lemurmommies, loving wife to ruvalokiteshvara, proud moms to our intact son E (12/06), and mourning the loss of our daughter Noelle (stillborn 12/08).
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#124 of 342 Old 05-10-2011, 09:18 AM
 
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aotds (somehow i missed the donor question) - donor.  when we first started out ttc, we were pretty clueless.  our clinic said "buy 6 vials of the donor you like because if you don't get pg you might want to switch".  and that's what we did.  i got pregnant on try #2, so we used up 4 of the 6 vials.  when we went back to the bank we discovered our donor had retired and had no more vials available.  :(  we had ourselves put on the bank's email list if any should show up.  when it was time to ttc again, i contacted the bank and managed to luck into 6 more vials via another client who had the donor reactivated.  we discussed using another donor if our tries with the 8 vials we had failed and decided it was more important to grow our family than use the same donor.  however, we were lucky enough to get pregnant with ds2 on dp's third try, leaving us with 2 vials of our original donor.  i will admit to being somewhat relieved that ds1 and ds2 have the same donor - although to look at them you would not think it!!  i encourage everyone to stock up on vials if having the same donor is important - they sell out and retire quicker than you would believe!

 

dating - dp was my first proper gf (ok, i had a fling with a cpa in texas while i was still living in scotland - we had one drunken long weekend escapade in london to see ani difranco).  after we hooked up we decided we would not be the lesbian cliche - although she did spend an inordinate amount of time at my house.  she moved out of her roommate situation after we realized her roommate had "feelings" for her and was seriously p*ssed at me.  she still didn't move in and instead we did the grown up thing of her moving into an apartment close by.  yeah.  we called it her "very expensive storage unit".  i think we napped there once after some afternoon delight.  so, we met in may, hooked up in july, moved her into the apartment in august and she moved in with me officially in march the following year. 

 

everyone's babies are so ADORABLE!!!!  :)

g

 


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#125 of 342 Old 05-10-2011, 10:19 AM
 
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AOTD: Sara lived 3 hours from me when we met.  We got together a couple of times a month and moved in together about 14 months in?  There is a lot going on during pregnancy, moving in together seems like a lot, to worry about.  But then I moved cross country during one pregnancy.

 

New QOTD:  What does your family do for fun?  Any exciting hobbies or joyful routines or anything? 


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#126 of 342 Old 05-10-2011, 12:37 PM
 
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Hi everyone..  

 

I am sitting in Seattle at the airport for a nice 3.5 hr layover to get home.. NYC was great and a nice distraction from AF showing her ugly face for DP...

 

AQOD

 

DP really hopes we can use same donor for our kids, I am more relaxed about it ...

 

AQOD 2

 

DP and I met online, w e had many phone conversations and emails for a month before we met ( she was living 3 hrs away)  after our 1st date we knew we wanted to be together.. We were doing the back and forth for about a month when DP lost her job.. so she started looking for jobs out here.. and in less than 2 weeks she had an offer... I moved into my own apt 3 months after we met.. and she moved in...:

 

I am normally not the "u haul " i love my own space and after my divorce from my ex I wanted to be 100 percent sure before I moved anyone is.. but DP was the once exception to my rule :):)

 

 

and the latest question...

 

DP and I love to go to shows ( drag, burlesque, ect) and movies.. especially drive ins .. I love roller derby games and am hoping to take DP .. in hopes she will love it too!


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#127 of 342 Old 05-10-2011, 09:05 PM
 
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QOTD:  M and I go to the zoo alot with DD. We also like to hike with her. Personally I like to knit and dabble in photography.

 

Cananny: I have always wanted to go to a roller derby match! Are they generally kid-friendly or should we get a sitter?


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#128 of 342 Old 05-10-2011, 09:22 PM
 
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how old is DD? I have seen kids as young as 2 .. its pretty fun!!!! Id def take our kids.. I also dabble with photography.. :)
 

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Originally Posted by ninefirefly View Post

QOTD:  M and I go to the zoo alot with DD. We also like to hike with her. Personally I like to knit and dabble in photography.

 

Cananny: I have always wanted to go to a roller derby match! Are they generally kid-friendly or should we get a sitter?



 


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#129 of 342 Old 05-10-2011, 09:37 PM
 
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She will be 2 at the end of July. I think we will take her! She will probably have a blast. I wish I had more time for photography but with a toddler, unless I'm taking photos of her, it get impossible.


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#130 of 342 Old 05-11-2011, 07:44 AM
 
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ninefirefly--take her! The best part about derby is that EVERYONE is there--families, rock-stars, lesbians, hipsters, NASCAR-types, old people, young people, you name it! She'll probably have tons of fun!

QOTD: we tend to hang out with our friends, mostly. Now that it's nice we'll spend lots of time in the garden, reading, etc. We like to go to flea markets and antique stores. I sew and cook and do other crafty things, DP not so much. She's more into concerts, I suppose.

She's here!
And so are the boys!
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#131 of 342 Old 05-11-2011, 10:23 AM
 
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AOTD: We are really into friend time- brunches and dinners with our friends in the neighborhood, etc. We also enjoy going to the Farmers Market and the local weekly arts/crafts fair- even if we don't buy much at either, these are whole half-day social outings. We belong to a UU church, and do lots of happy hippy Unitarian things there. We also love eating out, which has become a bit of luxury these days, though we try to budget it in occasionally. There's an awesome, super-family-friendly hippy Korean/American diner type place in our neighborhood. We are regulars, though we'd be richer if we weren't. And, since moving to Washington, DC last summer, we try to take advantage of all the museums and monuments, which are FREE! We actually end up doing less of that than I thought we would, mainly because we live fairly far out, and come the weekend, the last thing I want to do is head back downtown, even for the Smithsonian.:)

 

Here's a new (and related) QOTD:

Do you work? If you have a partner, do they? What does your DC do during the day? How do you balance it all?


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#132 of 342 Old 05-11-2011, 03:05 PM
 
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AOTD: I work part time. So I am home with DD Mon, Wed and she goes to Montessori school Tues, Thurs and Fri. My DP works full-time. We are hopefully going to have me stay at home full-time after our second baby (who we are just beginning to try for in June!) is born. I can't wait!!!


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#133 of 342 Old 05-11-2011, 07:20 PM
 
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Old AOTD:

What do we do?  Hmm, switch off childcare a lot.  When we do have time together as a family we go outside, for a bike ride or picnic or to the beach, or walk the dog, or find new parks.  Or we go to the aquarium, or to local cafes, or on random 'adventures' to wherever the fancy strikes.  We love camping, and look forward to it every year.  We love going up into the mountains to play, but don't get nearly enough time to. 

 

New AOTD:

Oh, work.  Sigh. 

Blah.  Blech.  Urgh.  Meh.

I work out of the home as a paramedic, and in the home as a writer, and DP is a chef.  I'm on the ambulance 2-3 days a week right now.  We mostly switch off for childcare.  My mom sometimes does one day a week, and my sister is available in a pinch.  We've been very lucky to not have to pay for childcare so far, and would like to keep it that way.  That's the main reason we sold our condo and are moving into the co-op.  Once there, our monthly housing cost will be down by half, so I can stay home.  I still have to put in for eight 12 hour shifts a month to keep my license valid, and I'll have to do my clinical education and patient contact numbers and IV starts, but I will only probably have to work four of my eight available shifts. If I put them back to back (day/night) they can only give me one per 24 hour period, if that makes sense.

Thankfully, I'll be off on maternity/parental leave for about 14 months, so I won't have to think about it for a looooong while.  I'm considering going back to work at transition homes and shelters and street clinics, which is what I did before.  Closer to home (I commute about an hour each way right now and before and after a 12+hour shift, that just sucks) and shorter shifts.  Who knows?

Oh, and the writing.  Right now I get up at 5am and leave the house and go work in a coffee shop nearby so that I can get the work done.  If I'm home, dd wakes up at 7am to nurse (she's in bed with us) but if I'm not home, she and DP sleep in until 830!  So I can usually get three hours of writing/editing done.

Wow.  Who knew that i had so much to blab on about on this topic?

 


dust.gifFour-eyed tattooed fairy godmother queer, mama to my lucky star (5) and little bird (2.5). Resident storyteller at www.thestoryforest.com. Enchanting audiostories for curious kids. Come play in the forest!
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#134 of 342 Old 05-12-2011, 04:48 AM
 
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I'm really diggin' this Chatty Queers thread and wish I had two hands more often to type (if baby falls asleep in the wrap or carrier, she wakes up when I sit down and if she falls asleep on me, I only have one hand!).

 

AOTD (Donor):  If you had of asked me while pregnant, I think I would have said I wasn't necessarily preferential to using our KD again.  We had some issues that came up during the pregnancy that were a little unnerving, but now that we've worked through them, our relationship is very solid and loving.  We're thrilled that Addi will get to know her DD (donor daddy) and that he gets to know her.  If, and it's a big if, we choose to have another child we'd absolutely want him to be our donor again.

 

AOTD (How did we meet/move in):  It's a really long and wonderful story, but I'll type the condensed version here.  Technically we met online where we were both columnists at a queer youth website.  We really liked each others writing.  The site crashed and a bunch of us then really got talking via MSN/email.  We first met face-to-face at a bookstore in the city where we now both live.  It wasn't even really a meeting as we were playing a game of ID tag (basically, the first one to figure out what the other one looked like in this huge bookstore would win).  I spotted her, or who I thought was her, and had a note handed to her.  A week later we actually had our true first meeting when I drove to her city and met her at her dorm.  We spent the whole night talking and it was pretty darn magnificent.  About a year later, I moved to the same city as her (I had lived two hours away while in grad school) and we moved in together.  But, we pretty much uhauled in the interim.  I would go to her house Monday-Thursday and she'd come back to my house for Friday-Sunday.  For the first few months, we didn't really spend much time apart, which is quite impressive for people who had totally separate lives in different cities!

 

AOTD (Family fun):  Fishing (DW, DD, DS fish and I just hold the worms aka read a book), board games, skating, hiking and camping.  We also hang out around the house a lot and garden together and the kids now have their own bed to plant in.  We're pretty involved in our community, so there's lots of volunteering and helping people out.  We all love food, so there's also lots of cooking and baking.  We also do random one off events/festivals in our city.

 

AOTD (Working):  Up until the baby was born, DW and I both worked full-time.  I work in fundraising and communications in the not-for-profit sector and my DW works in human resources in the area of organization and team development in a corporation.  Since we adopted our eldest children, initially they were in school all day and we had after school care to balance it out.  Now that they're older, they're both latchkey kids who come home after school. 

 

Right now I'm now on a year-long mat leave and I have no idea what we're going to do when it's time for me to return to work.  Will I go back full-time or part-time?  Will I go back to my old job or find a new one?  Will I be off for longer than a year (and run out of benefits) or will I have to go back early? What kind of child care will we need to coordinate for the baby?  This whole part is a big ugh and stressor for me.  The waiting lists for child care in our city are huge and I haven't done a thing about it yet.  DW just told me that one of her employees who had a baby in February is already looking for child care and has been repeatedly turned down for a space in 2012!  I think I'm going to bury my head in the sand on this one for a while longer.


DW and I are moms to two teens (DD 17 and DS 15) adopted through CAS in 2007 and a toddler (DD 2) born at home in March 2011.

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#135 of 342 Old 05-12-2011, 06:19 AM
 
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AOTD to my own question...

For the first two years of DD's life, DP and I were grad students (American studies for me and Political Science for DP), and had somewhat flexible schedules. The first year, my mom watched DD part time. The second year, we did some part-time care and took turns being at home with her, and then took out a student loan to pay for six months of full-time daycare. This is the only way I could have finished my dissertation, and I think I worked more and harder in those six months than I had in all my previous years of grad school combined! Last summer, after we had finished our PhDs, we moved to Washington, where I work full-time for a federal agency doing diversity work. I'm not crazy about my job, and not crazy about working for the gov't, and am beginning to look at jobs at universities again, but that's a whole other post. DP, amazingly, got a job teaching at a local university, so we've both been working full time this year and our DD has been in a daycare center in my office building. Now DP is home for the summer, finished teaching, and not sure if he'll get a contract again for next fall (way to wait until the last minute, right?), so DD will be spending the summer at home with him, doing occasional childcare swaps with our awesome neighbors. In the fall, DD will go to preschool. Washington, DC has free preschool through the public educational system, and we were lucky enough to get a spot in one. I'm excited about it. DD really loves her current "school," is very social, and will do really well in a preschool setting, I think. (And I will love not paying the $1400/month we currently shell out for daycare. Oy.) My dream is to get her into one of the bilingual programs here, but those spots are hard to come by.

 

Sometimes I feel really sad about not being at home more with my kid. Part of me would love to be a SAHP (though part of me thinks I might go crazy), but it's just not an economic reality for our family right now. I am the one with the steady, higher paying job, and we live in a city with an insane cost of living. So unless DP gets a tenure track job somewhere (which seems not super likely right now, given the academic market, the fact that he's had no time to publish, and the subtle transphobia of many academic departments), I'm our bread and butter. I'm mostly okay with it, though I do feel like I need to find a job that's a better fit than where I'm currently at. One thing that feels overwhelming though is the thought of not having any real maternity leave if/when we have another child. The federal government offers NO paid maternity leave at all, and it will be hard for us to save enough for me to take the kind of leave I want to. Saving up some sort of maternity fund is one of financial goals for the coming year, along with paying off our random credit card debt.

 

Okay, that was a novel! Sorry...


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#136 of 342 Old 05-13-2011, 06:21 AM
 
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AOTD: work, We both work full time at the moment.  I work 3 14 hour shifts while the kids are with their mama and Sara works m-f as a nanny for 2 more weeks.  She recently got a job at a restaurant for the summer.  The hope is that she will land more photography work.  We are saving like crazy at the moment, I get no paid maternity leave and, well, I only have 5 1/2 months before it's time to take some serious time off.  I'm hoping to save enough to take 3 months off and then each go back to work one day a week for the first year.  Hopefully we can swing it.

 

AOTD: fun, we like camping, geo-caching, going to the state parks, baking, TRAVELING, building stuff, crafty stuff, general reading and hanging out.

 

New QOTD:  Besides Mothering, what are some of your favorite sites on the web?

 

The only sites I really check regularly are Instructables for all kinds of DIY fun.  Mama is since she moved there from Hathor.  And Made for general sewing love.


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#137 of 342 Old 05-13-2011, 04:48 PM
 
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I'm so behind!

 

AOTD #1: DP and I met through friends. A group of us met up regularly at a local pub for a couple of years. I was in a relationship with someone else at the time. When my ex and I broke up, DP and I started hanging out about 6 months later and eventually started dating. I'm definitely not a uhaul girl. DP and I dated for 2 years before we moved in.

 

AOTD #2: We go a lot of parks these days, day trips across the border, the beach, parks...lots of outdoor stuff. We also use our local libraries a ton. In the summer, we love outdoor music so try and hit festivals and concerts. I love crafty/creative projects and trying new recipes but it's hard to find the time. We get together with friends often and just 'hang out' too. We used to travel more and hope we can again.

 

AOTD #3: I took 18 months maternity leave but I'm back to work full time on July 4. DP works in film and works crazy hours for short periods of time. She isn't a work-a-holic thank goodness so she only works about 6 or 7 months a year. We were hoping to avoid childcare until next year but DP may have a good project come up this summer so we are going to have to figure out some childcare for 4 days a week. We're hoping friends/family can cover it. My thoughts on childcare have changed so much since I became a parent. I feel so strongly that until school age, DD should be with me or DP full time. So, having to look for childcare, even temporarily, is really hard for me at the moment.

 

AOTD #4: I like odeedoh, facebook, blogs and craft/diy sites.


Me joy.gif, DP treehugger.gif, S bikenew.gif and L babyboy.gif
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#138 of 342 Old 05-13-2011, 08:07 PM
 
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carmen ... I hear ya on the childcare situation.  I heartily agree!  Hence why we've restructured our whole lives so that I can work less.  It is a muddle, isn't it?

 

 

QOTD:  I'm a huge apartmenttherapy and ohdeedoh fan.  Such great hacks and DIY stuff and interesting ways to set up your home.  If I were straight, Maxwell Gillingham-Ryan would be my dream crush. I also check out soulemama regularly.  Oh, and lesbiandad


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#139 of 342 Old 05-14-2011, 11:30 AM
 
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Answer to Do you work? If you have a partner, do they? What does your DC do during the day? How do you balance it all?

 

 

We both work full time ( like 50-60 hrs a week) as career nannies .. I have been doing this for 16 yrs and DP for 7. We are fortunate enough to work for great bosses and plan to for at least several more years.. that will allow us to bring our future child to work with us, splitting up time. We imagine I will have the baby more as I have kids I nanny for in that are in school and more flexible! I also nanny part time for a mom who runs a wonderful infant/toddler home daycare , so if needed we can use her one-two days a week.. but we really do not envision having to. 

 

 

 

AQOTD #4

 

i visit craigslist for all kinds of stuff for sale, ect.. I spend to much time on Facebook, I also spend alot of time reading random blogs or editing photos on my photo web page....

 

 


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#140 of 342 Old 05-14-2011, 10:03 PM
 
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AOTD: I am addicted to etsy. I <3 crafty stuff that I can't make myself. I also like postsecret, guilty pleasure.


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#141 of 342 Old 05-15-2011, 10:17 PM
 
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This is awesome! i was wanting a thread like this because despite being called Queer Parenting, it's mostly TTC and pregnancy around here. I'm going to answer a few of the QOTDs and then I'm going to figure out how to get pics of my kids up. Not necessarily in order:

QOTD (Donor): it was important to us to use the same donor for both kids. We have a terrific KD who is involved in our kids lives and we didn't want DS to have something that DD didn't. We wanted to keep things equal between them. It took me 8 tries to get pregnant with DS and luckily DW got pregnant on the first try with DD. So it worked out, we didn't have to change our plan and our kids have the same donor.

QOTD (how did we meet): in college, a long, long time ago. We were roommates before we got together so we've lived together the entire time.

QOTD (sports): so not sporty here. I ride my bike to commute home from work. The kids will have to get sporty stuff from someone else.

QOTD (fun): I think spending time together is the most fun for us. We bop around town on the bus, go to festivals, spend time with friends. DS is a bit socially challenged, which is fine, but it keeps us from going to story times and stuff. We're going to try our first camping trip this summer. It's a pretty simple existence in our household. DW and I love to watch TV. I like to cook and bake. When the kids are bigger I'd like to refocus on writing bad fiction and knitting things shaped like long rectangles or baby hats.

QOTD (work): I'm the primary breadwinner in the family. DW does contract work but she's been off with DD and it looks like she probably won't pick up work until after DD turns one. I'm an RN so I do shift work, making me able to be home 4 days out of 7, so I feel like a full-time parent as well. When DW has a client we schedule swap. DS and DD have never been in day care and we're not sending them to school, so this is how it's going to be for a while.

Me: almost 40, RN DW: 38, CPD Boy: born 4/2/2007 Girl: born 8/23/2010
Queer Parenting since 2007
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#142 of 342 Old 05-15-2011, 10:36 PM
 
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I have to say that I think the queers make the cutest kids. Here are mine:

500

Me: almost 40, RN DW: 38, CPD Boy: born 4/2/2007 Girl: born 8/23/2010
Queer Parenting since 2007
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#143 of 342 Old 05-16-2011, 04:41 AM
 
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dp and i work full-time.  she's in architecture and i'm in IT.  we usually work 40hrs per week but given our professions, there is always the likelihood of having to work (unpaid) OT.  ds1 and ds2 are in my company daycare which is downstairs in the lobby.  ds1 started there at 8 weeks old; ds2 at 3 months old.

 

fun stuff - we do local festivals during the year, music events if they are kid-friendly, go to local parks and the zoo, bowling (kids bowl for free program is great!!), playdates, etc..  we signed ds1 up for tiny t-ball this summer.

 

g


my family - dp d heartbeat.gif, ds b biggrinbounce.gif (4), ds f thumbsuck.gif (2), dd a baby.gif (jan '12), ddog m dog2.gif
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#144 of 342 Old 05-16-2011, 07:02 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by indigoscot View Post

(kids bowl for free program is great!!)

 


We can't wait to try this!

Me: almost 40, RN DW: 38, CPD Boy: born 4/2/2007 Girl: born 8/23/2010
Queer Parenting since 2007
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#145 of 342 Old 05-16-2011, 08:56 AM
 
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QOTD (sports):  I played some sports as a kid but would now classify myself as “active” versus sporty.  I would take a walk in the woods or rock hopping over soccer any day.  
 

QOTD (fun):  We love good food so we spend a lot of time meeting up with friends and family at local eateries.  I also love to cook – when time allows.  We are both active people so we are happiest when outside biking, walking, hiking, etc.  The ocean is our favorite playground so, even though we live in a land-locked city, we get to the beach whenever possible.  We are also big fans of art museums and outdoor festivals. Oh - and travel - we definitely travel any chance we get.

QOTD (work): We both work full-time.  I work in financial services and DW is an event planner.  Our current game plan is to leverage the child care available through DW’s employer.  It makes us both a lot more comfortable knowing that she is right there and can drop in occasionally.  That said, we are both open to the idea scaling back life to allow for one of us to be a SAHM.


Mad about DP with dog2.gif dog2.gifcanine children.

Proud auntie to 8 nieces and nephews.

TTC #1 since October 2010. 

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#146 of 342 Old 05-16-2011, 04:49 PM
 
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I have to agree! Yours are super cute! Nice to hear an update from you...


Mommy to an amazing 8 year old, wife to an inspiring principal, and welcoming Wylie Grace! Our July 4th babe!
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#147 of 342 Old 05-16-2011, 04:54 PM
 
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Q about work-life balance: 

That's been a tricky one around here. I'm a professor and DW is a principal (I'm in education, too, so it's a crazy education house here!). DW officially started a new principalship last July 1, and DD was born July 4. Luckily, since it was summer, starting was really just a formality. But, she was working a good deal by mid-August and full time by the end of August. My schedule is much more flexible, and until September I don't work full time. I've been home some with DD, and we've had an old friend doing in-home care for us, too. DD started at the same family daycare that DS went to in January and now goes there two days a week. It is the epitome of family, and I can't think of a place where she'd be more loved, cuddled, adored, and taken care of. I do truly love and trust the days that she is there, which is a terrific feeling. All that being said, though our care is great (DS is at a great little crunchy school), there are days I'd like to just have one of us home. Or one each of us home part time. In our work, though, that's hard to manage, and we do both truly love our work (DW's job that she started right before DD was born is her "dream" principalship). So, we are beyond lucky on that front. I think that, when work must be (or is chosen to be) part of the equation, it's so important for your kiddos to know that you love what you do, to hear about it, including the frustrations, and to have a sense of the role that the work plays in the whole balancing challenge that is a family.


Mommy to an amazing 8 year old, wife to an inspiring principal, and welcoming Wylie Grace! Our July 4th babe!
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#148 of 342 Old 05-16-2011, 06:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Disco: That bottom right picture is my favorite (the sun shadows are great). What adorable kiddos you have! 


DP to Sara, two crazy kids running around, lil dude born 11-1-11babyf.gif and the new guy is home !! babyboy.gif  (5/2/12)

 

 

 

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#149 of 342 Old 05-16-2011, 09:46 PM
 
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Thanks Sara - I think they're pretty cute but I'm their mom, it's my job smile.gif

Me: almost 40, RN DW: 38, CPD Boy: born 4/2/2007 Girl: born 8/23/2010
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#150 of 342 Old 05-17-2011, 07:41 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Disco: it is your job to think that, but its not mine and I find them, and all the other queer babies on here, to be extremely cute!

DP to Sara, two crazy kids running around, lil dude born 11-1-11babyf.gif and the new guy is home !! babyboy.gif  (5/2/12)

 

 

 

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