Waiting 3+ mos to ttc - (wanna start another group thread?) - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 75 Old 06-25-2012, 06:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Jenny, that's so exciting! Whoo hooo!!!!

 

I'm ever so jealous. We are still waiting. I can't stand where we're living, the water here is awful so we have to drink bottled all the time. I just feel that it's not the right environment for pregnancy for many reasons. So, we're waiting. BUT, we move home in NINE WEEKS!  We're so excited to go back home, to be done with the stress of living out here, to be back with family.  Then we can seriously look at life and plan for the next steps.  It may take us six months before we're ready to try... but that's okay, we're moving along!


K, H, and baby E (who is now three!!!)
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#62 of 75 Old 06-30-2012, 05:47 PM
 
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Hi, everyone!

I've been waiting for years at this point, for everything to be "right" for me to start TTC. Since I’m an odd, statistics-loving, obsessive research freak, this means I know more about cloth diapers, doulas and my cycle than any non-parent should, and I’ve been haunting this forum for years on and off. All the kinds of stuff you do when you're beyond ready to start, but it would be really irresponsible (or at least unwise) to get pregnant! Well, enough of my ducks are in a row that the plan is now to start trying in January 2013.

I was 27 and in grad school in Texas when the baby lust hit. It was clearly hormonal, because I went from thinking "Maybe I'll have kids. I could adopt. We'll see." to "I must have a baby. I want to be pregnant, breastfeed. Babies…." I finished my masters in 2008 and took almost 4 years to find a job in my field and get out of Texas. (This did not help with the baby lust, as my biological clock just continued ticking away, unsatisfied. Actually, sort of a bomb-like ticking, looking back from a much better place.)

Now I'm finally back in my home state of Vermont, working in my field, at a smallish non-profit that I really like with decent benefits and a great family culture. In fact, I work on an 8-person team and two of the guys on the team have taken FMLA leave since I started there three months ago, and everyone was really supportive, so I've seen that they're not just talking "family-friendly" in HR, but “walking the talk.” And there's lot of flexibility of work hours, to work from home, etc., so I'm hopeful that I'll be able to work out a better system then putting my long-awaited baby in full time daycare at 6 wks. So, part of the reasoning behind the January start of TTC is that even if I were to get pregnant first try, I'd still have been in my position with this organization for a good year and a half and be well-established before I start asking them to let me work a flexible schedule, or from home, or (my dream) start a Babies at Work program (www.BabiesatWork.com).

I'm single, but I just turned 34, so I'm at the point where I'm just going for it on my own. I want a baby, to have a family of my own, more than I want to do things "in the right order." Actually, I'd love to have a couple of kids, but considering my age and the financial implications of being the only parent, I don't think that's going to happen. (I'm considering fostering/adopting later, after I got this whole biological urge thing satisfied, when I'm more settled into my career.)

Anyway, I have a close gay friend who’s willing to be KD. We’re geographically distant, but he's working on his dissertation, which he can do anywhere with a coffee shop, so we're hoping he'll be able to visit me monthly for as long as it takes (replacing the cost of sperm with the cost of airfare). Since I’ve been planning for so long in the abstract, it was pretty scary when the conversation evolved from joking with my group of gay guy friends, "One of these days, I'm going to snap and just steal some of your sperm," or a semi-serious, "Of all of you, probably I'd choose J as KD," to J and I, in the past few months, actually discussing the various issues involved and me telling him January was my target.

I think not having a partner makes the whole KD thing much easier. Since I'm not worried about protecting a partner's non-bio parental rights, a lot of the reasons people struggle with the choice between anonymous and known donors are moot. Sure, I occasionally fret about the Lifetime movie-esque implications of me dying and his parents suing for custody of my kid. (For the record, they're not awful and homophobic, just not people I want to raise my child. (Also, I clearly watched far too much TV at far too impressionable an age.)) But, while I don’t want to co-parent with J, I have no problem with him being an active part of our life, to the extent that he wants to and is able. I’m choosing the KD route because I see it as an opportunity to create something special, not because it’s the least bad of some really crappy (and expensive) options. This choice won’t create a connection between J, I and some potential future person (for the sake of bad grammar and worse punning, let’s refer to said future person as K), it will strengthen and make permanent an existing bond, a bond of family that J and I have already nurtured in the eight years that we’ve been friends. Family is something I want to be able to give my child. I don’t want J to be “K’s sperm donor”—I want him to be zie’s Uncle J, or Daddyish, or whatever old standby or created term they decide works for them and their relationship.

It’s not so different from having a baby with someone you love romantically, when it comes right down to it. You go in with the best of intentions, and according to statistics, you’ve got about a 50/50 shot of making it work. Divorce happens, and it can be bitter and acrimonious, and ruin lives. But if it works, if you succeed in making a family (if a non-nuclear, non-heteronormative (non-homonormative?) version thereof)—you become proof that the term synergy isn’t just mission-statement-mumbo-jumbo: the whole is bigger than the sum of the parts, it’s bigger on the inside. More love is a good thing. Easier isn’t always the same as better. And it’s my job to give my kid everything that I can, even if I have to make it up as I (we) go along, because it’s new.

Now, I know all of the partner stuff could change--luckily, J is a sociology guy and a MUCH bigger lesbian than I am, so we’re pretty good at processing in our relationship. We’ll definitely talk about what happens if my relationship status changes, or if his does, or if I want another baby, or he does, or, well… infinite processing possibilities abound. (Wish us luck!)

Okay, I don’t know how this turned into a manifesto on chosen families, or single parenting—I guess that’s where I’m at right now, so if you’re still reading this, a gold star for going above and beyond!

Other ducks that must be harried into line before January:

I desperately need to lose weight so that I will have a de facto high-risk pregnancy rather than an actual one—I have well-controlled type 2 diabetes, but pregnancy often screws with that, so getting as controlled as possible beforehand (diet and exercise being a huge part of that) is key to being able to have as low-intervention a birth as possible.

Finances are still total crap (crazy, ridiculous student loans), and I have no idea how I will make ends meet, but I’ll never have a baby if I wait until that changes, so I’m just going to do the best I can, and let go of the rest. After all, being poor as a new parent is as classic as “artist living in garret.” Tres chic, n’est pas?

Anyway, I think I’ll be moving from lurking with intent along to posting fairly regularly in the next six months or so, so I thought I would break cover today and introduce myself (at some length, as it turns out). I look forward to getting to know all of you….

Becky (fillefantome)

36, hoping to have a new member of the family in 2015, to join my queer clan: Me , Things 1&2 , my long-distance KD/cheerleader (the guy who's been telling everyone what a great mom I'm going to be) , and the rest of the superheroes and sidekicks .
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#63 of 75 Old 07-01-2012, 09:58 AM
 
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Hey Becky!!  Nice to meet you!  You didn't mention it, but I thought I'd throw it out there, make sure KD gets a count, motility and morphology sperm check done before you cement any plans.  We somehow only ended up getting two of the checks done, and then spent A YEAR TTC with KD, and then made him go back again and found out his morphology was 100% abnormal.  AUGH!  I wish you all the best in your plans!! If you're 6 months out, you can start taking your prenatal vitamin, as we were told by RE that it takes 3-6 months to build up folic acid stores. 


Me (29) and DW (32).  Taking a long break from TTC, back at it sometime in 2015/2016.  2 fur babies cat.gif cat.gif, Mustang and Anastasia.
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#64 of 75 Old 07-05-2012, 06:04 PM
 
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darthtunaqueen,

Thanks for the tip on the testing--I have a whole list of tests that I'll be asking J to do, as when I stop my constant vague worrying that all my good eggs are gone, I switch over to worrying about J's swimmers. I think all three of the things you mentioned are on the list, along with an STD panel and such.

Your note about folic acid reminds me of a question for the group: I take New Chapter vitamins, and the version I have has 800 mcg of folate (as much as their prenatal), so I was going to go ahead and continue taking those until I ran out in a couple of months, then switch over to prenatals. But, I looked at my bottle the other day, and they expired last month. Anyone have any opinions about whether I should toss out my current batch of (very expensive) vitamins, or just continue taking them? I hate waste, but I don't want to do something bad for my/future baby's health in the name of saving a few bucks. So, any thoughts, anyone?

36, hoping to have a new member of the family in 2015, to join my queer clan: Me , Things 1&2 , my long-distance KD/cheerleader (the guy who's been telling everyone what a great mom I'm going to be) , and the rest of the superheroes and sidekicks .
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#65 of 75 Old 07-05-2012, 10:21 PM
 
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Your vitamins are most likely fine.  Pills and capsules are pretty shelf stable, and most liquids are.  Since you're going to finish them off in a month ish, you'll be fine.  You just may not get the same potency as what's written on the bottle.  :D


Me (29) and DW (32).  Taking a long break from TTC, back at it sometime in 2015/2016.  2 fur babies cat.gif cat.gif, Mustang and Anastasia.
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#66 of 75 Old 08-22-2013, 07:30 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Anybody still out there that used to post here??  Wanna know a secret??  We're finally ttc #2!! OMG!!  We did our first IUI earlier this week and I am now in the TWW!!!!  

 

This was a much, much, much longer wait/process than we ever anticipated.  I finished internship without ttc, mostly due to the insane amount of stress and disgust with our living situation.  We hated living there, never had enough money, and couldn't drink the water (to the point of feeling bad about bathing or brushing teeth).. so we decided to wait until we were well away from there. We are now back home in the Boston area, thank goodness! We moved back a year ago and have spent the past year searching for work, living paycheck to paycheck, finishing dissertation, and just enjoying our munchkin.  She turned THREE a week ago, and we're both now absolutely gaga for babies.  So, off we go!!! 

 

Our water is clean, our food is good (DW gave up all sugars and flours and is gently leading E and I down this road), I stopped drinking caffeine over a year ago, we surrounded by family and friends, and we are feeling so ready.  (side note, giving up caffeine was much easier than I thought it would be.  I did half caf for a while, then switched to decaf, and slowly felt less and less interested in coffee, although I do still like to have one cup in the am.  I found that without caffeine I am so much less tired, don't ache for a nap in the afternoon, and don't crave candy after lunch!)

 

I have no idea how long this part of the process will take, but we are doing it!!! 


K, H, and baby E (who is now three!!!)
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#67 of 75 Old 08-22-2013, 07:42 AM
 
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Congrats, osker! FX for you during this TWW! fingersx.gif


Queer and parenting kid #1, born November 2013 heartbeat.gif
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#68 of 75 Old 09-10-2013, 03:00 AM
 
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It doesn't seem like this thread is extremely active anymore, but I wanted to introduce myself anyway! Me and my fiance, B are planning to start TTC in July, which is a long time away, but we've been planning and saving for years so 10 months seems soon!  I feel like I need to focus on something, so right now I'm focusing on preparing my body.  Step one: kick the coffee. Step two: lose 10-15 pounds.  Step three: increase workouts.  Anyway, I'm excited to join this community since I've been reading for.. years? (Stalker)!!

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#69 of 75 Old 09-24-2013, 07:09 PM
 
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we were going to TTC starting in october (10/13) but a couple of things came up.

 

one: based upon how long i thought my cycle would be this month, i started the OPKs too late.  my CM had gotten really minimal, but i didn't trust my BBT necessarily b/c i'd had disturbances & such that were making me think they were wrong.  but the fact that the OPK line wasn't even getting a little bit dark made me suspicious.  then a few more days of undisturbed BBT readings showed a definitive rise.  crap.  missed it altogether.  the previous month i had been OPK-ing for over 2 weeks when i finally got a BFP, so i told myself to be more chill about it this time around. got a bit too chill.  which means now i've only successfully predicted ovulation one month.  this would have been the second, and i was going to try my first insemination on month 3.  but now month 2 will be october and month 3 will be november.  that was enough to make me wait b/c sperm is EXPENSIVE.  but then...

 

two: got the results of those tests back that the fertility clinic asked me to have done.  i'm only using the fertility clinic for the most part as a sperm storage facility.  and then i've got a relationship with them in case any problems do arise with my attempts.  insurance covers some basic stuff, like the HSG & other things to determine fertility, so i'm gonna do those.  but i was slow to go get my labs done (i had to go to quest diagnostics, so that there would be no copay), thinking, i already know i don't have diseases, so this isn't time-critical.  but when i got them back, i learned that i don't have immunity to a bunch of stuff.  and then a lightbulb moment b/c i had an immune-suppressed sister during one of the normal childhood phases of vaccinations.  so i didn't get my teenage MMR, for instance.  and you don't wanna contract rubella while you're pregnant.  so now i need to go get a bunch of vaccines.  one of them requires me to wait 4 weeks in between shot 1 and shot 2.  and if that particular shot is the live vaccine variety, then i'll wanna wait 4 weeks from that second shot to start TTC.

 

so, my starting date might be pushed out even further than i'd have expected.  but soon.  very soon.  as soon as i resolve some of these things, like making sure i know what i'm looking at WRT my cervical mucus, making sure i OPK soon enough (periods aren't always the same length, so that means just start on the early side, the wondfo tests are really cheap, so no reason not to!), finishing a bunch of dental work (almost done, been marathoning it for the last 3 weeks, crowns, root canals, fillings, out the wazoo), the vaccines, and several more things on the nesting front (i'm DIYing a bunch of home improvement stuff, much of which i'll continue during the pregnancy, probably after the vomitous phase passes, haha).  yeah, so, even though the original post is YEARS old, i might in fact be starting as late as january, so it caught my eye.  who knows?  i'm trying to be chill about it and let things happen at whatever pace they're able to most quickly happen without adding any rush or stress into the equation.


will be TTC in late 2014 w/ frozen donor sperm via at-home ICI. queer, 32. DW is 41.  married 10 yrs. 
 
             and soon          
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#70 of 75 Old 11-06-2013, 05:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hello All!  

   So, way back in the day (somewhere in 2011, I believe), I started this thread as a way to pass some time while we waited to be ready to ttc #2.  Well, that time was a lot longer than we thought it would be, but FINALLY, we are pregnant with baby #2!!!  

 

To everyone waiting, hang in there.  Your day will come!  

 

Thank you all for being here while we waited, you were and are a precious resource.


K, H, and baby E (who is now three!!!)
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#71 of 75 Old 11-06-2013, 08:14 PM
 
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We're waiting for a minimum of 2 years, probably 3+. We want our kids to be spaced out about 3 years apart. Also, we need to be in a good place to have another baby. Our current plan is that in the next 2-4 years, we won't be living in a country I'll be willing to be pregnant/have kids in (well, given the circumstances- we wnat to do the JET program in Japan, which doesn't have maternity/paternity leave; if we were regular Japanese workers/Japanese citizens apparently it'd be great. I do NOT want to be moving continents while 6+ months pregnant). It really looks like we may not be in a good place to have more kids for 5+ years...

 

I probably shouldn't even be thinking of myself as waiting right now because I really don't want to have kids so close together- but we're still talking about it and such. If the JET works out, my partner actually wants us to start trying 6 months before we leave Japan- which I really don't like the idea of.


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#72 of 75 Old 11-07-2013, 01:14 PM
 
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Congratulations osker! I hope everything goes well with the pregnancy.

sillysapling-I hope everything works out with your plans. It sounds like quite an adventure!
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#73 of 75 Old 12-16-2013, 07:04 PM
 
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Hi All!

 

I'm waiting prolly a year or two for number two. It seems so long away, but it will be for the best to wait. We plan on moving in the next year or so as soon as we finish fixing up our house, so it will be better to wait till after we get into the next house (we spent some time in an awful apartment while house hunting for the current house we are in and it ended up being waaay longer then we anticipated and I don't want to be in a situation like that again especially with a newborn.) My dd will be 6 when we ttc and I'm worrying about such a big age gap. I hope the new baby and dd will still be great friends and close, even though they'll be far apart in age.

 

Sillysapling best of luck with the JET program! Let me know if you get in! I spent a year in Japan as an exchange student for the last year of school. It will be so fun for you to see another culture and how different values etc are there. If you get pregnant while still in Japan you would have to see a doctor there, would be worth looking into what the costs of prenatal visits would be in Japan versus at home.

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#74 of 75 Old 12-16-2013, 07:44 PM
 
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Hi All!

 

I'm waiting prolly a year or two for number two. It seems so long away, but it will be for the best to wait. We plan on moving in the next year or so as soon as we finish fixing up our house, so it will be better to wait till after we get into the next house (we spent some time in an awful apartment while house hunting for the current house we are in and it ended up being waaay longer then we anticipated and I don't want to be in a situation like that again especially with a newborn.) My dd will be 6 when we ttc and I'm worrying about such a big age gap. I hope the new baby and dd will still be great friends and close, even though they'll be far apart in age.

 

Sillysapling best of luck with the JET program! Let me know if you get in! I spent a year in Japan as an exchange student for the last year of school. It will be so fun for you to see another culture and how different values etc are there. If you get pregnant while still in Japan you would have to see a doctor there, would be worth looking into what the costs of prenatal visits would be in Japan versus at home.


I definitely know that feeling- we're in an apartment (not tiny, but not big enough for two adults and an infant, IMHO) and we definitely could not deal with a kid AND a newborn in a place like this. I think my MIL has friends with kids who have a 5 or 6 year age gap. Their elder daughter was super excited about the baby, helped to care, and is very bonded. There can be too much of an age gap- but too close has risks as well (some say that 1-3 years apart is the worst, less than 1 year or more than 4 is ideal). Your daughter will definitely be old enough to help with the baby, and that can help her to bond and be close.

 

Thanks! If we did while in Japan, the plan is that it would be very close to the end- I dont' want to be moving continents while in the third trimester! Even second would be stretching it, so hopefully it'd be close enough to the start that we could get away not having prenatal appointments. With this pregnancy, our first appt was at 12 weeks (took forever to get the insurance sorted out :|)


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#75 of 75 Old 12-19-2013, 06:40 PM
 
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I just worry about getting out of this house and getting into the next one. It's still a soft housing market and I hope it won't just sit and sit when we go to sell. That's the main reason why we're holding off, otherwise I would want to try next fall. :p

 

Silly sapling- that will be so much fun though to take your first little one to another country. It will be so cute when they pick up some of the language and really good for them too (I heard that children that are exposed to multiple languages while they're little have an easier time picking up languages for the rest of their lives.) It was fun when I was in Japan by myself, but I wish I could do an extended stay in a foreign country with my hubby and daughter now.

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