Directed donor sperm from gay known donor- Q about sexual history screening - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 11 Old 06-10-2011, 07:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
KSDoulaMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: southwest Kansas
Posts: 640
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

If anyone has any insight on this it would be greatly appreciated.

 

We are in the process of having our known donor bank his sperm so that we can use it for our future baby #2. (Same donor as #1 who was conceived at home.) Long story short, he's moving to another continent and obviously won't be able to do his "donating" from there. He is filling out his paperwork and is worried that honesty on the screening forms about his sexual history will make it so he won't be able to donate sperm, directed or otherwise. He is gay and has had sex with other men. He says this disqualifies you for donating BLOOD but he doesn't know about sperm. We very much trust him and he's always been totally honest with us about medical/lifestyle information, and obviously the pertinent testing always gets done, so I'm not worried. Does anyone know if this would disqualify a "potential" sperm donor with a cryobank???

 

Thanks in advance!


Me: 27, DW: 31, Mamas to G: 5-17-10 luxlove.gif

 

My sweet surro-babe was born on 6-27-12 coolshine.gif

KSDoulaMama is offline  
#2 of 11 Old 06-10-2011, 08:40 PM
 
DesertSunsets's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Tucson
Posts: 525
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Well, don't call me any kind of authority on this but I would imagine that if he is donating specifically *for* you, then the bank shouldn't have a say whether or not you can use him.  If he is becoming one of the bank's general sperm donors, then I wouldn't know but ... hopefully once the 6 month quarantine period ends and there's no HIV/AIDS in his donation you should be good to go, no matter what.  However, I think we all know that sometimes the logical answer isn't the correct answer. 

 

I wish you a lot of luck in this; it's terrible that your donor has to worry about even being able to do this favor for you.  It should be a no-brainer. 


partners.gif Mom and Mama to our incredible new daughter, Everleigh Jane (9.1.12)! We have a blog, too!
DesertSunsets is offline  
#3 of 11 Old 06-11-2011, 03:08 AM
 
seraf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: in transition in ohio
Posts: 4,979
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I agree that if he's donating for you, it shouldn't matter, but yeah, the same rule that prohibits donation of blood prohibits donation of sperm.  Rainbow flag sperm bank gets away with it somehow, tho.  Check them out for more info?


carrot.gifbroc1.gifbanana.gifbanana.gif 10, 8, 1 & 1
seraf is offline  
#4 of 11 Old 06-11-2011, 05:51 AM - Thread Starter
 
KSDoulaMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: southwest Kansas
Posts: 640
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Yeah, we unfortunately can't do the 6 month quarantine and retest since he'll already be out of the country. Thanks for the advice. I hadn't thought to talk to Rainbow Flag.


Me: 27, DW: 31, Mamas to G: 5-17-10 luxlove.gif

 

My sweet surro-babe was born on 6-27-12 coolshine.gif

KSDoulaMama is offline  
#5 of 11 Old 06-11-2011, 11:22 AM
 
DesertSunsets's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Tucson
Posts: 525
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

So what would happen if your donor were to fudge his paperwork a little bit?  Or ... a lot, I guess.  I know it sucks, but if it didn't seem like there would be many repercussions maybe it would be simpler if he just doesn't admit to having sex with other men.  I apologize in advance if it's very poor form of me to suggest such skulduggery, I don't want to get you in trouble and it just seems like this is the quickest way to get what you want.  


Again, good luck. 


partners.gif Mom and Mama to our incredible new daughter, Everleigh Jane (9.1.12)! We have a blog, too!
DesertSunsets is offline  
#6 of 11 Old 06-11-2011, 04:39 PM
 
megincl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Cambridge, MA
Posts: 2,145
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

The FDA recently changed their rules so that you can use a directed donor without the quarantine period. They have to get tested and donate within a week of testing. So, that actually gives you a two week window of the week before the test and the week after. That way you can get in many donations. You waive your rights to the quarantine period, which is again possible with the directed donor. But, your bank or clinic or whatever has to be up on these FDA regs, which most are NOT. I would look into it yourself so you can go in armed with info. And yes, since he's YOUR directed donor, his sexual history is not of concern to them. We used a gay KD and waived the quarantine. This was for IVF. He donated two times, don't know how many vials they used to fertilize the eggs, but we had five left over, so if you get 4-6 donations in during the two week window, you should have many vials to use.

 

Hope this helps!

 

 


Mommy to an amazing 8 year old, wife to an inspiring principal, and welcoming Wylie Grace! Our July 4th babe!
megincl is offline  
#7 of 11 Old 06-12-2011, 06:33 AM
 
Disco Infiltrator's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 316
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by megincl View Post

The FDA recently changed their rules so that you can use a directed donor without the quarantine period.


this is awesome!

 

When we were TTC DS we tried to just get an IUI done with a KD and it was very difficult.  Even the most liberal clinic wanted to do the entire battery of STD testing that we'd already done AND at that point I'd exposed myself to our KD's sperm many many times.  I'm glad things are loosening up.  


Me: almost 40, RN DW: 38, CPD Boy: born 4/2/2007 Girl: born 8/23/2010
Queer Parenting since 2007
Disco Infiltrator is offline  
#8 of 11 Old 06-12-2011, 01:48 PM
 
milletpuff's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Portland OR
Posts: 660
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Yes, the rules have changed, but good luck finding a clinic that will work with the new rules. We found several in the bay area, but were not able to find any in Oregon when we were trying to find a way to freeze sperm from our directed donor that lived overseas; no one would waive the quarantine. We couldn't even find a local clinic that would work with sperm frozen and quarantined in his country because it was not received and handled in an FDA approved lab. We did find a clinic in Seattle, I think, but the cost of putting him up in Seattle for 10 days was a lot, and he had low-ish counts so we'd only have gotten four or five vials max. It just wasn't worth it to us.

 

The other option was to lie and say that he and I were dating or married, which we didn't want to do.

 

There are clinics out there, and I hope that you can find one that will work out logistically for you.


Me + DP + 2 rescue lap dogs = True Love Always
milletpuff is offline  
#9 of 11 Old 06-13-2011, 06:49 AM - Thread Starter
 
KSDoulaMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: southwest Kansas
Posts: 640
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Wow, thanks for all the suggestions and info. The cryobank we are using is in our donor's city and they are perfectly happy to do the 7-day testing method, so that is not a concern. I am scared to ask them about the gay issue because I don't want to give us away if that's not okay with them. Our donor has offered to fib on that question and feels comfortable with it, so I think we're just going to have him do that. I like honesty, but at this point it's much more important to me that we be able to actually use our wonderful, trusted donor than to necessarily be 100% honest.


Me: 27, DW: 31, Mamas to G: 5-17-10 luxlove.gif

 

My sweet surro-babe was born on 6-27-12 coolshine.gif

KSDoulaMama is offline  
#10 of 11 Old 06-13-2011, 08:21 AM
 
DesertSunsets's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Tucson
Posts: 525
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Just wondering, could you call without identifying yourself and ask like you were someone just starting to shop around if they would accept gay donors for directed donation?  Or have someone else call who has no connection to you?  Heck, I'll call for you if you want.  Let me know if you care enough to know the answer, I'd be happy to phone them.  

 

 


partners.gif Mom and Mama to our incredible new daughter, Everleigh Jane (9.1.12)! We have a blog, too!
DesertSunsets is offline  
#11 of 11 Old 06-13-2011, 10:15 AM - Thread Starter
 
KSDoulaMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: southwest Kansas
Posts: 640
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by DesertSunsets View Post

Just wondering, could you call without identifying yourself and ask like you were someone just starting to shop around if they would accept gay donors for directed donation?  Or have someone else call who has no connection to you?  Heck, I'll call for you if you want.  Let me know if you care enough to know the answer, I'd be happy to phone them.  

 

 


Well, the particular bank gets so few calls about directed donor banking that they just know who I am when I call in. Honestly, it's not that big of a deal, but thanks for the offer! :)

 


Me: 27, DW: 31, Mamas to G: 5-17-10 luxlove.gif

 

My sweet surro-babe was born on 6-27-12 coolshine.gif

KSDoulaMama is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off